Estrangement

Disclaimer: Don't own Victorious

A/N:

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Chapter 30 (Take a Chance)

That weekend, Jade was back in New York for a couple days. Tori and Trina met up with her once again in Trina's main office.. Tori was anxious over the session, fearful and curious as to how Trina would act.

Once more the sisters sat in the seats in front of the desk, with Trina giving Jade her chair. Tori prayed that this would be the day Trina gave her that chance she was hoping for. Just a couple days ago, Courtney finally gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, and it only made Tori that much more eager to be a part of the family again. In a way, but only through Trina's marriage, Courtney's children were like nephews and nieces to her. Not to mention, she still desperately wanted to see her actual blood related nephew and nieces.

"So here we are again," Jade tangled her fingers together and brought her hands to rest on the desk surface. She had a soft expression and a smile that soothed Tori's frayed nerves. She looked to Trina, but couldn't read the expressionless face. "Our second group session. I'm glad to hear you two have been doing some things together, and Tori-congrats on your recent promotions and the offer from the veterinarian."

"Thanks Jade. Can I-can I say something first?" Jade nodded and Trina turned to her, ready to listen. Tori took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Trina, I know you don't trust me around your family yet. It hurts, but I understand why." Trina crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "It's just-I want to be a part of your life again, I want to be a part of your family's lives. I know that won't happen without your permission." Tori put her hand over her heart, feeling the beats as if her heart were hammering at her ribs. "I want that permission, more than anything I want to be your sister again. All this time I was thinking showing you I could commit to my job meant showing you I can commit to family…"

Trina studied her gaze for several seconds before leaning back in her chair. Tori could feel the silence practically cutting off all oxygen in the room. She held her breath, waiting for Trina's answer, or at least a reason as to why she still didn't trust her. "I know you can commit to a job, but family is still different."

"I know…"

"Tori, my family's never had it easy. Megan was born when I was twenty-two. I was only just then getting my bachelor's degree. I had to get my master's after that, and while Sinjin was struggling to find work. He didn't start out in a college, he started out teaching at a junior high school. So I was the one bringing the bread for nearly two years. All the while, living in that apartment with a baby and working towards a master's degree. I protected my family for years, still am. When Sinjin and I married, which was a few months after Megan was born, we had enough money to move into a bigger apartment. Not as small as the one you're in, but not that much bigger…It was just a small two bedroom. You know how many nights I stayed up just watching my daughter? Making sure she was sleeping soundly?"

"So you're protective of your family. I know. You have every right to be." Trina straightened her back and spoke quietly.

"I know Courtney and my friends told you a little bit about how life was like for me in college. Maybe not everything, which I'm glad about at least…" The woman breathed in deeply and narrowed her eyes. "The house Sinjin and I have? We only just moved into it a few years ago, same year we had someone break into our house." Tori bowed her head, remembering the scar on Megan's back.

"Megan's had a rough life?"

"Megan grew up being influenced by peer pressure at her school, she's mature for her age and came close to trying a cigarette just because her best friend was smoking. Rachel's four years younger than her sister and has always been the one to follow Megan into trouble-I'm amazed she didn't follow her to your place a couple months ago. Anyway, I don't need my children being influenced into thinking they can just get off easy on things or that they're entitled to receive certain things, they need to work for them."

"Trina, I can promise you I wouldn't give them that impression."

"Right. There's also the other thing: Megan and Rachel both are clingy to their family members. They are very big with their emotions. I don't want them to cling to you, expecting you to stick around, and you decide you're done and just going to ignore or leave in a few short months or a year. I do not want my children to be hurt by someone who doesn't want anything to do with them." Her words hurt, and she could feel the resentment, but she understood perfectly now what it was Trina was afraid of.

Tori bowed her head and closed her eyes, "Trina. How can I show you…that I won't do that to you or to your family?" She opened her eyes up and looked into her sister's eyes. Her hands moved to her chest and her eyes started to glaze over. "The minute I saw your daughters, I loved them because they were my nieces, your daughters. I wanted to be a part of their lives, same for your son, and I haven't even seen him yet. When Megan showed up that day, I was thrilled to talk to her, to listen to her."

"I would have to see how you act, I would have to see whether you're just going to be there then run. My family has always been close. My children see their cousins almost every other day. They expect to see that, and I would hope you'd be able to make some sort of commitment to them without deciding you're tired and want to move on. What if something changes? Say you meet someone and decide they're more important than any of us? I know that's happened before."

"I guess…you'd just have to trust me…" Trina crossed her arms and shot her a skeptical look. Of course it didn't sound right the way she phrased it, but she honestly didn't know what to say. "I don't know what you want to hear, Trina. I've changed, I know what's right, and I'm certainly not an attention whore anymore. All I want is my sister back…" A tear ran along her cheek. Her heart was literally resting at the end of her sleeves.

"Why then did it take you twenty years to figure it out?"

