Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot and ideas! Harry Potter is owned by the lovely JKR.
Ch. 23
The day had finally come.
Ginny, Parvati, Padma, Lavender, and Luna had all come over to my room, already dressed, to do our makeup and hair together. We had approximately an hour before the ball started, and Lavender was already freaking out.
"You guys!" she wailed, "I'm not going to have enough time curl my hair!"
I laughed, and shook my head, along with Padma. Seeing all of the girls in their dresses made me feel even more excited for the ball, and I was excited to see their reactions at how amazing the Hall looked. Draco and I had made the final touches, and it was all set up by now, although no one would be let in until eight on the dot.
Too bad I didn't even have my dress on yet.
Parvati emerged from my bathroom, fully dressed in her fitted red dress and glittery black pumps. She looked stunning. She was running her wand over her hair, magically straightening it so that it became sleek and smooth, spilling like black ink over her shoulders and back. She looked at me, and tut-tutted.
"Girls, have any of you even bothered to notice that Hermione isn't nearly ready?" She asked. Ginny turned from applying her eyeliner, and saw that it was true. I was still in a t shirt and pajama pants. I looked like I was about ready for bedtime, rather than a party. Ginny grabbed my dress from my closet, where it was hanging neatly, and threw it at me, while Luna pushed me into the bathroom.
"I'm giving you two minutes!" Lavender said to me in all seriousness. I rolled my eyes playfully and nodded, before closing the door behind me. I turned to the dress, looking at it for a moment. Tonight, I was making it my mission to impress everyone around me, my date, and namely, Ron. I bit my lip. He was probably getting ready right now – no, probably eating something while Harry got ready, Ron always saved things for the last minute.
I knew him so well it hurt.
Sighing, I shed my clothes, grabbed the dress, and slipped it on. In the light of the bathroom, the fabric shimmered. It reminded me of a snake almost, the way it moved sleekly over my body as I put it on.
Snakes, huh? Draco would approve, I smiled to myself.
I wondered what it would be like tonight, seeing him at the ball, which we had sweated and slaved over, together. I wondered what he would think of the ball when it was in full swing. I hoped he would be proud of it.
Would he think I looked good in my dress? I exited the bathroom after zipping up the back of the dress. These were silly, unnecessary thoughts. After all, it wasn't him I was trying to impress.
Lavender smiled appreciatively at me as I entered the room again, dressed.
"You look gorgeous! That dress does you justice. Imagine if you had waited till the last minute?" Padma said, handing me my shoes.
"Thanks guys", I smiled, as I put my shoes on. I had never been used to getting lots of compliments, and when I did, I became increasingly shy.
"I agree", Ginny said, coming over to where I sat. "And you're going to look ten times more beautiful when we're done with your makeup and hair!" She clapped her hands excitedly. Luna peered over her shoulder, her arms laden with hair and makeup supplies.
"Let the fun begin!" Lavender squealed.
They were going to kill me.
"Please, guys, not too much? I don't want a face full of powder!" I said, trying to dodge Parvati as she grasped a tube of lip gloss. Ginny looked at me reassuringly, before grabbing a makeup compact.
"Relax will you?" She laughed.
They then took control. First, Ginny started on my face with some foundation, and then applied some blush, while Lavender and Parvati did my hair. After my many attempts to peek at a mirror, the girls turned me away and snappishly commanded that I close my eyes. The only thing I had to go on that I was looking good were their ooh's and ah's every once and a while. It was about thirty minutes until I was allowed to open my eyes.
"Done!"
Excitedly, I turned to the mirror, and when I looked into it, the Hermione that I saw, just like the one I had seen at dress shop, looked incredible. My mouth dropped in shock. Was this person even me? The girls had completely transformed me, and as I looked at myself, I felt more beautiful than I had ever felt before. It wasn't the type of makeup look that covered up your face, but it enhanced my natural features profusely. My eyes had been adorned with mascara and eyeliner, with a little olive eye shadow for some shine. My skin looked flawless, with a hint of blush that defined my cheekbones and gloss on my lips that was the color of warm flushed honey, with a hint of pink tinge, making my lips look full and plump. It was a naturally beautiful look. My hair was also stunning. Somehow, Lavender and Parvati had managed to get my hair to tame into silky, wavy curls, and had made two side braids that they then tied back away from my face with a pretty jeweled pin. During my awe, Ginny put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me through the mirror.
"Dean is going to love you." She whispered into my ear.
I smiled. I really hoped he would. Looking at my face, and at the beautiful work that the girls had done, how could he not?
I just hoped that a certain someone would recognize my newfound beauty as well. I got up and hugged all of the girls.
"Thank you all, so much! Thanks for making me…beautiful!"
Lavender shook her head and grabbed my hand. "You've always been beautiful! We've just well…enhanced it." I smiled and hugged her again.
Sometimes, all a girl really needed was her friends.
