Author's Note: This one's a little shorter, but I figured faster was better than longer. And to answer Galxychld's question, yes, we're more than halfway through. More than three-quarters, even. As much as I love this universe, someday soon I really need to get back to my non-fanfic writing project! Though I am totally a review addict now so I doubt I'll be able to stay away for long. Thanks to all of you who keep feeding my habit!

Chapter 46

Lisbon used one of her boots to try knocking Haffner unconscious as he opened her door after a perfunctory knock. Unfortunately, he was expecting her attack and avoided the worst of the blow, pivoting smoothly to grab her and force her to drop the boot.

"Really, Teresa, how stupid do you think I am?" he asked. "I hope you're not going to make a habit of this. I don't like wrestling with pregnant women. Besides, you don't want to escape."

"Right," she scoffed. "I'm just supposed to let you hold me prisoner indefinitely. Let go of me!"

He did, looking amused. She wanted to punch him.

"Yes, at least until you learn who Red John is," he replied. "Think about it. If you escaped today and ran back to throw yourself into Jane's arms, what's the first question he'll ask you? Do you think he'd understand if you passed up a chance to find out the identity of the man he's been hunting for a decade now? Is there even a chance he'd shrug it off and tell you that your safety is all he cares about, and mean it?"

Yes, Lisbon thought. He'd made that choice once before, after all, before they'd done more than kiss once. "You don't know Jane as well as you think you do."

"Maybe not. But Red John does."

"If it was just me, you might be right. I might take the risk, and Jane might want me to. But it's not just me. And the baby takes priority for both of us."

"No one's going to hurt your baby, Teresa. Red John would never allow it. He was so excited to learn you were finally ready to come to him." Haffner smiled.

"So what's the plan, Ray? Hold me captive until the baby's born? Then what?" She folded her arms. Surely he couldn't expect to hold her for months on end.

"I don't know. I'm sure he'll tell us when he's ready. Now, are you hungry? You need to eat regular, nutritious meals, you know."

"I know," she snapped. It wasn't like Jane hadn't been nagging her about that. She sat down and put her boot on, then resigned herself to playing along for a while. Because Haffner was right: she had to find out who Red John was while she had the chance. It was her job, and she also felt she owed it to Jane.

They didn't meet anyone in the hallway or in the elevator. When they reached the first floor and stepped into a spacious lobby, Lisbon ran to the nearest exterior door and tried to open it. It was locked, and from Haffner's calm, almost bored, stance, she gathered they all were. The glass door looked out onto a field of grass on the other side of an empty driveway. No help there.

"This is a secure facility," he told her.

Maybe it really was an inane asylum, she thought in horror. "What kind of facility?"

He shrugged. "For the treatment of serious mental illness, mostly. Though we also use it for members in imminent danger of backsliding into their old way of life. Don't worry. The ones who are a danger to themselves or others are in a locked ward you can't get into."

Lisbon turned and looked at the logo above the unoccupied reception desk. "This is a Visualize facility."

"Yes."

"And Bret Stiles knows I'm here?" He'd helped Jane once before, to find Kristina Frye. And more importantly, Jane had said Stiles owed him a favor. Maybe she could claim it on his behalf?

"Nothing happens in Visualize without Brother Stiles' approval," Haffner said.

Lisbon let her disappointment show. There was no point in putting on a brave face when her goal was to let them believe they were winning. Following Haffner down another hallway, she started to smell bacon cooking, and her mouth watered. She was very hungry, she realized.

It was late morning, so the small cafeteria was almost deserted, save for a few men having a late breakfast. From their white coats, she guessed they were on the health care staff. Approaching the nearest one, she said loudly, "My name is Teresa Lisbon. I'm an agent with the California Bureau of Investigation, and I'm being held here against my will. If you don't call the police and tell them where I am, you'll be an accessory to kidnapping."

He rolled his eyes and got up, ignoring her as he carried his tray over to the dirty dish area. Oh well, she had to try, she thought. She wasn't likely to get help from anyone in Visualize against Stiles' orders, but any slim chance that someone would talk about her to the outside world was worth taking.

The other people in the room got up and left before she could approach them, so she followed Haffner to the serving station and got herself a huge breakfast of bacon, eggs, hash browns, and a blueberry muffin. None of it was as good as Jane's cooking, but she expected that. What she didn't expect was the nausea that hit her partway through the meal. "What did you use on me?" she asked.

"Chloroform, and then a mild sedative. Nothing that would hurt the baby. Morning sickness?" he asked. "The doctor can give you something."

