a/n- Thanks so much for all the reviews, as usual I loved reading all of them! Sorry about the slight delay with this update, the last week has been a bit of a whirlwind!! Results finally came out and I'm now definitely going to Cambridge Uni in October!! I'm so excited :D This has now given me a deadline; October 3rd. Fallen will be finished. That is my good news.

The bad news of the week is that my faithful computer has died :( I feel like I've lost an old friend and I'm missing my chunky keyboard terribly...Having written almost 300000 words using the old keyboard I'm having issues with the flat, stiff keys of this laptop :(

This chapter dedication is split 4 ways; to elfie-may, citrusfruit and my sister CONGRATS again on excellent results!! And finally to Dad (although you'll never read this) for bringing me bacon sandwiches in bed whilst I ponder what to write... :D

Confusedknight xxx

Kel felt like she'd been hit by an eighteen hand horse and a galloping eighteen hand horse at that. Her heart was thumping so madly and that it was hard to draw breath. Feeling light-headed Kel forced herself to look up, avoiding catching anyone's eye.

'That must be quite a story,' Raoul commented, with only a slight falter.

Everyone's attention was fixed on Kel as her brain worked madly. Blessed with quick-thinking that had helped her stay alive in Scanra, she replied.

'It's not as heroic as it sounds...you know that Fassin was travelling with the Shang Bear,' she nodded at Laila and Shar, for Raoul didn't know. 'Once the Shang Bear was killed, he was enslaved. When I discovered who he was I set him free. Then on my return to Tortall I came to the Bloody Hawk tribe, hoping to see him. The hospitality of the tribe led to me staying there for several months preceding my return to Corus.'

Shar beamed at the compliment. While Kel knew that Raoul would be able to pick a thousand holes in her story, she prayed that he could hold his questions back until they were out of present company. Glancing up into the unreadable black eyes of her knight-master Kel pleaded silently for Raoul to not bring up the matter again.

Despite her best efforts, Kel found herself thoroughly distracted from the mundane conversations that followed, and by the time she returned to their own camp a knot of anxiety had lodged itself at the base of her sternum. Kel's mouth had become paper dry and yet her palms were sweating at the thought of the conversation that awaited.

How much could she tell Raoul? She hated the thought of lying even more to her knight-master. Could she adjust her story to emit Alex? How could she deny her presence in Scanra after Laila's statement? Didn't her slave brand give her away even more? Let alone the foreign text on Courage's blade. Feeling like a prisoner stepping up to the gallows Kel ducked into the tent after Raoul.

Raoul collapsed down onto a low stool that had been placed in his tent. It didn't look terribly comfortable; the large man's knees were almost level with his shoulders.

'I once had a friend, a very good friend who went by the name of Alan.' He paused, 'As you must surely know Alan then turned out to be Alanna. Of course I had no problem with Alanna earning her shield; those who had trained alongside "Alan" knew better than most how much she deserved her title, but I was the only one of her close friends who didn't know. I had no idea that she was in fact, well a she, and it made me reassess several things that I had once taken for granted. People are complicated, so complicated that it may take years of trust and close interaction before we ever truly know someone. For that reason I have tried not to pry into the years that you were missing; I felt that you would tell me when the time was ready...but now I hear that you were in Scanra of all places, and...and I just wish that you would trust me...'

It was this last sentence that finally swayed Kel's decision. It would've been so much easier if he had shouted or threatened her; she could have created some story to explain all that needed explaining. The trouble here was that she simply liked Raoul too much, he had never treated her as anything other than a worthy warrior, an equal. Could she afford to give him the benefit of doubt and trust him?

Kel sank to the soft sandy ground and fought the urge to bury her head in her hands.

'Alright,' she said, meeting Raoul's eyes for the first time since Laila had made such a costly slip of the tongue. 'But it's a long story'

'Start at the beginning,' Raoul suggested gently, his expression encouraging. So Kel did.

She told him of her stay at the Weir's household, how, for a long time she had simply existed, not interested in anything, healing first her physical and then mental wounds. She spoke of the day that she had started to fight again, practising on her own and then teaching Fanche and her daughter's staff work. Raoul didn't interrupt as Kel related how she had decided to leave with but her sword and a few coins in her possession.

'I continued on until the money had gone, but then I got hungry and I, I tried to steal some food,' Kel said ashamedly. 'Needless to say I didn't get very far before I was caught,' she continued humourlessly. 'Anyway, that evening I met a man. He patched me up, fed me and asked me what I could do with my sword. We fought and of course he beat me easily,' said Kel, a faint faraway smile hovering about her face, 'but I could see from the way he moved that he was a natural swordsman. So I asked him to teach me.' Looking back on it, Kel realised just how impulsive the decision that changed her life irreversibly had been.