After our little heartfelt moment, Luna piped up. "So should we get going? We have a few minutes to meet up with our dates till the party starts!"
All of the girls nodded, grabbed their clutches, and headed to the door. They were nearly out of the room when they realized I wasn't tagging along.
"Coming Herms?" Padma wondered. She had always been one of the most caring of the group. She lingered at the door.
"You guys go on without me, I just need to check something", I assured her. I didn't want her to have to catch up with the rest of the girls. She nodded and smiled warmly at me.
"See you later beautiful!"
She shut the door behind her, and as soon as she did, I turned to myself in the mirror again. I sighed, looking at my face. I was starting to get butterflies in my stomach in anticipation of tonight. After making sure everything in the room was alright, and that my dress fit perfectly, I took one long gaze at myself for the last time before turning off the lights and leaving. I felt beautiful, and was determined to not let anything get it my way tonight.
As I turned into the corridor, there were barely any people left, as it was a few minutes after eight and the ball began to start. I could hear the intro music playing from the second floor, going perfectly in synch with the bass. I climbed the stairs and turned to enter the first floor from the large grand steps, where people had picked up their dates. As I looked down, there were still a few boys waiting for their dates, clad in black dress robes and suits. I spotted Dean, sitting on a bench with his hand supporting his face as he waited patiently. At my immediate entrance, he caught sight of me and stood up, going towards the bottom of the steps, where he waited for me. As he looked at me, I saw his jaw slack and his eyes widen in pleasant surprise. This motion brought back great memories of the Yule Ball, where on these exact steps Viktor Krum had given me the exact same look. I smiled, and came down to his level. Wordlessly he hugged me, and I could smell his warm, intoxicating cologne as my face pressed into his chest. When he pulled away, he looked me over for what seemed the tenth time in those few moments.
"You look amazing, Hermione", he said warmly, a huge, perfect smile adoring his face. I felt myself blush slightly. I laughed quietly.
"Thank you Dean, you look pretty nice yourself."
Who was I kidding? He looked dashing in his sleek black suit; with a silver dress shirt underneath, the top three buttons undone. I was pretty sure I was giving him goo-goo eyes. He chuckled.
"Not as gorgeous as you, I doubt that's even possible." He replied appreciatively, tentatively touching the wispy fabric of my dress. He smiled at me again, and I felt warm inside.
"And look, we match!" I giggled, lifting my dress slightly to show him silver, dazzling pumps. He smirked, a gesture that reminded me of someone else entirely. It made me wonder where Draco was.
Was he already inside?
He nodded, laughing a bit himself. I was glad we were comfortable around one another. "Well as much as I wish we could stay out here a bit longer, everyone inside hasn't gotten the chance to see how beautiful you look yet. Shall we go show them?" He murmured daringly, giving me another incredibly adorable smile. He took my hand, and began leading me to the drape covered entrance of the Great Hall.
"If you insist", I smiled back.
And with that, Dean Thomas took my waist, and we entered the ballroom.
I wasn't going to let anything ruin this night, and get back at Ron, all at the same time.
VVVVV
As I knocked on the door for what seemed the hundredth time, my knuckles began to ache.
"Pansy!" I yelled. "If you're not out by the time I count to thirty, I'm leaving without you!"
It would serve her right, seeing as we were now thirty minutes late.
From somewhere inside her room, there was a wail. "Draco! Haven't you learned that aristocrats always arrive fashionably late? And besides, I can't come out yet, I'm not done with my eyes!"
I rolled my eyes. Fashionably late? What type of nonsense was that? I was still counting to thirty, and Pansy knew I was serious about leaving without her. For Christ-sakes, I had freaking built the damn ball and I wasn't going to be there for its introduction? There was a resounding crash from within Pansy's quarters.
One…two…three…
I wondered if Hermione had arrived at the ball yet. Surely, she had, for knowing her; she would never be thirty minutes late, unlike someone.
Why had I agreed to take Pansy? I cursed Blaise under my breath. He was probably enjoying the festivities with his pretty date while I waited from my loud, whiny, pretentious one to finish getting dressed.
Eighteen…nineteen…twenty…
I wondered what Hermione would be wearing. I had only ever seen her in a dress once, and that had been three years ago at the Yule Ball. She had worn pink, and as much as I hadn't wanted to admit it, I still didn't – she had looked good. After so many years, it would be kind of exciting to see her in a dress. After what seemed like an eternity, the thirty second rule seemed to have work on Pansy. She opened the door, and stepped out, revealing herself, and her uh…outfit.
Pansy was dressed in a short, frivolous, frilly, and extremely pink strapless dress. It was labeled with a giant bow below her breasts, pushing them up so that they looked as if they were about to nearly explode, and the bodice was decorated with bright pink, sparkly glitter. The bottom portion of the dress resembled a fluffy ballerina's tutu, and as she played flirtatiously with it, about six more inches of her legs came into view. She had tons of gloss and eye makeup on, and her hair was sleek and surrounding her shoulders and back. She looked a bit like a slutty ballerina. However, I was used to it, and I didn't really care either. Sooner or later at the ball she would ditch me and find people that would actually want to dance with her.
