A/N: EMG, so sorry this is late! I've been so busy! I hope you like this chapter, and if you don't mind, an ickle review would be nice- it doesn't have to be postive, I can handle it! But I'd really appreciate advice, or what you liked about it- maybe your favourite quote, or something- just a review please! AND I PROMISE SUPER JILYNESS IN THE NEXT CHAPTER (which will be uploaded by next Friday!) :-) Thanks guys!

Chapter 14
Or,
Books, Music and Making Up.

Books- they're nothing to many people, just a collection of black scribbles on paper bound together by fancy covers with illustrations on. To some people, they're pointless, you can get information other ways- or just not have the information at all- but to many people they're much more than that. You can lose yourself in a book, you're still the same person, of course, but you appear much more. In a book, in this fantasy world, you're accepted, you're the one people want, and if there is trouble, or drama, you can fix it with a click of your fingers. Books are a lifeline for many people, like you, you can easily pick it up and within a few seconds you're transported into Middle Earth, or you're on a different plant- with people like you, people who get you- and it's probably one of the best feelings to have; that you're wanted, and you belong.

Music- people create it, people make it, and people love it. Many will hum along, or sing while you're getting ready for the date you have, but many people connect with it. They hear the tune, then the lyrics, and they automatically shut off from the rest of the world to dwell on dreams, or to dwell on feelings. The lyrics, like the words in a book, they mean something. They've been created for a reason, and people can depend on them.

Lily Evans is the type of person who, after having an awful day, will hide away in her own personal bubble of books and music. Lily had also been having a lot of awful days. It had been a week since Lily was raped by her ex-bestfriend, now claimer of the top spot of her 'most hated' list (James had been removed after everything he'd done), and she wasn't feeling the best.

The weight of this secret was hanging over her. It wasn't like she wanted to tell people, it was enough having James and Sirius- along with the Slytherins- knowing, but just the thought of it was causing a lot of pressure. She found it very difficult to walk down a corridor after dark alone and it didn't help that the early sunset had started (Stupid winter) either. She took comfort in her work- after all, the Professors were giving her enough- and books, along with music- she had managed to charm her old cd player from home so it would play in her dorm, despite the magical interference.

Lily had always enjoyed reading and playing her cds (along with dancing around her bedroom like a complete loon) and she was thankful that she brought her cd player, along with a mobile library with her to Hogwarts.

They're her safe haven, the things- despite how miserable her day has been- that she can always count on.

James Potter is the type of person, who after having an awful day, hits the alcohol, the girls, or the quidditch pitch. James, like Lily, had also been having a lot of awful days. Not in the same sense, he hadn't been raped or had a declaration of love thrown at him, but he'd been going absolutely mental. Why?

Lily Evans.

She'd told him that she needed time and James could give her time, but he thought a few days would have done it. He'd been nice, and stopped all the pathetic pranks (Sirius was getting really irritated at this, thus irritating Remus and Peter in the process) and even stopped his common flirting and rendezvous in broom cupboards. He, unlike Lily, couldn't prop open a book and blast out Jody Has a Hitlist and forget about everything. He needed firewhiskey and the odd snog (which often led to more) to get over his troubles. It wasn't enough that Lily was dragging the whole thing out, she was hiding too! James could be described as one of those people who thinks books are pointless and are incapable of making somebodies day better, he didn't know Lily would be curled up on her bed with her music playing and her head buried in a novel, he presumed Lily was hiding from him.

And he was going to do something about it- hopefully.

It was last lesson potions, the favourite lesson of the day for Lily, the worst for James. They were brewing 'Draught of Living Death', as they'd been studying it for the past few lessons, and Lily- along with the other potions enthusiasts in the room- was very excited. She was also being very wary- she was working on a table that had James and Sirius on it, which clearly wouldn't end well.

She practically had the potion recipe and instructions memorised- if she finished her book which she was reading, she'd read her potions book instead- so as soon as Professor Slughorn set the timer and told everyone to start, she was off.

She looked up from chopping her Valerian roots, and gasped. "James! You put the Sophophorus bean's juice in before the Valerian roots. Can't you read?"