'Who was he?' asked Raoul.

Kel smiled in memory. 'His name was Alex. And he kept his promise; he taught me as we travelled, as we travelled into Scanra.' She paused, and then plunged recklessly on. 'You see Alex worked for Baron Cooper,' said Kel, her eyes emphasising what she didn't say out loud.

Raoul's mouth dropped open. 'You were working for George the whole time?'

'Indirectly, well yes.' Kel admitted. 'At first it was the deal we had. In return for my swordplay lessons I...helped Alex with...his projects. No one suspects a slave,' she gestured to her arm, 'Least of all a young girl.'

'What do you mean at first?'

Kel hesitated, 'After a while when I learned a bit more, I wanted to help with what he was doing. And the sword training became a means to stay alive more than anything.' Kel fiddled with a loose thread on her cuff. 'Maggur's been around for a lot longer than everyone seems to think,' Kel said carefully. 'He's been taking over slowly for almost six years. By the time we experienced his strength, he already had quite an army.' Kel shuddered. 'But we escaped, as we always did, more thanks to Alex than anyone else. You should've seen him fight,' she breathed quietly. 'It was out of this world.'

'And was this Alex Tortallan?'

Kel shook her head, 'Scanran.'

Raoul started, 'A Scanran taught you to fight like that?'

Kel had to stop herself from bristling at the unintended insult to Alex. 'When we go to war against Maggur,' said Kel steadily, 'Our biggest weakness will be just how much we underestimate Scanran fighting. Save for the few clan chiefs there are no nobles, status is granted on merit of skill with a sword or axe. They won't be easy opponents and there are lots of them.'

Raoul seemed to be digesting the fact that his squire had been gallivanting around Scanra for such a long time.

'So how did you manage to free Fassin?' Raoul asked after a prolonged silence.

'It actually happened in a battle. Fassin was a slave fighter at the time and we ended up fighting. Somehow my helmet came off and he saw I was a girl, so instead of killing me he slipped away. I realised that the majority of the warriors were only fighting because they were enslaved and unable to do otherwise.'

'How did you free them from the binding magic?'

'By killing their master,' said Kel shortly. 'Fassin joined our side and stayed to fight, that's how we became such good friends. He saved my life actually, when I got shot.'

'Who's "our side"?'

'Anyone against Maggur,' said Kel grimly.

'Why so set against Maggur?' asked Raoul. 'Surely it doesn't matter who has power, others would just as likely try to invade.'

Kel couldn't tell Raoul about the personal injustice done to Alex by Maggur so she settled with;

'When I was living up there, I saw some of the worst things imaginable. Women bleeding to death in childbirth because no one cared enough to get a healer, children beaten for not keeping up with back-breaking work, families ruined, whole villages slaughtered just to prove a point, lives sold for as little as three silver pieces...it has to stop, my Lord. And maybe, just maybe if there were a decent man in charge of Scanra then slavery could be abolished and they could live in peace.'

'So what made you return here?' Raoul asked.

'We ended up in a battle that we simply couldn't win,' Kel said sadly. 'Maggur besieged the clan where we were staying. Nearly two thousand people died that day...' her throat became very tight at the memory of Rhonda's last moments. After a slight pause she continued, 'Anyway, it turned out that Alex had know who I was the whole time. He told me to leave, to leave and take Prince with me, to go back to Tortall and show what I could do.'

'He just sent you away?' asked Raoul.

'Our job was getting harder and harder, Maggur was taking over everywhere and I can help more people here.'

'And have you heard from Alex since?'

Kel shook her head. 'Any contact might compromise undercover work.'

They sat there together in silence, knight-master struggling to fully comprehend the tale and Kel feeling oddly relieved that she had let at least one person in on some of her secrets.

They spent a couple more days with the tribe, Kel and the other men joining in horse races against the Bazhir lads. Some of the Tortallan bred horses were no match for the flighty Bazhir mares, but Prince, who's bulk and stature was of Scanran descent could keep up, using his musculature to power across the sand dunes. Kel also continued to joust with Raoul, something that the Bazhir found endlessly entertaining.

In the evenings Kel sought her revenge with the sword and managed to maintain an unbeaten record over the three day period. She helped the ladies cook, practised her trick riding, impressed Dom with a series of acrobatics and helped Raoul to draft letters to the Southern lords informing them that the Third Company would visit shortly after Midwinter.

