Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: Un-beta'd yada, yada yada ; ) Also this chapter contains M content that hints at a history of sexual assault, I tried to keep it vague so as not to be triggering or too upsetting for anyone. Just wanted to show a bit more how Fin got the way she is. Thanks for reading!
Updated: 4/9 mostly for typos a few word changes. :)
Chapter Five
(Fin's POV)
He's leaving again, like I'm offending him with just my presence.
At least he finished his plate. No telling the last time they all ate well.
Time to wash up, stop the rambling of my brain. It's a good thing I checked the woods around the cabin earlier when I headed to the lake. Judging by Beth and Carl's heavy lids they'll be out like lights soon; with Rick still injured that leaves only me and Moody Robin Hood.
And he could definitely use a nap.
I stand up, grab the plates.
"I'll help," Carl gathers dishes and helps me rinse them in the sink, we have to scrub them with our fingers, there's no sponges or soap. Beth helps Rick back upstairs probably straight to bed. Carl finishes the plates with me he's yawned four times when I move onto to the pans.
"Go to bed. We have a lot to do tomorrow."
He leaves without protest, Thank God.
Kids got a little crush, my fault for popping out of the woods all 'Xena Warrior Princess.'
A snort of laughter escapes my mouth I clamp my hand over it. Scrub at my eyes with tired fingers, and just take a moment to lean against the wall. My first crush was no less embarrassing, even know it makes me laugh. I mean honestly what kid has their first crush on cartoon Wolverine?
"What's so funny?"
God Damn. I didn't even hear him come in; guys like a shadow. "I uh," I clear my throat. "I think Carl's got a crush."
He just stares at me.
I can feel myself start to flush. I'm glad it's dark in here, though it doesn't help the interesting shadows playing across his face.
"Well, not many girls left." He shrugs.
The Hell does That mean?
I'm the only eligible girl in 100 square miles that's the only reason that anyone could conceivably like someone like me? I mean, I know I'm short; and pale, and kind of plain...he probably likes taller, bustier girls…I glare at him.
This is ridiculous, to Hell with this, to Hell with Him! I don't care if this Jerk thinks I'm only worthy of a kids crush because I'm the only girl left! Who asked him? and on second thought Who Cares? I am not worried about what Moody McRude thinks of a silly kids crush.
And third this is the stupidest most awkward and inappropriate conversation I've ever had…Even in my own head!
Ugh!
I stomp past him without another word. Smacking into his arm with my shoulder in the narrow doorway without an apology and storm from the room.
He watches her leave the room again; Girl almost knocks him into the wall bumping into him in the doorway before he can move back...
He swears he's not staring at the way her ass twitches as she walks away...shit.
He turns back around stares at the empty kitchen, at the clean dishes she didn't have to wash because no one lives here to find the mess.
The front door closes in the other room.
Was it something he said?
"Damn crazy girl."
:: Walking Dead ::
(Fin's POV)
Carl and Beth are fast asleep on the loft floor when I come back.
Rick is asleep on the double bed he's been using in the far.
I told Daryl to take the futon earlier in the day. I can just make out his outline against the blankets from the skylights' small bit of moonlight filtering into the room. I can't tell if he's asleep, but I keep my eyes averted from him as much as possible.
I unroll and snuggle down in my sleeping bag fully dressed minus my boots and leather harness. The soft material smells faintly of my shampoo, it's comforting. I pillow my head on my arm, close my eyes slow my breathing and wait for sleep; it pulls me down faster than I expected...
I'm walking through the woods.
My bow is missing... where is it?
I look around, try to get my bearings knowing this is a dream.
Walkers are all around me. They stumble aimlessly in all directions then as one they turn and lurch, arms outstretched; but not towards me…I barely ever dream that anymore.
I turn following their direction.
Carl and Daryl are on the hill. I run try to warn them, my own hand outstretched calling to them as I run.
