WARNING: Language

Disclaimer: I do not in anyway own these characters. All rights belong to Marvel etc.

NOTE: The words in Italics that are not contained in "" [and that stand alone, not in a sentence] are the characters thoughts and not intended for others to overhear. [ although it does sometimes happen.]

The words in "Italics" are a conversation intended to be heard between the 'mind link'.

[Note: "Loks" is being changed to "Lokes". It will be edited in previous chapters asap.]

Thank you to all betas and reviewers!

[I wanted this one to be a surprise.]

Director Nick Fury started out his day as normal as any other. As everyone knows, that means everything is going to go to shit. He woke with a slightly stronger headache than usual. Nothing strange enough to make note of, as it faded while he drove into work. The phone rang from the dashboard of his car, causing his ever present scowl to deepen.
Pressing a button on the wheel, he answered, "This better not be important. I'm not gonna' get there any faster in this traffic."

"It's Doom, sir, he's escaped."

Doctor Doom sat in his white walled cell, deep inside SHEILD's helicarrier. According to the director, the world was safer if Doom was on the move constantly. The Doctor disagreed with that notion, failing to see how keeping an intelligent inventor on a giant flying machine was 'safer' for anyone. Sadly, no immediate plans of escape seemed probable. He sat on his cot, a finger picking at a small ridge of metal on the wall. They had removed his armor, exposing his burnt flesh for all to see. Although the guards remained quiet and professional, Doom knew what they thought of him. Without his shell, the doctor felt as though he was simply Victor again. Flesh and blood, weak and hideous. This whole experience was working wonders on his self esteem.

"Doctor Doom has escaped!" a voice over a loud speaker announced. Several obnoxious alarms sounded at once along with a female voice stating that a 'Number 5 Lock Down' was in progress. Victor, more confused than he ever felt in his entire life, stood and approached the clear glass front of his prison. A moment later, several guards and a female agent arrived to peer into his cage.

The doctor huffed in amusement. "Agents, as you can see, I have not escaped. Yet."
There was a long, tense moment of people peering through the glass before the woman spoke.
"I don't know how he did it, but he's down right disappeared." Turning away, she barked orders for an internal parameter check.
"Someone get me Fury on the line, now!"

Doom waited for someone to come back and tell him to relax, that it was just a joke or some sort of test. When none came, he lifted a hand and waved it in front of his face.

"I thought you were considered to be intelligent," said a familiar, drawling voice from behind him. Victor jerked in surprise and turning, found a green and black clad man standing in the small cell.

Doom stared, not bothering to mask his contempt.
"You again. I assume this is your doing? Explain what is going on, immediately!"

Loki smiled with too many teeth, baring them like an animal ready to pounce. "I fear you are correct on your assumptions that you are invisible. They shall neither hear you, nor feel you. You are but a ghost, haunting this ship."

Crossing his arms, the doctor sneered at the confidence of the man in front of him. "What on earth could you possibly gain from making them think I have escaped, when I have not?"

Loki stepped closer, his hands clasped behind his back in a distinct show of confidence. It spoke volumes of how vulnerable and weak he knew Doom was. Victor did not even register as a threat.

A low chuckle proceeded his next words. "What we gain is of little importance to you. Although, I might want to mention something about your little predicament."

Doom snarled quietly, glaring into the man's eyes with all the hatred he could muster. "And what would that be?"

Loki's smile returned, toothy and venomous. "They do not feed ghosts." he said, before disappearing from the cell.

Fury pulled into New York's SHEILD headquarters with a renewed migraine. Exiting his car with inhuman speed, he reached the desk before the guard had time to pull out his key card. Fury moved forward without stopping, swiping his own card as he reached the door. The director's face abruptly met with the door, which failed to open. The young guard froze, his key card slipping from his stunned fingers to the floor. If the man hadn't worked here for over a year already, he would have burst out laughing. As it was, he already felt the blame for this creeping up on him.
The director calmly turned on his heel and swooped down, picking up the man's card. In one swift movement, he spun around and swiped the card past the scanner. The door opened and he stepped through without a word. Only after the door closed did Fury stop to wipe the small dribble of blood from his nose.