"How do I look Drakey?" She purred, fingering the lapel of my suit. I tried to smile, but it probably looked like a grimace.
"Absolutely fabulous", I muttered through my teeth. She giggled, a high pitched sound, then grabbed my arm and looped it around her waist, so that it purposely grazed her butt.
"Let's go Drakey", she whispered, pulling me along towards the Great Hall.
I really hoped she would take it easy tonight.
VVVVV
Although the ball had just started, people were starting to become increasingly boisterous, and were obviously enjoying themselves. The décor looked absolutely stunning. The dance floor had been set up right in the middle of Hall while the stage stood at the very front of the room where the staff meal tables traditionally sat. There were long, white, flowing drapes along the windows creating an illusion of a dream, combined with the three grand chandeliers hanging high above us. The lighting for the dance floor switched psychedelically with the rhythm and beats of the music, and the music was perfect. There were also resting areas and sitting tables where people could relax with their friends. It kind of reminded me of a gala. It looked like an exact replica of the blueprint that Draco had drawn.
Where was he anyways? I scanned the area around me, but didn't see him.
It wasn't like he would be hard to spot. Not everyone had shockingly platinum blond hair. I supposed he was being 'fashionably late.' I laughed to myself. He needed to get here and see all of this already!
It was a good beginning thirty minutes, and while Dean and I had began to make small talk with many people and their dates, suddenly the stage illuminated, and Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall emerged, standing in front of a wiz-phone, the Wizarding world's equivalent of a Muggle microphone, except that it could detect even the slightest whisper, so you didn't have to speak up into it. The lights dimmed, so that the only light remained on the stage. Once this had caught everyone's attention, Dumbledore began to speak. I could feel Dean's fingers somewhat innocently grazing my waist.
Somewhat innocently.
"Welcome, to the first and annual celebratory Winter's Ball! We are glad to see that you are all enjoying the festivities, but we would like to take a moment to acknowledge the people that made all of this possible, and those two people would be this year's Head Boy and Girl, Miss Hermione Granger, and Mr. Draco Malfoy!"
Suddenly I was surrounded by cheers and claps, and a very bright light was shone on me. Dean and a few other people pushed me forward, and I began to walk up to the stage. It felt exhilarating to have hundreds of people clapping and cheering for you. I hoped Draco would meet me at the stage, so that I could see his face filled with that smug happiness he was so good at portraying, and so that we could share this moment together. All of our hard work was being celebrated! However, as I lingered for a few moments at the wiz-phone, I knew he still wasn't here. I tried to hide my disappointment. Just because he wasn't here didn't mean I couldn't enjoy this moment!
I grabbed the wiz-phone, and below me I could see all the smiling faces of my friends staring back up at me, Harry and Ginny still cheering, and Dean looking adorably proud of me.
"Thank you so much, all of you! On behalf of Draco and I, I just want to say that all of this is for you, so let's make this night as memorable and as fun as possible!" I smiled.
McGonagall put her hand on my shoulder and looked at me approvingly, it was obvious that she and Dumbledore were proud of both Draco and I, not just because we had managed to get along, but because we had succeeded in a task this big basically by ourselves. As people cheered for me, I wanted to tell them that without Draco, all of this décor wouldn't have been possible. I couldn't, and I didn't get that chance to either. Somewhere inside of me I hoped that he had just been too shy to come on stage – but I knew that wasn't the case, that wasn't his personality. I couldn't help but feel some type of bitter disappointment that we couldn't share this together, but I still had hope that he would emerge.
After that little announcement, the Professors announced that we could proceed with the first dance, and suddenly, everything changed and became extremely serious and formal. The ice sculptures emerged, and the lighting shut off, replacing itself with chandelier lights that warmed and lit the whole ballroom. The orchestra began to play, and behind me, Dean whispered into my ear.
"May I have this dance?"
Hearing him whisper into my ear as sensually as he had pleased me. I turned to him.
"Of course."
He took my waist with one hand and my hand with the other, and led me across the dance floor. As I put my head on his shoulder, I couldn't help but remember my night with Draco a few days ago. He had, essentially, taught me how to dance with ease and grace. The fact that I could now use these skills with Dean, who was a wonderful dancer himself, made me want to thank Draco even more than I had already. I looked around as Dean and I danced to the slow yet riveting music, for a pale blond head, but I had no such luck. Instead of finding him, my eyes found a head full of fiery red hair, awkwardly dancing with a petite girl as she gazed into his eyes, murmuring something that made him half smirk half grin. Ron was dancing with Sylvia a few meters away from me, bobbing in and out of sight. After a few couples had moved, I had a clear view of them. Ron had already taken off his new dress robes, leaving him with slacks, a loose bowtie, and a tuxedo shirt. Sylvia however, might as well have been wearing nothing at all. She was decked out in a very tight and short metallic silver tube dress, which practically clung to her like a second skin. She was also wearing matching silver stilettos and her hair had been curled and flipped slightly. As much as I hated to say it, she stole Ron's attention in her little slutty outfit, the attention that I deserved from him, and I envied her for it. I had to look away when Dean called for my attention.
