Undeniable Kisses

One step, two steps, three steps, four steps, Haruka was walking through town without even thinking about where he was heading to. His feet seemed to move on their own accord, not once asking Haruka's brain if they were supposed to move toward somewhere special. After Makoto had kissed him goodbye, Haruka had felt so empty and useless that he just started to wander around. Makoto had promised that he would come as soon as Haruka called him, but Haruka didn't want to sound needy or pushy. He wanted to give Makoto some time but it was so hard, Makoto's name was trapped on the tip of his tongue, but he didn't dare to say the name out loud. Instead, he kept repeating Makoto's name in his mind, trying to keep the boy as close as possible.

Haruka hadn't even said goodbye to Rin and he hoped the redhead had taken the hint and gone home already. Haruka felt a little guilty but after that painful goodbye with Makoto, Haruka just wanted to be alone. Actually, that was a big and fat lie, he wanted to be with Makoto but that didn't seem like an open option at the moment. Haruka really wished he didn't have to feel like this, he only wanted to have a normal relationship with Makoto. If he was honest, he also cared about Rin but in the back of his mind, Haruka knew that adding Rin into the relationship would bring too much trouble. They have had their wonderful moments but Haruka couldn't quite think of a plan to make a relationship with three people work. He wished he could think of a way because the mere thought of hurting Rin made Haruka's heart ache uncontrollably. He had his fair share of problems with Rin but Haruka didn't want to think about that anymore.

A rough shake of his head to clear his thoughts, finally made Haruka look up. He noticed he was standing on the boulevard, a soft breeze of wind sweeping his bangs in front of his eyes. Another shake to clear his vision and Haruka suddenly longed for the water. For once, he wasn't wearing his swimming trunks under his jeans but that wasn't enough to stop him. Nothing could stop him if he felt that urge to feel water lapping against his skin. He hated swimming alone but right now, it just seemed like the right thing to do.

Haruka took tiny steps in the sand, the rough texture of the sand scratching the skin of his feet. Haruka's sapphire gaze was pinned on the water as he willed all thoughts of Makoto and Rin to go away. He wanted to feel nothing but the one thing that was able to soothe every ache in the past. Haruka quickly discarded his shoes and T-shirt as he ran the last stretch towards the water. He didn't care that he was still wearing his jeans, all he wanted was to submerge himself into the water. Haruka's body shivered as his feet touched the cool water but he dispelled any form of discomfort as he waded into the clear water. A smooth dive under water and Haruka finally felt every bit of tension leave his body. He had known it all along, if he was in distress, all he needed was the feel of water. It was like it could wash away every worry and feeling of distress.

He didn't have to think about the movements, his entire body acted on its own, making his way further and further away from the shore. When he came up for a gulp of air, a painful thought crashed in his mind and Haruka winced slightly. He felt so at home when his body was soaking in water and the only other place Haruka could ever feel so at peace was in Makoto's arms. The problem with this particular thought was simple. Was he ever going to be able to feel at home in Makoto's arms again? Was he ever going to be allowed to run into Makoto's arms?

A deep sigh escaped from Haruka's lips as he dove back under water to let the rough waves of the sea guide his body. He didn't care where the water would take him because at the end of the day, Makoto wouldn't be there to catch him anymore…

Makoto was sprawled on top of his couch, his chest rising and falling lazily as he took slow but steady breaths. He loved the silence for once because it made the perfect setting for some thinking. He tried to think about the future but it was hard because all Makoto could really think about was the flash of hurt across Haruka's eyes as they parted. Makoto didn't really want to leave Haruka's side but he needed to because otherwise his judgement would be clouded. However, the idea of leaving Haruka behind kept nagging at his consciousness. Makoto stretched out his arm and reached for his cellphone. He hesitated when he went through his list of contacts, should he call Haruka or shouldn't he? Makoto sighed deeply because the odds of Haruka actually picking up were slim to none. Makoto couldn't even remember how many times he had nagged about the fact that Haruka always left the house without his cellphone. Makoto scrolled a bit further until Rin's name popped up. Makoto held the phone against his ear and waited for the redhead to pick up.

"Yeah what's up?" came Rin's suave reply.

