(-a/n- Hello, I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas ;D I'm going skiing tomorrow so this will be the last update for a while…As always thanks for the fantastic reviews :D )

queenoftheostlers, Erytha, rvwr, brezzybrez, theknightofkonaha, On top of cloud 9, Mrs. Dom Masbolle, after.a.hard.day, Serilia, Misled Nymph, Me, Lady Venya of the isle, Yabberli, oirishgoddess, SavingSaturn, BlindLove, alynawatlovers, Ti-Ti, & I have tin foil.

Justanotheraddiction Nope I wasn't, I was just wondering what Kel's religious view would be…because in Tortall people such as Alanna, Daine, Aly, Numair etc… have actually seen the Gods and Goddesses so people know that they definitely exist yet for all they pray to their Deities unless they were 'chosen' the Gods did nothing…and when they die they all go to the Realm of the Black God…so yeah it was just an idea that I wanted to include…

katiebug123Yay! I long review in return for a long chapter!! Yup it was a filler chapter but it set up quite a few things for the plot in later chapters…Thanks for pointing out the 'going down' mistake, yes it was a colloquialism. But on the Kimono comment, Tamora Pierce refers to the Yamani's wearing Kimonos and as Kel was practising the glaive I styled her clothing similar to a Kimono as that's what she would've worn in the Islands.

Pie of Doomehum yes I've played the flute for about seven years now. Yeah I had to give Kel a friend and I thought that there must be some nice girls at the Convent.

Confusedknight xx

Kel had now been living at the Convent for two months. Two long, torturous months filled with the boredom and monotony that Kel had expected from life among Sisters of the Goddess and other noble born women.

Through the hottest months of July and August she was cooped up, unable to ride, enjoy the sunshine or have any iota of freedom. She had never considered running away as seriously as she did then. The two things that kept her sane was the thought of fulfilling her promise to Neal and herself; that she would stay at the convent until she could travel to the Islands and do so.

Her other saving grace was Lucie. Lucie put up with her long periods of withdrawn silence, helped Kel with class work and encouraged her to stay positive despite the hurtful remarks and comments that were made about Kel on a regular basis. After the Sister had revealed Kel's past, the news had travelled all over the Convent, and within two days everyone could point out 'the girl who tried for knighthood.'

Of course Kel had dealt with much worse before, yet at the Palace whenever someone had snubbed her or insulted her, it had only added fuel to her fire of determination to prove them wrong. But when her other classmates insulted or teased her, she had no burning desire to prove them wrong, no endless fountain of determination.

At first she had ignored their comments, but after several weeks of endless streams of unkindness, it began to affect her. The effect was not noticeable, Kel was too accomplished at hiding her feelings, but every time a girl or Sister made a hurtful comment, the barbs drove a little deeper into Kel's protective shield.

Remarks about how Kel would never find a husband -a regular Convent insult- didn't bother Kel; she had no wish to marry anytime soon and even if she did she would have hoped that the man would be marrying her for reasons other than her talent for embroidery, which was in fact, almost non-existant.

The remarks that hurt Kel the most were normally centred on her failure to become a fully-fledged page. Remarks such as "She's so ugly it's no wonder that they threw her out the Palace," which was a favourite of a particularly vindictive pale-skinned girl in Kel's dancing class. Or "She probably only tried for Knighthood because she was useless at everything else," was a comment Kel had heard whispered behind her back. And as Kel came to reflect upon it, the comment had an element of truth in it; she was hopeless at everything that the Convent considered 'ladylike.'

Kel had always been better at activities such as riding or glaive work, but she had never considered herself to be ignorant of womanly arts. In the Islands her etiquette had been spotless and she regularly joined her mother and the other Ladies of the Court in games of Fan toss or naginata practise. Unfortunately the sister's of the Convent had very different ideas about what women should and shouldn't do.

Reflecting on their attitude Kel surmised that it didn't bode well for the future. A few years of being brain-washed here and the girls were introduced at Court, conservative ideas stuffed into their pretty heads, all ready for marriage where they would raise their own daughters and teach them that it was indecent for women to fight, they would send their daughters to the Convent and the cycle would begin again.

Kel had been trying to compose a letter to her Mother for the last ten minutes, but words wouldn't come. So far she had written; My Dearest Mother, in her new 'lady-like' handwriting.