Someone's day was gonna' end, today.

After many stops to explain, in his best shout, why he failed to have his usual clearance pass, Fury made it to the observation room.

"Show me the footage from his cell."

"Right away, sir. You can see him here," Agent Hill pointed to the cot on screen where Doom picked at the wall, "doing absolutely nothing interesting. The next second, he's gone. No heat signature, no air disturbance; not even a puff of smoke."

Fury's teeth ground together in synch with the gears in his head. Doom was a deeply intelligent man. If Stark wasn't such a good looking quick thinker, the doctor would rule the world of technology. As far as plans go, Doom wasn't very good at thinking ahead. A month in a cell doing nothing, then suddenly—poof? Something was off about this, other than the fact that a man just disappeared off his helicarrier without a trace.

"I need to get up there, see the room myself," he said, turning to leave the room.
Agent Hill stopped him. "Sir, there's something else..."

Nick froze, continuing to face the door. "Isn't there always? What is it now?"

"It's the 'Casket of Ancient Winters', sir. It's gone."

-

Loki. Mother fucking Loki Laufeyson Frost Giant Jr.
This entire thing had his greasy little fingerprints all over it.

Fuming, the director reached his office with considerably less stops this time. Stabbing a finger into the keys on his phone, he speed dialed the Avengers Tower.

An electronic, British voice answered. "Director Fury, please state the reason for your call."

"The reason for my call is to speak to a god damn human being over there. Connect me to someone." Fury jabbed the speaker phone button and slammed the phone in its cradle.

"I'm afraid the Avengers no longer follow orders from you, sir. Unless there is a valid reason for you to be calling, I'm afraid I must hang up."

Fury's patience ran thinner than usual. "Listen, you piece of scrap metal, Loki has just released a dangerous criminal into the world and he stole a weapon of mass destruction. Get me a god damn Avenger on the phone!"

There was a moment before Jarvis responded. "I'm afraid that would be impossible, sir, considering Mr. Laufeyson has been in the tower since yesterday evening."

The director froze, glaring down at the phone. He was getting the run-around from a damn machine. "What you understand about that slimy magician is very little compared to what I know. So before I come over there and put a bullet in your hard drive... Put. Someone. On. The goddamn. Phone!"

Jarvis' tone sounded amused. "I'm afraid I know everything that you know about Mr. laufeyson, and more. Now if you are finished making threats against technology, I shall end this call."

Fury's jaw dropped. "Are you really a robot?"

"No less than you are, sir. Good day."

It took all of Fury's effort to not smash the phone into the wall repeatedly. Luckily, he didn't have to focus on it much longer.

Somewhere off the coast of New York city, the helicarrier made an alarming creaking sound before suddenly changing direction. Another set of alarms buzzed across the ship and back on the ground, a small light began to flash on the director's desk. He glared at it until he was positive it wasn't going to stop blinking on its own, and pulled up his computer screen. Onscreen he watched as the carrier started to move away from New York.

Fury dialed the control room.
"You guys mind telling me why you're off course all of a sudden?"

The woman at the other end answered fearfully, "We don't know yet, sir. The entire craft is out of our control and it seems to be heading north. I think we've been hacked, sir."

Watching as the craft seemed to do a loop-de-loop on screen, Fury started to grind his teeth again.
"Shut it all down and turn on the emergency landing protocols. After that, try a reboot. Call me if anything else goes wrong."

"But, sir, we have the crates of live test animals to-"

Hanging up before the woman could finish, Fury dialed Agent Hill.
"Director, the helicarrier is-"

"I know. It's flying around in circles like a teenage prick in a parking lot," Fury growled. "I need men. We're going to see some Avengers."

