It was the return of the empty silence and encasing glass walls that had kept him away from any contact. Alone was what he had right now, and it protected him.
It kept him from the emotions he was exposed to. Raw, human emotion and it was hateful. Like a burn on the tongue or a bitter taste, he wanted none of it which made it extremely simple for Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise to usher him back into the cells.
Isolation. The space he once feared now became his nirvana.
But one paradox gnawed in the leftover corruption of his humanity and it was the only thought he had been able to focus on ever since his detainment.
It was about him.
The one whom he had fought and killed for - the one whom he had watched look at him with such blank eyes that clashed with his which were eager and caring.
He hated it. He hated the memory of it. The embarrassment, the shock - the utter confusion of the whole ordeal that had ripped through his chest and had violently torn at his beating heart.
And the way he had said the name 'Sherlock Holmes' with such desperation and longing…
Because of it, he was content to being surrounded by the glass prison before him.
Because of it, he didn't have to see John…
Yet, that's all he ever wanted. To see his face again, to hear his voice, to touch his skin...oh how he wanted him but despised the very thought of his own desires.
John Watson.
The name always seems to roll off his tongue with ever uttered breath, and he wondered if it was the same for John every time he plead for that damn Holmes.
The ground nearly cracked at the connection of fist against the hard alloy floor as his emotions converted themselves into pure Augment strength.
"No need for that now isn't that right, Khan?"
Unfocusing his red-rimmed gaze from the web-like crevices that were marked beneath his healing knuckles, he slowly turned to the voice that had entered his silent domain.
"You got what you wanted. Hell, I gave you more than what you asked for."
Khan glared viciously in response.
"I guess this wasn't the outcome you were expecting…"
In one swift motion and without another word escaping from his lips, Khan had went from brooding in the corner with his posture declaring complete defeat to up against the glass barrier with such animosity burning through his aura. He gave his visitor a grim staredown, his lips twitching as if it yearned to let the raging scream finally elude from inside him.
But Khan knew better and little by little, his humanity, once gained for the slightest moment as he captured the feeling of utter relief when John Watson was revealed to him alive and well, now began to wither away along with his control.
He did nothing. He stood still - that was all he could do. He was afraid to speak in fear that he would let out any form of sentiment that would deter his powerful image. He was not done surviving just yet.
But Kirk knew and he saw how Khan wanted to bombard him with questions - to plead and beg, and no one but Kirk could see how much he was keeping it all in to preserve his pride. Without hesitation, he drew closer to the glass and faced the Augment. However, instead of mimicking Khan's intimidating aura, Kirk looked at him as a superior.
"John's fine, you know," he started, and the instant the name was brought up, the Augment flinched as if it was sinful to hear, breaking down the solid, rigid walls of Khan's exterior. But yet, his shoulders tensed and stiffened with his fists squeezing tighter with a great force that may just crush bone. Kirk's eyes observed every tiny detail of movement and sighed.
"He hasn't said a word about you, but a lot about other people...Khan, I know you still care about him even if you refuse to show it - even if you refuse to believe that you're practically a stranger to him now. I know because if I was in your place-"
"Don't try to empathize with me, Kirk." Khan spat his name as if it left a bitter taste lingering in his tongue. "Three hundred years of slumber and thrust into a world now unbeknownst to you. Awakening and being used as nothing more than a pawn under a megalomaniac who threatened the lives of 72 people who are as precious to you as family only to exploit your intelligence and savagery for the commencing of a war you have no intention to initiate. Being lied to. Believing that the person you most care about has died by the hands of the person you have aided. To discover the assurance of his safety and to watch him wake from the years of silence in hope to no longer be isolated but only to be forgotten once more…"
Spoken through gritted teeth, Khan's clenched fist suddenly struck the thick glass barrier, the vibration of the impact only worsening the cracks that now began to stem from the mighty strike.
"It is only then that I will accept your empathy."
Kirk's expressions then evolved from stoicness, to utter shock and fear, and then to a look of pure pity evident in his eyes. Lost in speechlessness, all he was capable of in response was to focus on the miraculous way the torn and bloodied flesh of the Augment's knuckles began to swirl and stitch itself up back into perfection all while the fist was still pressed against the glass.
Kirk didn't want to respond. He didn't want to poke and prod the stubborn Augment into sharing his optimistic outlook. He knew it was a lost cause.
But if he were in Khan's place, stuck in his tragic situation...no. Kirk couldn't even imagine the unbearable suffering he had to shoulder alone.
