Author's Note!
Hey look- I updated!
*Dodges bullets*
Okay, sorry for the wait but I have reasons!
I've just moved into my dorm and spent the whole summer often internet-less, working a summer job to pay for residency for college...
Still super sorry!
Anywho, onto the replies:
RhiannonMuir- Yes, more :) It's just been taking a while to get out...
Mione778- Thank you! Sorry for the wait but I updated as quickly as I could! Honest!
itis3- Thanks Crystal!
Anon- Thanks alot lovely! I'm definitely trying to keep this going as a multichap, glad you're enjoying it so far :)
eartbound68- Thank you!
DarkAngelShadow- Thanks lovely!
Guest- Thank you; Couldn't have done it without my fabulous beta, glad you're liking it lovely!
GetMoMoney-333 - Thanks! Sorry fer making you wait lovely, hope it was worth it :)
i love ewansmile- I'm glad you think so lovely!
Peta2- Thank you, I'm happy to hear you think so because damn, multichaps are hard lol
Thanks also to everyone who followed/favorited! You're all amazing!
Okay, so this chap I'm warning for drug use, cussing and mentions of abuse.
Haley Jo still betas and I still don't own TWD or else caryl would've gone canon ages ago. Please read and review lovelies- it keeps me going.
Enjoy!
-One Bright Moment-
Chapter Two: Fear In Your Skin
Full of fear in your skin
And the weakness in giving in.
Salt Skin- Ellie Goulding
Carol sat with Lori and Amy, peeling carrots and chopping mushrooms while the two women chatted amiably about something or the other. She'd been involved in the conversation at one point but she'd long since settled into a nervous silence while she worked. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy the company of the other two women- on the contrary, she appreciated Amy's sweetness and Lori's naturally dry humor.
However her thoughts were far too clouded with other things for her to try and lighten up.
Things named Daryl Dixon.
It had been a shock when he'd stepped out from his rust eaten old blue pickup.
The surprise had been such that she`d just about keeled over.
It had been so long since her brief rebellion at the bar, long enough that she'd convinced herself that she would probably never see him again. Then the world had more or less ended and he'd certainly been the last thing on her mind. Yet here he was, she thought, stealing a brief glance to where he sat on the quarry's edge, his eyes on the water where Sophia was playing.
She bit her lip, worrying. He didn't know about Sophia, that her little girl was just as much his.
He suspected though. She saw it the way his eyes stayed on the water, the change in his tone when he'd asked for her daughter's name. He was too smart to not notice how perfectly it all lined up.
That suspicion was dangerous, a threat to the thin layer of protection she'd carefully built.
Carol had known she was pregnant no more than two weeks after the night at the bar.
Taking a trip to the grocery store the following Monday, she snuck the purchase of a pregnancy test in with the weekly groceries and cases of beer Ed required. She'd even discretely asked the pretty blonde cashier to put it on a separate receipt that she could toss; since Ed always looked over the main one. Later in the evening, when Ed was slumped half-drunk on the couch with the pot-roast they'd had for dinner (overcooked, he'd said with a slap) she locked herself in the upstairs bathroom where her fears were confirmed.
The blood had drained from her cheeks as she sat and stared at the tiny, insignificant looking plus sign in her hand. Ed would know. She didn't let him touch her if she could avoid it- lying as still and limp as a dead fish when he forced himself into her anyways. It had been long enough that he'd even decided it was better to find places where women would spread their legs for him willingly- so long as a few measly bills were tossed their way. When Ed found out she was pregnant he would know with absolute certainty that it wasn't his.
Carol thought of Daryl Dixon, whose nervous manner and bright eyes had put her in this situation, however unintentionally. For a moment she considered looking for him, telling him about her circumstances and asking for his help in the matter. Shaking her head, she decided against it.
She'd only known Daryl for a night- the majority of which was spent on a carpet inside a rundown apartment. It was hardly a reliable picture of what kind of man he was, if he was trustworthy or in any way fit to raise a child. No, it was better she stick with the devil she knew than bring a baby up around a creature she didn't know how to fight. Besides, even if Daryl proved himself to be every bit a father her child deserved, Ed would find them. Leaving would be useless.
Sighing and sliding down to curl up on the laminate floor of the washroom, she choked back a sob.
She knew what she needed to do, so taking deep, shaky breaths, she prepared herself.
Pulling herself from the floor, she went to the sink and splashed cold water over her face.
She could do this. She had to.
Feeling sufficiently prepared, she headed back downstairs before she lost her nerve.
Walking out into the living room, in front of Ed, she forced herself to look him in the eye.
Just as he started to cuss her out for blocking the TV, she pressed her mouth against his in a kiss, struggling not to gag when his slimy tongue invaded her.
He tasted like sludge mixed with beer and her stomach churned.
Nonetheless, she didn't pull away, despite every instinct screaming for her to shove him off and run for all she was worth. Every move she made was carefully calculated to assure she was quite the opposite of a dead fish that night, despite the revolting leer in his eyes and the bruises his clumsy sausage-like fingers left behind. When she announced her pregnancy to him a week later, he didn't ask any questions. She'd been successful, but that didn't stop Carol from feeling absolutely disgusted with herself, repulsed by her actions.
