Disclaimer: Yeah not mine, the universe is unfair like that, I'd trade AMC a used laptop and a lot of used paperback books for Daryl…think that would work? : 3
Notes: Big thanks to all the readers, I promise the drama is coming; poor Fin still needs a little bit of recovery time though…one can only take so many concussions and arrows to the knee, so to speak, before wanting to throw in the towel! : p
Big thanks to Angelinaa for beta/notes and general acts of awesome hilarity; seriously I can't read her emails while drinking milk; it doesn't feel good coming out my nose. XD
You ROCK!
Chapter Fifty-Four
(Daryl's POV)
Everyone is eating when they come back down from the roof.
Rick passes him to grab a plate, grinning at Carl who's laughing at something Michonne is telling him, he sits down with the plate in his lap next to Michonne obviously eager to eat.
Daryl catches Rick's crooked grin at Michonne before he turns away.
Huh, maybe it's the company, and not the food.
He doesn't want everyone to see his split knuckles, or his red eyes so he heads towards the ladder for downstairs.
"Daryl, Wait!" Beth follows him, he stops; hasn't seen much of her since he left with Fin weeks ago. She holds something with a red lid in her hands, offers it to him. "You can't carry a plate down a ladder." She smiles proudly up at him.
He grabs the Tupperware container from between her hands with his good arm nodding his thanks to her though he's not all that hungry, and he's not that sure Seraphim'll want to eat when she wakes up tonight, but better safe than sorry.
Especially with Carol's comment about her not eating enough for the last two weeks.
Beth doesn't leave, just keeps staring up at him blinking all expectant like. "Uh, Thanks," He wonders if his face is visibly splotchy from crying in the firelight, if it is she doesn't comment on it. Beth just smiles up at him.
"No problem, I can bring you something else later, if you like." She's twisting her hands in front of her eyes all wide. The hell…?
"Nah, I'm good." He waves her back to the group and heads downstairs to send Carol up to talk to Rick and hopefully eat...she hasn't done much of that herself.
His skin over his split knuckles and the bones in his hand burn on the rungs of the ladders all the way down to the ground floor.
He's grateful it's mostly dark in the hallway below, that it hides his hand from Carol at least for a while. She wouldn't approve of him losing his shit like that.
He can perfectly picture the face she's going to make tomorrow when she sees his poorly bandaged hand. Just like at the farm; mouth all pinched up eyes narrowed 'til the little wrinkles form at the corners. It won't matter that he busted it up on a concrete wall instead of Rick's face…She'll huff and look at him and make him feel like a scolded child without having to utter a sound. She's good at that…mothering everyone, s'pecially him, he's still not sure why he lets her; maybe cause he needs it every once in a while, just doesn't want to admit it.
"Everything alright?" Carol stares at him in the darkness still sitting next to Fin's quiet sleeping form.
"Yeah," he clears his throat. If she hears how thick his reply is from crying she doesn't comment, she's good like that.
"Rick wants to talk to you; an dinner is ready up there." He waves his thumb over his shoulder indicating that she should scoot.
Carol nods, presses her hand to his shoulder briefly squeezing as she passes him. "She's fine, just plain wore out. You need to get her to eat when she wakes up or she's just going to keep passing out on us; she's lost too much weight the last two weeks."
Daryl sets the plastic container on the over turned egg crate beside the bed. He slumps down onto the mattress next to her before pulling his boots off one at a time, letting them thump to the floor. He grabs the gauze roll beside the barely lit kerosene lamp and wraps his busted knuckles till half his palm and the first knuckle of his fingers is swathed in film. He rips the gauze with his other hand, then wraps some of the medical tape left on the end table over the gauze so it doesn't unwind while he's asleep.
That done finally he stands back up pulling open his belt, and pants dropping those as well too exhausted to care that Carol or anyone might come check on them later, find him naked and her in just his t-shirt. He slips under the sheets next to her laying on his side facing her in the dark.
Her hair is still damp, and loose; though Carol must have run the towel through it while he was gone, and swapped out pillows because it's nowhere near as wet as it was before. He presses his thumb and forefinger to his eyes just breathing slowly in and out for a long while, mind drifting in the darkness.
When she stirs, says his name he drops his hand from his face, wraps his arm around her waist pulling her to his chest, dips his head down against her hair to breath her in.
She murmurs something he doesn't quite catch, words still slurred with sleep, the way she's shaking under his hands the distress in her breathing he doesn't have to guess what's woken her, he recognizes the telltale signs of her restless dreams by now.
She tries to push herself up on her elbow, gasping when it pulls at her shoulder. His arm tightens around her his other hand threading through her damp hair at her neck holding her still 'til she wakes up enough not to jerk and hurt herself.
Her breathing evens out after a moment, her arm wraps around his waist she sighs against his chest though it's still a little uneven, just a bit wobbly.