"I'd rather not have more drugs, thanks," she retorted. She needed to put off visiting the doctor as long as possible, to avoid discovery that her pregnancy was a sham. She worried that if Red John found out, he'd carry out his threat to rape her. He certainly wasn't going to let her go; letting her see all this argued that he intended her to live out the rest of her life as his captive, however long or short that was. Haffner certainly didn't seem worried that she'd have him arrested for kidnapping her.

"That's good," Haffner said. "We emphasize using your mind to control your body rather than relying on external influences. A lot of members have addiction problems when they come to us. There are plenty of meditation classes you can take if you'd like to learn more."

Great. This was a cross between rehab and an asylum, she thought. No wonder she was being held here; the security was already in place, along with a staff trained to mess with her head who were used to patients whose statements they couldn't believe. "So that's the plan? Keep me here until I come around to your way of thinking out of sheer boredom?" If it was a choice between meditation or sitting in her room with nothing to do, she'd need to be transferred to the locked ward in short order.

"We hope you'll see the sense in what we practice, Teresa. Have you ever stopped to examine your own beliefs?"

"Of course." Wasn't that part of everybody's college experience? she thought sourly.

"There's no 'of course' about it. Most people haven't, not in any real way. They might rebel against the faith they were raised with or they might stop practicing it, but they rarely take a long, hard look at it or evaluate it against alternative belief systems. In your case, I'll bet you've never seriously considered walking away from the beliefs you were raised with. Although you may disagree with some of your church's teachings, you find comfort in its rituals. But you've never considered that another faith might make more sense to you." Haffner grew more animated as he talked, and she couldn't doubt his sincerity.

"I'm not in the market to change my religion." That was one thing she didn't think she could pretend about. Her mother had been a devout woman, and she would always associate her church with her memory.

"But you should be. Everyone should be. Faith is too important to let an accident of birth determine which one you follow."

Lisbon felt her nose crinkle in distaste. This was like arguing about religion with Jane—annoying and utterly pointless. "I believe that I was born to my parents for a reason. It wasn't an accident. And you are not going to talk me out of a lifetime's worth of faith, Ray. Besides, faith isn't a rational thing. It's not supposed to make sense. You feel it or you don't, but you can't quantify it, so you can't prove one is superior to another."

Haffner chuckled. "I knew you'd be a tough sell, Teresa. But don't worry. No one is going to try to force you to convert. Spend some time with the others here. There's yoga classes as well as meditation, and you can join the gardening team if you want. I know you like to keep busy. Oh, and I've heard there's a poker game in the evenings. Not as cutthroat as you're used to, of course, but it will help you pass the time."

"Great," she said sarcastically. "And how long are you here for, Ray? What about your firm?"

"I have capable staff," he said, "but I have to go back tomorrow. My job is to get you settled in, and then others will guide you on your journey. I'll be back to visit when I can, though." He looked at her half full plate and said, "If you're finished, would you like to see the indoor pool and track? A healthy body is the first step to a healthy mind."

mmm

Lisbon didn't return to her room until after dinner, most of which she managed to eat. She'd worked up an appetite walking the extensive grounds with Haffner, who'd made sure to point out the prison-quality electrical fencing and surveillance cameras around the property that she'd have to contend with in an escape attempt.

"Good luck, Teresa," he said as he walked her to her door, for all the world like they'd been on a date. Her stomach turned a little at the thought.

"Ray," she said, deciding she might as well take this one last chance to get through to him, "please. You know I don't belong here. Help me. I know you don't like Jane, but just a word to Cho—"

He smiled, shaking his head. "You do belong here, Teresa. You'll see. Someday soon, you'll look back on today as the beginning of your true life. I am helping you, whether you believe that right now or not."

She opened the door to her room, noting the type of lock. "I don't. And I hope someday soon I'll be testifying at your trial." She went inside and closed the door behind her, not looking at him again.

Someone had been in the room. A vase of flowers stood on the bookcase, red roses mixed with yellow and orange flowers, showy but not overwhelming. A note lay beneath it, a single sheet of thick, cream colored paper with precise, old-fashioned handwriting.

Dear Teresa,

Welcome! I hope your first day with us hasn't been too trying. I know the adjustment will be difficult for you, but I am confident you will one day be grateful for this fresh start. However, that day may be long in coming, and meanwhile I do not want you to be unnecessarily unhappy. Despite his recent treatment of you, I know you will be missing Patrick tonight, as he is no doubt missing you. So I will give you something to look forward to. If you do not cause any trouble tomorrow, I will allow you to record a message to him and see that it is delivered. I know you will worry less if you are able to put his mind at rest about your safety.

