Estrangement

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

Chapter 7 (Advice from the Counselor)

"You seriously want me to do this?" Jade sat in the hotel recliner with her notepad in her lap and a pen in her hand. Her eyebrow was arched high as Tori lay out on the bed. Tori crossed her legs over and tangled her fingers on her stomach as she gazed off to the sky. "You think I won't charge you? Is that it? I know you can't make payments. Not to mention I know everything about your life, Tori. I mean come on!"

"It was mom's suggestion." She turned her head and smiled awkwardly at Jade. "Do you-Do you think you can treat me like one of your clients?" Jade leaned to the right and tapped her pen onto her temple. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily.

"Fine. Start from the beginning." Jade clicked her tongue and moved her pen to the paper. Tori looked to the pen and watched as her friend's eyes flicked upwards. She was mildly concerned that Jade would have to write anything at all, but it was just simple protocol. "What? You want me to treat you like a client, and I keep files and notes on every one of them." Jade clicked her pen and cleared her throat. "Get used to it, Tori. If you want me to not write something particular down, I won't. I'm putting our personal friendship off to the side, so bear that in mind…"

"That's all I ask." Jade hummed and instantly started writing. Her heart skipped a beat and she anxiously leaned upright and squinted her eyes. "What are you writing so soon?"

"I'm writing down the introduction. Your name and basic information."

"Oh…"

"Is this going to be a problem for you?"

"No. No, I was just curious." She leaned back onto the bed and closed her eyes, listening as Jade's pen continued scribbling down notes. She had to be prepared for her best friend to literally psychoanalyze everything about her life. Where was she to begin? Nervous about her situation, Tori took a deep breath and just started talking, ripping the bandage right off. "I wasn't always like this, Jade."

"What do you mean?"

"You know, I-" Jade cleared her throat and Tori rolled her eyes. "Right, you're treating me like a client and ignoring the friendship. Okay…so…I used to be your standard, typical little sibling, right? Annoying, always wanting to spend time with my older sibling. My best friend growing up was Courtney, Sinjin's sister. We met when Trina and Sinjin went to the park together. Individually we annoyed our respective sibling into taking us with them to the park, so that's how the friendship started."

"How old were you when you met Courtney?"

"About eight. Trina was ten, Sinjin was eleven. Courtney and I became inseparable. We did everything together, and she hung out all the time with us, always asking Sinjin to take her with him when he came to our place." A smile grew on her face as tears started to form in her eyes. "Trina was always the best older sister ever. She started taking martial arts classes when she was thirteen, I think that's when Dad introduced her to Gold's Gym. She went there a lot."

"Okay…"

"Yeah, she became really good and got into that school, Hollywood Arts, because of her martial arts training." Jade's eyebrows rose in surprise as she wrote down the information. This was something Tori never really mentioned to any of her friends before. She remembered all of their theories to how Trina got in, and Beck's theory had been the closest, though still wrong. Sikowitz had been screwing with them when he gave his story, which was partly correct, Sikowitz had been under the influence of some psychedelic drug. "She went on the stage in front of the committee and asked to show her moves and talent. She even asked for three of the martial arts students to go up against her to spar. They were so wowed by her that they let her in."

"So she did pretty well. I take it she had to practice for that?"

"Yes…I was so proud of her, and jealous at the same time." Jade folded her pen onto the paper and looked up to Tori. "Back then, it was always Trina. Mom loved her, Dad loved her, and I was the shadow. Trina, she always wanted me to be successful at something, and praised me for wanting to be a veterinarian one day."

"You wanted to be a Vet?"

"All my life. That's something Courtney and I talked to death about!"

"I see." Jade curled a finger on her chin and stared down at her notes. "So, what changed about all this? Why did you want to become a singer?"

"I don't know, I think…well like Courtney bugged Sinjin, I guess, I sometimes bugged Trina. She was never a good singer, we all knew that, even she knew that, but the school still wanted her to do this stupid singing thing." Jade slowly nodded. Tori turned her head to the side and closed her hands. "She faked some stupid allergic reaction just so she could put me on the stage. She heard me singing in the shower once and thought it'd be good to have her little sister go to the same school…Well I did, and I wowed everybody. For the first time in my life-I did something without having to put much effort at all into it."

"You didn't even practice?"

"No, it was kind of on the spot." Tori turned her eyes to her hands and wiggled her feet. "I let it get to me, this success, and I even made some friends…as you know."

"No. I don't know. Tell me about that." Jade's lips curled into a smirk while Tori shot her a scowl. "These friends of yours, how did they treat you? How did you receive them, and how did they treat your sister?" She could see where Jade was going with this, and she didn't like it.

"I became one of the most popular kids at Hollywood Arts, because my friends were popular. I mean we had the hot guy that all the girls wanted, who was conveniently taken by the 'queen' of Hollywood Arts, who was able to put fear into the hearts of everyone…They were friends with perhaps the top musician, Andre, who could play any bloody instrument without any problem. There was the weird kid, Robbie, and the ditzy girl, Cat. We were…well…we thought we were perfect, the best thing since sliced bread. We were popular, famous at the school, and loved by everyone. I let that go to my head, and they even said I should become a singer, so I started wanting to sing."

