Maura didn't come into work the next Monday. Jane didn't see her until Wednesday. She looked pale and sickly. Jane found her in the bathroom connected to her office on the floor. Jane knelt down in front of her. She rubbed her shoulders.
"If you're sick you shouldn't be here, Maura. You could vomit in a body and then where would we be?" The comment made Maura laugh.
"I'm not doing any autopsies. I'm just taking it easy in my office. I've assigned everything to my new intern, Dr. Rush."
"Okay. Well do you feel like going back to your desk?" Maura nodded and let her help her up. "Don't worry. I'm not contagious," she pointed out as Jane put an arm around her.
"I'm not worried about it. I just want to make sure you're okay." Maura smiled.
"Garret slept in the guest room. He was afraid to get sick. He seems to think that being an ME is unsanitary." Jane released her to let her sit down.
"From what you've told me this place is one of the cleanest places in the city." Maura nodded. She pulled a water out of a small fridge and took a few sips. "Still not eating anything out of the dead fridge." Maura covered her mouth as she laughed.
"That was one time and cold air is cold air, Jane." Jane shook her head. "I'm sorry I put your lunch in the dead fridge. Will you ever let me live that down?"
"I'll give you a pass since you're sick." Jane rubbed her back.
"I think it was the sushi I had but it should have stopped by now."
"I know you're a doctor but maybe you should go see one. Just to make sure." Jane paused. "You wouldn't be pregnant, would you?" Maura looked up at her.
"I...ah...I don't think so. We use protection and I am on the pill."
"Just checking. I guess I'll go see if Dr. Rush can go with me to a crime scene." Maura frowned. Jane just smiled. "Do you want me to get you anything while we're out?"
"No. Thank you."
"Well text me if you think of anything. See you later." Maura watched Jane leave. She found herself missing the detective when she was gone and feeling a since of joy more intense with each new meeting. She used to feel that way about Garret, but things had changed. She never really loved him. She did what she was suppose to do to make their families happy. She looked down at her belly, touching herself. A baby? Was it possible?
The body was a floater. There was no id on the body so they had to bring it in to identify. Dr. Megan Rush proved to be competent. She was starting the autopsy with Jane when Maura walked into the morgue.
"Hey, Maura. Megan did pretty good for her first time. Our floater didn't have any id so we're working on that." Maura came around Megan to look at the body and froze. "You okay," Jane asked.
"I know him. He's...ah...he's my brother-in-law...Adam Fairfield." Maura turned away, walking to the sink.
"Maura..." Jane ran over to her friend. She rubbed her back as she emptied her stomach into the sink. She caught her as she collapsed. Jane lifted her into her arms and carried her to the couch in her office. Dr. Rush was right behind her.
"Let me check her out," she said as Jane laid Maura down. After a few minutes Megan nodded. "I think its just shock and exhaustion. I'll get her some water." Jane nodded, kneeling down next to Maura. She brushed her hair back from her face, tracing her fingers over her forehead. Maura moaned, moving to keep contact.
"Jane," she muttered.
"I'm right here, Maura." She cupped her cheek.
"I can't..." Jane realized she was still out.
"Can't what, sweetie?"
"Don't make me...please..." Maura's face scrunched up and Jane could see she was in distress. Jane caressed her cheek.
"Shh...no one's gonna make you do anything, sweetie. Shh...come back to me. Come on. Wake up for me baby." Maura's eyes fluttered open. "Hey, there you are." Maura pushed her up on her elbow. Jane rose up with her, sitting on the table. "How do you feel?"
"Um...did I faint?"
"Yeah. After you saw Adam. How well did you know him?"
"Pretty well. I've known him since I was a child like Garret but they had drifted apart since their father died. They both changed after he died last year." Maura touched her cheek. Suddenly she sat up all the way. "I have to call Garret. He needs to know. Oh, his wife..." Tears fell from her eyes. Jane rubbed her upper arms. Megan returned.
"Hey, Doc. You're awake. Good. Here. Drink this." Maura took the cup and sipped.
"Thank you."
"I think you should go home." Maura raised an eyebrow. "I know you're my boss but you just saw your brother-in-law on your table and you're sick. You should take the day maybe a few. You're no good to me as a teacher if you are dead."
"She's right, Maura. Come on. I'll take you home. I'll stay with you." Maura nodded. She let Jane help her stand. She wobbled a bit as she got her footing. Jane kept an arm around her back as they left the morgue. Megan handed Jane Maura's purse.
Jane drove to Maura's house. She expected a mansion or something but it was a tasteful but obviously expensive house on a small estate. There was no gate or butler. Maura directed her to park in front of the garage. They went inside.
"Wow," Jane said as they stepped inside. "I expected...more. Bigger." Maura smiled.
"I don't like excess. If I wanted a mansion I could live on a few properties but I prefer to live closer to the city." Maura took Jane's coat and hung it up. "Come on. I'll show you around."
Maura led Jane around the house. She looked around, taking in the home. It was lovely but somehow it didn't feel like Maura. She expected a library of medical reference books, articles, and a lot of random stuff. She expected photos and art. Instead it all just looked...standard.
"You have a lovely home," Jane said.
"Thank you. Garret hired a decorator and everything. Mother loved it." Maura smiled. It was the one Jane had become familiar with over the past month or so of spending time with her. The smile she used when she wanted people to think she was happy.
"Are you going to call him?" Jane asked.
"I'm kind of afraid to."
"Why?"
"He'll be upset. I hate to see him upset." Jane nodded. "I need a drink. Do you want anything?" Maura turned into the kitchen. Jane followed. She walked over to a door that turned out to be the wine rack. She pulled out a merlot.