Although it had only been two months ago that Kel had settled here in this very room, it had been long enough for her to become accustomed to her dreary daily routine. She would eat all of the 'low fat' meals with Lucie and attend lessons putting in just enough effort to keep out of trouble. In her spare time she would either be found with Lucie, or sitting in her room lost in thought.

Lucie was the only girl with whom she socialised on a regular basis. After learning who Kel was, Neal's sister had come to find her and they had an awkward conversation, mainly Emmeline asking whether her brother was well. Apparently Neal had told Emmeline all about Kel and her exploits in his letters. Emmeline had been likeable enough, but Kel thought they had little chance at friendship since Emmeline seemed to care greatly about what her friends thought of her, and as Kel was probably the least popular person in the Convent they hadn't spoken since their initial chat.

Lucie on the other hand stood stoically by Kel and defended her ardently, earning herself a share of the unpleasantness that came Kel's way. But Cavall was a well known fief and it was widely known that Lucie's father was an important person. This gave Lucie a certain amount of redemption, as the girls didn't wish to make enemies with a person who would have a higher status than themselves at the palace.

Regardless of whether she really tried in lessons Kel had changed. It was just small things, whenever she wrote now she automatically did so with the flowery script that she was forced to write with during her lessons. If she was required to greet someone, she could now curtsy effortlessly after hours of practice under the Sister's watchful eye. Although Kel might not have noticed it unless Lucie had pointed it out, the girls were kept on a strict diet of set foods. Lucie had explained that it was so that they all achieved petite figures.

Kel had almost snorted at this; she was already taller than all the girls her age and her arms well-muscled for an eleven-year old. But the strict diet had already taken effect after only two months, Kel was sure that her clothes felt a little looser, and she always felt tired even though she was doing no physical exercise. Her glaive gone, Kel had still tried to perform her arm strengthening exercises, but it was so much harder when she was constantly hungry and miserable.

At that moment Lucie marched in, her blonde hair loose around her shoulders.

'Come on Kel, you've spent enough time in here moping around,' she said. 'Let's go for a walk.'

With an inaudible sigh Kel stood up and stretched, straightening her spine. She followed Lucie out of her room, down the stairs and out into a fresh summer's evening. Kel was wearing a plain brown dress with a forest green shift and a matching headscarf that kept her brown hair from falling across her face, which it had a tendency to do now that it was longer.

For all that Kel was shy and seemingly emotionless, Lucie like Kel's quiet humour and sensibility. When they were alone, Kel opened up more and they enjoyed many a conversation on long walks around the Convent grounds. With older sisters, Lucie had had plenty of chance to talk about clothes, husbands and all sorts of idle chatter that seemed to entertain at least half the Convent population, but she had discovered that she took after her father and her level-headed mother, who both found such conversation dull and pointless. With Kel she could hold a conversation about Yamani politics, religion or such like.

Lucie was not in anyway eager to pick up a sword and live the kind of life that Kel wished to live; she was quite content as a noble born woman to wear dresses and curtsy, but she was intelligent and shared Kel's logical way of thinking. Lucie however, within reason, said what she felt and often Kel's hidden emotions worried her. Kel said little about her days as a page; it seemed to still be a tender subject, but Lucie gleaned little scraps of information gradually.

The one topic that they had never discussed was why Kel had been kicked out. This was simply too awkward and whenever she thought about it Lucie felt torn between her best friend and her father. She received occasional letters from her father and had once considered writing to him to ask about Kel but she never knew what to write and instead told him that she'd found a very good friend.

That evening as they walked along, Kel was telling Lucie about how the Yamani's held parties where they recited poetry by the light of the moon. The gardens around them were in full bloom and the setting sun cast a warm glow over the surroundings. Kel and Lucie had just completed their walk and were making their way slowly back to the Convent, when they saw in the Courtyard a large carriage. The Sister appeared to be trying to prise a tearful girl away from her father and brother.

Kel and Lucie continued on the path, politely ignoring the dramatics of the red-headed girl who was clinging to her similarly red-headed brother and father, when suddenly a familiar voice called out across the courtyard.

'Kel is that you?'

Kel and Lucie turned to find the red-headed boy, releasing himself from his clinging sister and running across the courtyard. It was Merric of Hollyrose, tanned from a summer spent out of doors, but nevertheless, the same smiling boy that Kel had rescued from Joren and his cronies.

Kel turned back to the path and continued, she couldn't let him see her, not like this.

'Kel,' he called out, still running, confusion evident in his voice.

'You boy,' called the Sister. 'Please refrain from chasing after one of our students, if she wants to talk to you, she will do so.'