"So you gave up on the dream you and Courtney had?"

"Yes…and Trina could see I was changing. She tried to tell me that I needed to focus on myself, but for the first time, I had everyone's attention! Even Mom and Dad noticed me more than Trina, so I thought-for some reason-Trina might be getting jealous." Tori held her hand up in front of her face, then relaxed it, lowering it with a sigh. "So I pushed her down emotionally. Every attempt she made to talk to Dad, to mom, to anyone, I…I commanded attention." Her heart sank while Jade slowly shook her head.

"So you became somebody and started insulting the person that made you who you were? She basically pushed you onto that stage, didn't she?"

"I became someone I wasn't. My friends-they didn't like her because she wasn't them. She wasn't us. She wasn't perfect like we were. She had her flaws, she couldn't act or sing, or even play an instrument. So to them, she was nothing, a nobody who was a hack that got into Hollywood Arts…they never even thought about the fact that the school had its own damn martial arts studio."

"These friends of yours. They never thought talent was anything more than singing, acting or playing an instrument?"

"Exactly, and Robbie was a damn ventriloquist!" She pounded her fist onto the bed and started to raise her voice. Jade clicked her tongue and continued to jot down the notes. "Point being, I became everything. I became the superstar, the diva, the crown jewel of my family, and Trina…she fell into the shadows. She never complained about it, though, at least not that I know of."

"I'm pretty sure she complained." Jade set her pen down and lifted her shoulders as Tori snapped her eyes to her. "Think on it, do you remember her ever saying anything about how you were acting?"

"A few times, I guess, I just ignored her. I know she told me that I should shut my friends up and stop letting them walk all over her, but…I never did. I wanted to keep their approval of me up."

"Tori, I hate to say this, but if you can't get your friends to be respectful of your family without worrying that they're going to drop you because you want them to respect your family, then they aren't real friends. A true friend is going to respect your family, because if they don't, then they don't respect you."

"I know!" She threw her hands up and dropped one hand over her eyes. "I even lost my friendship with Courtney because I was afraid of losing their friendship! God Sinjin was so furious!"

"What happened?"

"You know what happened." Tori sat upright and looked into Jade's eyes. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and tears were running down her face. "I was hanging out with you, with my friends, when she showed up…"

"Okay. Continue."

"The minute she came in, Beck or Andre, or maybe Robbie, I really don't remember which one asked what Sinjin's 'geeky' or freakish sister was doing there. The look on Courtney's face as they started to suggest reasons as to why Courtney could possibly be there…" It haunted her still today, the anger and the sadness, and the confusion that Courtney's eyes held that day. "I-I didn't say anything. I just let them talk while I ignored her. I ignored the tears in her eyes, how she was shaking, everything…When she ran out of the room, everyone laughed, and I…just sat there."

"What happened after that?"

"What do you mean?"

"There was something more, wasn't there?" Tori thought on the issue, feeling an immense amount of pain on the memory.

"Oh yeah…Trina came down the stairs to see what was going on. One of my friends said Sinjin's whacko sister came by, and commented on how she and Trina could be great friends probably…Trina kicked them all out and tried to get me to tell her what happened. I didn't say anything until Sinjin called…yelling about Courtney crying. I…I don't think I talked to her since then."

"So, you abandoned your oldest and closest friend for newer, vainer friends?"

"If you want to put it like that…then yes, that's exactly what happened." Jade clicked her tongue and started writing once more, muttering to herself. Tori's eyebrows shot up and she leaned over to try and see what the woman was writing. "You know when Trina graduated, she stuck around to attend a two year community college. When she was twenty, she got into NYU…never told us much though. I mean she did, but we never listened. I had…managed to get my parents to the point where it was almost like they cared more about me than Trina. They didn't, they loved us both, but I just took up all the attention. So because of me, Trina probably got the idea that her parents didn't value her worth."

"Harsh."

"Yeah. The final straw, I think, was graduation."

"I don't remember seeing her there…"

"Because she wasn't." Jade folded her hands over on the notepad and raised an eyebrow as Tori fell back onto the pillow. "Trina went to take a shower to get ready, and this was an hour before everything. I didn't want her to show up, I guess. I mean I wanted her to, I just didn't want her to do something embarrassing-like make it all about her. I don't know, I don't remember, she wouldn't have done anything wrong. I know she would have been proud."

"You were performing some song, right? The graduating class decided it, and there was supposed to be a talent coach there." Tori forgot about that fact. She bowed her head and closed her hands up.