"Um...no thanks." She watch Maura retrieve a wine glass and pour the wine into it. She picked it up to drink and paused. She stared at the glass. "Maura?"
"I should be crying. I should be calling my husband and telling him his brother is dead." She sat the glass back down.
"Its okay. Sometimes it takes a while for these things to really hit you. When my Granddad died I didn't break down until a week after the funeral." Maura looked at her. "There's nothing wrong with you Maura. Everyone processes grief different. I don't cry...about anything. I keep it all inside. I know its not healthy but thats just the way I am."
"Garret says he sometimes wonders if I'm human." Jane sighed, shaking her head.
"Its just the way you are. You're more about the facts and results than the emotions. That doesn't make you un-human. It makes you smart. Most really smart people are like that...from what I've heard." Maura smiled.
"Now who's doing the google speak." Jane chuckled.
"I've been spending to much time around you," she replied.
"Thank you, for being here for me."
"No problem. We're friends. You'd do the same for me." Maura nodded. Jane felt something hard rub against her foot. She jumped, knocking Maura's wine over and onto her white shirt.
"Oh my god," Jane yelled, looking down. "What the hell is that," she demanded.
"That would be Bass, my tortoise." Jane stared at the big guy on the floor.
"You have a giant turtle as a pet?"
"Yes." Jane looked over at Maura.
"Oh crap! I'm sorry Maura. I didn't mean to. He just freaked me out. I'm sorry." Maura waved her hand.
"Its fine. I should have warned you. I just need to go change." Maura headed for the bed room. Jane stayed at the counter. She was there for what felt like several minutes. She became impatient and headed for the bedroom. The door was opened a little bit. Jane was about to knock when she heard a whimper. She opened it, worried for Maura. She froze when she came into the room. She couldn't really believe what she was seeing.
"Jane," Maura said. She stood in front of a full size mirror in just her bra and pants.
"Maura," Jane said, stepping closer. She reached out but stopped a breath away from skin. Bruised skin. Maura's back sported a large bruise over her right shoulder blade and middle of her back. "Who...why...who hurt you..." Jane looked at her. Maura turned away. "Did...did Garret do this to you?"
"Jane. Don't be upset. He was just in a bad mood and I agitated him."
"So...what? He hurts you. Looks like he slammed up into a wall or something." Jane let her fingers brush the skin. Even that small touch made Maura flinch. "How could he...you don't deserve to be treated like this."
"Jane, please. He's a good man."
"No," Jane said sternly. "Good men do not hurt the person they love. They don't abuse you. I've seen the signs but I thought...I thought I was just being over protective. Our first time out to lunch, the bruises on your arm. They were from his hand weren't they?" Maura looked away before nodding. Jane stepped closer to her, putting her hands on her shoulders. "Maura, no one should treat you this way. You're a beautiful, brilliant, talented woman who could have anything or anyone she wanted. You deserve better."
"But I love him, Jane." Jane swallowed.
"Does he love you? Really? Would you ever do this to him if your positions were reversed?" Maura wouldn't look at her.
"You don't understand."
"No, I don't. But I want too." Jane lifted her chin with a gentle finger. Their eyes met.
"Have you ever been in love," she asked.
"Yes."
"Then how can you ask me to give him up?"
"Because I see that smile. The one you use to make people think you're happy. I bet you learned it as a child. People wanted you to be one way but it wasn't the way you wanted to be. So you started building the barrier. You started doing what was expected. I see that smile a lot." Maura's eyes were wide. No one had made her feel so revealed, vulnerable. "I don't say this to hurt you. I say this because you don't have to always do what others expect of you, Maura. You don't have to let him hurt you and pretend you love him because it's what your family expects of you."
"I'm not strong like you, Jane." Jane smiled.
"I'm not strong. I'm just stubborn." Maura looked into Jane's brown eyes. She knew she could get lost in those depths. And for a brief second she could see herself being with Jane. See herself being happy as she is, not as they think she should be. The moment was shattered when her phone went off. It was Garret. She looked back at Jane.
"I'm sorry. I can't do this. Especially since his brother is on my table in the morgue. I can't leave him when he needs me the most." She answered the phone before Jane could reply. "Hello," she greeted. "Yes. I know. I was about to call you. How did you find out? Oh. Okay. When will you be home? Okay. What do you want me to do? Of course. I'll call your mother and we'll figure it all out. I'll see you soon. I love you." Maura hung up the phone. She looked at Jane. Jane was staring at her reflection in the mirror. "I'm sorry."
"I should go." Jane headed for the door.
"Don't hate me Jane," Maura said in a small voice. Jane gripped the door.
"I could never hate you Maura. I'm just worried. I don't like the idea of anyone hurting you."
"It won't happen again. I promise." Jane looked back at her.
"Don't make promises you can't keep." Maura frowned. Jane turned to face her. "I care about you and I will always be there for you, Maura. This doesn't change the way I feel. It just makes me worry. I'll see you later, okay." Maura nodded. "I'll call you or you call me if you need anything." Jane walked over to her and kissed her on the cheek before showing herself out.
Maura put on the shirt she'd been holding the entire time. She then sat on the bed. Everything that just happened was to much for her to process right now. She had to much to do. So she compartmentalized. She took a moment to center herself before she started making the necessary phone calls. She would get through this. Jane would see. Garret loved her and they were happy. It was just a rough patch. They'd get through it.
So yeah...Maura has some denial issues. I don't know if I'm doing a good job of writing from her perspective but I hope I'm not insulting anyone. I've never been abused. I have relatives and friends who have been and they were all total denial cases.
Sorry this took so long. I'm catching up in classes and things are a little weird right now. I hope to write the next chapter soon. Let me know what you think.
PS thanks for the reviews, favorites, and alerts for this story and just me. It really helps with the writing. :)