"It's okay, it's just a nightmare, you're safe."
She shakes her head against his neck, hand tightening over his bicep, her other arm wrapping tighter around his back. She feels so small pressed against him like she is. She's still shaking, hot damp tears press to his chest.
"What's wrong?"
She doesn't reply for a long time. "Just a nightmare." His hands slide down her back.
"It's alright your safe."
She shakes her head under his chin, voice small. "It wasn't me, it was you…" She pauses again shudders against his chest.
"I'm fine, see? Right here, not going anywhere."
"I saw you a long time ago…back when you were looking for Carol's daughter Sophia." The words just seem to tumble out of her mouth in a rush.
He stares down at the top of her head in the darkness. "What?"
"The house Daryl, in that overgrown field? Woods all around it, red rust bucket of a roof, floral sheets over all the windows? You picked up the can of tuna I ate the night before…I saw you and I hid because I didn't know who you were…I didn't know what kind of a person you were. Even after I heard you calling for Sophia, realized you were looking for someone who was lost I still hid…"
Shit. "You were sleeping in the pantry?" She's small enough to scrunch down like that…She was there back then? His arm tightens around her unconsciously feeling her nod against his skin.
His breath catches in his chest at all the possibilities.
She could have been on the farm with them; could have come back with him…been there all along. He could have stopped the Peacocks from ever finding her… she could have been there when Hershel was injured, when Lori went into labor…
She could have done something maybe, changed something…but then she'd have been there when the farm fell; and when the prison was attacked both times…
He could have lost her any of those times.
"Maybe a good thing you didn't show yourself, I was a little rough around the edges back then…" His voice is gruff. Feels thick and heavy sticks in the back of his throat on the knot there thinking about what he might have said. Just how badly he'd have stuck his foot in it if he'd found her out there that day…
She'd probably have beaten the shit out of him and walked away never looking back.
She snorts, her tone teasing, "And you're not now?"
"Shudup."
"What's the dumbest think you've ever done?"
His face scrunches up. Shit he could write a whole book on that topic. "Hell you wanna know that for?"
"I jumped off a cliff, had to be 4 stories high? There was a river running underneath it; with this sinkhole maybe twenty feet around if that under the surface…and if I didn't hit it just right…splat."
"How old were you?"
She grins against his skin. "The first time? Old enough to know better, young enough not to think about the consequences…I was 10."
No doubt something her hooligan cousin's put her up to. "They jump too?"
She nods smiling against his chest. "Did it every year 'til I started college, I guess that's why I'm not afraid of heights anymore. Now you."
He grumbles leaning away from her then sitting up, grabs the red lidded container off the egg crate and thrusts it into her hand in the dark.
"Eat and I'll talk."
She sits up pushing a few loose locks of red gold hair behind her ears in the dark and takes it from him popping the lid and sniffing it. He waits 'til she's chewing her third bite to continue.
"Me and Merle, my brother…we stole a bunch of ammo from my Dad…didn't think he'd miss it seeing as he was stone drunk all the damn time…didn' have no guns to shoot it off with; think he kept that shit locked up on account of Merle. Anyway, we take them up to the local High School, start droppen 'em off the top of the stadium onto the concrete cause Merle wants to see if they'll go off…"
"Did they?"
"Not all of 'em…" He grins at the memory.
Merle's face pure shock as he jerked his head back over the railing at the first loud pop echoing around the field.
His brother thrusting the plastic bag at him a second later; all big ears and buzzed hair cut his adolescent lips curled back in a smirk that wouldn't pick up a lot of its trademark cruelty 'til a few years later…
"Com'on let's see you do it, or are you a lil' pansy ass?" Merle stares down at him.
Her voice pulls him back from the memory so sharp he swears he can smell the gunpowder on his fingertips…
"Shit, you're still here so obviously you lived…"
"Yeah, turns out bullet's still make enough sound to draw attention when they explode on concrete; Merle was in Juvie for 6 weeks after that…We split up and ran like hell but I was faster. My old man beat the snot outta both of us when we got home, course… first me; then Merle when the cops brought him home…"
"I'm sorry."
"Pfft, was one of the few times we deserved it." He finds himself shrugging instead of growing angry when he thinks about his father.
It was a dumb ass thing to do. If his kids did something so dumb he'd probably be tempted to light their butts up too…course he'd never use a belt…He pauses suddenly staring off into the dark, his breath slips out in a swift huff.
"What is it?" Her hand slips up his arm.
His silence must be telling somehow, he shrugs in the darkness. "Jus' think'n if my kids did that, I'd prolly be tempted to whoop their behinds too."
Shit. Kids. He can't look at her suddenly. Has to keep his eyes on the darkness around them to keep from picturing it in his head…too late.