It was all worth it when she had Sophia.
Bright, beautiful and gentle by nature, Sophia was the constant source of happiness in her world.
Though she knew that despite all her efforts her daughter had not escaped Ed's notice entirely unscathed, she was alive and she was for the most part healthy and content.
If Ed caught wind of Sophia's actual parentage that would no longer be the case.
While Daryl seemed earnest enough when he said that what had happened between them would stay between them, they weren't out of the woods yet. The wrong choice of woods, a loaded glance, any of these things could alert Ed to the situation and land them in hot water.
"Are you alright Carol?" Amy asked, the younger woman's light blue eyes glittering with concern.
"Yeah, you look a little distracted, if you don't watch out you'll end up losing a finger," Lori added jokingly, though her stare was just as fretful as Amy's.
Mustering up a smile, Carol turned to her companions. "It's nothing," she lied, "I'm just thinking about you know," she gestured around them, "things."
They nodded solemnly, an understanding sort of sadness on their faces.
Carol felt a pang of guilt for lying to them, but what other choice did she have?
She sighed, resolving to keep Daryl from her thoughts for now.
Besides, there was nothing that could be done about it at the moment. She'd just have to wait and see how it would all unfold.
Painting a cheery smile on her face, she grinned at the two women beside her.
"What were we talking about again?"
Daryl sat on the quarry's edge, eyes on the water, sharpening his knife until he felt certain the sun had burnt away the majority of the skin on his back.
There was a slight soreness in his muscles from sitting too long, but despite that his stomach ate at him for apparently abandoning his post over the girl. It was stupid, there was nothing but what was probably a coincidence connecting him to the skittish little blonde, but guilt for walking away had him tearing into his thumbnail anyways. He'd already gone above and beyond his supposed duty standing guard over her for as long as he had, but his insides were hearing none of it. Doing his best to ignore them, he started off to the farthest edge of camp, where he and Merle had set up their tent.
He needed a smoke to calm his nerves- and maybe a couple shots of bourbon from his brother's bag.
Merle was lying in his cot when Daryl came in, a dog-eared copy of Ulysses in his hands while he re-read it for what Daryl figured must have been the thousandth time. Reading was a little quirk of Merle's, a habit no one even began to guess at. Hell, half the people they ran into probably figured neither of them could read at all. Little did they know the elder Dixon consumed books with the same voracity he consumed his drugs and liquor. Whatever he happened to be reading, books seemed to calm him, pulling him out the world for an hour or so. Daryl preferred his brother when he was reading- it took a bit of the edge off him, made it feel like the ground they stood on was a little less shaky and the risk of Merle blowing his top wasn't really an issue. It made things appear almost normal.
Overall, Daryl was content to see his brother in a notably better headspace than usual.
Grabbing his bag and sitting on his cot, he lit a cigarette, savoring the long drag. It wouldn't be long before he was out of cigarettes entirely, so he planned on making his last few smokes count.
"Toss me one a' those?" Merle asked, looking up from his book.
Daryl shrugged and obliged, watching his brother take out his lighter and appreciate the sensation of the smoke filling his lungs.
"So Lil' Bro," Merle asked, smoke still leaking from his mouth as he spoke, "howd' ya wanna pull this job?"
Daryl blanched, the calming effects of his cigarette instantly erased.
Yeah, he'd more or less agreed to go along with the idea of camping down for a day or so then taking off with half this group's stuff- but it was more him grunting in reply to Merle shooting his mouth off than anything. Generally speaking he didn't really mind grabbing what wasn't his- so long as its owners had no need of it. The thought of taking from people whose straits were as dire as theirs left him feeling far more apprehensive- and his past dalliance with Carol wasn't making it any easier to undertake.
He knew hunger, it had been his one constant companion growing up; staying with him long after Ma had burnt to ashes and Merle had been carted away to the state pen. The feeling of starvation and want digging into your guts while you wasted away was a sensation he'd grown intimately familiar with.
The notion of bringing that sort of pain down on Sophia or Carol set him ill at ease.
However he wasn't any more comfortable with the thought of telling Merle that he wasn't fucking going through with it.
"These people don' even know us." He rasped, mind working out the beginnings of a plan.
"So?" Merle asked, expression both annoyed and impatient.
"So wha' the hell makes ya they're gon' let us anywhere's near the stuff?"
Merle shrugged. "Fuckers 're stupid."
"Yeah, but they still don' trust neither a' us fer shit. Tha' cop's been up yer ass e'er since we got here."
"We'll deal wit' 'im if we gotta." Merle's brows shot up and his next words were laced with a venomous mix of suspicion and condescension. "You pussyin' out on me baby brother?"
"Fuck you Merle, ya know it ain't like that."
"Then wha' the fuck is it?"
"It's jus' a shit plan is all- the cop ain't lettin' either a' us near their stuff. Dumb ass plan's gonna get us shot."
Merle snorted derisively. "An' I s'pose ya got some better ideas Lil' Bro?"
"Yeah actually, if ya'd stop bein' a dumb shit an' listen to 'em."
