Missing you

The moment that Rin hit the cold hard pavement, he wanted to close his eyes and never wake up. Haruka's head rested against his shoulder and Rin wondered how he would ever tell Haruka. How could he tell them that…

Rin wanted to scream and shout, run away and never come back, hide and pretend this never happened. How could he lose someone so precious? Rin couldn't imagine the look in Haruka's eyes when he found out that…

Rin looked up through tear-stained eyes and then he saw them pulling a white sheet over the person they dragged out. Rin's worst fears came alive, the nightmare consuming him more by the minute. The redhead knew exactly what it meant when someone was covered in a white sheet. Tears flowed freely from those crimson eyes that held no life in them anymore. He lost a friend and his first lover. The relationship he shared with Makoto wasn't an easy one and it was a constant pull and push. Pulling Makoto in because Rin's body yearned for his touch and then pushing away when Makoto wanted more. The redhead often wondered what could have been if he were smarter and more willing to trust his feelings. Now, he would never be able to find out just how much he loved Makoto.

When Rin looked down, Haruka was still blissfully asleep and Rin knew he should get up because they still needed to go to the hospital for a check-up but shouldn't he go check if the person was really Makoto? A part of Rin knew that he couldn't be mistaken but perhaps his judgement wasn't entirely clear either. Shaking, Rin got up and hugged Haruka closer to him. With heavy steps Rin got closer and closer. It was hard to ask for permission to check out the dead body they had brought out but Rin knew he had to do this. Rin was scared because what if he was right all along? What if it was really Makoto? Rin would never forgive himself for letting go, the guilt would eat him alive and Rin felt that he deserved it. It was his fault, everything was his fault.

"Do you want me to lift the sheet?" One of the firemen asked and Rin worried at his lip. He could already feel the trickle of blood oozing down and Rin was shaking all over. He nodded and then closed his eyes, afraid that the image would make his world fall apart. The redhead heard the rustling of the sheet and with one final shaky breath, Rin took a look.

His crimson eyes took in every inch of the face that was exposed and the steady stream of tears increased, clouding Rin's vision even more.

"Sir?" The fireman asked and Rin looked over to the man.

"It's…. not him," Rin managed to stutter and the fireman pulled the sheet back, masking the man completely again. Rin clutched Haruka even tighter, happy that it was not Makoto but then it meant that he was still inside. Rin didn't know which was worse but at least there was a small possibility that he was still alive. Rin placed the oxygen mask back over his nose and mouth and he took a few steps back, back into the safety perimeter and he kept his eyes on the entrance of the burning building again. He wondered whether his mind would play tricks on him once again but he couldn't help it that the man looked like Makoto that much.

More and more people were brought out but that didn't ease Rin's mind at all. Most of them were not breathing anymore and nothing could be done for them. There were a few that were heavily burned and Rin's heart sank each and every time. What if Makoto was still alive but heavily burned? What if his beautiful sun-kissed skin was massacred? Rin tried to stay strong for Haruka but he could feel himself crumble with each passing second. He had no one to turn to right now and even if Haruka would still be awake, Haruka would need him to stay strong. Rin never leaned on people because he wanted to deal with his problems on his own. However, now would be a good time to start leaning on someone's shoulder and let it all out. The guilt, the worry, the fear, the love he felt for both boys…

"This one is still alive!" a loud voice shouted and Rin looked up because it had been a long time since he heard anyone shout. All Rin could hear were the burning flames and the steady stream of water that fought against the blaze. Crimson eyes gazed at the source of the sound and then his heart stuttered, unsure of how to react. There was no mistake this time, the fireman was holding Makoto. Rin leapt towards him, holding Haruka against as he made his way over.

"Young man, you need to step back again," Rin's shoulder was being pulled but he just shrugged it off. He needed to close the distance between himself and the other boy that held a piece of his heart.

It was only when Makoto was placed on a bed that Rin got a good look at him. He was unconscious and Rin desperately needed to see those emerald gems to make sure that he was okay. His face was black with soot and his clothes were burned here and there but Rin was too dazed to notice the burns on Makoto's hands and shoulders. Rin couldn't tear his eyes away from Makoto, hoping and praying that a flicker of emerald would finally soothe his mind.

"Do you know this young man?" One of the paramedics asked and Rin nodded. He wanted to say much more but he wasn't allowed to take off his oxygen mask. Rin was allowed to ride along with ambulance. Haruka and Makoto were in the back and Rin had to sit next to the driver. The drive was short but to Rin it seemed endless. There are so many things that he missed right now. He missed Haruka's sparkling sapphire gems, the warm smile on Makoto's face, the soft touches that made his body burn with desire and god did he miss Makoto's soft voice.