If there is anything you need, let one of the staff know. Someone will bring your breakfast in the morning, and afterward you are free to move about the facility as you please. I hope you will avail yourself of the opportunity to relax and allow yourself to be pampered.

Sleep well, and pleasant dreams.

John

Lisbon put the note back after she finished reading it and went to the bathroom to get a glass of water, hoping to settle her stomach. She hoped he was telling the truth about letting her send a message to Jane. She would have to think of some way to point him toward Visualize without Red John realizing she was doing so.

There was no way she was putting on that stupid nightgown again, so she dug in the drawers until she found some yoga clothes. Those would do, though she longed for her jersey, or better yet, one of Jane's shirts. Then she brushed her teeth, washed her face, and grabbed one of the pregnancy books to read in bed. If she was going to keep everyone believing she was pregnant, she needed to do the research.

Contrary to her expectations, the book didn't put her to sleep, and she gave up on it at the point where she would be expected to start showing. She wouldn't be able to fake that here.

She turned off the lights, deciding she needed to try to sleep no matter how impossible that seemed. She tried counting breaths as Jane had once taught her, but the memory of his calm, soothing voice made tears prickle behind her eyes. She was going to end up crying herself to sleep if she wasn't careful.

A happy memory was called for, something she could crawl into and lose herself in. She thought back to her most recent birthday. Jane had dropped hints for weeks beforehand about his plans, saying that her first birthday as a married woman should be unforgettable. He'd taken to leaving brochures for outrageous things—including skydiving, an Amazon cruise, and quaint Parisian hotels—around their apartment. Not only that, he'd begun whispering with the team, causing Grace to break out in a fit of giggles more than once. Telling him that the only thing she hated worse than surprises was secrets only made him smirk and try to kiss her.

So she'd woken up on her birthday in a state of dread and suspicion, only to have the day pass in perfect normality. Jane had solved a case without causing even the slightest bit of trouble, then invited the team for dinner that night. She'd suspected that was planned in advance, since they all agreed immediately and no one had to change any plans.

Jane had cooked an incredible dinner accompanied by some expensive wine, then produced a beautiful cake, which he admitted came from a bakery since baking was not his forte. The team gave her a normal assortment of gifts, which she was touched by, and then she'd hesitated to open the large, elaborately wrapped box from Jane.

"Go ahead," he'd smirked. "I promise it's nothing embarrassing."

"By your definition of embarrassing, or mine?" she'd demanded.

"Yours. Now stop exposing the serious trust deficiency in our marriage and open your present, please, Teresa." She remembered the affectionate amusement in his voice, and the way he'd looked at her as she opened the box to reveal a new leather jacket she'd admired but considered too expensive, with tickets to the next Kings game in the pocket. And she'd immediately realized the brochures had been a big misdirect, so she wouldn't guess he was giving her something she actually wanted.

After their guests were gone, she'd modeled the jacket for him, wearing nothing else. And she'd kept it on through their playful lovemaking, laughing down at him while he spun wicked roleplaying scenarios they could try with the jacket and teased her about her penchant for leaving her coat on during sex. She'd all but forgotten the time up against the hotel room door in Seattle, still wearing her coat, until then, but the memory inspired her to declare that for his birthday she would reprise her role, this time as Lovely Wife, at whatever location he chose.

While they had lain in each other's arms afterward, he'd said, "Does that mean I'm Lovely Husband tonight?"

She'd laughed. "I'd rather have Horny Husband. You cooked two lovely meals today; that's pretty much all the lovely I can stand. Besides giving me basketball tickets, which implies you intend to sit through a game with me. I appreciate the sacrifice."

"You're not taking Cho?" he'd asked in mock horror.

"The after game activity I'm planning wouldn't suit Cho," she'd replied.

"Will you be wearing the jacket?" He'd given her such an absurdly hopeful look that she'd had to kiss him. One thing had led to another, and she blushed a little as she remembered the secret fantasy he'd plucked out of her head—and then fulfilled beyond her dreams.

That was one of the few times they'd been careless, she also remembered. She hoped they got to reenact that scenario someday soon, without waking up the next day worried about whether they'd just given Red John what he wanted. Although it was hard to have any romantic notions about pregnancy after reading all the details of what her body would undergo, she couldn't get the picture of Jane holding Ben out of her head.