James rolled her eyes. "No, but I can see that you have wormwood essence all over your jumper."

Lily immediately looked down and then narrowed her eyes. "You are such a twat." She bent back over her cauldron, and busied herself with the potion again.

"You love me." He smirked.

"Yep..." She replied, distracted.

James smiled, he loved watching her work- although he probably shouldn't, he'd mess up his potion then get shouted at (by Lily) - she looked so peaceful, so natural. And she looked gorgeous. Her hair would become slightly curly because of the heat, and a soft blush would graze her cheeks. She'd purse her lips, and then bite her bottom one slightly, and then she'd smile to herself- clearly happy with the outcome- but overall, she just looked so relaxed. He'd never noticed this until now, but whenever he caught a glimpse of her lately, she always seemed tense or anxious, but today she looked happy. She was chopping Valerian roots with natural precision; singing slightly to herself (James couldn't tell what song it was) and it was one of the best things he'd ever seen.

Lily added one final bit of Valerian root to her potion and it immediately turned a pale pink, she clapped her hands. "I'm done, yes!"

Slughorn approached her desk and added a tiny leaf to her potion, it immediately disintegrated. "Well done, another perfect potion Miss Evans."

Lily smiled. "Thank you."

Slughorn turned to James' cauldron, where the potion which should have been a smooth blackcurrant liquid, was black sludge. "Mr Potter, it appears to me that your potion is, to lack a better word, abysmal."

Lily giggled. "Somebody added Valerian root before the Sophophorus bean juice."

"Well, you do it then if you're so clever!" James replied.

"Er, I have done it." She wiggled a finger at her potion and smirked.

James stuck his tongue out at her and frowned at his potion, he had no bloody idea how to fix this one. He, if the professor was female, could probably wiggle his way out of this mess via charm, but Professor Slughorn wasn't really the one for his charm.

"Lily…" James whined.

"Yes, James?" She asked, smiling sweetly. She knew James wanted help with his potion.

"You know how you love me? Yep, well can you help me, please?" He pulled a cute face and Lily laughed.

"Nah, I can't, sorry."

James pouted. "Please…Pretty please with a James Potter on top?"

Lily smiled. She liked playful James, he was cute. Oh god, Lily, stop it. You can't, remember? "I can't, James, sorry." She mumbled, and then she fled from the room, leaving James Potter standing like an idiot.

Lily bolted up the stairs faster than she had in her life. The corridors were deserted, but her lightening quick speed had little to do with that. She was sick to death of these feelings which she had for James. She was sick to death of feeling nervous whenever he was around, and she was sick to death of not being able to get rid of them. She was slowly, but surely, coming to the conclusion that she liked James Potter. She couldn't physically admit it yet, but she did. He was gorgeous- Lily knew that a long time ago- but most of all, he'd shown Lily his caring side. And Lily was a sucker for the caring guys. Well, she used to be.

But she knew she couldn't be with James. Which is why she hadn't admitted her feelings, which is why she had left James hanging on for an answer, and it's why she was feeling so bloody annoyed right now. When she reached the common room, she stomped up to her dorm and flung herself onto her bed. She reached across to her little pink cd player and hit 'play'- Jody Has a Hitlist (one of her favourite bands) filled the room.

"He will never be the boy that you need
I'm waiting for you in rain soaked shoes at the bottom of your street
Runaway with me we'll drive and drive and drive and never stop
Just you and me and we will never stop…"

Lily bit her lip. She couldn't be with James, not really. It would never work, would it? He was the Casanova of Hogwarts, the Quidditch star with brains too, he was handsome- so handsome, girls fell at his feet- and he could smile at somebody and their heart would just melt. He needed a girl who was gorgeous, who was model like, perfect for him- she needed to give him everything he wanted, sex on tap, no worries about where he would be or who he'd be doing because he'd already have the perfect girl waiting for him…probably in lacy lingerie.

