Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plot, but I wish I owned Draco! If I did, I think I would be doing other things with him…making me too busy to write this! ;D

Ch. 26

It was seven o clock at night, and up until a few minutes ago, I had been in the library with Draco, just talking. We had been in there with each other for about three hours, and we seemed to have lost track of time.

That always happened. Whenever I was with him, I seemed to lose track of time.

I smiled to myself as I climbed up the stairs to my dormitory.

It had been a good talk, and we had talked about a lot of things, things I would've never imagined myself talking about with Draco Malfoy, of all people. As a matter of fact, up until two and a half months ago, I would've never imagined myself being able to have a decent conversation with him at all.

It was strange, the connection I was able to conjure with him when we talked. It felt as if everything was out in the open, almost as if I was comfortable with him knowing more about me.

Was I?

I supposed I was, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to tell him any of the things I had told him. Another thing I found amusing was that he now knew more than Ron and Harry combined. Harry didn't know about my crazy partying activities, and Ron didn't know about me kissing Malfoy.

In fact, I preferred things this way, especially with Ron.

Ron didn't need to know anything, he didn't deserve to, and Harry? Well Harry didn't need to know everything I was up to. Sure it sounded selfish, but so what? With friends like mine, one too busy trying to save the Wizarding world and much too in love with his girlfriend to really notice anything else, and the other who was a selfish, egotistical prat, I had to be a little selfish sometimes.

I was the only one who was really going to look out for myself.

There was something off with that thought, and as soon as I had noticed it, I wished I hadn't thought of it at all.

Ron wasn't really my friend anymore, was he?

As I thought of this, the burning feeling in my eyes from earlier returned, but I stubbornly pushed it away. I wouldn't get upset over this again, I promised myself.

I didn't need him if he didn't need me.

VVVVV

The next morning after I had accidentally met up with Hermione in the library, I went down to breakfast to meet up with Blaise. He had sent me an owl earlier this morning, claiming that he needed to talk to me, and as soon as possible. I decided that breakfast would be the easiest place to meet, as we would be able to take care of whatever it was early.

As I entered the Great Hall and searched for Blaise, I kept trying to think of what he could possibly have to tell me that was as urgent as he claimed. I stopped thinking about it however, when I saw him, sitting at one of the Slytherin tables, deep in conversation with Daphne Greengrass, looking as infatuated as ever. Not wanting to ruin their moment, I went to slip past them, deciding that I could eat a little farther off and wait till they were done, but Blaise, as quick as he was, grabbed hold of my robes as soon as I tried.

"And where do you suppose you're off to?" He asked me, looked jokingly skeptical. I shrugged at him and smiled at Daphne before giving Blaise a suggestive look.

"I didn't want to ruin the little moment you two had going on."

Blaise shook his head and gestured to the seat next to him. "Nonsense, sit down will you? We have something important to tell you."

I raised my eyebrows, looking from Daphne to Blaise. "Don't tell me you two have gotten married?" I asked jokingly. Daphne laughed, a perfectly toned, melodic sound. Blaise shot me a look and stomped, hard, on my foot beneath the table. I got the message, and I fought the urge to wince. He hated it when I embarrassed him in front of girls, although he always did the same thing to me! But it was obvious that Daphne was a bit more important than those girls, so I stopped.

"Bloody joker, he is", Blaise muttered, taking a swig of pumpkin juice. It was Daphne's turn to shake her head, at Blaise nonetheless.

"Well at least he's funny", she teased, smiling through her words. Blaise winked and smirked at her across the table, and she blushed slightly.

It was easy to see why Blaise was so interested in Daphne. She was in fact, very pretty. As I looked at her, I wondered why I had never bothered to pay attention to her before. She had perfect, creamy smooth looking skin with a hint of tan, pretty hazel eyes that seemed to light up when she laughed, and long, silky, chestnut brown hair. She also had full pink lips, and a perfect little button nose.

As pretty as I found her, I would never go after her, especially if my best friend was interested. Another reason was that to me, there seemed to be something she lacked. But why did my opinion matter? Blaise was the one that was interested in her, not me. I was happy for them.

"Okay you two. What was it exactly that you had to tell me?" I inquired, taking a green apple from the platter of fruit in front of me and biting into it. I really needed to stop having these, I was getting addicted. Before Blaise could open his mouth, Daphne interjected.