When they left the Bazhir they journeyed further south than Kel had ever been, until they reached Kendrach where the presence of a Company of battle-hardened men deterred Carthaki smugglers from raiding the rich harbour town. From there they moved to Pearlmouth where the men exchanged late Midwinter gifts.

Raoul gave Kel a pair of soft, warm fur-lined gloves and in return she handed him a Yamani throwing knife that she had purchased from a merchant ship just returned from the Islands. She and Dom exchanged gifts in private, him having bought her pretty pearl ear bobs and Kel giving Dom a well-crafted belt with a special dagger concealed as part of the buckle.

Whilst several of the men moaned about not being able to enjoy the Midwinter parties in the North, Kel was pleased to note that Dom wasn't among the number morose over the lack of balls and pretty women.

From Pearlmouth they moved up to the Tyran border. The Company was shocked when a young man by the name of Jorse was shot through the neck by Tyran smugglers. Every single smuggler was rounded up and made to pay for the crime, but the loss of one of the Own on such a routine expedition had rocked the men and Kel saw a new level of alertness as they went about their work.

Standing next to Raoul at the young man's funeral, she sent up for a prayer for Jorse, who she'd only spoken to on a number of occasions. Kel alone saw the strain on Raoul as he had to write a letter to Jorse's family. It was every commander's curse; knowing that it was inevitable that they would lose men and yet still having to lead them into dangerous situations.

Kel wanted to say something consoling to Raoul, but every time she tried the right words failed to form in her head. Even though she had told Raoul the outlines of events in Scanra, he still didn't know the smaller details; how Kel had commanded men for instance. There just didn't seem to be a right way to tell him that she understood what he was going through. And even if she could would it be of any comfort?

They left the border outpost one man less than they had arrived and continued up the Drell river, fortifying flood defences as they went. It was gruelling work, digging and felling from dawn till dusk. Kel's hands rebuilt up the callus from the slave plantation and her back muscles remembered the strain, responding to it and growing stronger.

In March, when she had been with the Company for just over six months, they trekked westwards to the coast. By now Kel had been accepted completely; no one stared anymore nor had doubts about her willingness to fight or help out with the dirty work.

They were met at the coast by someone whom Kel was not desperate to see again; Baron George Cooper of Pirates' Swoop. Kel had tried to hang back, disguise herself amongst the milling company, but eventually she had been required at her knight-master's side. George, evidently a master actor hid his shock well; only a slight widening of his eyes gave away that he'd ever even met Kel before.

Raoul and George were obviously old friends and chatted amiably as they rode. This gave Kel the chance to observe the man who was not only the Lioness's husband, but also the Whisper man, the sole head of the Tortallan spy network.

The baron led the Company over a series of small trails over the coastal hills, an area that he was obviously familiar with, to the town of Bay Cove. By the use of mages scrying and plain spyglasses they were able to spot the Pirates' nest from a safe distance and plan their attack.

It wasn't until the pirates had been escorted to justice in Port Legann that George was safely able to confront Kel on her own.

'We've met before,' he stated.

Kel nodded.

'Ye were the lass with Alex.' It was not a question.

Kel nodded again. Her guard was fully up around this man who knew exactly who Alex was.

George suddenly let out a whoop of laughter. 'The 'ole realm's lookin' for a missin' lass and she passes righ' before me gods-blessed eyes and I don't even notice.'

Kel smiled weakly, still wary.

'So how long did you stay with him?' George's tone was back to it's noble accent.

'About two years,' said Kel shortly.

The Baron whistled. 'I should've put it together sooner. The whole Kingdom's a talking about how you can fence, and I've seen Alex fight...' He trailed off, thinking, 'So you musta left about the time Somalkt fell.'

Kel suppressed her wince. 'Yes,' she replied again. 'Alex knew who I was and sent me back here.'

'Did he now?' Mused George. 'And have you had contact since?' He watched with large, bright hazel eyes as Kel shook her head.

'Well ye're telling the truth at least,' said George, sitting back in a chair. At Kel's questioning look he explained 'I have the sight you see, dead useful for someone like me.'

'Have you heard from him?' Now it was Kel's turn to ask the questions.

'About two months back I had an update from an agent. Dundine and Toishore have fallen.'

Kel swore, cold dread filling her heart. Jacqui's family lived in part of the Dundine lands.

'For the moment it looks like we 'ave ter sit tight,' sighed George. 'Waitin' is the worst part of this job.'

'And that's it?' asked Kel, struggling to keep the confusion out of her voice. 'You aren't going to tell anyone about me and Alex?'

