Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation, Maki Murakami does.
Prompt: Shuichi falls before he can make it to Hiro.
Rating: M for dark thoughts, implied rape, and suicide. Skip if you'd like, but no flames, please.
Poor, Sweet Innocent Thing
I feel so empty.
Stolen from me in exchange of torture
I think such words are unbecoming of you
Like a thieving demon waiting in the darkness
I will spill my blood for you.
Maybe it has something to do with the puddle of blood I'm sitting in. Losing blood would make you feel empty, right? It really should have washed away by now, I think … or it would if I would turn the shower on. But I'm so tired of water, of being wet. Because when you're wet, it makes everything hurt that much worse. And last that much longer.
And I'm tired of pain.
Screams are hollow and unheard
But your cruel comfort is so much clearer
Wrap me in madness and bathe me in pain
My nonexistent saviors are drawing nearer.
Did you know no one heard me? I screamed. I screamed so long that my throat burns every time I swallow. I screamed so loud that they slammed their fists and feet into my jaw until it stopped working. But no one heard me, I guess. Because no one came, and I don't know why. I didn't think I was invisible, or that insignificant. Am I wrong? They all knew no one would come; they laughed when I tried.
Lingering beneath my skin in promise
A haunting memory locked inside with no key
Worship me with claims, bruises, and need
I know that you will never leave me.
I can feel them on me, all over me, around me. My skin feels so dirty its driving me insane, and more times than not I see their hands ghosting over. But when I look again there's nothing but clean skin. I can still hear their whispers in my ears, hot and cruel and painful as they touch me. Wrapped around me, in me, never leaving, and it sends tremors so violent through my body that it jars my injuries. They won't leave me. They promised then, they promise now.
Betrayed, betrayed? Naïve say they
Rejected, desired, unwanted, and loved
Reach out, pull back, don't you dare.
Are my words unclear and twisted yet?
He was my friend! He helped me, I trusted him. His words of comfort over my rejection were soothing, understanding. I trusted him! Why… why would he do that? Why would he hurt me?
Why?
Something tells me I should have gone to someone. Maybe to Hiro – he would help. Or my parents … but no. I couldn't burden them. Because that's all I am, a burden. A pain. Nothing but trouble.
White knights crumble and fall
They never truly existed, though they were solid and real
You poor, sweet innocent thing with a shattered soul.
Did you really believe that happiness was real?
Yuki would say I'm being melodramatic. That I was overreacting. But I don't care anymore. I don't care about Tachi Aizawa, or Bad Luck, or singing. I just want this feeling to go away. I want to forget what happened, that no one came for me. That no one is looking for me right now, because no one cares.
And this way, everyone gets what they want, right? ASK can be NG's band now, Yuki can have his career. Hiro and Fujisaki can play for other groups, now that their talent has been recognized. And Yuki's sister gets rid of me.
Like a whisper, when you say my name
Lost in the depths of sweet insanity
I'm not going to reach for the pain, no matter the salvation
When the darkness is so much kinder.
Razors can be sharp, when you press hard enough. Funny, I always thought this would hurt. But I guess that's just on the wrist. But on my neck, right over the teeth mark that still throbs with lingers of dark pleasure…
It feels really good.
Fall, fall, no questions asked
I'm enjoying this comforting oblivion.
I won't share my thoughts on this one, but I would love it if you would share yours with me in a review! :)