It took a half hour to get into the Avengers Tower. The usual ways of entering were all barred, including the usual SHEILD hack. In the end, they were forced to blow one of the doors off its hinges and march in like a police raid. Fury stepped through first, ignoring the tingle on his skin as he passed through the door. Guns ready, he and fifty of his soldiers worked their way up to the top levels. Fury frowned at the empty labs as a seed of doubt started to grow.

Where the hell was everyone?

There was a high pitched scream from down the hall. Fury drew his weapon and joined Agent Hill to investigate. The man who had screamed stumbled backwards out of the room, looking embarrassed.

"Is it Loki?" Fury asked, stepping in front of the man to view the room. He stopped, his jaw tensing at the sight that greeted him. Arranged around the room were six cardboard cut-outs of the Avengers and Loki. Each one posing as if caught innocently in the middle of doing something. The Black Widow was leaning against a wall, looking towards Clint with an amused smirk. Thor, next to his brother, looked positively pleased to be there, whereas Loki faced the door with a glare. Fury dragged his eyes around the room until he found Stark. The cardboard cut-out was in a corner and the man pictured had his pants dropped down, mooning the entire room.
Fury felt his temperature rise.
"Is this motherfucker kidding me?"

"Sir," Hill spoke up, "there are more of these around the tower."

Fury turned and stalked out of the room, ignoring the sudden wave of reports over the radio.
"Sir, I've found them! Oh... Never mind it's just.."

"Oh god! Oh god...what are they doing!? Is he doing that with...Loki!?"

"It's them! I found- no, I'm sorry."

"Director, you need to see this. There's a message for you."

Fury frowned. "Where?"

The common room was empty except for another set of cardboard Avengers. This time though, there was one of Fury himself. He was standing, arms crossed, surrounded by the others. There was something considerably threatening about the way they were posed. Each one looked deadly serious, all facing the cardboard Fury, yet their eyes were looking directly at where the real director stood.
Fury shrugged off a shiver at how carefully planned this was, for a bunch of childish shits. "Where's the message, or is this it?"

Agent Hill cleared her throat. "You might want to step back and look down, sir."

Glaring at her for lack of a previous warning, the director stepped back to view the message, his feet now sticky with what looked an awful lot like blood.
Scrawled across the floor in front of the cardboard Fury's feet read,
"We know what you did last summer."

Tony chuckled and handed the binoculars to Bruce.
"Take a look, I'm gonna' try for a triangle now. Let's test some sharp turns in this baby!"

Bruce lifted the binoculars to peer at the large, spiraling craft. "Don't. You don't want to kill people." There was a giggle from Tony. Bruce frowned at his friend. "You don't, do you?"

"Hey, you had no problem with the loop-de-loop an hour ago. I doubt a triangle with cause more damage than that." Tony flashed a grin at the doctor.

Bruce smiled back at him bitterly. "They pursued me around the globe and threatened the people I care about. A loop-de-loop is a lot less damaging than what I want to do to them."

"Then let's get some geometry going, shall we?" Tony powered up the controller and let out a content sigh. "This is better than alcohol. I never thought I'd say that in my life."

Clint laughed from across the roof, his lawn chair placed in front of a telescope. "Don't make this your new addiction. This one might actually kill you." Steve tsked and shook his head from his perch on an air conditioner.

Bruce nodded in agreement and settled back into his own green striped lawn chair.
Tony grumbled and squinted at the ship, trying to see his execution of the triangle. "Don't worry about it guys, I've already got a new addiction."

Bruce watched through the binoculars as Tony pulled off a vertical hexagon, trying to think of what his friend meant. He fidgeted for a moment with the zoom, but gave in.
"Alright, I'll bite. What is it?"

"What is what?" Tony glanced over, distracted from another perfect spiral.

"What's your new addiction?"

Eyebrows raised, Tony hoists a thumb over his shoulder at the lounging figure of Loki.
"That pearly piece of ass right there."

Loki glanced up at this, looking at Banner, before he shrugged and went back to watching his tablet's screen. Steve groaned from his seat on the AC unit, and went back to sulking.