"I seriously can't believe how stunning you are tonight." He said quietly, grinning. I smiled back, but after what I had just seen, I was in no mood for compliments.
After the formal dance, the band came out a few minutes later and the crowd went crazy. The Weird Sister's, somehow Draco had managed to book them and the Bloody Harpies for tonight, came out, and started up the crowd with an old favorite, 'Dance like a Hippogriff'. People were screaming and jumping, and the psychedelic lights and bass had returned, fueling people's party energy. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sylvia drag Ron onto the dance floor, gyrating her hips against him. At the beginning he shy, but the more she persisted, the looser he became.
Dean grabbed my waist. I turned to him, the music was loud I could barely hear him.
"Dance with me!" He mouthed, before pulling me towards him. As I danced with Dean, I kept watching Ron and Sylvia, well mostly Sylvia crawl all over Ron. He hadn't seen me yet, he was too busy being infatuated with that slut. Something in my head ticked with anger.
I was going to make Ron notice me, even if it was the last thing I did tonight.
He wanted a slut? I thought revengefully in my head.
Then a slut he would see, but he would not get.
VVVVV
"Pansy, for the last time, I'm not going to dance with you!" I said to her. How many times was I going to have to repeat myself?
Pansy and I were sitting in one of the resting areas, almost completely covered by a long, flowing drape. There were many spots around the area like this, but this was one was one of the only ones that wasn't being used for…well…everything else but resting. Pansy sighed, playing with my hair, which was starting to tick me off.
Where was Hermione? I hadn't seen her once tonight. As a matter of fact, it seemed as if had seen everyone but her.
"Well you're no fun!" Pansy pouted. She kissed my neck. "Well maybe you could be, say, in my bedroom?" she whispered seductively into my ear. I paid her almost no notice. I really should've just come alone. At least I would be at peace. I grabbed the firewhisky that sat beside me on the lounge seat, and took a giant swig, tilting my head back as the liquid seared my throat.
It was funny really. After all the work that Hermione and I had put in, I couldn't even manage to have any fun. This was technically my party. I should've been the one out there on the dance floor, having a good time. I remembered when I used to be a complete party animal. I would party whenever I thought necessary, whether it was school nights or weekends, and I had hooked up with too many girls to count. At the same time, I had usually been so drunk the night before that I would skip tons of classes. The old me wasn't really a nice thing to look back on. Although my life had been more exciting, it didn't mean it had been better. During those times, my father had been ten times harsher to me, and I had partied so I wouldn't have to go or think of home and suffer the beatings that awaited me.
Lost in my thoughts, I hadn't realized that Pansy's hand had been slowly inching its way up my pants.
"Pans", I murmured.
"Yes love?" She said, almost giggling. I sighed.
"Get off." I replied, so coldly that she retracted her hand almost immediately. She glowered at me.
"What the hell is your problem Draco? First, you stop making love to me. Then you start ignoring me? Now you're acting as if you've never even –"
That was when I snapped, my temper rising.
"As if what Pansy? As if we were never together? Oh, I don't know, have you ever tried to think, to use your brain, for just once, that maybe we were never together? Maybe that only you thought we were? I'm sick of you and your stupid sex addicted needs! Why can't you just leave me alone?"
Then, something inside of Pansy, inside of her cold hearted, pretentious demeanor broke. I could see it in her eyes. I could also see that they were shining with tears. But that couldn't stop me, couldn't stop the harsh crap that was flowing freely out of my mouth.
"And another thing! Why in your right mind would you ever assume that anything we had ever done could be related to love? It was just sex Pansy, and no matter how many times you say we made love, it will never, ever, make me love you."
I was out of breath, and for once, Pansy was out of words. Abruptly, she stood up and got as far away from me as she could possibly get in that little booth, as if I had stung her with poison.
I was a poisonous snake.
I couldn't bring myself to apologize. Although I had been harsh, I had meant what I said. I didn't love her. I couldn't love her, and she couldn't expect that of me. Out of all of the years she had known me, she should've learned a long time ago that I wasn't the loving type.
I didn't even love myself.
She reached for the billowy drape, unable to take her eyes off of me. Her eyes were glazed with tears, lots of which were now flowing down her cheeks, making streaks in her makeup. I looked up at her from the lounge seat, and there was a moment of silence, only the bass of the music thumping in the background. She shook her head, her gaze sad, and incredibly shocked. She was hurt, which was something I had never expected her to experience. As cold as it sounded, I hadn't known Pansy had had real feelings until that moment.