'I know full well that it is in Tortall's interests that Alex takes the throne. He alone can bring the peace that our two countries need. It's the reason that the Crown had been funding his exploits for years. If ye're part of some bigger plot to aid him, then so be it.' He gave Kel a calculating look 'Do ye plan on swearing yer allegiance to the King?'

And here it was; Tortall or Alex, the ultimate choice.

Kel said nothing; an awful lot could change in four years anyway.

'I only ask because Raoul and me own wife have a vested interest in ye,' his eyes were sharp.

'I will do whatever most benefits the people,' said Kel honestly. George nodded almost imperceptibly, his face unreadable.

'You know what is at stake better than most, it would be wise to-'

'No one will learn of the plan from me,' interrupted Kel. 'I've sworn by my life or death to set Alexei on the throne of Scanra.'

George nodded, 'Then so mote it be,' he finished gravely.

They departed from Baycove and rode up the coast, ferreting out smugglers and even once capturing slave traders. Kel's eyes burned with hatred as the slave traders were put to death. The Goddess only knew how many people they'd condemned to a terrible fate.

In April the Third Company had their largest skirmish of the year when they raided a Spidren's nest. Here Raoul ordered the use of blazebalm to help in the destruction of the breeding grounds. The acrid spell of the burning jelly brought back vivid memories of the bombardment of Somalkt on one of the worst nights of Kel's life.

In May, Raoul could find no more excuses to delay their return to the Progress and he grudgingly turned the troupe east, towards Whitehorn.

Kel was disappointed to find that Neal, Merric, Owen along with most of her page friends were not still riding with the Progress; she supposed that their knight-masters felt that they had to experience some normal knight's work as well as the easy task of serving at banquets and feasts.

So, whenever she wasn't busy with tilting practice or her other squire's duties, Kel divided her time between sword practice and spending time with the Yamani ladies and her mother. She also had to ensure that she continued to give Prince all the exercise that he needed. Used and built for long, hard journey's across Scanran terrain, the crawling pace of the progress was hardly the training that the big horse required to keep him in fighting shape.

Although Raoul jousted several times a week in response to various friendly and unfriendly challenges, Kel herself only ever jousted in practice, usually against her knight-master or one one his friends. It wasn't until one summer's afternoon, about three weeks after Kel's sixteenth birthday that she found herself tilting in answer to the challenge of a conservative knight; Sir Voelden of Tirrsmont.

It had all started when the stout knight had slapped her lightly with a glove. This was, as Kel knew, an insult to a noble but she ignored it. She had more important things to worry about than men who went around slapping people with riding gloves. The stupid man then made a big mistake and grabbed Kel's wrist.

Acting on instinct, Kel had pivoted and sent the knight crashing over her hip to land heavily in the dust, ruining his silken clothes. Red in the face with anger, he all but spat;

'I will see justice done in the tilting lanes. It will prove to everyone that filthy little trollops have no place to fight alongside men.' The insult was far too old to rile Kel, but she quietly said, 'Alright, I accept. Ten gold crowns if you lose.' It would be the only way to get him to leave her alone.

Kel didn't feel that she was ready to tilt with all these people watching. Despite all the extra hours of practice that she'd put in with rings and various other inanimate targets, Kel had still never even come close to beating Raoul.

These thoughts weren't even a little bit helpful, so Kel set about clearing them from her mind. She vaguely listened as the herald came over to instruct her. She already knew exactly how tilting worked, having watched Raoul hundreds of times over.

She could see Voelden at the other end of the tilting lane, resplendent in dark steel armour. His horse was a matching dark grey and equalled Prince in stature. Settling herself into the high-backed tilting saddle, Kel accepted a lance. At the sound of the trumpet she kicked Prince into a gallop and brought the lance down until it was horizontal, tucked neatly under her arm. Leaning forward, she aimed the lance and sent it crashing squarely onto his shield. He hit her fairly as well and with both arms half-numb from the impact Kel slowed Prince to a trot and turned him back to their end of the field.

As she readied herself once more, Kel wasn't even away of the crowd that stirred in the background. Her parents were watching, concerned for the safety of the daughter that had only just returned to them. So too were Raoul and quite a lot of Third Company, interested to see how Kel would fare against the fully-fledged knight.

They charged again, eight hooves kicking up dust from the worn tilting lane. Kel leaned forward to put more power behind the blow, just as Raoul had taught her to do. Her lance shattered as it sent Voelden's shield flying off, but rather than feeling the usual blow to her shield arm, it felt as though something extremely large had just stepped on Kel's chest.