"I talked to Pansy."

I was midway through swallowing when I felt a piece of apple lodge in my throat at her statement. I took a moment to swallow properly before my eyes widened in disbelief.

"You what?"

I was surprised, and for some reason, a bit petrified. I hadn't known that when Blaise mentioned he would tell Daphne to talk to Pansy that she would have done it so soon, while the matter was still fresh.

"You heard her", said Blaise, waving me off. "She talked to her, and apparently, Pansy is really upset about it."

Of course she would be. I had used her for the umpteenth time for my own satisfaction. She probably thought she meant nothing more to me than a piece of meat. My fingers went up to pinch the bridge of my nose.

Dear God, I was an idiot.

"Yeah, she really is upset. She keeps on trying to brush it off, but it seems like she can't. She looked so sad and depressed when I talked to her, I almost couldn't take it." Daphne said wistfully.

This wasn't helping. This was just making me feel worse, even guiltier than I had been before. I groaned and rested my head against the table. This was my entire fault, and no matter how hard I tried to pin the blame on someone else, the guilt always remained with me.

"Take it easy mate, it's not like she hasn't gotten upset at you before", Blaise mused, patting my back.

"This is different", I heard myself reply through gritted teeth. "You didn't hear all of the horrible things I said to her."

Blaise really didn't understand. Sure, he had used girls for sex, or for some careless fun, but he had never treated a girl the way I had treated Pansy at the ball. He wouldn't, and he had more control over his emotions, and more common sense than to do something as stupid as I had done.

"There's really no need to give yourself a brain hemorrhage over it though. Why don't you apologize?" Daphne suggested, and I could hear the guilt in her voice for telling me, and the pity she felt for me as well.

The way she said it made it seem so easy.

"Agreed", Blaise admitted, and I wanted to tell him to bugger off. I was so tired of this. I wanted to be done with all of this drama! As Blaise and Daphne sat there, shooting each other furtive looks of guilt on my behalf, something clicked in my brain. I raised my head from the table.

"Where is she?" I asked them exasperatedly.

"Who, Pansy?" Daphne asked. She seemed so concerned that I felt guilty for letting Blaise and myself involve her in this. Nonetheless, she had definitely helped. "She's probably getting ready in her dormitory, dancing as usual. She's usually not a breakfast person", she added. Of course Pansy wouldn't be at breakfast, she never was the majority of the time. She happened to think that breakfast made her fat.

Suddenly, I stood up from the table, startling Blaise and Daphne.

"Where are you going?" Blaise asked confusedly.

With a newfound strength, I replied, "I'm going to go talk to Pansy."

And with that, I left, not bothering to wait or look back for the two's reactions.

I knew exactly what to do. I knew what needed to happen.

I was set and determined, but on my way out of the Great Hall, something was brought to my attention.

Weasley was walking in with Sylvia Trenton or whatever her name was, who was looking as slutty as ever. She was clinging to him as a little child would cling to their father, whining and moaning for something. Instead of whining though, Sylvia seemed to busy whispering and giggling into the ginger's ear. I sneered as I came towards them. After Hermione had told me everything he had done, I was determined to seek her some justice. To my satisfaction, Weasley's goofy smile seemed to vanish as soon as I approached them. I looked them over, and smirked.

"Excuse me Weasel, but I believe this is an area for eating, not for public displays of affection." I sneered, looking over Sylvia with an obvious disgust. She looked up at me, and I saw her shift a little closer to her boy toy. I turned back to Weasley, whose face displayed an air of utter contempt. "Ten points from Gryffindor", I added.

He nearly turned puce. "What! How have we done anything wrong? We've just bloody walked in –"

I narrowed my eyes at him, and I felt my smirk grow a fairly large amount. "And I think I'll add in a detention as well, for talking back to the Head Boy. We wouldn't want those removed points to get lonely, now would we?"

"Listen ferret –"

"Shall I alert the Head Girl about this?" I added knowingly, and as I read the redhead's eyes, I could tell that he knew I knew something. The look on Weasley's face just about made my day. "Didn't think so", I said quietly, sneering at him. As soon as I was done, I pushed past them, leaving Weasley and his slut to enjoy their breakfast.

I had business to attend to, and I wasn't about to let someone as worthless as the Weasel interrupt me.

