KHAN-
"All that matters to me is the work. Without that, my brain rots."
I've said it before, now I say it again.
Working kept me sane.
But this time, my brain will do more than just rot if I didn't.
It will burn.
And as cruelly ironic as it sounds, Marcus's never-ending requests were the ones that saved me from losing my sanity. Every day it was project after project.
Planning and inventing
Thinking.
It was all I could do to keep in control.
Cool ice to soothe the fire.
My hands stole the spotlight away from my madness - they were always busy, always moving. I avoided times in which my head was clear and vulnerable for the darkness to fester.
I avoided the darkness as much as I could,
but…
It tempted me.
Not only would it consume my very being and wipe all of the little morality left in me, but it also holds my most precious memories. If I were to give in now, I could remember everything.
My identity,
My brother,
My family.
I want to remember, I want to know!
But it's a price I must pay to keep them all alive.
I grunted, twisting the scrap metal in my hands as I continued working. I hated thinking about my own ignorance. I hated Marcus for thrusting me back into the world in which we were shunned from, all alone.
I hated being able to breathe as the others relied on ancient machinery to keep them alive.
It angered me that all I could do now was watch them sleep helplessly.
A crunching sound indicated the weak metal snapping under my own force. How frail...stupidly feeble. With a snarl ripping through my throat, the pathetic thing had went from my grip to the wall with a shattering bang in an instant.
Hands clutched and pulled at my scalp as I stood.
A redness bordered my vision with teeth snarling with animosity.
My memories fail me.
I had nothing left.
Nothing…
I stood there for a while, pathetic and weak as the crumpled heap in front of me. I could feel my own nails digging through my head with great force and cold blood dripping down my jaw and splattering the papers that littered the table.
Papers that held blueprints.
Blueprints that will turn into weapons.
Weapons for my plan.
My eyes widened when I recalled. Bloodied hands fell limply against my sides and a shaky breath escaped my lips as I calmed. I closed my eyes once more.
Behind my lids was a striking light that burned through my blazing mind like cool wind to a desert. A face stared back at me with a scowl as if he were to punish me for neglecting him.
A face which then always softens to a smile not long after.
Strong but tragic eyes
A warm but broken soul.
A microscopic sad smile began to play at my lips for the shortest second.
No, I didn't have nothing.
I had someone.
Someone who still lingers in my corrupted mind. The reason I still continue to follow the Admiral's shadow. My knight on the battlefield.
I remembered him. How foolish was I to forget?
Stained fingers reached to pick up the wrinkled papers, inking them with the red markings of my fingertips. I studied my invention closely, slowly searching for flaws I knew were nonexistent. The workings of my mind began to churn once more, barring the impudent madness away as intellect seeped through.
I foresaw my plans of escape.
Little did Marcus know I was already a hundred moves away from him, and the bloodstained blueprint in my hands were only part of the beginning.
I picked up the marred steal and placed it back onto the table to be reused. I couldn't waste anything now and I needed to work.
I didn't even consider pushing down the goggles that rested on my head and instead, let the sparks graze along my skin as fire began to solder the beginnings of my creation.
Marcus wanted me to create weapons, so it shall be.
I looked over once more at the paper below me and studied it's contents.
Torpedos.
All 72 of them.
For the first time in a long while I finally had the most gracious opportunity of stepping outside to see the world I had left behind no more than three long centuries ago.
After being held inside the Admiral's basement ever since I had woken up from my slumber, I had yet to have the blissful sun strike my long-neglected eyes, and when it reached it's first touch of the blinding rays, no superhuman strength could save me from the unimaginable pain.
Suddenly, the air was too hot and the light too bright.
I felt my cold skin thaw from the natural light and everything in my body rejecting the sensation of the sun's heat. It was a cruel torture, like the universe was punishing me for escaping the consequences of life and age.
I scowled. If that was the reason for letting me burn, then what was the reason to put the lives of my crew in strangers' hands. When did I ask to be awoken from my centuries' sleep?
Why was I given life when my own brother had to die.
Wasn't that punishment enough?
My constricted pupils swiveled towards the fire and stared as they battled with blindness.
The sun. The holder of life on this all too dependent planet. A planet I had once called home before I was cruelly taken away from it.
I will make Starfleet burn in it.
"I will burn you…"
My body tensed as my mind raced on suddenly.
What-
"I will burn the heart out of you…"
A sudden chill crawled up my every being. An unrecalled memory began to unfurl itself and it uneased me.
In my mind, a scene began to reveal itself to me. A man who had intellect of great deception, a man who wanted his enemies to burn…
Was it...me?
Was I recalling myself? Standing there with cold eyes…
I concentrated deeply, fishing out an identity. M-
"Khan."