Merle chuckled and Daryl winced, preparing himself for a quick right hook to the face. It never came.
Instead Merle laughed a little more before leaning back, amusement in his steely eyes. "Bro's getting' sum balls. A'ight Lil' Brother, wha's this plan a' yers?"
Daryl took a deep breath. "Stick around- not fer too long. Couple weeks a' the most. Get the morons used t' us, get the cop off'a his guard. Make 'em trust us. I'll go out on a hunt, get the food good an' stocked up. You go on a run fer wha'ever else. After we get back, we take off wit' the shit tha' night."
Merle just sat there for a while, staring, head cocked slightly to the right. Daryl stopped breathing for a moment, waiting for what was starting to feel like the inevitable rejection of his plan.
Then his brother grinned.
"Gotta hand it t' ya Lil' Bro- tha' didn' entirely suck."
Daryl half growled and half snickered, relief coursing through him. "Fuck you Merle."
"Nawt my type Darylena," Merle mocked, turning to reach into his nearby leather pouch that Daryl knew contained enough illegal substances to keep the whole camp stoned for weeks.
"Again?" The younger Dixon asked as Merle reached into the stash. "Ya were al'eady high as a damn kite this mornin'."
"Don't remember none tha' bein' yer damn business…" Merle grumbled irritably in reply, continuing to search through the bag for whatever he was in the mood to shove up his nostrils.
He grabbed something and pulled it out.
Daryl glanced over, more out of boredom than anything, expecting to see one of Merle's plastic, white powder filled baggies.
Instead what he saw was a rag; one Merle had used to clean his bike, now a deep, still damp crimson from wiping blood off his brow. The blood of Merle's boy before they'd had no choice but to put him down. Hollis had been his name, the aftermath of a brief flirtation between a junkie and her dealer.
Ever since the boy had come into existence Merle had become the perfect stereotype of the absentee father- though he had stopped dealing to the mother at least.
Yet suddenly, when the dead began to rise and the living went bat shit crazy, Merle had cared.
Daryl can still remember to squeal the old Ford had made in protest when they took off speeding towards the mother's apartment. What they found after kicking down the door was something he wished he could stop remembering. The blood slick floor, the way the mangled and gutted boy approached a frozen Merle. Hollis had been a mere breath away from his prey before Merle had finished him with his hunting knife. It was…Messy.
He'd had to wipe Hollis's blood from his eyes afterwards.
Daryl noticed a slight tremor in his brother's hands while Merle gripped the still wet-looking scrap, glaring at it. Nearly a minute had passed by when he threw it against the ground suddenly enough to make Daryl jump, turning to glare at him with an intensity that never accompanied anything good.
"Get out," Merle growled, his fist clenched around an unmarked bottle of pills.
Daryl didn't need to be told twice, knowing it was pointless to talk to Merle when he got into one of his moods.
He'd suffered enough bruises and broken bones to learn the consequences.
Cigarette between his lips, he swung his bow over his shoulder and started for the woods.
It was nearing dinner time when a bushel of squirrels suddenly materialized on the ground by Carol's feet.
She'd been sitting with Sophia, waiting for a pot of water to heat up on the fire-pit's embers.
Ed had been sent up to the top of the RV to take watch, despite all his protests that he allowed to stay in the tent and out of the heat. Shane had been hearing none of it. Though he was out of her line of sight, Carol could feel his eyes burning into the back of her head. He wouldn't dare try anything now, in plain sight of the rest of the group, but she knew he'd take his frustrations out on her later.
Sophia burrowed into her side and Carol made a note to ask Lori if she could stay with Carl for the night.
Then a pile squirrel carcasses appeared before her.
Glancing up, she noticed Daryl standing in front of her, crossbow on his back and a sheen of sweat covering his body. Sophia curled in on herself slightly when she saw him, a habit she had when it came to strangers. He squinted a little in the sunlight, his eyes darting up to where Ed sat and glowered over them, then back between her and Sophia before nodding towards the squirrels.
"Fer dinner, fer the group," he mumbled, tearing into his thumbnail. "Ain't too bad when ya stew 'em up."
"Thank you," Carol answered, meaning it. Sure it wasn't exactly a feast for kings, but it was food and every day that grew scarcer, so she was grateful. "This will help."
He shrugged. "Don't mention it. Ain't nothin'."
He ran a hand through his hair, his nervousness plain to see. Carol thought that would be that when his eyes drifted to Sophia, pausing on her for several long, drawn out seconds.
His mouth opened slightly and Carol felt her heart stop in her chest, hyperaware of Ed's eyes on them.
Just as suddenly as Daryl's mouth opened, he closed it, looking up at Ed then looking down at the dirt beneath him.
"Well," he drawled, sending another brief but pointed look to where Ed sat, "don't wanna get in yer way." He nodded one last time then walked back towards the farthest edge of camp.
"Who was tha'?" Sophia asked after Daryl had gone, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"No one in particular honey," Carol lied. "Just someone new to the camp."
Carol felt her daughter's head fall down against her shoulder and knew that her angel didn't suspect a thing. Ignoring the sinking in her chest, she allowed herself a tiny sigh of relief.