"Don't misunderstand me, I missed you the moment you left! Seeing you walk out that door, I was stupid, Trina!" Her fingertips tapped her chest as she leaned forward, her tears now soaking her cheeks. "I should have stopped you, and god knows I wanted to. After that, it was just stupid pride. I was hurt and angry too, and I know that's not what you want-or need-to hear right now, but I was. I was selfish and too proud to admit that you were right. You were always important to me. Give me a chance to show you that I mean it, I won't get 'bored' and leave, I won't vanish, I'm not going anywhere this time! What can I do to show you that? Even after you moved, I wasn't the one that hurt you so badly, I know I wasn't. I wasn't the one that made you so protective and distrustful was I?"

Trina leaned back, tapping her finger on her arm. Her lips twisted and her eyelids fell into narrow slants. Tori breathed heavily, her puffs of air were the only noise filling the air. "No." Tori's brow furrowed and a crease shot along her forehead. Her chest trembled as a light whimper fell from her lips. "No you're not. You made life a living hell back in LA, but when I left, I meant it when I said I was done with you and your friends. I didn't let you bother me anymore."

"Then what? What happened then? You're guarded against me, or any outside force."

"It's true I shelter my family. I don't want my kids being put in danger, and I already told you about the break in. You know about the miscarriage, so right there I lost a baby. That miscarriage led to alcohol abuse and…other problems. First apartment Sinjin and I lived in, we were in for a couple years until Rachel was about four. She almost got picked up by some asshole in a van. Danny nearly got hit by a car two years ago when he chased his ball into a street. So you ask me what it is that made me the way I am? There you have it! I'm not going to let anything hurt my kids, and that includes you. Don't you dare think I'm going to let you into their hearts just so you can run off." Trina leaned forward, her eyes still as narrow as that of a mama bear ready to strike. "You're not going to blow off my children or my family if I can help it. I don't let myself make the same mistake twice, and I let you walk over me once. It won't happen a second time, because if it does, you're done."

Tori tensed up and held her sister's gaze, raising her voice in frustration. "I'm not going to run off! I'm not the same person I used to be, Trina! I swear to god I'm not! I'm not going to ignore them, I won't blow you off or forget your family!"

Jade clapped her hands, demanding the attention in the room. The sisters glared at her, both shouting at being interrupted, "What?!" Their faces were red with anger, their breaths were falling heavily from their lips, and their shoulders were rising and falling with each pant.

"Believe it or not this is making headway," Jade calmly sipped her coffee. Her eyes lit up as she pulled the cup away from her lips. "Trina, you should let your secretary know she makes an exceptional cup of coffee." She cleared her throat as the sisters raised an eyebrow. "Anyway. You know, you two are more alike than anything I've seen, but I suppose that shouldn't be surprising, you are sisters after all."

"Your point?"

"Pride is your biggest problem. Both of you. You hear but you don't listen, you talk, expecting the other to hear you." Jade set the mug down and folded her arms. Trina and Tori leaned back in their seats. Jade opened her left palm in front of Tori, "Trina has good reasons not to let you in or to trust you, Tori. On that same coin-" She opened her right palm, pointing to Trina. "Tori has viable and just reasons for wanting to be back in your life, Trina. Both of you have been through a lot, and both of you are extremely set in your ways, too prideful to step out of your comfort zones."

"What does that mean?"

"Try something new. Understand what you're not comprehending." Jade rubbed her chin as the sisters exchanged confused glances. "Tori. Understand that it's been twenty years, and with how strong and protective Trina is, she's not going to just let you right back in with open arms. Trina, try to understand that Tori may be truly sincere and will not abandon your family this time."

Trina huffed and Tori glanced away. "Say we come to understand that about each other," Trina began, "We're like oil and water, how do you possibly expect us to fix our relationship at all?" Tori's eyebrows shot up and she quickly looked to her sister.

"I didn't think you even wanted to fix things."

"Honestly? I was perfectly fine until you came back, but I'll tell the truth, I would like to have my sister back. At the same time, I don't want to take a chance and find it wasn't worth it after all."

"And that's understandable," Jade assured, "Both of you are right to have your fears, concerns and doubts. You can't build trusts or faiths without trying, however. That's why I wanted to suggest you do something like supervised visits. Give Tori some time with your family, have someone you trust there to keep watch. Maybe if you can see her being genuine, you can start to trust her again."

"It couldn't hurt," Tori remarked. Trina hummed silently and closed her eyes.

"Maybe. Sinjin is taking the kids camping next weekend…I could ask him to let you tag along." Tori's heart shot up and her lips curved into a bright grin. "You would just need to get your own tent and camping supplies."

"O-Of course, I'd be happy to do that! Where will it be?"

"Over at Fort Wadsworth in Staten Island. If he's willing to let you join, which I'm sure won't be an issue, we'll see how you act with them."

"Would you really let me?"

"I just said I would…" She couldn't help but to be ecstatic over the opportunity. She wanted to jump up and hug her sister's neck, but she figured that would be a bit much. The emotion was still overwhelming, and she would remain eternally grateful.

"I promise I won't let you down, Trina."

"Don't promise anything, Tori. Just do it." Tori nodded as Trina took a deep breath and looked over to Jade. "Fine, I'll step out of that box just this once. If it goes okay…" She looked back to Tori and flashed a tiny smile. "We'll see what happens."

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So Trina's finally giving her a shot, granted it's a small first step, but it's a step. A start, and perhaps soon Trina will be willing to let Tori back in.