After all, I had only done it for Hermione.

I couldn't help the small smile that came to my face when I imagined the reaction she would have when I told her. She would be very happy, very happy indeed.

Despite the depressing task ahead of me, I bounded down the stairs to the Slytherin dungeons with a more cheerful spring in my step.

VVVVV

When I arrived at the dungeons, an intense wave of nostalgia hit me. I hadn't been in the dungeons since the beginning of the year, since I had been appointed Head Boy and given my own quarters. I had missed it. Looking at the bluish-green light that shone through the windows from the water of the lake, I remembered all of the memories I had had in the Slytherin common room. There had been many, many good times, many parties, and many difficult circumstances, and as I thought about them, I realized that I wouldn't trade them for the world. They had helped shape me into the person I was today.

Scratch that. Maybe I would trade them then.

As I stood there, reliving my memories, the melancholy sound of a piano seeped into the room. I looked up and the fluid thoughts of my memories disappeared. I realized that the source of the music was coming from the girls' dormitories.

Pansy?

Immediately, I went for the stairs, and as I began to reach the room, the music became louder and louder. I came into the small, narrow hallway and listened again. When I realized the music was coming from an open door a few paces to the left, I walked over, careful to make as little noise as possible. I hoped that everyone except Pansy would still be at breakfast, because if anyone saw me up here, it wouldn't bring good results. I peered into the open doorway, and the music was so loud I couldn't even hear my own footsteps. That didn't matter however, because I had reached where I needed to be.

Inside, dancing on her own to the soulful voice of a young woman with piano and violin accompaniment was Pansy, completely unaware that I was watching her from only a few feet away. I was cautious at first to watch her, and pondered if I should just turn off the music with my wand. But I left it. I left her alone. The least I could do was let her be happy in the moment she was having.

As I watched her, twirling and leaping about like a graceful swan, I remembered that even though I had only seen Pansy dance once, in fourth year, it was still one of my favorite things about her. Watching her dance put me at peace, in a way, and I appreciated her for it.

I watched her for a few more minutes, her sad and graceful dance coming to an end, and as it did, I listened to the lyrics.

'Sometimes I wish for falling, wish for the release, wish for falling through the air to give me some relief, because falling is not the problem when I'm falling I'm at peace suddenly when I hit the ground it causes only grief'

Then the dance came to a stop, exactly on cue with the music, and the beauty of it was astonishing to me. Pansy was still standing there, breathing hard, with her back to me. I wondered how long I would be able to stand there, if I didn't announce myself.

I clapped slowly for a few moments, startling her.

Pansy turned, slowly, and when she saw me standing there against the doorway, she gasped. Her eyes, hurt but still wide in disbelief, stared at me, shocked. Her long, dark hair had been tied up into a high ponytail, and she was clad in nothing but little short shorts and a gray tank top. She had also left her face bare, without a trace of makeup, something that I had rarely seen in all of the years I had known her. I preferred her this way, when she didn't try to cover up her natural beauty. But I wasn't here to admire her.

"Draco?"

"Good morning, Pansy. Have I ever told you how beautifully you danced?"

She stared at me, her gaze turning a bit skeptical. She had also managed to ignore my compliment. "What are you doing here? What do you want?" She asked, grabbing her wand and turning off the next song that had began to play.

"What? Am I not allowed to talk to you anymore?" I asked, surveying her. She shrunk back a little as I did. I didn't blame her for being confused. After all, I had made it pretty clear that I wasn't too fond of her, and yet I was here in her bedroom trying to have a conversation with her. She turned away from me slightly when I didn't answer immediately.

"Well it's not like we have anything to talk about", she said bitterly, and I felt the surge of guilt return and settle in my stomach. I stepped into the room without her invitation, realizing that I had been standing against the doorway this whole entire time.

"Pansy, you know that's not true. For God's sake, you know why I'm here."

"Of course I know! You either want one of two things, sex or to cause me embarrassment. That's the way it's always been for years, if you haven't noticed." She bit back, and the anger in her voice made me want to leave or scream at her. Did she really think I was here for either of those things? Didn't she know guilty I felt?

"Pansy, I'm sorry." I blurted out, before I could find a better way to say it. She turned to me, shaking her head. Her eyes were rimmed with tears.