"Hey Rin, um, I was wondering if Haru was with you." Makoto's voice wavered a bit on the edge of uncertainty because suddenly it struck Makoto how rude he was being. He called the redhead and instantly asked about Haruka while he knew that Rin was waiting for answers. Makoto berated himself internally but Rin's voice didn't indicate that he was feeling down or angry.

"No, I haven't seen him since he ran after you."

"Oh, and where are you now?"

"I'm back at the academy, anyway, I have to go, Nitori has been bugging me to go swimming so I'll catch you later."

"Sure, see you Rin."

"Oh and Makoto, Haru really loves you…"

Before Makoto could say anything else, Rin had hung up. As if he needed a reminder how much Haruka loved him. Makoto knew that well enough and yet he hadn't exactly been returning that love the past few days. He had tried but he knew Haruka's feelings ran slightly deeper than his own. Makoto frowned at his cellphone as he tried to figure out where Haruka could have gone to. Just to be sure, Makoto did try calling Haruka but the boy didn't pick up. Makoto growled as his sat up, frustration leaking from his core. He wanted to know where Haruka was because he couldn't help but worry about the boy. Makoto had worried about Haruka for as long as he could remember. When they were smaller, Makoto was always worried when Haruka tried to crawl into a tub filled with water even though they couldn't swim yet.

When they were six, Makoto had been worried out of his mind when he saw that Haruka had managed to climb the largest tree in the playground and that Haruka was too afraid to come back down. By the age of ten, Makoto had cried because Haruka had eaten too much sweets and he had suffered from horrible stomach cramps. Makoto had ended staying with Haruka in the hospital, screaming and shouting when his parents tried to pry him away from the raven-haired male.

When they were twelve, Makoto almost fainted when he saw a girl give Haruka a kiss on his lips, Makoto never figured out why he was so worried but he couldn't help the fact that his heart was racing with doubt and worry.

Makoto swung his legs over the edge of the couch and he sat up to gaze outside. Would it be wise to go looking for Haruka? He wished he could stop worrying because Haruka was probably sleeping or eating some mackerel but Makoto couldn't help it. The sudden urge to know where Haruka was, was too great to ignore.

Makoto's feet had taken him around town and the longer it took to find Haruka, the more his heart started to race. He knew that Haruka would never do anything stupid but in the back of his mind, a snarky little voice commented that it was all his own fault. He should have never left Haruka alone like that and after a few minutes, Makoto truly started to believe that something had happened and that he was to blame.

When he reached the beach, Makoto was out of breath, sweat trickling down from his hairline down to his neck. He desperately wanted to take a little break but he knew he had to keep looking. When his emerald gems cast a glance towards the water, Makoto winced because the waves were rougher than usual, crashing loudly against the shore. He prayed that Haruka wasn't swimming at the moment because his heart wouldn't be able to take that. His chest was still racing as Makoto started running along the beach, his feet getting stuck in the sand a bit too much for his liking. However, nothing could stop him from finding Haruka. Makoto didn't even know whether he would find Haruka here but it was one of the last places that Makoto needed to check.

Makoto's breath hitched as he noticed a lump further ahead and without blinking once, his legs started sprinting so fast that he was beginning to feel dizzy. When he reached the lump, his chest contracted painfully with each breath that passed his lips. He crouched next to Haruka and shook him gently, not daring to think that Haruka was not going to respond. Makoto tried to ignore the fact that Haruka was wet and cold. Makoto's hands never stopped shaking the boy and when Haruka finally opened his eyes, Makoto felt a wave of relief washing over him.

"What are you doing here Haru?" Makoto's voice sounded urgent and worried but he didn't care.

"I took a swim and now I was sleeping," Haruka muttered petulantly. He was actually enjoying the little nap because his thoughts could only be free when he was asleep.

"Oh Haru," Makoto breathed as he lowered his head to plant a soft kiss on Haruka's cold lips. Haruka's body stiffened as Makoto's body heat transferred onto his skin but he soon relaxed and his lips immediately started pushing back against Makoto's. One of Makoto's hands brushed against Haruka's cheek as it made its way into Haruka's soft hair. The soft scratching on his scalp made Haruka moan softly as he nudged his tongue against Makoto's lips. Without hesitating, Makoto opened up his lips and when their tongues collided, Makoto's heart started racing again. This time, his heart wasn't spurred on by worry, no this time, the fuel to make his heart race was the love he felt for Haruka…

You always know where I am and we might take it too far but I just don't want this to end.