Disclaimer: Dramione is the ultimate ship. I don't own hp!
Ch. 48
"Fancy a drink, Draco? Stop looking so down, if anyone hasn't it told you yet, we won the fucking match!" Blaise grinned boisterously, shoving a shotglass into my hand. The amber liquid sloshed dangerously. Firewhiskey. I downed the drink quickly, barely reacting to the burning in my throat. The warmth of the liquid seeping down my insides made me feel a bit better...but I still felt like absolute shit.
Not physically, really. Madam Pomfrey had healed me in less than five minutes and my face was very much pristine again, but every time I thought of Hermione's disappointed look as she lay there in that Hospital bed, face half absorbed by that swollen purple bruise, my stomach ached.
"Thanks," I muttered, kind of hoping Blaise would just go away and find Daphne for a good drunken snog. I wanted to be left alone to my thoughts, but I didn't have the will to move from my spot in the corner of the room. I also didn't want to go to my quarters yet, knowing that being completely alone would probably drive me insane at the moment. I watched more people pile into the Slytherin Dungeons. Some of them weren't from our House and were just looking for a good party. As Head Boy I could've stopped them, but it was already some ungodly hour in the morning and everyone was already too drunk for any proper reasoning. Besides, why should I care if they had some fun? Someone needed to, and as long as nothing set on fire and no one died, we'd be fine. And, I was already too busy brooding. I'd been doing so for quite a while now. It was funny looking back, really. A few years prior, I would've been lost in the throng of people in the dark room, probably chatting up some girl whose name I didn't know or care to find out.
Not that certain things had changed. I'd had to turn down about a handful of girls in the past hour alone.
"What the Hell's your problem, mate? Perk up! You're wasting a good night!" Blaise teased loudly over the deafening music. People had started dancing on the furniture, it reminded me of the Winter Ball.
"Blaise, do me a favor? Sober up, or go find Daphne and bother her." I smirked sarcastically before turning back to people watching.
"Ouch. And I can't do either of those - I'm much too pissed, and Daphne's much too angry!" Blaise laughed. When Blaise was drunk, he could never stop laughing. My eyes found Daphne quickly. She was across the room with a small group of her girlfriends, talking animatedly with a drink in her hand. She looked slightly unnerved and it didn't help when she saw me. We met eyes for a moment before she glanced over at Blaise, who waved at her. She rolled her eyes and turned her back to us with an irritated flick of her dark honey hair.
"See? She hates it when I drink, says it makes me too 'rowdy'," Blaise finished with sloppy air quotations. "What is it about girls, mate? Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em, eh?"
Another thing...Blaise tended to get deep when thoroughly intoxicated.
"Like, doesn't she get it? Like...I really do love her mate, I do, but I s'pose she doesn't see it." Blaise frowned almost comically. I couldn't help but acknowledge him then.
"Why do you think that?" I quirked, smirking again.
"I just know it."
"Well, I happen to think you're wrong, mate."
"And what the ruddy hell would you know about love, Malfoy?" Blaise accused, finishing the last few drops of firewhiskey in the medium sized bottle. I shrugged, laughing a little.
"A little more than I let on, I suppose," I grinned wryly. Blaise raised an eyebrow before scoffing hilariously.
"I don't think I'm the only one who's wasted, mate." He laughed, punching my shoulder. Before I could say another word, a new song had started and Blaise had staggered off, claiming how much he "loved that song". I watched him enough to see him clamber onto a table messily, before turning to my thoughts again.
Even drunk, Blaise was probably right. What could I possibly know about love?
VVVVV
"Are you going to tell us what happened or not?" Harry asked me, obviously frustrated. Ginny sat by his side on the couch. I'd been standing in front of them trying to explain what had happened yesterday. I couldn't run away this time, claim I was tired and retreat to my room or anything of the sort.
"Erm...well..."
"Hermione!" The both of them yelled, looking equally annoyed.
