Disclaimer: Sadly none of the AMC or Walking Dead original characters are mine. Poo.

Notes: Thanks to all the readers and reviewers, you guys rock my socks! Like seriously it's a sock hop over here. : D Mad props to my beta Angelinaa; any mistakes left are totally mine and should reflect in no way on her awesome.

Remember guys when you make typos the Erorrists win. (and sometimes with me...they win a lot)

Happy Saturday!

Chapter Fifty-Three

(Daryl's POV)

"I need to talk to you." Rick's tone is clipped; his mouth pulled into a puckered twist, cheeks hollowed out like he's eaten something that doesn't agree with him.

Daryl recognizes it instantly after a quick glance over his shoulder as the expression he always makes when he's upset about something or other.

Too bad Daryl also couldn't give a shit bout what's got his panties in a pinch right now, not after what just happened.

"It can wait."

He's not leaving her right now. His hands are still shaking where he's got them pressed flat to the mattress next to her shoulder after the adrenaline rush of hearing Carol calling him frantically back downstairs. His heart is still racing in his chest after finding her passed out on the tile floor…mumbling something about Abby and Mika and him against his chest when he picked her up soaking wet and freezing cold again just like when he pulled her out of the river.

He leaves for less than thirty god damn minutes, and she tries to drown in a shower.

Carol is still with them, doesn't comment on the tense air between the two men but her eyes flick to Daryl's face before dropping swiftly back to focus on her hands redressing Fin's shoulder. Daryl is grateful not just for her help; now and before when she tossed a towel over Fin's limp form after he picked her up so he could get her back down the hallway without Rick and everyone getting an eyeful. He's grateful just for her steadying presence; she's all that's keeping him grounded right now…stopping him from putting his fist through the closest wall.

She followed his path down the hallway silently to their bed, waited near his side while he set her down again. Stays out of his way, even as she checks her pulse and breathing, she doesn't even comment or make him feel embarrassed when he yanks his t-shirt over his head and slips it over Fin's replacing the wet towel.

Carol ignores all of that, still checking her for a fever, fretting under her breath over the fact that she was fine just minutes before… apparently well enough that she was talking to Mika and Carol both like nothing was wrong.

Damn stubborn girl. No matter what he does trouble finds her.

Daryl's gaze slides to Carol's face once more, once again unbelievably grateful for her presence even if he can't find the words to say so out loud…but it's Carol, so she simply nods to him with a small smile, already knows he's thankful but can't find the words to speak. Certainly not around the knot that's been in his throat since he hauled her back in here.

"I think she's fine, she needs to eat, it's been days since she kept anything down but liquid."

"Daryl, Now."

"I Said No Rick!" What's so God Damn important it can't wait? He raises his hand to his face, covers his eyes for a moment, continues quieter but just as gruff. "It'll wait."

He needs to bring her food, make her eat it, maybe he mixed the meds wrong this afternoon…

"No it can't wait. Carol will watch her. Upstairs. Now." Daryl knows that tone, but ignores it.

He's too busy still staring down at Fin's unconscious form to notice Rick moving up behind him until his hand drops to his shoulder, he shrugs it off, jerks away with a snarl.

"Later Rick."

"No. Now." Rick steps back from his reach the second he's on his feet. They glower at each other in silence.

Carol peeks over her shoulder at Rick's expression, the corners of her mouth turn down like she might have something more to add to their exchange but all she verbalizes is a quick; "I'll watch her Daryl, it's okay."

"I'm not leaving her: so talk."

Carol tenses, looks ready to throw herself between them at any second…he suddenly realizes his hands are clenched into white knuckled fists at his sides, feels his face contorted into an expression he hasn't worn since his brother was around…he has to make a conscious effort to relax them both.

"We're gonna talk about what happened at that farm house. You really think that's something she needs to wake up and hear?!"

Rick's glare sends a hot knife through his chest. He deflates instantly.

No it isn't.

He never wants her to think about that again, and he can't say what he needs to …not with Carol staring at him wide eyed like that. She doesn't know…but judging by the way she starts biting her lip she's started imagining all kinds of nightmares he has no desire to confirm.

The more people know, the more real it feels…the more it burns his insides like acid and hot coals.

His eyes dart away to his boots, shoulders slumping further one hand rubs at his suddenly burning eyes.

Carol's outrage and disgust at his failures would be just as bad as Fin's…maybe worse; she knew everyone he failed to save.

He flees past Rick up the hallway like the true coward he is, needing to get away from Carol and Seraphim both…his shoulders collapse, rolling further under her questioning gaze as he retreats with his tail between his fucking legs.

Merle was right, his God Damn brother was right. He is a fucking good for nothing pussy. A fucking weakling scared of his own shadow, running away from his failures.

He's scared shitless of what Carol will think if she hears this; how she'll judge him…the hate and worse pity he might see in her eyes when she realizes just how weak he really is.

She told him to be strong, but he's not strong…he's not.