Carl turns eyes wide, raises his gun but it's Daryl that hits me with an arrow between the eyes…
I'm falling...
falling down, farther and farther through darkness, so far…I land flat on my back, winded. Roll up gasping for air, look around and immediately forget how to breathe again.
I'm in my house, my stepdad is at the table, writing next Sunday's homily. I can smell eggs, and coffee, my Mom is at the stove.
Tobin runs into the room, grabs a piece of toast off the serving plate and she swats at his hand with a dish towel…they're talking, laughing…but it's all white noise.
Movement through the glass backdoor catches my eye. The Dead are everywhere, stumbling across the yard, climbing onto the deck; I scream to warn them, bang my fist on the tabletop but no one hears me...
Glass shatters…
"Fin, Come on!"
Abby.
I whirl. It's a deserted street, midday. The sun is boiling hot. Sweat drips down the back of my neck.
Oh god, Abby…I don't want to see this, not again...
How can the sun be shining on a day like this? It's all wrong for what I know is coming; always, I can't stop it…I hear them snarl….Abby screams…my feet are too heavy to run.
I can't move, Abby is screaming, and screaming…drowned out by the snarling, and then gurgling wet sounds...
I smash my hands over my ears, eyes squeezed shut.
Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop…
"Hey Pretty, What's wrong? Don't want to watch?"
No. No no no no no no…not this...Anything but this...
Wake up, Wake up…
I'm pinned. I try to struggle, scream but my body is dream heavy; powerless. They tower over me I hear a belt buckle clasp, it's gunshot loud to my ears.
"I've got something for you gorgeous, Bet you're gonna love it."
No. No no no no no NO!
Screams finally bubble up from my chest. That only seems to encourage them.
Someone is pinching me, hands... everywhere; groping…burning…stabbing
it's all horrible.
I scream and scream until my throat burns too...
The splash of hot liquid hits my body, sprays my face... the air smells like iron, and rotting flesh…
Someone else is screaming now; they're all screaming…
I'm pinned by the heavy thrashing body of the man who was just assaulting me. He flails trying to dislodge the Dead from his back; his fist connects with my temple.
The world spins in bright white hot pain, blurs around the edges…he falls away and they pounce on him.
I squeeze my eyes tight. They're all screaming, ripping…tearing…
guns fire off like staccato thunderclaps as they all die…and I'm not sorry…I'm not sorry at all...
Something wet and hot lands across my bare skin.
I roll to the side and puke for what must be hours, 'til I'm just dry heaving into wet grass soaked with bile and blood.
When I open my eyes the world is a blur of black and white frenzy, bleached of color and life in the dancing firelight…
All I see are dead eyes…Except for Him.
Daryl stands between the trees. Watching me. Hot tears prick my eyes.
I wake to a wet sleeve and cold stiff cheeks.
I lay there silent, feeling my heart pound.
Someone is watching me.
I roll and nearly scream.
Moonlight illuminates his features just like in the dream, only the knowledge that I am most certainly awake and not tied down this time keep me from lashing out…I am not that girl anymore.
He says nothing.
"What?" My voice is thick, I clear my throat quietly. He still hasn't moved.
He's just crouched there on the balls of his feet, his elbows rested on his knees. His hands hanging loose in front of him mere inches from my leg.
Was he shaking me awake? I can't remember.
My mouth is dry. I try to swallow a few times.
"You were talking in your sleep."
Shit. "Nightmare."
He pauses, whole body going unearthly still again.
I scrub a hand over my eyes. Stupid tears.
At least it's dark. I always turn beet red when I cry, it's embarrassing.
"You said my name..." He's staring at me again, his eyes a unusual cobalt hue in the darkness.
I did? Shit. Now I'm really glad it's dark. "It's nothing."
"Who's Abby?"
What's with the twenty questions? Jesus.
"She's dead." I turn over. Hoping to ignore him, make him go away.
He waits another minute then leaves me alone to struggle back to sleep.