"Why are you beating around the bush? It's not like we're going to kill you or anything, we were just worried!" Ginny exclaimed, grasping Harry's shoulder as a silent urge for him to fix his disgruntled expression. Well what the hell did she expect me to say? 'Sorry for worrying you guys, I just happened to be making out with Draco bloody Malfoy behind the Quidditch pitch when Ron decided it would be a good idea to barge in' -
"I know, and I'm sorry! You guys have no idea how much I appreciate all the concern...but honestly, I can't -"
"Can't what?" Harry gritted.
"Harry James Potter, will you just let me finish? I can't tell you what happened...because..well, I don't remember it!" I lied through my teeth. I just prayed to Merlin that they wouldn't see right through me.
"Well maybe this can help you remember? Ron came in yelling about how you were unconscious behind the Quidditch pitch by the Slytherin tents. When we came to help, you were gone!" Harry said, struggling to keep calm.
"Why don't you just let me do the talking?" Ginny sighed at him, rolling her eyes. "Do you remember who could've helped you out, Hermione? There's no way you could've walked all the way to the Hospital Wing yourself."
Although I'd been completely unconscious, it was too easy to imagine Draco scooping me up from the snow effortlessly and cradling me from the cold. I pictured it perfectly.
"No recollection whatsoever," I shook my head. I paused, shifting uncomfortably. Harry and Ginny were both staring at me with dagger eyes. "Well, if that's all, I think I'll be going now. I promised I'd meet with Professor McGonagall to talk about...er...class regulations." I lied. Well, technically, it was only half untrue. I was scheduled to meet with McGonagall...next Wednesday. I didn't wait for the couple to object. I darted out of the common room so fast I tripped on my own feet. I was about to push past the portrait hole when Ginny's voice stopped me again.
"Hermione, I know."
I turned slowly, trying not to portray any type of emotion on my face that would give the redhead leverage. "And what exactly do you know, Gin?"
Ginny smirked at me. She was starting to do that quite frequently - maybe she'd been hanging around Blaise more than I thought. "That you're a horrible liar. You might have Harry fooled for now, but you can't fool me. What's going on?"
"Nothing!"
"Hermione Granger."
"Later." I promised her, actually meaning it. I would have to tell Ginny eventually, and I would, when things were finally...settled. A newfound courage settled deep within me as I shut the portrait door on Ginny, silencing her protests. I wasn't going to stand around and let things fall where they may...behavior like that was what had gotten me in this predicament in the first place. No! I was going to take control and figure this all out on my own. I'd figured out what I wanted, and now I was going to get it.
Because damn it, I was Hermione Granger. And I wasn't going to let myself forget that.
VVVVV
Oh, Merlin. I had definitely already forgotten who I was the moment I'd heard his voice.
"Hermione? Hermione, please...just hear me out."
I hadn't intended on skipping dinner that day...I'd just been too distracted with my newfound confidence boost to even consider eating. Little issues seemed to have a surefire way of finding me...especially when I tried to avoid them. I'd chosen to nestle myself into a small alcove where I could start early patrolling the corridors near the houses alone. But I was never really alone, was I?
Following the trail from scuffed dress shoes, jeans, and a sweater that could belong to no one outside of the Weasley clan, my dark eyes met Ron's sky blue ones. I followed the freckles that dusted his nose to the rust colored eyesbrows with were currently furrowed into something seemingly close to despair.
"Ron?" I said, completely startled. My hand went up to cover my bruised eye instantly, before I remembered that Madam Pomfrey had charmed it away. My vision became clouded with Draco's concerned eyes darting over me as the nurse cared for me. Like someone had broken his favorite toy. I locked both hands together, not missing the weirded out look Ron was trying to conceal.
"Hi...Er, you alright?" Ron asked tentatively, tucking a piece of fiery hair behind his ear. His hair had grown out a little, enough to make the pieces at the nape of his neck curl slightly against his skin. I tried not to think about how adorable he was when he sounded concerned, or about the genuine look of regret in his eyes. I tried not to show that I cared too - that I wanted to take him to the Hospital Wing. He'd recovered quickly since yesterday, but he hadn't gotten treated. I could see the faintest cut against the curve of his mouth, and two scrapes on his left cheek. Without a doubt, there had to be bruises beneath his clothes. Ronald was strong, but I'd never seen anything like the fight yesterday.