He's a coward, and a failure, and pretty soon everyone will know it, but the worst by far will be watching both Carol and Seraphim; that moment when they realize what he is… and then they'll be done with him: and he'll have nothing left.

Fuck how many times has he failed to keep them both safe already? It's a wonder they're here now.

He nearly lost Carol at the farm, twice more over the winter, in the tombs at the prison…he almost didn't open that swinging door…he'd have left her there to die never knowing his betrayal…he left her for his brother, didn't go after her when she left after Rick sent her off…

And Seraphim? Fuck.

How long will it take for her to grow tired of his failed attempts to keep her safe?

He almost got her killed in the woods by Caleb, nearly let her drown, freeze to death, failed to keep her safe from Kyle and Eli and Robert…she got shot and stabbed and thrown off a fucking roof not three feet from where he was standing…

What fucking good is he to anyone?

Rick must know it, that's why he's so upset; he's realized what a mistake it was to send him out with her; expecting him to protect her.

He's fucking useless and everyone knows it.

Pretty soon he won't have anyone left; not at the rate he's failing them: No family, no friends…not even the girl who promised to Stay….

He stops cold.

Shit.

There's a stranger's fist squeezing the life out of his heart, digging at his chest, burning him with that terrifying thought and Fuck, it's the woods all over again after the Peacock farm, and the finding that bite on her neck just moments after he got her back; had her in his fucking arms only to have his chest ripped open all over again…he can't do it. If she leaves it will do what Merle and his father and this whole fucked up world couldn't:

It will destroy him.

Now what the hell is he supposed to do?

It's there now, there's no ignoring it. The sway she has over him is terrifying, he can feel it swell up out of his twisting insides, it burns behind his eyes and seizes the air halfway to his lungs into a strangled choking sound.

His hands are shaking by his side, he wipes his palms on his pant legs with a vicious swipe trying to rid them of the cold sweet that wasn't there just a moment before.

He stopped so suddenly that Rick almost slams into his back in the dark.

"Daryl?"

"S fine." He keeps walking, tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut, the hollow ache in his chest. Rick follows close on his heels. Neither of them speak again as they climb to the top level.

Glenn and Maggie, Michonne and Tyreese are all sitting around the fire pit. Michonne stands up when she takes in Rick's expression behind him, her eyes narrowing flicking between the two of them immediately registering the tension.

"Everything alright?"

Rick nods and waves his hand indicating she should sit back down, she does but looks reluctant about it. Daryl can feel her eyes boring into his back as Rick follows him the rest of the way to the roof.

He wants to be as far away from all of them as possible for this.

Not to hide his shame, there's no point to that now; but because she doesn't need everyone in the group knowing if they don't already exactly what happened that night; realizing just how badly he failed to protect her…

He paces to the edge of the roof once he reaches the top, presses his hands against the concrete half wall staring out into the darkness hiding the pavement and the surrounding trees, the cold night air and lack of any moon has draped the rest of the world in a blanket of nothingness.

"Now, you wanna tell me what happened out there? Cause I knew it was sorta bad, but now I'm thinking I have no idea just how bad. I'm sorry to do this to you but Glenn and Tyreese wouldn't say anything beyond 'Fin got hurt,' which is kinda obvious. Told me to ask Fin, and since that doesn't seem wise I'm asking you. Because whatever just happened down there, that was a Hell of a lot more than just what happened with Lizzie!"

Rick crosses his arms waiting, Daryl can feel the weight of his stare even with his back still turned. "So, you wanna tell me exactly what happened out there that's sent a girl who was one of the most stable people we've ever come across into a total fucking tailspin?"

Fuck. He stands there for a moment jaw clenching repeatedly, guilt and pain ripping through his insides, slamming into him like a tidal wave under Rick's glare.

"Glenn 'n them were staying with a family." His cold detached tone sounds alien and flat even to his own ears.

"They mentioned that."

"They mention they were some kinda redneck Cannibals?"

Rick nods again the lines around his eyes deepening with his scowl, his jaw clenches while he waits for the rest of it.

"Did they tell you that I fucked up trying to get everyone out on my own, and she ended up trying to save all our sorry asses? That she used herself as fucking bait?! Did they tell you it's My Fucking Fault?! Did They!?"

Rick just stares at him while he paces spiting the words out, each step more agitated then the last until he's stomping the short distance between Rick and the wall, screaming the words into the darkness.

"What do you want me to say Rick?! You want me to tell you we escaped just in time to find Eli and Kyle raping her upstairs? That those Sick Fucks thought it was fun to bite her 'til they drew blood and THAT was what Lizzie saw that made her Shoot Fin in the Head?!"

"Daryl Don't!"

His fist hits the wall pain explodes up his arm in a sharp burst while his knuckles sting where the skin splits over bone with the impact. He draws his arm back to do it again when Rick stops him with another shout. Makes a grab for him, trying to lock his arms to his sides to keep him from striking the wall again doing more damage to himself. Heat swallows up all reason, smothers it with a blind rage that has him shoving Rick off him with a wordless snarl and lashing out blindly at his second attempt to stop him; fist swinging at Rick instead of the wall this time.