"She can't stand me when I'm drunk,
But I can't stand her when I'm not,
She wanted to meet up to talk things over,
She told me when and where but I forgot
I'm always messing up, that's self-confesses
I'm a liability at best and whenever I'm around her
I can't stop slipping up"

Lily smiled slightly. That was more like her and James. She couldn't stand him when he was drunk- the arrogant, selfless, prat- and he always messed up. But, she was the problem. She was too bookish, too nerdy, and too smart. She cared too much, she worried too much, and she'd always be paranoid. Lily mentally killed Josh Richardson, then stabbed Severus Snape a couple of times, and got back to her self-loathing session. Lily had too many personality flaws, and not to mention her appearance. She was too short, too childlike, and she had freckles! She didn't really like her hair, and she wouldn't consider herself attractive at all.

She believed James wanted her because she didn't want him. Although now, Lily did want him, she imagined herself kissing James on the couch of the common room, playing with that unruly hair of his, or she thought about him meeting her parents; showing him off in front of Petunia- heck, she'd love that. But she knew it wouldn't happen, he'd break her heart, and she wasn't prepared for that one.

Lily was distracted by her owl- Iris- tapping impatiently on the window. Lily chuckled slightly and hurried to the window, taking the letter from its leg and opening a new packet of owl treats. She tore the envelope open and pulled out the letter- it was from home.

Lily,
Darling, we're so sorry about everything that happened before you left for school. You know we love you, we're so happy you have Hogwarts to attend, you deserve it so much. We have to please your sister as well as you, which is harder considering she's bratty- don't tell your dad I said that- and she is, despite what you may think, she is jealous. She misses you, you're away from us for a long time, and we miss you. We want to forget what happened at the end of summer, we're a family.

Darling Lily, oh merlin- You have me saying that phrase! - I'm so, so sorry about what happened at school last week, and I'm so sorry it's taken this long for a reply. Your sister has news, but she'll tell you that (in the other enclosed letter). I just want you to know, that we love you, and you are strong- you can fight this- but remember, you have to let people in.

I'm also sorry to hear about your relationship with Joe ended. Joe? Lily giggled; she loved her mother so much. He obviously wasn't good enough for my little flower, but don't tar all of the guys with the same brush! You deserve to be happy!

Anyway, love, we just wanted to wish you well and ask you to come home for Christmas. I know, I know, you want to spend it with your friends at school- and no doubt party- but we all want to see you. It's okay if you say no, but we'd appreciate it. Remember, you can have friends staying- no more than three though- and I'll hopefully see you soon.

We love you Lily,
Mum and Dad.

Lily had tears in her eyes- everything was okay at home, and she was so glad she couldn't put it into words if she tried. She pulled the smaller, more obnoxious piece of paper out of the envelope- it was pink and smelt like a whore's handbag, but that was irrelevant.

Lils,
Mother and Father told me about the incident at school and I wanted to make sure you were okay because I'm getting married, and of course, you're a bridesmaid! I know, I know, you're thinking the same as mother 'that it's way too soon in our relationship' but Lils, I love him. I don't want to make this about me, and I really hope you're okay, and you better come for Christmas!

I love you -despite everything-
Tuney.

Lily finished the letter and she felt so much better than she had before. She forgot about her problems with James, she even forgot about Snape, she turned up the volume on her cd player and she started to find something to wear. Marlene had begged everybody to go out tonight; Hestia was surprisingly spending the night with Peter so she couldn't, Isabelle had agreed straight away- nobody knew about what happened with her and Sirius and she needed to get over it, but Lily would find out eventually- and Alice, after lots of begging on Marlene's part, finally agreed. Lily had refused, but she changed her mind, tonight she was going to have some fun.

Alice wandered into the common to find Lily dancing around the room in her underwear. The girls weren't shy, but Lily hadn't been seen dance since she was dating Josh.

"Well hello, who are you and what have you done with Lily Evans?" Alice grinned and Lily's surprised face.

"I've tied her up and locked her in the cupboard!" Lily replied, sinking down on her bed to paint her nails.

"What you doing?" Alice asked, sitting down opposite Lily.

"I'm painting my nails."

Alice rolled her eyes- typical, sarcastic Lily. "Yes, I can see that, why?"