Barely able to breath, with angry cries of "Foul" ringing in her ears, Kel lolled in the saddle, bouncing as Prince trotted neatly back to her end of the lane. Only able to take in short, gasping breaths, Kel sat up straighter in the saddle and looked down to where her breastplate had been bent inwards. The dimple was set slightly to the right of her heart; he had tried to run her through. She cursed under her breath; now she'd need to have her armour fixed since it obviously wasn't designed for this kind of impact.

The monitor passed up a fresh lance and Kel managed to rasp a 'Thank you' before she took up the reins once more.

Their third pass was fairly nondescript. The impact sent shooting pains through Kel's chest as she was slammed into the back of the saddle. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as her vision went momentarily grey. She was trying to breathe as little as possible to lessen the pain. Kel slowed Prince to a walk so that she wasn't being jostled as much.

The herald declared the result; a draw. The crowd howled their disapproval. Unfortunately no one could prove that Voelden's second hit was a deliberate foul, and the hit had therefore only been marked lower. Kel's third hit had also had marks deducted for the weakness of the blow; this left them on equal ground.

Her brain felt fuzzy from pain but Kel slithered from the saddle and drew her sword nonetheless. The big knight advanced on Kel. The fight was nothing more than a couple of pain-hazed minutes in which Kel used a mixture of swordplay and Shang kicks to best her opponent.

When the noise from the crowd reached such an intensity that Kel thought her throbbing head might explode, she saw through her swimming vision that Voelden appeared to be lying on the ground, unmoving. Kel staggered backwards and fortunately someone's strong arms caught her before she fell. Then she was being lifted off of her feet. The pain that this caused stopped her from slipping any further into unconsciousness. Turning her head slightly Kel saw the embroidered Goldenlake insignia and realised that it was her knight-master who was carrying her as though she were nothing more than an infant.

The air echoed with cries of 'Mindelan! Mindelan! Mindelan!' This registered in some far off portion of Kel's brain and she smiled faintly, though with her teeth clenched in pain it was more of a grimace than anything else.

Raoul deposited her on a couch in a walled tent and was shooed away by a group of women that included Queen Thayet and Kel's mother. Now that it was cool and quiet and Kel was lying down, it was much easier to think. A lady came in and announced that the healer was on her way.

Kel struggled to sit up, but firm hands held her down whilst others unbuckled the ruined breastplate, removed her helmet and mail. Someone was trying to remove Courage from her grasp, but Kel resisted, gasping 'No.'

When they peeled off Kel's sweat soaked, patched shirt there was a collective gasp of horror. There was an angry bruise spreading across her right side, but it was Kel's collection of scars that had shocked them more than anything. The white puckered mark across her collarbone, the jagged tear from where Kel had been shot and the myriad of healed cuts and gashes up her arms.

Although Lady Ilane's face showed no emotion, unshed tears glistened in her large eyes as she regarded her younger daughter. Kel looked away, her breathing still laboured as she fought to keep her ribs as still as possible.

All the ladies except for Ilane shuffled out of the way to let the healer through. The healer regarded Kel through bright amethyst eyes.

'My lady,' croaked Kel, looking up at the realm's only lady knight.

'Stay still,' the older woman commanded as Kel tried again to lift herself, 'Nealan.' And to Kel's horror tall, gangly Neal ducked into the tent looking every bit as uncomfortable as Kel felt. 'Every healer has to learn that at some point the injured may well be a comrade,' Alanna instructed, not unkindly. 'Take a look at Keladry and tell me your diagnosis.'

Neal bent down, his green eyes roving over Kel's assortment of injuries and not meeting her eyes. He placed a cool, long-fingered hand on her bruise where a shimmering green magic played and danced across Kel's skin. After about twenty seconds he withdraw his magic, although to Kel, who was holding her breath without realising, it had seemed a lot longer.

'An incomplete fracture of the fifth rib and a multi-fragmentary fracture of the sixth rib, with possible penetration into the pleural cavity. Localised swelling.' Neal reported, his face an odd ashen colour.

'Well done,' said Alanna stepping forward and kneeling down beside Kel. One rough, callused hand found Kel's free hand and gripped it, comforting and monitoring her pulse simultaneously. The other rested on Kel's skin and violet magic sprung down into the bruising, cooling and numbing it.

As the Lioness started to tease the bone fragments back together, shooting pains caused Kel to clench both hands tightly and grit her teeth. As soon as she did so however Alanna dealt with the pain. Hadn't somebody once told her that the Lady Knight was the Realm's best healer? Kel's eyes began to close as the effects of the healing hit her and she drifted slowly downwards into painless oblivion.

-a/n- I tried to move the timeline on a bit, otherwise this will end up being far too long-winded :D Again, the events at the end are some from Squire but changed to suit my Kel...

Thoughts?

Confusedknight xxx