"I don't even know you anymore." She whispered desolately, as if someone had died. I smirked, like the jerk that I was, and that was all she could take. Without another word, she exited the booth, fighting sobs.
Maybe she had never really known me.
VVVVV
Somewhere around nine o clock, the teachers supervising the ball had decided to retire to the rooms and the real party had started. Firewhiskey bottles were brought out, and people became reckless, only paying attention to their partner's bodies against theirs while the music played. Dean had had a bit of firewhiskey, and before I knew it, we were sharing a bottle. There was something happening to me. Normally, I never acted like this. I was good girl Hermione Granger, goody two shoes, saintly Head Girl extraordinaire. Apparently not. I was so lightweight the alcohol hit me in a mere matter of minutes after just a few swigs. Then a few swigs turned into a few gulps, and those few gulps? After that I couldn't remember if I had had anymore, but that I was dancing rather proactively on top of a table with Dean. Then a few other guys joined in, and I didn't care whether they had had dates or not. For once, it felt good to have the attention on me.
It was eleven o clock when Ron had finally taken notice of me. I had started a new trend for people, and they were now dancing on the tables too. They wobbled, but no one cared, and I certainly didn't. My feet were killing me, but I kept dancing. Ron was going to see me, and eat his heart out.
He saw me alright, and as I looked in his direction, he was fighting not to turn puce. It served the twat right. Although Dean was drunk, he could hold his liquor a lot better than me. I suppose it came with experience. I was pretty close to unbuttoning his shirt when he interjected.
"Hermione? Baby, are you…you alright?" He asked me, as he brought my hips closer to him.
I was having what felt like an outer body experience. My body and brain were working, but the thoughts and actions that came out of them were not my usual, sensible Hermione's at all. I stared in Ron's direction, and he was looking from me to Sylvia every once and a while. That wasn't enough. I wanted all of his attention. All of it. If anyone deserved it, it was me. I, good old Hermione Granger who had let herself get stuck in the forever friend zone with the one boy she had managed to possibly love.
Her best friend.
Her best friend, who went after whores. It wasn't enough. No matter what I did for him, it was never enough.
I wasn't enough.
Before Dean could interrupt, and while Ron was still looking, I grabbed his head and pulled it down towards me, pressing his lips to mine. There were still guys grinding against me, and I made out with Dean, pretending I couldn't feel them. The kiss only lasted a few moments, and when I turned in search of Ron, he was gone. My heart sunk. I didn't even know what was going on anymore. My brain felt fizzled and useless. I looked up at Dean and saw that he was staring down at me, still pondering the kiss.
"Water." I murmured, hearing my voice crack. I grasped my throat and choked, making my eyes water. Dean nodded, and got off of the table, lifting me off and setting me onto the ground. I stumbled, and he grabbed my waist, leading me over to one of the tented areas that Draco and I had set up. For some reason, I wanted him here with me. Dean set me down on one of the lounging chaises and went to fetch us some water. I giggled, still drunk, thinking of what it would've been like to go to the ball with Draco. I hiccupped, and again, I got the melancholy feeling that I had had earlier. He wasn't here. I highly doubted it. Draco wouldn't have let me dance like that. He would've pulled me off the damn table, dragged me if necessary, and made sure that I was okay.
He looked out for me.
And these days, he was one of the only people that did.
As I lay on the chaise, I realized that there was another person in the room.
"Wow Hermione. How come you've never tried any of those moves around me? I didn't know you had an inner slut."
I sat up immediately and turned around.
Ron sat in a chair at the back of the tent, separated from Sylvia for the first time that night. He glared at me accusingly.
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. And to think I almost asked you to the ball. Merlin, did I dodge a bullet there."
I stood up. "Don't you dare try and act like this is all my fault." I returned his glare, murderously.
"Oh, you're right, I definitely owe you an apology. I'm sorry that I chose to take a girl that has self respect –"
"Self respect?" I spat, unable to control the trembling in my voice. "The whole school knows you came here with a slag tonight Ronald. You don't have to be smart to see that. Maybe you're just past the point of stupid that you can't even see how slutty she is!"
"Like you, for example? Great influence for next year's Head Girl by the way, the whole dancing on the table thing." Ron paused, a malicious look on his face. "You probably won't remember to tell whoever she is next year that getting practically deflowered on a table is acceptable as well, so I'll make sure to drop that message for you." And then he smiled, with an expression so mean that I wondered if he was drunk too.
"Shut up." I whispered. I hadn't wanted it to come to this. This wasn't supposed to happen. All I had wanted was for him to get jealous. Now he was using my actions against me.
"Why, because you know it's true?" Ron said, his voice getting louder. "I would've never expected that from you Hermione – "
"But you would've expected it from Sylvia? That's right Ron, go ahead and say it. You took that whore as your date instead of me to make me jealous! Why do you always try to hurt me?"