A disgruntled sigh emitted from my lips as the memory was immediately cut from my grasp, sinking back into the darkness by the sharp voice that blared from behind.
Slowly taking my time to turn, my scorning gaze was once again met with the stare of the old Admiral, his face projected largely on the screen in front of me.
I scoffed at his bulbous head.
"So tell me, how are you liking the outside world so far? Have the sun changed during the last time you've felt it?"
The fool looked down on me in mock kindness, but I also responded back in false benevolence.
"What are your orders, Admiral?"
Marcus himself had to cock a brow at my statement, but then furrowed as he noticed the sarcasm coating each syllable that came out of my mouth. I smiled at his puerile gesture.
Moving out of the sun's presence, I slowly made my way back into the cold shade and relaxing into its gloom as the Admiral watched my every move. His eyes told a hint of suspicion, but I couldn't care less what he thought.
Today was the day I move my very first piece.
"Are the weapons packed and ready?"
"Yes."
"Is your ship equipped with the coordinates?"
"Yes."
"I've sent 20 men to accompany you, did you receive them?"
"They've all boarded and waiting for my orders."
"Good."
I imitated his curt nod, my fingers itching to begin. I wanted to depart as soon as possible.
"Eager, Mr. Khan?"
The tiniest intake of breath, my threatening gaze widened ever so slightly in response and I felt my heart stop. I found myself in an anxious panic, but I knew better.
Straightening my back in a perfect arch and holding my head up high in superiority, I looked back on the screen once again and retained my stoic demeanor. Marcus didn't deserve my fright.
"Very much so, admiral," I scoffed. With the twist of my heel, I turned back from his projected face and stepped once again into the bright sunlight and headed out to my awaiting ship.
A ship I was held in command of to transport Marcus's weapons to Jupiter where the Dreadnought was to be built. A mistake in his part, but an advantage to mine.
The transporter ship given to me was fairly large, but built solely for cargo.
I entered wordlessly, ignoring the fearing eyes that trailed my back wherever I wandered about. They feared for their lives as a savage superhuman walks amongst them all because their admiral trusted me.
So I killed them all.
It was quick, clean and unnoticeable. I had no room for sympathies. I was eager to escape. After the cleanup of the dead men sprawled unmoving on the floors of my ship, I quickly checked back on my creations boarded as weapons for Marcus's plans.
Torpedoes occupied the deck of the storage area, large and threatening - all created from my own hands. But these were no weapons. They were simply disguises to help smuggle the ones I loved to safety. Quickly but thoroughly, I counted them all, one by one.
72.
72 photon torpedos boarded this ship.
72 cryo pods are missing from the dark basement of where we were held as prisoners in.
20 men dead that boarded along with me.
A hundred more that attempted to stop me as I stole my family back.
All gone unnoticed, all because of one man's trust in me.
Gently, I placed a cold hand on the equally cold shell of my design. "When we escape," I whispered, "I will wake you all. And we will burn those who did us wrong."
I seated myself on the captain's chair, now stained with the blood of the previous pilot who looked into my eyes and begged me to let him live. Well, I assumed that was what he was going to say, his open throat gurgled inaudible words before he could finish his pleas.
I didn't even think twice about killing that boy.
I shook my head.
"No room for sympathies…"
Ignoring my own moralities, I continued on. Starting the ship, I automatically punched in the coordinated for the Jovian moon Io. I knew Marcus would be keeping a close eye on the radar for my destination in case I go off course, but as his loyal prisoner, there would be no way I could disobey.
All I could do was simply fool the fool.
As I seated myself comfortably during launch, my eyes darted to another invention of mine stowed along with me. The most vital piece of my plan.
A portable transwarp beaming device created from my own hands. A creation that excelled Starfleet's own transporter with the help of information acquired by the transwarp equation devised by a Montgomery Scott. A chuckle sputtered as I thought of the many opportunities Alexander Marcus had unknowingly given me this whole time. The destruction of his own life will be because of his own stupidity.
But I had to praise him. He made this game too easy for me.
The cargo ship followed the path to its destination as planned. 23-17-46-11. The numbers etched into my mind. I simply waited for the moment to strike. Unsuspectingly, I planned to transport myself and my crew to a destination Marcus and Starfleet are too cowardly to approach. A barren area hidden within Kronos itself.
We would never be found there.
Hours had passed and my mind began to twitch from doing nothing. The smell of lingering blood from the dead men began to reach my nose and it tempted the madness to spill over and take control of me.
No,
I couldn't risk that.
Not when I've already gone this close from winning.
I've been tailing the king from the very beginning, crawling in his shadows, obeying his every words. Now I've trapped him in his own game and it's time for me to win once and for all.