"You don't know what you're talking about", she replied, and her voice was strong, unlike the expression on her face. "Just leave alright? I'm not going to give you want!"

I looked at her, torn between wanting to do as she said or hug her. "I don't want anything from you Pansy. Don't you understand? All I want is for you to know that I'm sorry. For everything."

I had meant what I said. Whether she wanted to believe it or not was up to her.

She rolled her eyes at me, still trying to act as if she wasn't hurt, as if this didn't matter to her. As she did, a tear slid down her face, and she wiped it away before I could do or say anything. "Listen, I'm really not in the mood for bullshit right now, so please leave!" She growled, and I stood there, shocked by her words. Pansy rarely cursed, she was much too ladylike for it, so when she did, you knew she had to be really upset. Another thing was that when she was upset, she never lashed out, but instead, pouted until she got what she wanted. This was a new side to her which I had never seen before.

Tension sat in the room like thick smog, making it hard to breathe. All I could do was try again and again, until she believed me.

"Pansy, whether you choose to believe it or not, I really am sorry, not just for what happened at the ball, but for all of the years that I've ever –"

"Just shut up!" She shrilled, moving towards me and attempting to push me out of the room. I didn't budge, and she punched me, hard, on the shoulder. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. She hit me again, and again, and I did nothing. I was beginning to feel numb again. After a few more punches, her head slumped against my now probably bruised and aching shoulder, her body trembling from her sobs. Her hands gripped the front of my robes.

"Don't you understand?" Pansy choked out, her voice thick from sobbing. "All I want to do is try and forget about it, and I can't because you keep trying to make it worse! I don't need your apology, and I don't need your pity! I feel guilty enough!"

I looked down at her. She really didn't understand, did she? She was too distraught to comprehend that what I was trying to help her. Tentatively, I placed an arm around her, and when she didn't object, I placed the other around her, enveloping her in my arms. I stood there and let her cry, her tears seeping into my fresh robes.

"You don't need to be guilty for anything Pans. This is my fault, not yours", I told her, speaking over her sobs, my throat dry. I didn't know what to do to make this better, and I wished I had never come up here, acting as if I knew what I was doing. I had only made things worse. "I'm sorry", I muttered again, trying to push away the silence that repeatedly kept trying to creep into me.

"I really wish things could've turned out differently."

Pansy looked up at me then, her eyes big and red, the remnants of tears still clinging to her cheeks. "You do?" she whispered.

I nodded.

I really, truly did. I wished I didn't always have to end up hurting the ones that cared for me.

Maybe then I could've loved her the way she loved me.

But I didn't, I couldn't ever see myself doing so. We were too different, and not in the good way. Maybe one day we could patch things up and start over. Be friends.

"Yeah, maybe." I heard Pansy murmur, and until then I hadn't realized I had been speaking out loud. It seemed she was done crying, and the guilt inside my stomach seemed to ebb away slightly. I had a feeling it would never fully leave me. "I want to say I forgive you, but –"

"Don't", I said, cutting Pansy off. The fact that she was so willing to give me more than a second chance made me want to make her hate me, so that she would realize how much of a horrible person I really was. I didn't want her to be naïve. She deserved better than me.

She deserved a whole person.

Without warning, I took her head in my hands and pressed my lips, softly, against her forehead. I stood there for a moment, inhaling the scent of her matching shampoo and perfume that I had grown to know so well over the years. Pansy had closed her eyes, but the emotion was still etched clearly across her features. Realizing that I would never again be this close to her made this apology seem like a goodbye. I hadn't realized that this would be so hard.

Slowly, I took my hands away from her face and stepped away from her. Pansy didn't call out to me as I walked the few paces back to the doorway without looking at her. At the last moment, I turned around, deciding that there was no harm in taking one last look. She looked as if she wanted to say something to me, but I wouldn't give her the chance. It would be best to cut off ties the way it was now.

"Take care, Pansy", I murmured, staring at her.

She nodded, almost discreetly, and I didn't wait for words.

I walked out of her room, and hopefully, for her sake, out of her life, for the very last time.

Nothing had happened, and I wasn't going to look back.

What was done was done.

VVVVV

Hey guys! So this is my first update back from Thanksgiving break! It's great to be back, and I hope you guys had a great vacation! What do you guys think of the story so far? Feel free to review or leave constructive criticism/ideas! Love to all!