He sighed before attempting another word. Hesitant and unsure, Kirk shook his head instead and began taking his leave, leaving Khan to watch him with seething eyes.
"It's not empathy, Khan." Kirk murmured halfway out the room.
"It's sympathy."
Once the doors of the holding cell were absolutely shut and sealed, it was only then that Jim released an irritated breath of air that were the remains of his words to Khan that had died in his throat.
"Goddamn hormonal bastard," he hissed as he looked back at the blank slate of a door, only to be caught by Spock who was waiting for him right outside. He gave his captain his infamous brow raise as he began to follow Kirk out into the halls. After having to struggle to keep up with the fuming man's face, Spock finally began his seemingly endless questionings.
"What did Khan say? What were the topics of your discussion? Has the conflict been resolved, Captain-?"
"What do you think, Spock?!" Jim retorted, throwing his hands up in the air that emphasized his irritance. " One moment he was an insane, lunatic murderer who killed people without even blinking an eye, demanded for his crew, and now he's all Mr. Sob-story with his doom and gloom all because of John Watson! Jesus…"
"Captain, what exactly do you want out of this man?"
"I want him out of my skin, that's for sure!"
"Then why bother troubling yourself with his tragedy?"
"Because-!" Kirk stopped himself as he inched closer to Spock's face, eyes wide as he grappled for the continuation of his reason. Because…?
Jim thought of why. Truly why.
This man, who had manipulated and murdered, attacked and betrayed...What Jim began to notice was that it was all for the sake of survival.
No, Kirk was wrong back then, it wasn't just sympathy he felt for Khan...there really was empathy as well.
As Kirk looked up and stared at Spock, he couldn't help but wonder, what if he was in the Augment's place, stuck in an unknown world alone, being used, having to resort to extreme measures in defense.
Having his whole crew suspended in time with their lives on the line.
And Spock, finally reuniting him but realizing that you were still very much alone in the world…
Kirk imagined the pain that he would've felt and cringed at the thought.
Loneliness...Isolation...It was everything Jim Kirk never wanted and no longer had, which was why he felt the need to be affected by the Augment affair and in some illogical way of thinking, he felt responsible for it.
Because…?
"Captain?" Spock finally spoke up after a few seconds of stiff silence with Kirk's face uncomfortably near his, staring off to an unknown dimension.
But Jim clicked his tongue before he could give Spock a proper answer, turned his heels, and continued stomping his way about the Enterprise.
"Captain!" The Vulcan called out as he trailed behind, and after finally catching up to Jim, he had grabbed his shoulders and spun him around so they could face each other once again, this time, with the air of seriousness emitting out of Spock's worried eyes.
"Kirk." he spoke lowly. "I know that I may not be the most...appropriate person for this situation, but as you should know, you can always confide to me. I am your first officer...and your friend. Now please, may you explain what is upsetting you?"
But as Spock waited for an answer, Kirk was suddenly thrust into his own epiphany, triggered by the Vulcan's unexpected words of comfort.
Because that was the answer, wasn't it?
With a quick glance, Jim's eyes made their way to connect with Spock's, locking on to each other's gazes as if they were communicating solely by sight.
"You're my...friend?" Jim asked. Spock blinked in a hint of surprise.
"Well, if you choose me to be...Captain."
And then, Jim laughed. It wasn't with a tone of mockery or sarcasm, but it was a hearty laugh, one that only those who were close to him were accustomed to. But it was apparent that Spock was new to the experience for he stepped back in response, hands sliding off Jim's shaking shoulders as he watched him in confusion.
Nonetheless, Jim had his reasons. He knew what he had to do.
He needed them to reconcile. There was no other way. Impossible or not, these two we're not strangers.
They were no more than different versions of the Vulcan and himself.
"Spock, I need you to contact Bones. Tell him that I'm on my way."
"But sir, what-"
"Let's go, Spock."
The room Kirk and Spock entered upon was not much different than the room that Kirk had just recently walked out of. It was another another holding cell, located on the other side of the ship and containing only one chamber. The room was primarily used for dangerous species who required isolation from the rest but this time, it was merely another quiet place for Bones McCoy do his medical work on the man seated on the other side of the glass. Just like his time with Khan, numerous tests were made once more to ensure their new guest's identity as an Augment and safety.
"John Watson." Kirk spoke out as soon as McCoy was finished collecting more blood samples, but John didn't say a word. He merely looked up from his seat on the floor, pulled his arm back from the glass opening and watched as his skin puckered to a close from the puncture wound.