She fell asleep thinking about boy's names, imagining Jane's arms wrapped tightly around her.

mmm

Grace's yawn looked like it threatened to unhinge her jaw, Jane noted dispassionately. "Sorry," she said when she noticed him looking at her.

"It's late," Rigsby said pointedly.

Jane looked around his dining room table, where they were gathered with laptops and files. They'd relocated for privacy, something they couldn't achieve at the office. "I'll make more coffee," he said wearily, getting up.

Rigsby snapped, "She's pregnant, Jane. She doesn't need coffee. She needs sleep. It's two in the morning, for crying out loud!"

"I'm okay," Grace said firmly.

Cho said, "No, you're not. Go lie down for a few hours. The rest of us will keep working. That way at least one of us will be fresh in the morning."

Grace glanced at Jane, obviously expecting him to object. But he sighed and said, "There's fresh sheets on the bed in the guest room. Let me know if you need anything."

Rigsby sprang out of his chair. "I'll get your bag from the car," he said to Grace, then headed for the front door.

Grace looked torn. "Are you sure? Because I can keep working."

"We're sure," Cho said firmly. "We won't do Lisbon any good if we all run ourselves into the ground. We need to take shifts. Get some sleep."

"Okay," she said around another huge yawn, then turned and went toward the bedrooms.

Jane dropped back into his chair, scrubbing his hands through his hair. Though he wouldn't hesitate to kill himself with work, he knew Lisbon would kick his ass if he didn't take care of Grace and the baby—or at least not interfere with Rigsby doing so.

"We'll find her," Cho said quietly. "But it might take a while. We need to pace ourselves."

"If you can sleep, go ahead," Jane said bitterly. He knew he wouldn't be able to. He'd barely been able to choke down half of a sandwich earlier. But eventually his body would give out and force him to eat and sleep. He wanted Lisbon home before that happened, because he didn't want to face the nightmares he was sure he'd have if she weren't.

"Nah, I'm good," Cho said. Then he folded his arms and leaned back in his chair. "What I can't figure out is, why take her weapon? They took the time to dump everything else."

Jane frowned. "They needed it to threaten her?"

"No way. You don't go after a cop unarmed and hope to get her weapon off her. Plus, they drugged her. We only found one set of footsteps going out to the street, remember? Someone carried her. That means she was unconscious."

Or dead. Neither of them said it, but the words hung in the air like smog, choking them. They thought Red John didn't want to kill Lisbon, but he'd changed his mind before. It wasn't impossible that he was saving her corpse for a big reveal. None of them wanted to acknowledge that, though.

Cho continued, "This was planned. He wanted her alive. So why the hell didn't they just ditch the gun with her other stuff?"

"Something to prove he's got her when he contacts me," Jane guessed.

"The wallet would have worked better for that," Cho said.

Jane thought about it. "Something to give back to her eventually? As a reward, once he thinks he's turned her?" Her gun was a big part of her identity. But wouldn't her badge have worked better for that?

Then it hit him. "Yes. To give back to her so she can use it on the target he gives her."

"You?" Cho asked.

"Possibly." Personally, Jane could think of much worse outcomes than Lisbon putting him out of his misery. Oh. Maybe that was it. "Or herself, in front of me."

"Makes sense," Cho said after a moment. "He wanted you to kill her to prove your friendship, so why not make her kill you to prove hers? So how long do you think it'll take?"

"For him to turn her? A long time. But she'll be playing along, looking for her chance. If he's as obsessed with her as I think he is, he'll see what he wants to see."

"Still, unless he's an idiot, we're talking weeks at best," Cho frowned.

"Yes," Jane said heavily. "Unless we find her first. We need to lean on Bertram."

"If we do that, we only get one chance before we're all out of a job," Cho pointed out. "And worse, once we tip him off, we have no chance of him leading us to Lisbon. He'll make sure to stay far away from her."

"Then we have to make our one chance count," Jane said.

"Look. I'm with you," Cho said. "I want to get Lisbon back and kill the bastard who took her, and I don't care what we have to do to get it. But we have to be smart. And that means we stick together. No running off on your own. I'm not going to ask you to promise, because we both know it wouldn't be worth spit. But think about it, Jane. Stay smart."

"I hear you," Jane said. But there was no way he would hesitate if he thought he needed to ditch the others, and they both knew it. He got to his feet as they heard Rigsby come back in. "I need more tea. Coffee?"

"Sure."