Ron rose from his chair and walked over to me. "I would've asked you! You were obviously too busy making goo-goo eyes at Dean to notice!"
I laughed, a cold, chilling sound. "You're really nothing but a jealous prat Ron. I don't know what I ever saw in you." I shook my head. Ron went quiet for a moment.
"Yeah? Well I don't really know what I ever saw in an arrogant, boring girl like you either."
Something built up in my throat. "It's nice to know what you finally think of me." I replied, my voice constricted from holding back tears.
Is this what our friendship had come to? I thought we were worth so much more than that. I turned to walk away from him, my ankles probably bleeding from the pressure of my shoes. I was done.
We were done.
"That's right. Why don't you go running back Draco as well then? We all know you've been lying about not shagging him senseless, using this stupid ball as an excuse to hide it –"
There was a resounding cracking sound, and before I had even known what I was doing, the back of my hand had collided against Ron's face. I had slapped him, hard.
There was silence, but all I could hear was the slap my hand against Ron's skin. He looked at me, wide eyed with his hand on his cheek, his eyebrows furrowed in such surprise and betrayal that they were almost hidden under his hair. The tears were spilling freely now, and I was starting to sob. The mascara burned my eyes. Without another look at Ron, I half stumbled half ran out of the tent, knocking into someone carrying two drinks – Dean.
I didn't wait for him to stop me, nor did I acknowledge him as he called after me. I kept running in the darkness, blurry eyed, the stupid psychedelic lights playing all sorts of tricks on me. I tripped a few times, even managing to trip into Harry. He grabbed my arms and held me up, looking so concerned it pained me to look him in the eyes.
"Hermione? Hermione, listen to me, what's happened –"
"Ron!" Was all I managed to choke out in between sobs. I pushed past him, he knew better than to chase after me, so he let me run. I ran until I found an exit, and when I found one, I pushed past it, not being able to stay at that ball for one more minute. I collapsed on the stairs, where just a few hours ago, Dean had picked me up, and called me beautiful. I ripped off my shoes, sobbing harder than I thought I ever had. This wasn't supposed to happen.
This wasn't supposed to happen.
VVVVV
Words couldn't explain how guilty I was feeling.
I hadn't expected it. I hadn't expected Pansy to affect me that way.
I had seen her cry many, many times, and although I was used to the crying, this time it had been so much different. Until tonight, I had never realized how much I had been hurting her. Granted, it had taken me well into the night to feel guilty about it. I had yelled at her about three hours ago, and I had just begun to feel guilty about it fifteen minutes ago.
Lovely.
I was wandering in the empty corridors alone, pondering. I hadn't had any fun at the ball, so being there the whole time seemed pretty pointless. I didn't even bother to go up and say hello to Blaise, which I had caught a few glimpses of through the drapes of my booth. I had stayed there the whole time, with a bottle of firewhiskey as my only companion. Needless to say, I had drunk the whole thing. A little thought popped into my head, and I wondered if I was drunk.
Probably.
Maybe that was why I was feeling all of this remorse for Pansy. I paused for a moment.
No, that wasn't it at all. I had been ten times drunker than this before, and could still hold my liquor. I had become very good at it actually. Drinking since your Third Year did that to you, I suppose. I made a mental note to ask Blaise how the night would go with Daphne tonight, tomorrow. The alcohol seemed to erase a lot of my thoughts. I let my body drift through the corridors for some time, wondering whether I should apologize to Pansy or not.
That was when I heard crying. A girl was crying so hard that it made think she was in danger. I turned the corner and took my wand out of my pocket.
Not too far from the entrance of the Great Hall, a girl sat on the stone steps that lead upstairs, crying her heart out. I couldn't see her face but, I noticed the hair, almost immediately. I knew those soft, honey colored curls anywhere. Perched on the steps sat Hermione, her arms cradling her face as she sobbed, her whole frame shaking from the intensity of her cries. I approached her silently, and leant down to her level. Even when she was sobbing her eyes out, she was beautiful. The train of her dress lay splayed across the steps, and her shoes lay by her feet.
Looking at her up close, I felt anger surge within me.
Who had done this to her?
I placed a hand on her arm, tentatively, not wanting to frighten her. She was fragile enough as it was. I fixed her dress strap, which had fallen off of her shoulder.
"Hermione?" I whispered to her. I really hoped she wouldn't turn me away.
How ironic. After all of the times that I myself had pushed people away, I didn't want her to do that to me. I was nothing but a giant contradiction. She looked up at the sound of my voice, her eyes glassy and stained with a few smudges of makeup. Her cheeks were flushed. I wondered how long she had been here crying, alone.
She was so alone. She'd thought I hadn't realized it.
"Draco", she sniffed, quietly crying my name. Before I could restrain myself, I reached out to touch her face with my palms. I wiped off the remnants of her eye makeup and the tears that had began to fall on her dress.
