Morning came too quickly. It impinged upon the little sleep that Jacob had been able to get with a few loud bangs on the door.

Bleary eyed, Jacob braved the cold to open the door. Edward lay completely still next to him, not moving as Jacob threw the quilts away from him. Jacob knew the vampire couldn't be sleeping, but if he was going to pretend to peaceful, Jacob wasn't going to disturb him.

Jacob almost cursed out loud when he saw who was waiting for him at the door to the cottage. The least his boyfriend could have done would have been to warn him.

The old man didn't look happy. Jacob hadn't expected his old alpha to be completely okay with the way things were turning out, but Sam didn't really have a say in it. Turning up here in the early morning was overstepping a fair few boundaries.

But the door was already open and Jacob thought that he may as well get this over and done with. He sighed and moved aside, letting Sam into the house.

Just because he had accepted that this conversation was going to take place, didn't mean that he was going to invite it. Instead of saying anything, Jacob went into the kitchen and switched on the kettle. It slowly whistled to life.

"Jacob," Sam began, his tone too friendly and warm. "I was your alpha once. You trusted me. I know that I haven't been as…accepting as I should have been. But I'm on your side. I've always been on your side. And I will try to understand. But I'm just asking you to wait. Give this sometime. There is no reason to rush. Let things cool down. You have to make this decision with a clear, level head."

Jacob didn't say anything. He was tired, and he couldn't have this conversation just yet. He waited until the water had boiled and poured it between two cups. When he had finished making coffee, he handed one of the cups to Sam, who looked at him with surprise as he took it.

"You don't have to make a choice right now. You won't lose anything if you give it a day or two."

"I'll lose a day or two."

"Jacob. Please listen to me."

"I am listening. But I don't see your point. What do you think will happen if I wait? Do you think that I will change my mind? That one of you will be able to convince me that I'm making the wrong choice? I'm far too deep to turn back now."

Sam put his untouched coffee down on the counter. Jacob continued to drink his own.

"One of us? Clearly I'm not the only one who is thinking clearly in this."

Jacob was suddenly glad that it was not Edward who had gotten the door. It made him uncomfortable to think that Edward was listening to them right now. He was almost sure that he had convinced Edward last night. Almost.

"I'm not changing my mind, Sam. You could give me a day, or a year, or a lifetime. I'm always going to choose him."

Maybe it hadn't been an easy choice. Maybe he had questioned it a little, when he knew how it would affect everyone. But he knew that he would make the same choice every time. He had too.

"You can't. You can't let him bite you, Jacob. It will break the truce. None of the Cullen's can bite a human in this area."

"Unless it's consensual."

"Even then, Jacob. It's still against the terms of our ancient agreement."

"That's crap Sam. You gave Bella a choice."

"Bella wasn't a wolf!" The fatherly tone was gone from Sam's voice. Jacob had been wondering how long it would last. "She wasn't one of us. It's different now."

"No. No, it's still my choice. If I want this, then you don't get a say."

Jacob could hear Edward stirring in the other room, and knew that he needed to get rid of Sam. He was worried that Sam's objections would somehow be enough to confirm Edward's reluctance.

"Sam I'm sorry, but you can't change my mind. Nothing will change my mind about this. So please, just leave. Good day, or good bye, I guess. You don't have to have anything to do with this."

Sam turned furious, but he was completely powerless in the cramped space with a werewolf and a vampire. Sam had had no real power for a long time.

Jacob held the door open for him, briefly wondering how he'd even known that the cottage was here. It didn't matter. Sam wouldn't be back.

Jacob thought about going back to bed, but he knew that he would be unable to sleep. He walked back to the kitchen, pouring Sam's cold coffee down the sink.

(...)

Jacob's cry of pain died quickly on his lips as Edward's fangs broke through his skin. Icy fire, so cold it burnt him, radiated up his arm from just above his wrist. His eyes closed involuntarily in pain. He could barely make out the words passing above his head.

"…hasn't hit his heart yet…"

"…will get much worse…"

"…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

Jacob clung to the familiar sound of Edward's choked voice. It broke through the screaming inferno of growing pain, reminding him of something… something… he knew…

(...)

Jacob could no longer feel the limits of his physical body, only unending fathoms of darkness and pain. Ice and fire chased each other through his veins, crawling over what could only by the torn remains of his skin. He tried to scream, to drown out the deafening drumming of his dying heart, but nothing he did made any noise. He could see nothing, but he could feel himself being thoroughly and methodically shredded. His fingers ached to claw at the place where his chest should be and drag his failing heart from it. Anything to end the torture. The never ending darkness.

He had a name. He knew that he had to have had a name once. But his mind was… ruined, and he no longer knew what it was. He'd belonged…to a person… to a name. Now he belonged only to this never ending nightmare.

Someone. A voice. A voice he knew. It didn't say anything, mangled words falling from a cruel mouth, sounds that he no longer had the ability to comprehend. Everything was darkness, the flash of red and the burn of icy fire.

(...)

Edward.

It had been Edward. Edward had… taken… saved… dragged Jacob from the depths once before. Edward would help him. Edward would know…how to help…

Who… who? No. No. No. All wrong.

There was no one there. No thin fingers to destroy innocent arm chairs. No soft lips humming calming lullabies against his. No golden eyes. Such things had never existed. Could not exist.

His faulty heart ticked on like a deranged clock as Jacob discovered the eternity of a single second.

(...)

Jacob had forgotten where he ended and agony began. He was pain, he was darkness and he was broken.

He was his own undoing.

There was no direction to push in. No way out. Never a way out. This was hell. This was forever. Solitary anguish racked whatever was left of his body. But for some reason he was still alive. Cold needles were being driven slowly into his heart, but it beat on. His entire body was infected with ice fractals, shards that dug into his flesh, melting only to reform again and again.

He had no idea how long he had been in this personal hell. Maybe it had been his whole life. He remembered something else, a lie, a dream maybe. A bite shaped scar on someone's forearm. His? A girl's. A faded and shadowy memory, a voice that spoke soundlessly out of the darkness.

The day must be ending. Only a day. Is that how long it had been? The pain was growing lesser. Time to sleep. To wait for tomorrow. Another day.

As the ice shreds receded once more, the darkness grew thicker, enveloping Jacob and he succumbed to his exhaustion.

(...)

It was only the memory of the pain that kept him from moving. The horrific clarity of it filled him with a terrible image of his own corpse, lying on the table of a house of horrors. Blood and mangled flesh. That was all he could be, after everything he had gone through.

Perhaps he had died. Then again, he didn't think so. He didn't feel dead. He didn't feel much. Now and again shiver of anticipation would run like a live wire under his skin, telling him that the pain could never be far away, but nothing ever followed it.