Little kids with dark wild hair and bright green eyes…
Her voice pulls him back.
"I got my ass beat once."
"Just once?" Somehow her glare in the dark still makes him fidget. "Whadga do?"
"Almost burned the house down."
He waits for her to elaborate. She finally does after a few bites.
"Found this Mason jar of clear liquid in my gran-daddy's shed next to the lawn mower…"
"Moonshine?"
She shakes her head, shrugging in the dark.
"Might have been; thought it was gasoline. Whatever it was it burned like wildfire…Anyways so I'm playing with it in the back yard, dumping a little bit out on things, lighting it with a match and I think, 'wouldn't it be cool to see what liquid looks like when it's on fire?' Cause my cousin told me he saw oil burn on a lake once, like the water was on fire….so I dropped a match in the jar and it went out."
She pauses to grab another bite, slapping his hand away playfully with a grin when he reaches inside the container. "Get your own."
The way her gaze slides over him, the quick grin.
He's the one playing with fire lately; can't stop the burn that goes all the way to his belly when she raises her hand, licks her fingers.
Shit. Damn girl is doing it on purpose too.
His palms slide up her bare legs 'til her breath catches. He pretends not to notice, set on ignoring how the sound clenches his insides, speeds the beat of his heart.
God help him he's in deep.
He's pleased his voice is steady, somehow unaffected when he speaks a second later. "So what happened?"
"So I took one of my gran-daddy's rags out of the shed, lit that on fire and dipped it in the jar….and POOF! Now I've got this flaming jar of liquid and all I can think is I don't know how to put it out and my step-daddy is gonna come home and tear my ass up. I panic and think; I know, I'll pour it down the sink…"
He groans, shaking his head. His hands have a mind of their own; it seems, sliding up her legs once more. "Did you burn down half the house?"
"No, tripped going up the concrete steps to the back door and dropped the jar, lucky I didn't lite my face on fire. My mom put it out with the fire extinguisher from the kitchen when she heard me yelling."
He sits there digesting that for a minute.
"Yeah I'd probably have to beat your ass for that too." She shoves his shoulder with one hand in the dark.
"So you're brother's name is Merle?"
He nods slowly. "Was."
"I'm sorry…" she pauses for a moment. "Was he…"
"What?" He's not sure he wants to talk about him even now.
"Was he at Woodbury?"
He stares hard at her outline in the dark, leans back and turns up the kerosene lamp behind him so he can see her face. "Hell you know about that?!"
She fidgets with her hands in her lap for a second. "I think I met him once."
"Where? You were at Woodbury?"
"No, in the woods. He came up, surprised me, asked me if I was alone…when I told him yes he told me to run."
"What exactly did he say to you?" It can't be him, he let her go? He was supposed to be the governor's right hand man and he let her go?
"Exactly? I think the words were 'Careful there Little Red, awful lot of Big Badies out here in these woods; some of 'em are coming right now. You best split on out of here real quick, for I change my mind.' I took off and he went the other way. I don't know what that governor would have done if they caught me out there. But I doubt it would have been pleasant."
"Shit, Merle did something nice?" He hadn't just tried to redeem himself in the end; he'd been trying little by little to change the whole time… something is squeezing the back of his throat.
Merle'd saved Fin's life, and Daryl never even knew it…
"Yeah, since he's your brother I thought you'd want to know."
He's nodding his head, has to blink a few times staring down at his lap.
"Wanna talk about something else?"
He nods again.
"Okay, anything you want to know?"
"Yeah," he can think of a million questions, but only one burns when it crosses his mind.
"Why me?"
"What?" She stares at him.
"Why me? What's so special about me that you would risk your life for mine; what made you pick me?"
She twists and sets the container down on the egg crate behind her, face thoughtful and calm when she turns back around to face him once more.
He watches her throat tightening as she pushes up onto her knees, closes the distance between them until she's leaning into him. His hands raise to her sides, fingers brushing over the hem of his shirt against her hips, sliding under the hem to slip up over her skin ghosting over her hips, up across her ribs…
"First of all, you're a complete Idiot Daryl Dixon, and Second; I was going to ask you the same thing."
Whatever response he might come up with is lost against her lips, his search for one abandoned the second her tongue brushes over his.
He drops back to the mattress pulling her with him; twisting until she's underneath him never letting go of her lips hands wandering over her skin, under his shirt yanking it over her head.
With her pressed against him, wrapped around him, he forgets all about questions, and answers and his insecurities.
Who needs words when there's this?
:: Walking Dead ::
Next update will probably be Spaghetti Tuesday (on Wednesday) as my schedule is mad crazy this weekend/week! Thanks for staying with the story this long, and all the awesome reviews/PM's and FB messages! You guys make sitting in front of the laptop until 3am enjoyable!...well...that and getting to play with Daryl Dixon! haha : D