A sudden beep from the monitors indicated a checkpoint reached. My heart thumped rapidly with adrenaline.
Frantically getting up, I willed myself to get started. Dragging my transwarp device with me, I then entered the storage area and hid myself amongst the rows of torpedos and began setup.
Quick hands connected with the machine naturally. I had to be fast. This device was simply a prototype which took a while to prepare before transportation and the results were uncertain, but I had to try.
Augments don't make mistakes.
The transwarp whirred in response. A good sign, to say the least. As I waited for the warp to begin, I took one last count of the missiles.
Then again.
and again.
72.
I couldn't help but breathe another sigh of relief.
The transporter beeped once more, indicating its condition. This was it. I won.
"Checkma-"
"Well, Khan I admire your audacity to turn on me."
My entire body felt like it was electrocuted by the sharpness of that voice. I couldn't move.
I was too much in shock.
The voice continued to echo through the silent ship, sucking the air out of my own lungs.
I quickly turned in a frantic search, my head whipped around like mad. Eyes seething with rage.
How-
All of a sudden, a screen had projected itself in front of me, looking over at the entire room with a disgusting smile plastered around an all too familiar face.
"But of course, I expected this outcome from your savage mind. Surprised to see me?"
Alexander Marcus once again stared down on me as I snarled in anger. My body tensing and filling with heat.
"How-"
"Oh come on now, I let you pilot your own ship and expect you to arrive here obediently as I commanded? And I know you've smuggled your whole crew along with you. How stupid do you think I am?"
In the corners of his temples, I could see his old veins protruding from his paper-thin skin. The admiral didn't like to be ridiculed. He wanted to be superior.
I began to laugh. The deep boom of my voice rattled the whole foundation as he watched.
No matter what, Marcus was still in another planet while my crew and I were far from it. There was nothing he could do to stop my transport.
Another beep of the device.
"You thought you've caught me, Admiral?" I started, playing along with his conversation as I patiently waited for the warp. "You think I didn't have the intellect to foresee this? I am BETTER, Marcus. BETTER THAN-"
"Oh really?"
His callous reply did nothing but fuel the burning fire.
"You're very egotistical aren't you, Mr. Khan? You think your kind is perfect, flawless."
The gleam in his eyes sharpened as they swiveled to meet mine. Something was wrong. Someting Marcus knew that I didn't.
"Ah so you haven't figured out yet. Shame."
The startings of another panic rooted itself in my chest. My mistake...WHAT WAS IT?!
My mind scanned my entire actions - looking over things I might've overlooked. I racked my brain for answers until I had pushed it to the point of tipping madness. Hands once again returned to my skull as a last effort to keep my sanity in.
I looked up with pained eyes at the admiral only to see him smile.
"I'll give you a hint. What are the Augment's only weakness?"
The way he spat the question was like a stone thrown at my own pride.
He was belittling me.
I couldn't hold it in any longer. Letting my hands fall back down to my sides, I let everything spill, directing it to Marcus.
"AUGMENT'S DO NOT HAVE-"
"Sentiment. "
With the turn of his body and the camera shifting to his side, Marcus finally showed me my own mistake.
My steaming blood turned ice cold.
Words began to stuff themselves down my throat as I choked.
I shook my head in disbelief.
Like rapid fire, my legs have taken off down the rows of torpedoes, counting them once more, one by one until the same number began repeating itself in my head.
72.
72.
72.
72.
72.
72.
72.
72.
72.
72 pods lay safely here under my watch. 72 members of my crew. I was to save them all.
So why couldn't I?
The 72nd torpedo. I ran up to it, wasting no time at all, ripping it to shreds with my own bare hands. I prayed to feel the cold glass pressing against my shaking hands; to see the sleeping face stare back at me; to relieve me from my alarm.
But all I got was nothing more than an empty shell.
My whole body shook in a trembling fit.
I looked back up to the screen in front of me, denying what it showed.
I refused this reality.
My eyes widened like orbs as they stung painfully at the sight.
Lips uttered a whisper of breath that slowly formed his name with the utmost fragility.
"John…"
Next to Marcus stood a cryopod, separated from the others - separated from me. The admiral circled it like a vulture examining his next meal. John's sleeping face was in full view for me to see.
"How…" I couldn't murmur more than a whisper. Marcus turned back to face my pathetic form, looking triumphantly at my defeat.
"You gave away your Achilles heel, Khan. This man...he was very dear to you wasn't he?-"
"HE STILL IS!"