Harsh lights made Haruka close his eyes again, the pain radiating through his throbbing head. He had no idea where he was and it was hard to try and remember what happened. Haruka took his time to open his eyes and get used to the blinding light in the room. When he glanced around, he didn't recognise the room at all but it wasn't hard to deduce that he was in the hospital. When Haruka glanced at his hands, they were still a bit dirty, black soot present on his pale skin. The memories of what happened hit him like a freight train and Haruka wanted to bolt out of the room and look for answers. Where was Makoto? Was he alright? What about Rin? Did Rin find Makoto?

Haruka tried to get up but his whole body was a bit sore. His muscles weren't fully awake yet and then he remembered that he was given a shot to calm down. He hated it but at the same time, he didn't have to think about the horrible fire anymore. Haruka didn't have a hard time breathing given there was still an oxygen mask firmly pressed over his nose and mouth but he did have a very sore throat and his eyes were stingy. Haruka wanted to scream for someone to come but he couldn't so he just waited until someone entered the room. He could hear faint voices in the distant and he thought he heard Makoto's but in the end, his mind was just playing tricks on him.

The door opened and Haruka looked up as best as he could, his eyes meeting crimson ones. Haruka had a hard time to deduce the look on Rin's face but it didn't seem all that promising. Rin shuffled closer, his hair all mussed up and he was also still dirty. He didn't appear to have any burns or anything so at least that was a good thing. Rin sat next to Haruka's bed and it was Haruka who reached out and grabbed one of Rin's shakings hands. Haruka couldn't speak but he could listen and with a soft squeeze he urged Rin to speak. He needed to hear that Makoto was okay because it just had to be like that. Haruka couldn't imagine life without his love and he wouldn't be able to forgive Rin nor himself if something happened.

"Hey Haru," Rin said softly, his voice still raspy from not being used for a little while. Every now and again, Rin would go into a coughing fit but the doctors said that was normal.

Haruka nodded and wanted to strangle Rin for not saying anything about Makoto but Haruka knew that it was probably hard to talk about. It must hurt Rin as much as it hurt him.

"Makoto's here as well, he's…" Rin's eyes couldn't meet Haruka's anymore and Haruka's heart skipped a few beats. If he was here, it meant that he was okay, right?

"He's burned Haru, his hands and shoulders…" Rin added, his voice breaking just a little because god did Makoto have the most beautiful hands ever.

Haruka tilted his head, eyebrows crinkling in disbelief. What did it mean to get burned? Does it scar? Does it hurt? It's not that Haruka had never learnt about the degrees of burns but his mind wasn't exactly giving him useful information. He couldn't think about anything but the fact that Makoto was here. Close yet not close enough.

"They're keeping him asleep for now because he might be in a lot of pain when he wakes up…" Rin released more and more information and Haruka felt dizzy. How could this have happened? The raven-haired male nodded and with a shaky hand, he lifted Rin's chin so that the redhead would look at him again. Haruka wanted Rin to know that it wasn't his fault but the redhead seemed to be consumed by guilt.

Rin looked up but his eyes stayed focused on any part of Haruka except those sapphire gems. Rin didn't want to know how Haruka felt because then he might break down. He hadn't allowed himself to break down because he needed to be strong for Haruka and Makoto.

Haruka's fingers brushed Rin's right cheek and the redhead leaned into the touch, glad that Haruka still wanted to touch him. Rin was scared to be rejected since he felt that this was all his fault.

Haruka's hand slipped past Rin's neck and Haruka pulled him closer. Rin's head rested on Haruka's chest and the raven-haired male let his fingers card through Rin's cherry-red hair. The redhead felt his eyes sting and he let tears flow freely again for the second time that day.

"I'm so sorry," Rin whispered and Haruka tensed. Haruka nudged Rin until the boy sat up straight again.

With all the strength Haruka had left, he pulled Rin closer until Rin's lips brushed against the oxygen mask, the barrier between their lips. Haruka didn't want Rin to feel guilty because Haruka needed Rin's strength. They needed each other in order to survive this. They needed to be strong for Makoto because he was doing far worse than they were and Haruka ached for his best friend. His heart ached and Haruka wanted nothing more than lay next to Makoto and fall asleep so he could pretend that everything was as it should be…

High dive into blazing waves where the past comes back to life…

A/N: So sorry it took a while to update! I've told you before than I'm teaching again so updates may be slower than usual!

For the people that commented that I was able to describe this so well, I've had the tough luck to experience a fire, not anything like in this story but enough to be able to describe this.

I do hope you enjoyed this chapter! And in case you were wondering, I could never do anything too bad to Makoto, he's my baby!

Lots of love!