"Oh…right. I-I didn't want her trying to distract that guy. I told mom and dad that I was hungry and so we went out to this burger joint. Stayed there for a while, then left to the graduation, all this while Trina was in the shower." She closed her eyes and groaned softly, trying to force away the memory. "When we got home, Trina was waiting for us. She knew what we had done, or what I convinced Mom and Dad to do…they didn't want to leave her behind, but I kept on and on until they did."

"Damn."

"That's not even the worst part. Trina hated them! Or at least, she maybe didn't, but god she was so angry…She told us she was leaving, and we didn't even try to stop her. I wanted to say something, but…I don't know what I was thinking-I might have just been thinking that with her gone I could have even more attention without feeling like my friends were going to judge me because of my sister who would probably end up being homeless on the street."

"You thought your sister would be homeless, Tori?"

"Oh come on! We all thought she'd never amount to anything in her life!" Jade leaned back and frowned at her. Tori felt a strange guilty sensation and clenched her fists. "That must be it…why she's worked so hard and become a CEO of some company…she was set out to prove us all wrong."

"Sounds that way."

"Sinjin had already been accepted to NYU and helped Trina pack while we were gone. Courtney applied to Cornell. They left a few days later, and all I could do was ask Trina if she was leaving because of my friends. Even at the last minute, I tried to see if it was my friends that were causing her to leave. She said no, that it had nothing to do with them. She said it was because I lost who I was, or something like that, and I drove her away."

"All right." Jade set her pen on the end table and fingered through her notes. Tori started to panic from the curiosity. She knew whatever Jade was going to say wasn't going to be good. "So here's what I think. I think she was right. You lost sight of who you were because you were seeking approval." Tori groaned as her stomach twisted inside. "I think she was right because you went from this sweet little sister who had the greatest friend ever, and even had a plan for your life that could have worked. Then you went to Hollywood arts, seeking acceptance and approval from all those around you. You became a pushover when you met these friends of yours and gave them free reign over how they treated you and your family. They didn't respect you, because they did not respect your family, or even your best friend. You still had approval and acceptance from those that truly mattered, your family…your oldest friend…but you threw that away once you went to Hollywood Arts."

"So what, does this make me a bad person?"

"No. I don't believe you're a bad person, I think you just let the wrong things get to your head. You made a few mistakes, like anyone would, and sure it cost you."

"It also caused my parents, too Jade. Dad didn't even get to see his grandchildren! He maybe saw Megan once or twice before finally making amends with Trina. It wasn't mom and dad that were at fault."

"I agree, but I don't think anyone is 'at fault' here, I think you were just misguided and misled."

"So what do you think I should do, then? Clearly my sister isn't going to want to talk to me, and…well I kind of want to talk to Courtney again-but I don't know."

"One battle at a time, Tori."

"I want to fix things, but I don't know how. I wanted to be a singer, but it's clear that's not going to work. It's that damn dream that got me where I am now!"

"Right. Reconnecting is good, you'll want to try and talk to your sister again. Otherwise there's going to be a lot of regret in the future, from both of you."

"How the hell can I do that? She doesn't even want to look me in the face!"

"Well, maybe if you can convince her to sit down with me, I can try to talk to the both of you. Maybe we can work together. It's going to take some time, nothing is ever an overnight victory. If you want to fix things between you and Trina, which I highly recommend, it's going to take time and effort on your part. Both of your parts. So, I think we'll have to have another session here…"

"Yeah…" She bowed her head and stared at her fingers as her heart became erratic. How was she supposed to convince Trina to make an appointment with Jade? It wasn't like any other counselor that Trina wouldn't personally know, this was a girl that Trina probably would have liked to unleash hell on several times in her life. "God how times have changed…Why does it have to be difficult?"

"Because life has never been easy. I think you knew that before you went to Hollywood Arts, because you probably had to work to make decent grades. At HA, you didn't have to do much to make a good grade or to be successful. That went to your head and you expected everything to be handed to you."

"Hey! That's not nice…"

"You asked me to treat you like a client, and I am honest with my clients. Even bluntly."

"I guess it is the truth, then…" Tori sprawled her arms out at her sides and glared up at the ceiling. All she could do was think about what went wrong before, and how she could fix the problem. "I just didn't want to see it."

"No one ever wants to think they've done something wrong, or that something could be wrong. It's admitting there is a problem that's the first step to solving any issue. Unfortunately for you, it just took losing your job and getting evicted to see that."

"Now I need help and I'm afraid Trina's going to think all I want is her money. I want more than that now…I want her attention, I want to be around my nieces and nephew. I-I want to be a family again."

"And that's going to take work. It can happen, it just takes work, time, and patience. Everything in the world takes effort."

"I know. I don't like it, but I can take it. I'm out of other ideas, and out of options." She had to trust Jade to help. Surely they could get Trina at least talking to her again. There was a lot that needed to be said and done, and it was going to take more than just one counseling session to do it.

So what do you think of this one? Next chapter will be the one perspective of Jade since she actually will do something. Seems like a good counseling session, Jade is quite skilled that she can put personal bias off to the side to be able to counsel, then, that is what makes a counselor good at their job.