"Fine. Yourself?" I quipped back shortly. I tried not to sound like I cared, but from the look in his eyes I could tell I was failing miserably. Ron's eyes still contained that sad and angry look that never seemed to leave these days, but the sides of his mouth stopped him from looking as dim.
"I'm alright. Listen...can we talk?" Ron said, scanning me worriedly. I kept my mouth in a thin, grim line.
"Only if it's important."
"It is! Trust me!" Ron said, almost sounding excited. A smile graced his face momentarily. It disappeared when I stood and walked past him.
"In here," I said stiffly, using my wand to silently unlock the classroom nearest to us. I checked the hall before hurrying Ron inside. If anyone else saw this, it wouldn't look good. Once we were both inside, I locked the door and hastily muttered a quick Muffliato. I turned to see Ron observing the room intently, hands stuffed into his pockets. I could tell he was trying to figure out what he'd say...he did that out of habit. I scanned the room once too before addressing him. The room was relatively empty, save for the few single desks that were scattered here and there. Professor Flitwick often used this old Potions room for Choir practice because there was so much space. It was dark, but the many windows in the room made the moonlight seep in better than any standard candle.
"You wanted to talk? Here we are." I stated dryly, crossing my arms customarily. Ron was staring at me weirdly again, it was making me uncomfortable. The heavy look in his eyes made his eyes look glazed over. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was going to burst into tears. I tried not to let that get to me, but I couldn't help but let a small voice crack out the next time I spoke. I was trying so hard to keep it all together and not cry, almost too hard. I watched as Ron's hands balled into fist at his sides. I could see his skin strain against bone in the dark, knuckles turning white. He stared at me longingly for a while, almost as if in wonder.
"Well? What do you have to say for yourself, Ron? I really can't even look at you, do you know that? I -"
I didn't finish the thought, let alone the thought. In a second I was enveloped in complete and utter warmth. It took me a moment to realize that Ron's arms were holding me tightly. I tried so hard to fight it at first, tried to wriggle out of his warmth that seemed to be seeping into me...but I couldn't. Hadn't I been fighting him all this time? Since the beginning of this year all we'd done was fight one another. As much as I wanted to fight him and get back at him for hurting me so badly...the larger part of me wanted to just end it.
I slumped in Ron's grasp, body going limp and nearly falling against his. "Ron, no," I muttered softly against the fabric of his sweater. My now uncrossed hands were beginning to push at his chest. His warmth was beginning to cloud my judgement. "I -"
"Please, 'Mione. I just need you to listen. I could apologize over and over again knowing that it wouldn't make a damn difference in changing your mind...but you know what? I'd do it. I'll apologize as long as you'll hear it. If I could do anything to repair the damage I've made to our friendship I'd do it! But it's too late now, isn't it. I've fucked up everything. But that doesn't mean we can't move forward. I know I've hurt you, I hurt myself in the process. And if you want to hear the truth, it's that I don't want to live without you by my side. Maybe it's taken me ages to realize because I'm a thickhead who doesn't realize things when he should, but damn it, Hermione, you're one of the best people in my life. I don't want to lose you just because I'm an idiot!"
"Please," I croaked out, managing to wriggle away enough to look into his eyes. My heart wrenched painfully as I saw the first thick tear stream down his face. Ron held my face close to his with gentle hands. The warmth of his fingertips seeped into my head as he settled his fingers in my curls. Ron settled his forehead against mine, his soft fringe tickling my hairline. Trembles shot up my spine as our noses brushed. I closed my eyes, it was getting to hard to breathe.
Oh Merlin, no. He couldn't be doing this. He couldn't be doing this! My thoughts stilled softly - but it didn't stop my own voice from blaring into own ears internally. It didn't matter - between the soft 'sorry's' and 'forgive me's' I knew exactly what was going to happen...what needed to happen.
"Jesus, I've been so stupid this whole time. Hermione...I love you."
No!
Soft, slightly wet lips found mine. I couldn't move or breathe. All I could do was open my eyes to watch the tear marks beneath his lashes before moving my mouth against his. I wish I could've said that sparks flew, or that passion found me...but none of those things happened. I didn't feel my heart thrum against my ribcage, I didn't feel that lovely electric sting against my skin as his fingers brought me closer.