But Rick is still quick on his feet, or he expected it; maybe both.

Maybe he's just not really that interested in hurting anyone but himself.

That feels about right. Something in him want's Rick to take a swing back, snarls and twists in frustration when he doesn't.

Rick pins his arms to his side, dragging him down to his knees with his weight. Arms tightening over his keeping him there, not that he could get up right now if he tried; he can't seem to control his breathing, or his vision or the ringing in his ears…

"Jesus, Fuck. It's all my fault…" Just drawing air into his lungs is impossible.

"It is Not your fault." Rick's hiss barely reaches his ears, doesn't penetrate through the thick fog of guilt and rage welling up in his chest.

"Yes it is…"

Rick is shaking his head furiously; shakes Daryl's whole frame with his grip on his chest stops him from sobbing it again, nearly has him biting off the tip of his tongue.

"It isn't! People do shitty things, just because you can't stop them all doesn't make you responsible for them! Do not do that to yourself; don't go down that road."

"But fuck… Rick I was right there…I was right fucking there…it was like the Governor all over again…" His voice breaks, seems to be strangled to nothing more than a hoarse whisper in his aching throat. "All those people, fuck…"

His chin drops to his chest, hiding behind a thick curtain of dark locks, ashamed of the failure more than the tears they bring.

"Everyone we've lost, I failed them all…"

He waves his hand in a wild gesture at the darkness, presses his fists over his eyes trying to block out all their faces, some of them are nothing more than a blur, others are perfect imprints; voices and faces and names that seize his heart in his chest and make his breathing snag into a broken sob he can't pretend isn't his.

"I'm a fucking dumb ass for thinking I could do something, change anything… She was fine until we came along…I almost fucking got her killed; Caleb nearly fucking drowned her right in front of me…and then she just walks right onto that farm like it's nothing, trades her life for mine and I aint worth it…"

God he's never felt less worthy in his horrible shit hole of a life. How could he expect to save all of them when he can't even keep one precious girl safe?

No matter what he does pain seems to follow…He should just leave, get as fucking far away from them all as possible so he can't do any more damage to them all…to her…

"Daryl that is a load of shit. There is no way that you let any of us down, ever. Shit happens. Hell, if it wasn't for you I would have been dead ten times over, Carl and Judith...Beth and Carol…we'd all be dead if it wasn't for you."

He shakes his head against Rick's words until Rick shakes him again.

"Don't give me that bullshit, we need you. Your strength, your abilities… We depend on you, hell I depend on you more then you know. You're a better man then me, and it isn't fair for me to ask this, I know that. And I'm sorry. But I need you to keep it together Brother, not just for me, but for her too. I don't know exactly what happened out there while you were gone. I can't imagine what you're going through…but I'm damn sure if it wasn't for you she wouldn't be here right now. And I'm not just talking about saving her life, if it wasn't for you she'd have obviously split by now."

He's shaking his head, eyes squeezed tight. Rick shakes him with his hands still resting on his shoulders like he can shake his words into him, make them into the truth.

"Woodbury? That was not your fault. The Prison? That was not your fault. Whatever happened at that Farm? That is not your fault. Hell I had a chance to kill that Son of a Bitch before and I didn't take it…Michonne had a chance to kill him too…you can't be responsible for that burden, you can't Brother. It's too much."

Neither of them speaks for a full minute.

"Don't do anything stupid, she's a mess right now, and I can't handle you being a mess at the same time. So you accept this as the truth, because that's what it is. We need you, and so does she, you can't go stepping out right now."

"I don't…" he presses his fists to his eyes his knuckles sting and ache where the skin is split.

"I don't know how to do this," He's just going to fuck it all up, he knows it.

"Who does? Shit. One step at a time man. She chose you. You figure it out together."

The sit for a few minutes in silence.

"Come on, I'll get Carol upstairs so she doesn't see that hand; post pone her tearing you a new ass. I need to talk to her anyway."

He stares at his split bleeding hand for a moment lips pursed tight. "It's not that bad."

Rick snorts offering him a hand to pull him up off the pavement. "Yeah, somehow I don't think that's going to work with either of them."

Rick's expression is serious, eyes catching what little light comes up through the hole in the rooftop they're standing near now. "We're gonna have a meeting tomorrow, you don't have to go. That's why I wanted to talk to you now; figure out what needs to be said, what doesn't."

Daryl finds himself nodding, words not really necessary anymore.

"This stays between us, but don't you forget what I said; I do not want to have to follow you around knockin sense back into your head."

He feels himself snort, eyes dart away into the darkness lips twitching towards a grin, shaking his head.

"Pfft, like you could pull one over on me, that'd be the day old man."

"Bring it on, I could take you."

They climb back down in silence both grinning. His chest feels considerably looser as he climbs back down, the tight knot no longer twisting beneath his ribs. It feels good to breathe deeply again.

:: Walking Dead ::