Merric turned, after bowing hurriedly and apologising to the Sister, he spun back around, but Kel had vanished.

As the Sister led the red-headed girl away, he climbed up into the carriage alongside his father.

'It was her, I swear by Mithros it was.'

'Who are you talking about?' questioned his father as the carriage rolled smartly forward.

'Kel…uh Keladry of Mindelan, you know the girl page.'

His father grunted, ever since Merric had come home for the summer he had been going on and on, ranting about the unfairness that this girl page couldn't stay.

'And she was so much better than us,' he had said over and over. 'It wasn't fair, not fair at all.' Until his father's manservant had got so annoyed at Merric's whining that he had told him to go and practise his sword and staff work.

Merric sat back and sighed, staring out of the window at the passing countryside. His father's business in the North had been delayed and he was due back at the palace the day after tomorrow to begin his second year of page training. Without Kel, he thought heavily. Will she come back one day as a girl-girl from the Convent? The day before he would've answered with a resounding No, convincing himself that Kel was training in the Yamani Isles or with a secret group of warriors. But never had he imagined that she'd give up and go to the Convent of all places. Unless she was forced to go there he mused, I'll have to ask Neal when I get back, maybe Kel's written to him…after all he was always the closest to her.

As soon as Merric's back was turned Kel sprinted into a nearby rose garden, Lucie following hurriedly behind. Panting slightly from the sudden exertion she sat on a stone bench her head in her hands. She wanted to cry and wallow in self-pity that Merric would be returning to the palace and not her, but her Yamani mask held. She felt Lucie sit down next to her and put her arm around Kel's shoulder.

Within a minute Kel sat up straight, with no sign that anything had ever happened. Lucie didn't press the issue, or ask who the boy was. The familiarity with which he had called over to her, brought a whole new level of understanding about Kel to Lucie.

She had friends, good friends, maybe even lots of them, thought Lucie. She was happy doing what she was doing, she truly loved it and yet it was all ripped away from her. For me coming to the Convent was a chance for freedom, it was exciting, but for her this is exile, imprisonment.

After a while they walked back to Kel's rooms. Lucie wasn't sure what to do. Kel hadn't spoken since the incident with the red-headed boy. Deciding that Kel might want to be alone she was about to leave when Kel said.

'Don't go, I'm sorry…' Kel sighed. 'Why does life have to be so complicated?'

'I don't know,' said Lucie, joining her friend by the window.

'It's just taking me so long to get my thoughts sorted out…'

'I think I would too if I was in your position,' said Lucie softly, trying to get Kel to open up a bit.

'It's just…'

'Yes,' Lucie prompted gently.

'Knighthood was all I ever dreamed of, being like Alanna the Lioness. To have the power to change something for the better and to help people. Last year, well it wasn't easy, but I didn't expect it to be. I had a good friend, Neal his name was, Nealan of Queenscove, Emmeline's brother. Gradually I managed to prove to some of them that girl's could fight. I had a group of friends, Merric of Hollyrose -the boy that recognised me just now- included. But whenever it got hard…whenever it got tough, I carried on because that's how much I wanted to earn my Shield. But now, there just doesn't seem to be a point anymore.' Lucie stayed silent, this was the most Kel had ever talked about her experiences at the palace.

Kel continued, 'In a year I will return to the Yamani Islands and continue some form of training…But I feel…so lost…' Kel shut her mouth, biting her tongue, fearing that if she said anymore she would lose control over the emotions that were swamping her brain.

Realising that Kel wasn't going to say anymore, Lucie cast around for something to say. She couldn't imagine what Kel was going through; disappointment, sorrow, loneliness and she probably felt anger towards Lucie's father too.

'Kel I can't change what happened, nor help you cope with your emotions, but if you ever need to talk about something, I'm always willing to listen, and I just wanted you to know that you have a friend here too. I may not be like Neal or…Merric-'

Kel cut across Lucie, 'I know, and I thank the Gods everyday for it,' she said, giving Lucie a one-armed hug, just like Neal used to give to her.

That moment when Kel had let down her barrier's and given Lucie a glimpse into her life, was the first and last time that it ever happened. As friends they became closer than sisters. Kel would later reflect that the friendship she shared with Lucie was just as strong as that which she had shared with Neal, only different.

