Appetite for Love

Haruka was wide awake with the sleeping form of his boyfriend next to him. It had taken Makoto quite a long time to finally doze off. Haruka knew just how the olive-haired male felt. Every foreign sound was a grim reminder of what happened and what they had gone through. Haruka knew that eventually the freight would go away but not yet, it was simply too soon.

The lights were very dim in the basement and Haruka had to really focus if he wanted to look at all the delicate details across Makoto's face and body. It was relaxing to Haruka to simply take in every inch of Makoto, it had become one of his favourite hobbies lately. Makoto never noticed how he was studied by Haruka and Haruka was determined to keep it that way. They may have been lovers but being constantly stared at was still considered as creepy.

A deep sigh bubbled up from Haruka's throat and he shuffled closer to Makoto, involuntarily breathing in and catching Makoto's scent. There was nothing else that Haruka could think of when Makoto was next him and his scent was all around him. Their lovemaking had been perfect but he knew that Makoto still wasn't truly convinced. How Makoto was even able to convince himself that no one loved him anymore was a true mystery to Haruka and he was determined to fix the problem. Makoto deserved to be loved and Haruka didn't even think he would be able to stop loving Makoto even if something extreme happened. They'd already gone through so many things and the biggest shock to everyone was the sudden addition of one person. Rin…

The redhead with all the passion and fire in his body had proven to become quite the challenge. He had literally rocked their world upside down and Haruka still didn't know whether that was a good or a bad thing. On one hand, he had never seen Makoto behave like he did around the redhead and it was thrilling to say the least. On the other hand, sharing your lover is always a bit painful unless you have everything really figured out. Haruka knew that if they had never been caught in that fire, they would have had everything figured out by now. They would have discussed everything and maybe even set up boundaries as so let their complicated relationship grow and bloom.

Haruka's mind was working overtime and he tried to focus on Makoto again. The burning feeling that Haruka had felt every day that Makoto had to spend in the hospital was gone. It had been torture not being able to be with Makoto every single minute of the day like they were used to. To Haruka, it felt like he had to wait an eternity to be with Makoto again and how he had longed to be held by those familiar and strong arms. It was quite the shock when Makoto returned home broken in many ways that seemed unfixable at first. The more that Haruka thought about everything, the more he tried to understand. Makoto still looked the same on the outside and Haruka had already accepted the slight changes when it came to Makoto's hands and shoulders. However, there was no problem with the outside, Haruka quickly established that there was a huge problem on the inside. Makoto was lacking something and when Haruka turned his gaze on Makoto's face, it suddenly clicked. Makoto was missing something that was essential to any relationship, whether it was a true and honest relationship or just a simple fling. Makoto lacked the appetite for love.

Haruka gasped as the realisation really hit him because it all seemed so unreal. Makoto, a person who continuously showered everyone with love and friendship, who turned into the best lover when things got hot and steamy had lost the yearning for love. Haruka had felt Makoto's love earlier but it still wasn't the same. If Haruka hadn't pushed Makoto in the right direction, nothing would have happened.

Soft fingertips brushed over Makoto's cheeks and the boy stirred a little but he didn't wake up. Haruka quickly conceived a plan to make Makoto want him without having to push the olive-haired male in the right direction.

Emerald gems cracked open and Makoto's arm instantly extended to feel some kind of warmth next to him. Haruka's side of the bed was already strangely cold and Makoto tried to focus on the empty spot next to him. Makoto couldn't even remember the last time when Haruka was up before he was. The blankets were so soft and warm but it still wasn't the same without Haruka. Makoto wasn't really in a cuddly mood but the feeling of having Haruka close was something that Makoto was lacking at the moment. Makoto was still strung out on the idea that anything physical was to be avoided. Last night had been wonderful but as soon as it was over, Makoto's mind and heart were quickly working up theories that made him build walls around him again.

A deep sigh echoed through the basement and Makoto got up, determined to find out what Haruka was doing. Makoto hoped that Haruka would understand without questioning him because Makoto didn't know how to explain. His mind and body were filled with these strange kinds of feelings and emotions and Makoto really resented them. However, no matter how Makoto tried, he couldn't convince himself that Haruka still loved him. In the back of his mind, there was another person lingering and if Makoto didn't even know how to feel about Haruka, he certainly didn't know how to feel about Rin.

