Specks of dust meandered lazily in the heavy air. They whirled with dizzying unpredictability around the uneven fabrics of the carpet. Jacob watched them, still half asleep. They moved so slowly, in and out of focus, winding through the beams of light streaming onto the floor. The carpet was soft, comfortable and warm. Jacob felt that he could lie, with his face half pressed into the fabric, for hours. But something was wrong. He knew that something was wrong, but didn't know quite what it could be. Concern rising lazily, Jacob stopped watching the tiny particles of dust and focused on other details of the room.
Like it wasn't his room.
Like this was Edward's room.
Like, for some unknown reason, he was lying almost face down in Edward carpet.
Jacob remembered deciding to stay over last night. Things had changed between him and Edward, and Jacob found himself staying over just as many nights as he braved the cold ride home. So far they'd pushed each other against various items of furniture, but they hadn't progressed any further. It was just convenient to have a place to stay, since he hardly had the funds to be running back and forth across the country side every day. Besides, Edward didn't have any need of the bed. The undead need no beauty sleep.
Sometimes Jacob went to bed alone, sometimes Edward would lie with him. Jacob couldn't remember which last night had been. But he knew that Edward was in the bed above him now.
So the only part that was concerning him was his own proximity to the ground.
Jacob sat up, riding out the rush of blood to the head that caused black stops to erupt before his eyes. As soon as his vision had cleared, he looked at Edward. He was reclining idly amongst the blankets and pillows, eyes closed as if he had slept. Jacob would never get used to the sight of Edward in bed in the morning. He was beautiful, hair even more messed up than usual and eyes positively gleaming when he opened them.
"Why am I on the floor?"
Edward went through an elaborate rouse of waking, as if he had truly been asleep. Edward opened his eyes just in time to catch Jacob rolling his own.
"Because you steal the blankets."
Jacob proceeded to get up onto the bed and steal most of the blankets Edward had been using. They were cold against his skin, but Jacob hardly noticed as he snuggled into them.
"It's not like you're using them." Edward ignored him, and tied to pull some of the blankets back.
"And you snore."
Jacob snorted. Edward's tone was just the right mix of self-righteous and offended. Ever the hero, to have put up with the imaginary noises of Jacob's sleeping patterns.
"Do not."
"You most definitely do."
"Well at least I can eat solids, old man. And I don't sparkle."
Jacob watched Edward's eyes go wide. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Oh no.
"Well at least I'm not ticklish."
Jacob's stomach dropped and he was suddenly seized by an intense fear.
"No, please no."
Jacob only had a moment's warning before Edward sprung off the bed and lunged at him. Jacob tried to twist out of the way, but his legs caught in the sheets and the mass of blankets wrapped around his lower body. Edward's long fingers were at his sides, twisting lightly between his ribs and making Jacob squirm.
Jacob jerked from side to side, trying to use his arms to protect his ticklish spots, but Edward was relentless. He was soon out of breath with laughing and begging. With a determined twist, Jacob managed to trap Edwards's hands and bring him tumbling down to join him in the mass of limbs and linen. They were both laughing, Edward giving up on tickling, his hands instead moving around Jacob's sides to pull the man close. Slowly, still laughing, their activity stilled, and Edward calmed Jacob's fast beating heart with a slow kiss, capturing the smile on his lips.
Edward's lips felt soft, and safe, and Jacob couldn't help but think that every morning would remind him of kisses like his. They lay together on the bed, slowly but determinedly exploring each other's mouths. Edward was an amazingly good kisser. It wasn't rushed, far from it, it was slow and delicate and Jacob thought that he could just sink into the moment and stay there forever. He couldn't remember ever having needed anything else.
With a final kiss, Edward pulled himself out of the mess of tangles sheets and sat cross-legged on the end of the bed. Jacob languidly rearranged himself so he was lying with his head on the pillows, blankets casually cast aside. He cooled down slowly in the still morning air.
"What happened between you and Seth?" Edward asked casually, picking at the sheet in his fingers.
Jacob barely noticed the words at first, though they registered. He was too busy falling back into a half sleep.
"Hmmm?"
"I don't hear you talking about him anymore. You used to be as thick as thieves."
Jacob opened his eyes and shifted slightly so that he was almost upright. Edward looked genuinely curious, peering at him with a head full of bed hair and looking as though he had been thoroughly kissed.
"What does that even mean?"
"Does it matter?"
"Not really." Jacob thought for a second before answering. Everything from those years was a bit of a blur, lost to the consuming rage and red desperation. "We…ah…just grew apart. I isolated myself from them before he even stopped shifting, he was one of the last to continue changing. I think he was just waiting for me to come back. But he moved on, they all did. Now the only one that visits me is Sam, and he only does it because he has to."
Jacob tried to keep the regret out of his voice. He wished he had never gone so far off the rail, now he knew how lonely he had been for all those years. He looked up at Edward, who was looking at him sadly. They didn't talk about their past, about what had happened when Edward had left Forks. Jacob didn't want to see the guilt in Edward's eyes.
Edward tried to lighten the mood.
"Ah, Sam Senior. He must be-"
"Old, yeah."
They both laughed. Jacob fell back on the pillows again, smiling. Edward moved so that he was lying next to Jacob, arms stretched behind his head. Jacob would never stop being surprised and warmed by how quickly they'd become comfortable with each other.