"What happened?" I asked her, in all seriousness. If Dean had hurt her, or tried to force himself on her…I clenched my jaw. I waited for her to speak.
"It was Ron. He – He said such horrible things. After the things I did! – "
I shushed her. She could explain to me when she could manage to conjure complete sentences. Fighting the urge to go find Weasley and beat the living shit out of him, I tended to Hermione. She was almost delirious in her weeping, drunken state. Something told me I wouldn't enjoy hearing about the things she had done. Tomorrow it would be spread like wildfire.
Not if I got to the bastards first.
Without warning, she began to cry onto my chest, gripping my shoulders with such ferocity that it actually hurt. I didn't know how long we stayed like that, Hermione resting her head on my chest. I waited, silently, petting her hair to soothe her. She cried until there were no more tears to shed.
"It's going to be alright, I promise", I said, clutching her teary face in my hands. For some reason, she refused to look at my face. Her eyes darted swiftly from my suit to the ground, but not to my face, and never to my eyes.
"Why won't you look at me?" I whispered to her, and something in my voice was sorrowful. I couldn't control it. She shook her head.
"I can't, after all of the things I've done. I don't want you to be ashamed of me." She replied quietly, now holding one of my hands that were touching her cheek in hers. I wound our fingers together, and slowly lifted her head so that she was basically forced to look me in the eyes. Anger flitted in and out of my vision and brain, and I…I didn't know what to do about it.
"Look at me." I commanded her. Surprisingly, even with the firmness in my voice, she did. "You listen to me. Don't ever think that I could be ashamed of you. I've never heard anything more ridiculous come out of your mouth."
She went to glare at me, tears clinging to her eyelashes. "I don't need you to tell me that right now –"
"Yes, you do. It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard you say because it's astonishing that a witch as incredible as you could think that I would be ashamed of you. I would never, because you're more incredible than I could have ever dreamed of, and more perfect every time I see you. Don't give me that shit about you or me being ashamed of you, because you're absolutely beautiful in every way possible." I paused. "And don't ever doubt any of those things."
She was staring at me as if a snake was crawling out of my head.
Too bad all of those things I had said about her were true, and they had come out, even though I wasn't ready to admit them.
Her eyes met mine again, with such ferocity that it burned. "Why are you doing this?"
There were so many answers to that question. Some I could answer, and some I couldn't.
Before I could control myself. Before I could hold back.
I couldn't do that anymore.
Still grabbing her face, I lunged at her, forcing her lips to meet mine.
She sighed, and I couldn't tell if she was crying anymore or not.
It was one of the grittiest, most determined moments I'd ever had. She didn't protest, but instead, roughly grabbed my hair. I bit down on her lip, hard, and moved my hands from her face to her waist, grabbing her closer to me. It wasn't enough yet, and I could feel my restraint unraveling with every sweep of her tongue in my mouth. I felt as if I were in an angry, drunken stupor, paralyzed by the girl in front of me. I was drunk, and so was she, but I couldn't control the want inside of me, and it took control almost immediately. Then that feeling had returned from when I had kissed her last, and I couldn't breathe. I was drowning in her, and the strange, prickly pang in my stomach became stronger. There was fire everywhere, every touch between us scorching me. She cried out, gripping the collar of my shirt so hard I heard a button break and trickle to the floor. My lips separated from hers for a moment and went straight to her neck, roughly kissing a sensitive spot beneath her ear before meeting her lips again hurriedly.
If there was lust, this was it times a thousand.
But I didn't know what it was, really. Suddenly, there was a dainty hand pressing against my chest. I breathed her in one last time, and then it was over. I pulled back, surprised at the both of us, and at the fact that I had managed to stop.
Hermione eyes were stricken with shock. I couldn't do anything but stare back at her, in half shock and half…disappointment.
The tears were starting to return to her eyes. "I…Draco. I can't. I won't do this."
I shifted away from her slightly, my mouth slack. I was numb again. I couldn't even look at her. I brushed my hair out of my face, and I heard the swish of her dress against the stone steps as she stood up.
I had taken advantage of her again, but this time she had been drunk, instead of in a hospital bed. I felt sick, disgusted at myself.
"I'm so sorry." She croaked.
And then she was gone. I didn't bother to turn around and watch her leave. In time, I got up too, and left the steps. I refused to think.
I didn't think I wanted to remember either.
I didn't know what I wanted, or what was going on.
VVVVV
I stumbled up the steps, pushing the door to my dormitories open, feeling sicker with myself than I ever had. I felt dirty.
I couldn't believe it.
What had I done?