Kirk drew another exasperated sigh.
"Are you sure-"
"Yes." John voiced defiantly and rose from his place. "Khan Noonien Singh is a stranger to me."
"But was he part of your crew?"
John looked down and pursed his lips in thought. "He might've been, I don't know."
"There has to be a reason you were what he was after. He was intent on seeing you when he saw your face."
"...I don't remember. I'm sorry."
Exhausted from the days events, Kirk walked over to the wall and leaned against with his arms crossed against his chest. Carefully, he let his head fall back softly.
"He told us you were dead. That Marcus had fooled him into believing that your were gone. Out of every one of your crew members, he cared about you the most. That's why I need you to remember."
John remained unfazed.
"Why?" he asked, nearing to the corner closest to where Kirk rested. "Why help him?"
Kirk's eyes widened in shock, surprised at John's words and completely disregarding the fact that to John Watson, Khan had no place in his memories.
"Why?"
"Yes, why? I've heard his stories - I've heard what he has done." Jim's eyes flickered to McCoy who remained seated on the floor surrounded by his medical equipment and shrugged.
"He has killed and destroyed lives! Your Senior, Pike-!"
"He is just like you-!"
"He is a criminal." John stated firmly. "I don't particularly cater to their demands, and you shouldn't either."
It was very much clear that talking would get them nowhere if John didn't harbor any intent on remembering and they lacked any evidence to stand as reasoning. Despite the situations they've brought upon their awakening, they surprisingly knew little about the beings time left behind.
What they had however, were John's surviving memories that paralleled Khan's. So far, every detail matched up almost perfectly, all except for one obvious feature that was a frequent factor to John's but missing in Khan's recollection: Sherlock Holmes.
"Who is he, John?" Kirk asked when he brought up the topic of the unknown name.
In an instant, it was evident that with that upbringing, it had brought nostalgia and sorrow to John Watson. The memory pained him, but having the chance to reminisce uplifted him as well. This time, John did not hesitate to answer.
"He was my friend. A dick of a friend but nonetheless, he was the best I ever had."
"And you're sure you haven't found him?"
But it was too late for Kirk to bite back his words. It was a foolish question and he knew it. He knew because of the countless hours John had spent in the storage bay strolling through rows and rows of his fellow crew. In reply, John crinkled his nose in distaste and answered bitterly.
"I've checked twice. Thrice. Countless times. I surrounded myself with empty faces of those whom I knew before now as still as death! I've murmured each of their names under my breath as I walked past them with great attentiveness but none who bore his face. So yes, I'm absolutely positive."
But despite John's failure, it only made it simpler for the crew of the Enterprise to unravel the Holmes mystery.
And all eyes honed on Khan.
It was much too obvious, especially for the Vulcan Spock who seemed to have obtained the same deductive intellect Sherlock possessed long before. The only problem now was to get the two to reconcile.
Pushing himself off the wall, Kirk then began to pace the room with his fingers brushing over the skin of his jaw, eyes following his every move.
They needed more information. They needed more background. McCoy might've collected every speck and form of DNA the body could provide, but none could uncover 300 years worth of history. Bones also disapproved of awakening more Augments due to the high risks that would prove to be detrimental to both themselves and the crew. John was the only exception fortunate enough to survive, and they couldn't risk bringing any more potentially lethal Augments that could just as easily turn on them as Khan did.
"Jim." McCoy called out moments later as he lifted himself off the ground. He spoke in a low resonance, only projecting his voice to the ears of Kirk and Spock and looked back at John before he could continue.
"Look, I know what you want to do, but keeping them separated like this isn't going to help in any way. They're humans, Jim. No matter what their blood seems to say."
"So what, you want me to put them in the same room together?"
"I want you to get them to talk. It's the least they could do while we find something."
"He's right Captain," Spock interjected. "Human communication may trigger recollection or better yet, solve John Watson's case of amnesia."
"Amnesia?"
"Yes. It is said that dynamic interactions with a communication partner usually resulted in facilitating rapid and efficient recoveries. It could help John Watson, and possibly Khan's as well if he truly is the Sherlock Holmes mentioned before."
Kirk looked over to the glass chamber behind them and sighed. He was unsure of their plan. The moment John had awoken, Kirk saw his eyes flare with unsung anger at Khan, at himself, and to everyone who had dared locked eyes with him. But yet, despite the discontent, Jim saw sadness and desperation - a look that mimicked Khan's when he had laid sight on John Watson's face on the screen of the Vengeance for the first time after falling for Marcus's foolery.