(...)
"No man, I'm not going hunting with you."
They were standing together in the Cullen kitchen. Jacob was scoffing down a bowl of cereal.
The request had caught him off guard. It's not like he'd never seen Edward in action, they'd been in battle together, when Jacob had somehow managed to get every bone in his body broken. But he'd never watched the vampire hunt. That didn't mean that he wanted to, either. It was one thing to know that your boyfriend could take down a mountain lion, it was quite another to see it.
Edward heard these thoughts coming from Jacob's mind. He smiled a little at the boyfriend part, but realised that Jacob probably didn't know that Edward could hear him. Jacob would sometimes let thoughts escape, when he wasn't focusing, or when he was tired. Especially when he was dreaming. Edward would get flashed of what Jacob was seeing in his sleep.
"It's not like you haven't seen way worse, where I'm concerned." Edward said, with only the slightest hint of a whine in his voice.
"Yeah, but I don't want to see you killing poor innocent creatures if I don't absolutely have to."
Edward had come to the completely irrefutable realisation that he had completely lost his mind. The first symptom was probably the strangely agreeable emotions that kept him running on a high whenever Jacob was around. Or not around. Pretty much just whenever he thought about Jacob.
But the second and perhaps the most definitive was asking Jacob to go hunting with him.
Edward had to eat. It was a situation that most people would invariably become familiar with. He had to kill animals. Okay, fine, so did most humans. Just because he didn't like it, didn't mean that there was another viable option for him. Jacob did seem to understand. At least it wasn't human, right?
But Edward hated hunting alone. When he was alone there was nothing to separate him from the thoughts and feeling of the things that he had to kill. It was so much harder to kill, even as a basic necessity, if he had to be inside their heads.
Emmett usually came with him. He was Edward's favourite hunting buddy. And vice versa. Being with someone else made it easier to ignore the terror and suffering that filled his mind as he hunted. Not his own, but still strong.
Edward was dubious about inviting Jacob to tag along, but he was just sick and tired of seeing himself as a monster.
Now he just had to convince Jacob that it was a good idea.
"It's dangerous out there. I could get into all sorts of trouble."
"I'm not your keeper, you can get into all the trouble you want." Jacob shot back, continuing to eat his cereal.
Edward pouted.
"But hunting alone is so boring."
"Well, the quicker you get going the sooner you can come back."
Edward groaned. He'd tried begging, tried appealing to Jacob's protective instincts. He may as well try mocking.
"You and your childish sensibilities. Afraid you might see me hurt some little bunny rabbit? You're such a baby."
"Look who's talking. You're asking me to come along and hold your hand so that you won't get bored."
"I'm just…" Edward trailed off. One last ditch effort. Hopefully his acting skills weren't that shabby.
"What?" Jacob put his bowl down on the table and focused on Edward.
"I'm still finding it hard to believe that you'll be here when I get back."
Jacob threw his arms up in exasperation. Edward cursed his own choice in men. He should have found one with more empathy.
"For crying out loud Edward, I'm not going anywhere! Just go already!"
"Fine!" Edward yelled back. It hardly mattered, Edward knew he was crazy to have asked in the first place, but it was so easy to argue with Jacob. It always had been.
Edward took a few steps towards the door.
"Wait."
Smiling victoriously, Edward turned back. Jacob hesitated before he spoke.
"I'll come with you one condition."
Edward's smile fell.
(...)
Edward ended up hunting alone.
He needed the time to think anyway.
There was nothing unreasonable about what Jacob had asked. It would have to happen sometime or another anyway. But Edward wished that it didn't. It was just too much.
Edward knew that he had pretty much ruined Jacob's life. It didn't matter that he was doing what he could to help rebuild it. It didn't matter that Jacob had forgiven him, saved him. He'd felt the pain that Jacob had had to go through every time changing had been against everything that nature was telling him. He knew what it was like for Jacob to have to drag the wolf back across the shards of broken glass, with only rage to keep him going. It was difficult to know that he had caused so much pain to the man that…well, now…
But that was just one truth that he had learned to face. No matter how important that life was to him now, it was only one life that he'd destroyed.
Jacob was asking him to come face to face with five more.
Edward caught the scent of a buck, followed the smell through the trees. He barely noticed where his feet were stepping. He'd managed to get the distraction he'd wanted, without Jacob's presence.
He took down the struggling animal, managing to save his shirt from the aortal spray as he killed it. He took no pleasure in the slaughter.
Jacob needed him to meet the kids. In a way, it felt like being introduced to the family. He felt like he knew so much about them already, that meeting them way almost a welcomed thing.
Edward knew that Jacob probably felt that way too. These boys were the closest thing that he had to family anymore, and they were definitely his only friends.
But there was the other thing to. The part of Jacob that was thinking with his alpha wolf brain. Because the wolflings needed to meet Edward. They were vampire hunters without any prey. They needed to at least meet one vampire, to know the truth about why they'd changed.
Edward didn't know why he was hesitating. Why he hadn't told Jacob straight out that he would do it. There was no other option, Edward had done so much wrong, unintentionally maybe, to these boys, that this was the least he could do to make it a little better.
Edward walked slowly back to the house. He smelt like blood. It filled his nose and he was revolted by it. So much for not being seen as a monster. That was what Jacob was asking him to do. Go back to playing the monster in this fairy tale.