I was worse than Sylvia. Ron had been right all this time. He would never love me, he never could, because I was nothing but a cheap whore. As soon as I had closed the door, I dashed to the bathroom, my bloody feet skidding against the tiles. I had barely had time to close the door of the bathroom before I fell against the toilet. I wretched, and brought up all of the alcohol that I had had tonight, nearly missing the toilet bowl. I felt myself cry out. My eyes and lips were on fire, and my stomach churned. There was vomit in my hair, and the smell was overwhelming. After I had finished, for now at least, I sat against the wall, sobbing. I was pretty sure my gorgeous dress was ruined, but I couldn't bear to look down and see it. I couldn't even comprehend what I had done tonight. I was mess from my own actions, and no one was here to help me.
Draco had tried, and that had ended badly too. This night was supposed to have been fun. Instead, I was a sobbing mess, covered in sick and horrified at the fact that I had kissed two boys in one night, one that I cared about and one that I didn't. I had also managed to slap Ron and completely ruin our friendship by doing so. I couldn't even bear to think of the look that had been on his face after I'd done it.
I was alone, nothing but a crying, slutty girl with a ruined dress.
I was so alone that I didn't want to feel anymore. I had never felt as alone as I felt now. Not even bothering to take off my dress, I crawled into my bathtub, and turned on the hot water, letting the burning water steam and come up to my neck. I submerged my head under the water, and closed my eyes.
Who was I?
If there was a God, I wished he would kill me right now.
VVVVV
When I arrived at the door of my quarters, I was greeted by certain…surprise.
Pansy was curled up against my door, crying silently, little sobs emitting from her and echoing into the hallway. I stared down at her, and I did nothing. It was a few minutes until she noticed me, standing there looking nearly as haphazard as I felt. Her eyes led up from my shoes to my face, her lips trembling.
If I had been able to feel anything, the guilt from not so long ago would've returned tenfold. It didn't.
I started at her quietly. Her knees were curled beneath her dress and although her makeup hadn't been messed up, she wouldn't have allowed that – she looked extremely distressed. Her long, pretty hair that had been sleek from before was now slightly mussed, and her bright blue eyes were rimmed with tears, making the whites of them bloodshot. She looked up at me in despair, almost fearing me.
"Draco, I'm sorry – I, I couldn't remember the Slytherin portrait pass code. It changed at midnight." She sniffled.
I supposed it was way past midnight by now.
She waited for my response, probably expecting me to yell at her or even scold her, but I didn't give her one. I was too deep in my numbness for any of that now.
Wordlessly, I scooped her up into my arms, opened the door, and walked her in. She was still crying slightly, and I didn't bother to comfort her. I was tired, tired of myself and my ability to hurt people.
Pansy, Hermione, Pansy again.
It was dark, and the small flicker of light from the open door vanished as soon as I shut it. I could make out Pansy's delicate frame in my room only from the moonlight. I heard her shiver, and I didn't know if she was scared or not. I would be scared of me. There was only the sound of her breathing in the room.
"Draco…turn on the light, please." She said quietly, her voice thick from crying.
I didn't answer, nor did I do what she asked. She opened her mouth to speak again, but nothing came out. She went to leave, and I grabbed her wrist. She looked at me, surprised, but still sad.
"Please…stay."
She sighed, and slowly came into my arms. "Draco", she murmured, sounding a little more content. The sadness refused to leave her voice.
I was numb, and I wondered how long it would take me to get feeling back.
I didn't want that for Pansy, after all the things that I had done to her. I couldn't do that to her, or to anyone else.
I wanted her to feel something.
I leaned in and brushed in my lips against hers. She sighed, and deepened the kiss fragilely. I could feel some restraint left in her, and I was determined to get rid of that. For once, Pansy was afraid to advance on me.
I would show her that tonight she wouldn't have to be.
Tonight, only for tonight.
I unzipped her dress and it fell to floor in a fluffy pile of pink. I kicked it to the side, and I felt her hands deftly unbutton my shirt. I let her. I kissed her neck, lightly, moving her hair out of my way, and cupped her breasts in my hands. She whimpered. I didn't bother to look at her, or to make sure that she wanted to do this. By the time we had fell onto the bed, I had managed to snag a hard on, and Pansy was undressed. I let my hands run against her body, giving her pleasure that no one could give me.
Was this pity sex? I didn't know.
Pansy went to unzip my trousers, and I didn't object as I had last time. She had now regained her potency somewhat, and she was moaning eagerly, her nails digging into my bare shoulders. I didn't want to think of anything, or feel anything, I just wanted Pansy to. I was Pansy's toy, and I wasn't going to fight back now. I wasn't about to disappoint her.
For once, I let myself fall into Pansy, and fall into darkness.
I needed to satisfy someone tonight, to show them that I cared.
And I didn't care how.
VVVVV
So the ball has arrived, and issues have ensued! This one took the longest time to write, more than any other chapter I have ever written, so I really hoped you guys enjoyed it! There are going to be so many issues between Draco and Hermione and everyone else that they'll have to solve. Please feel free to review, comment, or leave constructive criticism! Love to all!