Bruce blinked slowly at Tony, then let out a huff of laughter. "I walked right into that one." Glancing back at the god, he directed his question to Loki. "How are the SHEILD agents doing? Any of them headed our way yet?"

Standing to stretch, Loki tossed the tablet onto the reclining chair. "Looks like our Director has figured it out. We should gather together now."

"Finally!" Clint yelled, jumping up. "I haven't had much to do all this time. You guys took all the fun."

Natasha rolled her eyes as she unfurled gracefully from her own chair. "What are you complaining about? You were the one who set up most of those cut-outs. You were having way too much fun. Everyone else got bored."

Steve jumped down and wandered over, grumbling quietly at no one in particular. Both Tony and Clint threw a glare at him out of habit.

Tony slapped the captain on the back."Don't sulk, Spangle Toes. You helped too. You brought the American touch to our little revenge."

Glaring, Steve shrugged Tony's arm off. "Am I the only one who thinks we're going too far? None of you feel even the least bit guilty?"

The others glanced at one another before looking back at him. Natasha shrugged.
"Rogers, you don't know half of what Fury has done in his long time post as director."

Steve came closer to the group, his confidence waning.
"Maybe if you told me what he did, I would have less trouble with this."

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you," Natasha returned, smiling as if it was a joke. Her tone, though, was serious.

"Steve, he let us hunt Loki even though he knew my Frosty was being controlled," Tony said. "He was the one who nearly killed both Lokes and myself with that little test of his. He makes weapons, which isn't saying much when I say it. Oh, and he chased Bruce around with threats."

Bruce muttered, "And he does useless, scientific tests on reptiles..."

Tony continued, "He lies, he cheats, he probably has a second wife. He's wrinkly and is missing an eye. Need I say more?" Stark raised an eyebrow, not really asking for an answer.

Steve looked away apologetically, "I didn't forget what he did to you, Tony. I just don't want innocent people getting hurt."

"They always do when the big guys fight. But I'll lighten up on the joy ride, just for the sake of your morals." Tony quietly squeezed his shoulder as they lined up, facing the only door to the roof.

Landing gracefully, Thor joined them with a solemn face. "There seems to be no one coming to aid them from the skies."

The moment he reached the group, the door burst open to reveal a scary looking man with an eye patch. The group remained silent as soldiers fanned around around them, leaving a gap for Fury to approach.

"First off, I wanna' start by saying a personal 'Fuck You' to you, Stark," Fury spat, pointing at Tony threateningly. Tony smiled slowly and said nothing.
A silent Tony Stark was director lost a little steam at the lack of response.
"Secondly, all of you are now responsible for harboring a dangerous criminal. Loki released Doctor Doom earlier today and while he was there, stole back the casket."

Loki snorted and leaning his head back to look down his nose in disdain.
"I assure you that I did neither of those things. In fact, you might want to be sure Doom is actually missing."

Fury gritted his teeth, his finger twitching on the trigger of his gun. A glance at Thor loosened his grip a little. The god could be intimidating.
"He isn't in his cell, and you were there around the same time he disappeared, stealing the casket. Doom we can handle on our own. You with a weapon of mass destruction, we can't."

Loki laughed outright and stepped forward a little from the group.
"Shall I start my list, now? Firstly, Doom is safe in his cell. As safe as he can be after such a joyful ride." Tony snickered. Loki paused for a moment, letting the tension build. "Secondly, you never had the casket in your possession."

"Excuse me? Are you telling me you gave us a fucking fake?!"
Fury exploded. This was the absolutely final motherfucking straw.

His question was greeted by Loki's cold sneer. "Director, you deserve applause for figuring it out so quickly. Did you honestly expect me to give you something so dangerous? Really. After you were given the Tesseract, what was it that you chose to do with it? Unlimited power was bumped down the list for weapons development. I may be a dangerous man, but at least I do not hide behind the false pretense of justice." Loki glanced down at his hands in distaste."Also, as I told you before, I am the only one left who can control the casket. If your scientists were able to open it, it would have killed everyone in this pathetic realm. Even I would have been powerless to stop that."