Kel tried her best to put her past behind her, and live each minute as it came, without trying to stress herself over planning for the future. This seemed to work, because it was Midwinter before she knew it. By now Kel was average in most classes; she could finally sing several Tortallan love songs without the singing teacher wincing, dance full length ballroom dances without putting a foot wrong and her embroidery… well it might get better in time… Kel had discovered that just by putting a little more effort into her work, helped her to move on, and if she kept busy then the only time when she would ever sit and reflect morosely would be just before she went to bed.

Finally the novelty of insulting Kel had worn off and only the most persistent continued to make snide remarks. Mostly Kel's classmates ignored her, but on the occasion when they had to work together, it was without any major disasters.

The only class that Kel couldn't even attempt to succeed in was social interaction. Everyday bought a new nightmare as she was paired with various members of the Convent community for an hour of awkward conversation. Kel was shy at the best of times, but no matter who she was set to talk to, the conversation without fail would always come back to the fundamental question 'Why did you try for Knighthood?' in varying forms of politeness.

This was indeed a tender subject to Kel and she soon tired of trying to justify herself to air-headed noblewomen. Kel even had to force back giggles when some of the more brainless girls asked her in simpering voices about the Prince and the other boys.

'Is the Prince dashingly handsome?' one particularly stupid girl asked, fanning herself distractedly.

The idea that quiet, gentle Prince Roald would even take a second glance at, let along fall in love with the vain, fickle girl in front of Kel was quite ludicrous.

For midwinter Kel decided to give Lucy one of her Yamani Lucky cats. Kel still wore her lucky cat necklace everyday as a reminder that she hadn't given up her dream. Lucie had often commented on the lucky cats.

'I've always loved animals,' remarked Lucie. 'Father breeds the best dogs and horses in the realm,' she had said proudly. 'Once we heard a terrible commotion in the hound shed, Father went running down only to find that a small cat had found its way into the barn and was sitting on a beam. Of course all the dogs below it were going mad. He had to climb up and rescue the poor thing, then he gave her to me.'

Kel wrapped up the lucky cat that Lucie had said reminded her of 'Misty', (the aforementioned cat) and on the first day of Midwinter presented Lucie with her present.

This year had been far less stressful on the gift front; the only person who Kel felt that she should buy a gift for was Lucie, seeing how Lucie was the only person who would willing converse with her.

When Lucie opened her present she let out a squeal of delight.

'It's the one that looks like Misty!' and had hugged Kel, the Lucky cat clutched firmly in her hand. Her bright blue eyes shining, she handed Kel a package. 'Open it,' she urged.

Kel tore open the parcel, inside were two items. The first was a necklace with a beautiful dark green stones set along the way in little bands of silver.

'It's beautiful,' breathed Kel.

'It matches your favourite dress,' pointed out Lucie, positively bouncing up and down in excitement.

The second object was a small curved piece of silver, with small engravings set on it that caught the light. Kel turned it over, puzzled.

'Look,' said Lucie impatiently and pulled the wide end of the silver, out slide a beautifully smooth, tiny metal dagger. 'You fix it in your hair,' explained Lucie, showing Kel the grip on the other side. Then if you need a weapon you can quickly grab it,' she said freeing the tiny weapon and brandishing it in the air. 'I know its not going to run a man through but if you got him in the eyes or something…' she trailed away looking anxiously to see what Kel thought.

'It's perfect!' exclaimed Kel.

Lucie helped Kel fix the dagger into her hair.

'I thought it would be less conspicuous than a sword,' joked Lucie.

'Yeah the sisters might notice if I walked around with my sword,' said Kel happily, putting on the necklace that Lucie had given her.

'You have a sword!' said Lucie impressed.

Kel nodded and from the bottom of the trunk she pulled out the plain leather scabbard and unsheathed the shining metal.

'Wow! Can I hold it?' asked Lucie slightly awed.

'Don't cut any limbs off,' said Kel jokingly.

Lucie took the weapon and fumbled slightly, unprepared for it's weight.

'Well, I think I'll leave chopping up enemies to you if that's alright,' said Lucie smiling and handing the weapon back to Kel.

'Just don't tell the Sisters that I've still got a weapon,' said Kel, turning away and replacing the sword and the bottom of the trunk. With her back to Lucie, her Yamani mask slipped slightly, revealing the pain Lucie's simple remark had just caused. -She would never be a knight.

Her mask back in place she turned back to Lucie and together they went down to the dining hall where a Midwinter feast awaited.

(-a/n- Another long chapter! Please review :D I hope you all have a Happy New Year! )

Confusedknight xxx