Chapter 2

Most chapters will be longer then the last. That was just a short one. Please review! Love you all!

It hurt so bad. I couldn't even scale it. It hurt almost as bad as when as when Augustus died. Three days after telling my mother I was ready to die, I was in the hospital with my family on either side. The doctors had told them that this was it. That my body was shutting down and there was nothing anybody could do.

I felt it too. I felt my body giving in, giving up. I didn't fight it. I encouraged it actually, I couldn't take the pain in my chest. I pictured Gus going through the same pain. Isaac went differently. He just went to sleep and never woke up. I needed it to end. I wanted to die. Why the hell am I not dead yet! I looked at my parents. My dad was crying, he had never stopped from when the doctor told him I was going. My mom was crying as well, but it was more subtle.

All of a sudden, the pain was fading. Oh, shit. I thought. I'm dying. I didn't go against my body though. I went along with it. They always say you see a light at the end of a tunnel. But I don't know if i did it wrong of if it's not true, because I saw no light. In fact, everything started to fade from sight. My parents were turning fuzzy as my eyes started to close. I heard the shriek of my mom, not so subtle anymore I guess. My dad was yelling my name. It sounded so far away. Like I wasn't actually in a hospital that resembled hell.

And then I heard my mom say something that I heard clear as day, well…not my day. But anyways I still heard it.

"She will be okay. Augustus will take care of her. She will be with him." I saw my father nod. I tilted my eyes up to the sky, where I knew he was.

"I'm coming." I whispered. And that was it. I closed my eyes, and that was it. I felt a tug on my hand. Like someone was holding it and pulling me to where I was going. Maybe it was Gus, I sure hoped so.

There was no more pain. No more struggle. No more cancer.

When my eyes open again, I had to close them right away. It was so bright. Why was it so bright? When my eyes adjusted, I could look around. I was laying down and I propped myself up on my elbows. The first things I realized was there were no tubes. Nothing tickling my nose. No air tank to role around. I took the biggest breath I could. I almost coughed because I took in so much more air then I was used to. I slowly go to my feet.

My hair. My hair was different. My hair had been short because of all the treatment. But when I felt my head with my once shaky now steady hands, it felt long and thick. I ran my fingers all the way through it. It went down just below my chest, where it had before I wet through any treatment. I closed my eyes. God, it felt good…breathing like a normal person. No more crap lungs.

I realized there were people around me. Not many, but a few here and there. And then it hit me: Augustus. I heard voices around me. Cool, people could talk in…wherever I was. So I started to yell.

"Augustus! Gus! Gus! I'm here! Isaac! Augustus! Where are you?!" I called. I then saw someone running. Like, sprinting. Oh, my God it's him. It's him. He's here. I can final-

My thought was interrupted my lip smashing into mine. Interrupted by hands cupping my face. It took my less than a second to react. I rested my hands on his arms, moving them up and down his biceps. He moved his hands from the sides of my face to my waist. Coiling around it, pulling me against him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him farther down to me.

It was a kiss full of every emotion. The hate came from the hate of sickness, which kept us apart. Love was the love for each other. Sadness came from having to die to be together. Happiness came from finally being back together. Passion and devotion came from the fact that we would do anything for each other. Hell, I died for this boy.

As if trying to one-up himself Augustus dipped me down, and I turned my head to deepen the affair. We finally had to split our lips, lack of breath had gotten to the both of us. He just held me for a minute, not loosening his grip. I stared into the blue eyes that I had missed so much. I just wanted to get lost in them. After what seemed like a thousand years, he finally let me go. He looked at me, not saying anything.

Gus picked up a chunk of my hair. "Your hair. It's longer." He said in awe.

"Do you not like it?" I said, worried.

"No, no. I love it." He brought the hair to his mouth and kissed it, ever so lightly. "It's beautiful. You're beautiful."

"And you still look like the hot self you were. Wait you're leg-"

"My legs you mean," His smile was almost as big as his whole face. "I have both of my legs, like before the cancer. You're hair was long before the cancer right?" I nodded.

"That's why its long now." I confirmed. I took a step towards him and gave him a hug. He enveloped me in his arms. I was on my tiptoes, but I liked him being tall. It's better than a wheelchair. "I missed you so much." I choked out. I felt the tears start to emerge form my eyes. Turns out you can cry when you are dead.