Fury's eyes narrowed as he moved closer. "So that was you this morning, poking around in my goddamn head. You aren't doing a great job in convincing me that you're not a mad dog that needs to be put down." He gestured with his gun at the rest of the group. "How about you lot? You're just gonna' let this asshole run around with a deadly weapon? I might wanna' add, the shit you just pulled can land you in one of our cells."

Tony smiled, tilting his head to the side. "Funny—as far as I can tell, Loki always has a deadly weapon. I believe it's himself? Also, I'm the only one in the group who's actually done anything illegal. Not that you can prove it." He nodded to the god to his left. " Loki never stole anything or released Doom. The rest of them are guilty of nothing other than having way too much fun with my money and a print shop. Loki might have helped a little there too. Oh my god, what a villain!"

At this point, Fury was trembling with his surname. "You know, Stark, you seem to be the one dragging everyone down. Ever since you got back from your little honey moon, you've butchered the Avengers, slept with a criminal, and made an enemy of one of the most powerful organizations in the world."

A burst of laughter echoed across the roof as Tony dashed forward, to the front of the group. Bruce tensed up, his eyes flicking to Thor questioningly. Thor caught the look and nodded a little, gripping his hammer.

"Aw, shucks, Patches." Tony said, grinning amiably. "You ain't my enemy. If I considered you my enemy," he went on, his smile dropping with his tone, "there would be no SHEILD by this time tomorrow."

Fury opened his mouth to reply, only to be stopped again by Tony. "You brought us together, this little group of rejects. We just showed you a small glimpse of what we are capable of. Call it a playful show of our hand. So let me ask you this, do you really think you should be threatening us?"

There was a moment where Tony could clearly see his words sink in. Fury's one eye widened for a fraction of a second before barely controlled rage seeped back in.

He leaned forward, his gun raised to chest level now, aiming at Tony.
"You're right about one thing, Stark. We know exactly what you're capable of, meaning we can predict your every move."

Loki slipped in front of Tony with a slow, deliberate movement. A snarling smile played across his face. "Then, Director, I assume you know everything about me. Please, predict my next action."

Fury's gun snapped up and aimed for Loki's head. Holding perfectly still, he snarled at the god,
"I predict that your motherfucking head is gonna' be blow off if you don't stand down."

The ring finger on Loki's left hand bent slightly, and the Avengers all shifted closer to him. Frowning, the director eyed them with discomfort at their lack of concern.

Loki bared his teeth in another deadly grin.
"Incorrect. My apologies Director, but you shall be the one to retreat."

"What the fuck are you-"
A wall of light immediately surrounded the Avengers. Steve tucked in closer to avoid any contact with the mass of teal colored magic. A moment later it was over, leaving the group standing alone on the roof.

"Well, that worked amazingly well." Tony said, looking around at the rooftop, satisfied.

"Where did you send them all?" Steve asked, with a hint of concern.

Loki turned and pointed out to sea at the helicarrier before smiling.

"Oh, you are the best boyfriend in the world!" Tony ran to scoop up his remote control unit, and then threw himself back into the lawn chair. " I'm taking votes on where to send them. Step right up and voice your choice now, folks."

Steve spoke in warning, "No more acrobatics, Stark."

"Of course not. But I'm thinking 'Australia'."

Deep in vast silence of the Outback, a flock of birds startled and suddenly changed direction. Gunshots rang out 20,000 feet over Uluru, where, in a hall littered with broken glass and the remains of lab animal packing crates, Fury shouted into an earpiece, "Will somebody tell me why we got motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking helicarrier!"

So, Sympathy for Fury?

This was either going to be "The Avenger's Day Off" Or "Nick Fury Has a Bad Day"

Thanks to Juliet for helping me!

Review! I live for them, they feed my drive!

Thank you!