"And that's why you lost. Now, stop me when I'm wrong. Did it ever occur to you that your ship might be blown into disintegration while you head towards us, floating in space where no one would ever find your remains? Did you think I had more use to you after you've already given me your own designs for the Dreadnought? Right now Khan, you are no longer of use to me alive. You and your crew. This world doesn't need savages like you OR the Klingons. That is why you all should be eradicated. Starting with the Augments. "
The familiarity of this scene struck me hard. Starfleet had once again sentenced us to death in space.
A cowardly way to fight.
Before I could say another word, another beep from the transporter reminded me of its existence. Marcus, recognizing the sound of a transporter's whir, had already deduced my strategy.
I ran up to it, continuing the setup with a sliver of hope still left in me. If I could just transport the pods and myself out of this ship before Marcus's order to blow it up, there still might be a chance of survival.
I could still save John with an army of Augments trailing behind me.
I wasn't in a corner yet.
With an optimistic gleam in my eyes, I started transporter once more.
But Marcus was already steps ahead of me.
"Escaping with the same tactics as your brother's I see."
My hands stopped working. My throat went dry and surprise once again took over me.
My...brother?
How did he…?
I didn't even have it in me to be angry. When I turned my head to question him, Marcus had already done what I have dreaded.
He gave the order as swiftly and coldly as he could, loud enough for me to hear despite the whir of the prototype device working beside me.
"That's a shame. You should've just listened to me from the very beginning."
He cocked his head to the side, pointing his thumb at John's pod.
"Kill him."
Those very words already began to haunt me the second they left those vile lips.
Memories suddenly began to spill over as I watched men take John away from the screen. Memories that spilled like the tears that started to fall down my face.
John dragging me out into the rain of a dreary city.
John falling to his knees as a bullet wound began to fester in his already scarred shoulder.
John waiting for me at the entrance of Botany Bay with a smile of relief.
John telling me that everything was going to be okay as the ship around us was falling into pieces.
"...as if I'm worth saving."
I couldn't save you.
A name began to surface in my mind. I remembered. An homage to Harry and Hudson.
John's chosen name.
"Harrison." I whispered.
I couldn't see him anywhere in the screen, not a shadow, not a sound. I wanted to plead - to beg him not to harm my most innocent friend, but I couldn't find my voice anywhere. Gone. Along with John.
Not too long after did the screen emit a strong hissing noise of a cryopod and the frantic beepings of the machine. My heart ached as it grew louder and louder, until the sounds of the pod's life support system died down to silence.
Without seeing it, I still knew what they had done.
They destroyed the pod.
They suffocated him.
They killed my John.
And all I did was listen. I felt a great, painful sadness overtake me all too suddenly, and I collapsed.
I just sat there, unmoving, grief-stricken as my head was in complete shambles. I felt my body being sucked in by the transporter, seeing the remnants of molecules swirling around me.
But as I turned to check for the other torpedoes, they stayed untouched; unaffected.
Marcus just watched with a grin as I crumbled with the effects of my own mistakes.
"When we meet again, Khan."
I couldn't forget the moment when I'd finally let my mind succumb to the overpowering darkness. Reality began to twist and morph into something more cold and numb. Before the warp had completed its job, my clouded eyes found the admiral's and locked with them instantly. As my form was dissipating, I had only one thing to say to the sadistic madman.
Through gritted teeth, I growled: "MY NAME IS JOHN HARRISON."
One name.
One identity.
An homage.
Marcus grimaced. "Blow up the ship."
But I was already long gone to know what had happened next.
When I opened my eyes, I was no longer in the confined space watching over my precious crew.
I was no longer watching John being taken away.
I no longer had the Marcus staring down at me with a triumphant grin.
I was now in the vast darkness of an empty land, dry and crusted with debris polluting its thin air, a prototype transporter dangling from my hands.
I was in Kronos.
Alone.
I felt unbearably numb.
I didn't hurt anymore. It was as if every pain a body could suffer had gathered itself up into my head and paralyzed everything in its reach. I stared into the dusty planet with wet eyes that felt like they could kill. I wanted to kill. I no longer felt the need to barr the madness away.
I had already succumb to it.
Marcus killed John.
Marcus killed my crew.
Marcus knew the truth about my past - my brother.
And for that, he will do more than burn.
A/N I had trouble writing this chapter because I started it on a Saturday. Saturday means the first weekend of the school year and I am happy.
Now I can't be happy while I'm writing in Khan's perspective now can I? Poor soul. (PS. This will probably be the first and last time I'll be writing in Khan's perspective, I'll be going back to third person by the next chapter, don't fret.)
*Quick question, would you guys like this fic to be AU towards the end? Or follow the movie? I've done a lot of brainstorming this week when I should be studying and i've included some plots that stray far from the movie's ending and I know some of you wants AU so, yeah let me know!
Reviews are helpful and welcomed! :3