Lily pouted. "Can't a girl paint her nails without a reason?"

"No, of course she can't. You've either got a date, or you're coming out tonight. I'm hoping it's the latter."

Lily grinned. "Yes, I'm coming out tonight…" Alice interrupted Lily by squealing. "Sssh, woman, It's a surprise. Well, not anymore, but Marlene keeps whining on, so I'm going to surprise her. Dry my nails, please."

Alice charmed Lily's nails dry, and smiled again. "I'm so happy you're coming, Lily. I've missed my bestfriend."

Lily bit her lip- she hadn't told Alice, not out of spite or anything, she'd just forgotten- and then smiled. "I've missed you too and I'm sorry for being so…distant. I've just had a lot of things on my mind, but less about me, gimme details on you and Frank!"

Alice's grin returned. "Okay, but we'll have to get ready while we chat."

Lily jumped up and walked to her wardrobe. "It's a deal!"

Alice pulled out several skirts and tops and held up each one in turn, while Lily shook her head or nodded. "Well, I really like him, Lily. Oh god, I feel like one of those girls in those chick flicks you always make me watch!"

"You really like him?" Lily asked, pulling a curious face. She picked her little black dress out of her wardrobe and held in up against herself.

"Yes, Lily. I do." Alice grinned again. "Oooh, ooh, wear that!"

Lily smiled. "I will, and oh my merlin! Alice you have a crush! Do you think he likes you?"

"No, I don't. I mean, we haven't been on a date or anything since the ball, and…Oh, I don't know." She sighed.

"Well, you're going out with the girls tonight. You'll show him how good you are when you leave this room wearing that cute dress, but anyway, let me observe tomorrow during herbology."

"Lily! You can't observe Frank." Alice chastised.

Lily waved her hand dismissively. "Oh, don't be ridiculous, of course I can. Anyway, I'm getting under these covers so Marlene thinks I'm not coming." She grinned cheekily.

"Ooh, naughty." Alice grinned and winked, getting ready.

Marlene wandered in the dorm about five minutes later; she managed to rant at Lily about Lily not attending the girl's night out, while making herself look stunning. Isabelle followed Marlene in, giving Lily the same treatment.

"You're breaking rule thirty in the girl code!" Isabelle pouted.

"You made that up!" Lily chuckled. "Just get your bloody selves out, I want to read."

"Fine, but we'll be in the common room for about ten minutes before hand. I want to observe Hestia and Peter."

Lily grinned at Alice. "See, she's observing Peter and Hestia, so I'm observing you and Frank."

"Oh, fuck you." Alice smiled sweetly.

"Honey, I'm not into that stuff." Lily waved, ending their conversation, and when they left- again telling Lily how much of a bad person she was- she got ready. She put on the black dress she found in her wardrobe, it was quite short but it didn't look tacky, and then she put on her black heels to match.

She walked downstairs and grinned. "Come on girls, let's hit the town!" She cheered behind Marlene- who jumped up and squealed when she saw Lily.

"You're coming!" She yelled.

"Nah, I just feel like sitting in the bloody common room like this…" Lily drawled sarcastically.

"Eh, fuck you." Marlene replied.

Lily smirked. "Honey, like I said to Alice, I'm not into that stuff."

The Marauders looked over at the group of girls in confusion. They had no idea why they were all cheering, or why they were all wearing really nice dresses. Sirius was staring at Isabelle, she looked stunning as per usual, and James was staring at Lily with a grin on his face. Only today did Lily seem so upset still, but clearly she wasn't- he was happy for her.

"Are you done observing?" Lily asked Marlene.

"Yeah, I didn't get information." Marlene sighed.

"You suck then." Alice said, already on her way to the door, Marlene hastily followed.

Isabelle waited for Lily. "Lils, you look…gorgeous. All the guys will want you tonight!" She grinned, but her grin faltered slightly as she passed Sirius.

"Yeah, well, they always want what they can't have." Lily replied, practically skipping out of the common room.

James' face fell. Did she mean me? She doesn't like me, does she? I'm wasting my time, right?

Was he wasting his time?