"I missed you too, Hazel Grace." Hearing that name just broke me. I started crying. Tears flowing onto Augustus. "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Augustus." He was still holding me when I felt drops falling onto my shoulder. Which signaled Gus was crying as well. What it felt like to touch him, there is nothing I could say that would do it any justice.

I wish I could describe what the place looked like, but I can't. There are no words. Even if I wanted to…I could not. It's a place that is so simple, but so beautiful. Whenever I tried to create a picture with words, I couldn't. There were no words.

I lay there next to Augustus, the covers of the bed hiding all the secrets of our bodies. My head resting on his chest with no tubes to get in the way. He was breathing heavy, but I didn't hear a heart beat. Maybe we didn't need one. We didn't need to eat, didn't need to drink. Just to breath. Which I loved, I loved breathing.

"Did you really think I would forget about you?" He asked me with a sad tone as he stroked my hair. I looked up at him. He was biting his lip. I could tell he was kind of scared to know the answer.

"So you could hear my thoughts." I said in return.

"Only when I wanted to. Which was a lot. But you didn't answer my question. Did you really think I would ever forget you?" I sighed. I knew I had not answered his question.

"No I didn't. I just…didn't know if I would be with you when I died. I didn't know what to expect." I was staring into the blue of his eyes. "I am so used to expecting the worst, I guess I just tried to prepare myself."

"Well even if the killed me again, wiped my memory, hit me in the head, and hypnotized me to forget you I never would. Ever. Okay?"

"Okay." We were both smiling. He bent his head down to kiss me lightly. "Gus?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you watch me. Like, could you watch over everyone?" I asked. After all the wondering, I had to know.

"Hazel Grace," I raised my eyebrows in response. "I never stopped watching you. I always saw you. Everyone else too."

I giggled, "are you saying you watching me change Augustus Waters? And shower?" This made him laugh. Oh that laugh.

"Just a couple times." He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "you were beautiful." I laughed and slapped him on the chest. I froze right after I did it, a panicked expression on my face. This made Augustus laugh even harder.

"It's okay." He said. "You don't have to worry anymore. I'm not sick, your not sick, we both are fine." So I slapped him again.

"That didn't mean I wanted you to slap me!" He said as if i had really hurt him. Right, like anything could hurt those abs. Well, besides cancer. I leaned up and kissed him again. I scooted up on the bed so our faces were at even level. "I saw you at my funeral." He was quiet in saying this, like he was sad about saying it.

"Spying on your own funeral? That's a new low, Gus." I was trying to make him laugh again. Trying to get rid of the unhappy expression.

"What you said was amazing. About all of the Encouragements around my house. About our story, our love story. I cried. I didn't even know I could cry up here. But I did." Then the tears started again. He was not sobbing, no not even close. They were the quite tears when someone is sad and they want to hide it. When someone is sad, but not crushed by the sadness. Like, when Gus died, they were not the quite tears. I was sobbing. All the time. But this, this was ache, not loss.

"I am so sorry, Hazel. I am so, so sorry. I promised to fight for you. And I failed. I lost the only battle I really wanted to fight. I failed you. I caused you to hurt, even though the last thing I ever want to do is hurt you. It wasn't our deal, that you would have to live without me. I watched you cry all the time. It killed me to know that I caused all of those tears." I was staring at Augustus in disbelief. Did he really think this was his fault. He was still crying.

I reached my hand up to the side of his face. He overlapped his hand over mine. "Augustus, it's not your fault. Not one bit. You didn't cause the cancer that spread through you. Yes, I cried, a lot. But I cried because I lost the love of my life. I couldn't not cry. And yes, if I could change the past I would and I would get rid of your cancer. But none of it was your fault. You did fight, you fought hard. For you and for me. And I love you more for it." He had stopped crying by this point. Gus pulled me closer to him.

"Okay?" I asked him.

"Okay."

"Okay. See? We can have a forever after death." He nodded, a wide smile on his face. He kissed me. He rolled on top of me as I laced my arms around his neck, pulling him farther down. We kissed for a long time. After being apart for over a year, I never wanted to have to part our lips.