Makoto quickly got dressed with the clothing that Haruka had left behind for him. The pair of sweatpants sat snuggly around his behind and the fabric of the navy-blue T-shirt felt so soft and warm. In the past, Makoto would have just gone after Haruka wearing only his boxers but those strange feelings inside his body made him want to cover himself as much as possible. Being naked made him feel so vulnerable and that was the last thing that Makoto wanted right now.

The scent of freshly baked pancakes made Makoto take the steps up two at a time. The scent was mouth-watering and when Makoto entered the kitchen, the scent wasn't the only thing that could make someone's mouth water. Haruka was casually flipping pancakes while wearing nothing but his boxers and his blue apron. Makoto had seen Haruka countless times like this before but the boxers were usually replaced by his swimming pants. Normally, Makoto would have felt the urge to pounce on Haruka and ravish him in the kitchen but today, Makoto felt nothing special. Sure, he was able to appreciate Haruka's wonderful body and astounding beauty but those burning aches in his heart and the pit of his stomach just weren't there. Makoto didn't know whether he should feel guilty about this or not.

"Good morning," Makoto whispered softly, desperate for a sound to accompany the sounds of Haruka's cooking.

"Morning," Haruka returned Makoto's greeting softly before turning his attention back to the pancakes. Makoto tilted his head and waited for the moment that Haruka came to him and gave him a morning kiss but Haruka remained in front of the stove. Again, Makoto wasn't sure whether he was supposed to feel glad about this or not. It seemed that Makoto was desperate for things to turn back normal but on the other hand, he liked the fact that Haruka wasn't hell-bent on touching him intimately.

Breakfast went by in a daze and all Makoto was able to really focus on were those delicious pancakes. He didn't really try to look at Haruka all that much because he knew that the flutter in his stomach wouldn't be there. Makoto still loved Haruka with all his heart but the physical attraction was missing and it made Makoto feel guilty and it worried him greatly. Makoto kept his gaze away from Haruka because he was sure that Haruka could sense his worry. He didn't want Haruka to feel unattractive however Makoto just didn't know how to bring the burning ache back. He had hoped that after yesterday's ministrations, everything would have been back to normal but his body thought otherwise.

"I'm going to go take a shower," Haruka announced and Makoto nodded. A feeling of wanting something normal crashed over Makoto. A shower meant a naked Haruka and seeing those little beads of water glide over that perfect body… it used to be enough to put Makoto on fire and he would be on his feet to join Haruka but now, Makoto remained seated for a few minutes before cleaning up the table. While doing the washing up, Makoto hadn't felt the slightest urge to join Haruka and it was starting to really frustrate Makoto. What did Haruka have to do? Pounce around the house naked? What if even that wasn't enough? What if Makoto was never able to feel physical attraction ever again?

Makoto finished the washing-up and took a seat on the couch, hoping and wishing that his body would somehow represent natural urges again. It was weird being this close to Haruka, being able to look at him and breathe in his scent without feeling the slightest bit aroused. The tiniest touch of Haruka used to set him on fire and even the image of a naked one was enough to make him aroused in seconds and now… Makoto felt nothing.

Soft footsteps on the stairs made him turn his head and when he saw Haruka he could do nothing but gape…

You're love has got just what it takes, a rollercoaster without brakes.

A/N: To be honest, I wasn't even sure whether I would still continue this because no matter what I say, people just don't believe me anyway!

In the last chapter I mentioned that I have never let myself be influenced by views/reviews and the likes. As soon as I posted the last chapter, I got messages again asking me where I had gone wrong and what the fuck I was doing to my story. News flash, I have done exactly what I wanted to do.

My writing style throughout this story has never changed and it never will and the topics that I cover are my own choice. This really is the last time I'm even going to rant about this because I honestly don't care anymore. If you liked this chapter, then it makes me happy and thank for reading. If you didn't like this chapter well then I'm sorry and I hope you can find another story that pleases you.

If you want to know whether there will still be Marinka in this one, time will tell ;)

Sorry about ranting but it took a lot of courage on my part to still continue this story.

Lots of love!