"Fine, but I just hope they aren't mutations of Siamese fighting fish. I made the mistake of putting two of those in one tank as a child, and I'm not looking forward to a reenactment…."
With Spock and McCoy leading the restrained Watson across the ship's bay, Jim was left waiting outside the doors of Khan's cell block. While he waited, he racked his brain for a place to start with their research but found himself with nothing. And how could he?
A few months ago, the very existence of Augment's were no more than a breathless whisper; the past which remained a past. But there had to be something.
Kirk was getting infuriatingly curious.
Before he acted out in response to his own confusion, two men with another trailing behind came into Kirk's view.
John's arms down to his hands were plastered in restraining cuffs and he remained engulfed in the now recognizable Augment uniforms, black as void with an incandescent glow contrasting against the dark. Unlike Khan who had long abandoned his, the Starfleet insignia remained loyally pinned above John's chest, striking his skin coldly as he walked. Light reflected off of it and struck Kirk's eyes.
"What am I to do here?" John asked rather irritatedly. His fists shifted inside his cuffs, knowing that with his immense strength, he could easily break free. But John was wise not to bring forth distrust in a passive situation. Instead, he waited for an answer as he stared at the closed door behind Kirk.
"You're here to talk."
"Talk to whom?"
"Talk to him."
John's brows furrowed. Kirk sighed.
"Look, John. As of right now, you two are without a doubt the same...whatever superhuman you are. That means you were both rooted from the same past. You both recognized those other faces and you both mentioned Botany Bay. You know each other, and he most definitely know you so please. Just...talk."
"Why does it even matter?"
"Because he poses as a threat if he continues on like how he is right now. I know he's just suppressing himself, but it won't be long until he finally breaks again. I can't afford that. Not in my ship and especially not back on Earth."
John scrunched his nose in speculation. "And you think that me talking to him will prevent all that?"
"If Sherlock Holmes really is who you've described him as, then there might be a place for you two to live peacefully back on Earth."
John's head suddenly lifted higher in response, his body shifted closer as an unknown sentiment began to well up inside. His glaring eyes turned round in surprise.
"What? You think he's Sherlock?!" he scoffed.
"It's a highly plausible theory." Added Spock. "It may as well be true. When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth"
Then, something sparked in John Watson. Something in his mind that seemed to call out for attention yet was still hidden among debris. But why?
But before he could respond to Spock, McCoy had placed a warm hand on John's shoulder and pulled him his way. John remained speechless.
"I know it might seem goddamn ridiculous, but it's worth a shot. And I know that he probably has a million things to say and you, a million more. Just talk to him."
By Kirk's doing, the hiss of the door was then heard as it slid open. All eyes then fell on John as they waited for him to respond. Shaking out the sudden stupefaction, he then returned to his stoic expression as he was walked in.
Inside contained many more glass cells which were claimed empty of any captured life…
All except for one.
Hearing John's footsteps, Khan turned his head curiously to the noise before shifting his whole body to face his visitor. He was ignorant to the situation, so before he knew who was going to accompany him, he believed it to be Kirk as usual and faced John Watson with an expression of irefulness.
But then it all crumbled when realization struck and his face fell in sorrow and shock. They stood unmoving in their place for a moment, simple staring.
Then in perfect synchronization, both edged closer until they finally came face to face with one another until the thick glass wall was the only thing that divided them.
Khan's breath became uneven, mimicking the nervous beating of his heart.
John's hand trembled in a strange numbing sensation, an action that he hasn't felt in a long time and it frightened him.
He felt conflict stirring inside his mind but for the slightest moment, John saw someone familiar in the face of Khan.
A/N I have been receiving some great critical reviews lately and it has helped me loads in editing the story! Guys, do not hesitate to point out any mistakes I've made if you spot one! I don't mind going back and fixing my own errors. As you could probably tell, this story hasn't been beta'd (I'm all alone in the process of writing and editing the story T^T) and since we're nearing the finale, it's already a bit too late for me to get a beta reader HOWEVER, once Ode to Harrison is completed, I WILL be uploading each chapter on AO3 - beta'd and all! (So check it out as well since you never know what little details could change in the updated version ;) )
And yes, I hope you enjoyed a sprinkle of Spirk~ Johnlockers, don't worry, we'll get those two lovebirds together again somehow.
Reviews are helpful and welcomed! :3