I felt nothing but dynamics. The slick, soft feeling of skin against skin and tongue against tongue. He tasted like what I'd imagined since fourth year; like cinnamon and apples and heated warmth. Everything I'd wanted him to be since my feelings had gone from platonic to romantic. I smiled sadly against his mouth. I was trying desperately to feel something, to show myself that all of this hurt hadn't been in vain.
And now, what did I have to show for it?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I let Ron pull away from me when he was ready, even though I was scared of the outcome. When he did, I unlocked my arms from around his neck, not even remembering placing them there in the first place. Ron's fingertips tapped unconciously against my waist. He was staring down at me with a look I'd imagined on him back when I'd been foolish enough to believe that we would actually work out.
Ron laughed slightly, nervously. "You don't have to say it back, you know."
Good. Great.
I smiled sadly, trying to see through my tears. They seemed to multiply when Ron brought a rough thumb to my cheek to wipe them away.
'Thank you...because I can't.' I thought, as I began to hold in the sobs that threatened to break apart my body.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." I breathed into his shoulder, clinging to him. The emptiness inside of me was too much to bear. "I don't...I can't..."
My breaths were borderline hysterical. Ron's warm body seemed to go cold against mine. I didn't wait for a response - I felt as if I'd die if I stayed in the room with him. I did the only thing I knew how to do.
I ran.
VVVVV
How did I have the ability to hurt so many people around me?
My thoughts were a blur as I stumbled around what I was pretty sure was the fifth floor. It was late, that had to be the only reason why the place looked deserted. It was good that the place was empty. I reckoned I looked an absolute mess. The tears hadn't stopped of course...neither had the thoughts of Ron, and the vision of his incredibly hurt and betrayed face. Since then, I'd just been wandering around the dimly lit castle. Some parts were consumed in utter darkness while some areas gleamed with a thousand candles...but it all looked equally dim to me.
"Well, will you look who it is. Shouldn't you be in a wheelchair or something?" A familiar voice drawled teasingly. Draco stepped out proudly from behind a pillar. He was wearing one of those damned, sleek black suits - it was practically all he wore. I couldn't help it, I cursed out loud, except it sounded more like a sob. That seemed to catch Draco's attention. His sharp eyes gleamed knowingly in the darkness. A flash of anger engfulfed them instantly.
"What happened?" He demanded, striding over to me. He touched my face gingerly, and when I tried to jerk away he firmly held me in place. "Seriously, Granger."
He hadn't called me that in a while.
My lip trembled as I stared up at him. "I'm an idiot." I murmured brokenly, reaching up to take his hand away from my cheek. His fingertips brushed my own before linking them. Why did he have to do that? It honestly didn't help - and I hated that he could comfort me just through a simple touch, especially since he didn't have to.
"No, you're not. Don't you dare even try that one." Draco smirked lightly. Even though he smiled, I didn't missed the crease between his brows.
"Worried about something?" I chuckled humorlessly, and I was surprised when he laughed softly.
"Wouldn't be standing here if I wasn't. Now, stop changing the subject."
Anger flared up inside my ribcage, and although it was probably from being overemotional, I still didn't have the will to stop it. I ripped myself away from him immediately. "I'll do whatever I please!" I hissed. "Like you care!"
Draco grabbed me back, turning from gentle to irritated in a millisecond. "Then why the hell am I bothering with you?"
"Beats me!" I shrilled, taking myself away again. It irked me that I could feel his fingerprints leeching into my skin. "I could ask you the same question! One minute you're kissing me and then the next you're cold as ice!"
"Well, don't you realize how confusing you are?! Merlin's pink panties -"
Soon we were yelling in the emptied corridor at the top of our lungs.
"I'm going to be honest, Draco Malfoy. I can't take this anymore. You and Ronald, you're both just too much! Always so much trouble, always making me feel like utter shit -"
"Don't compare me to him!" Draco seethed. He was about to start ranting, I could tell, so I kept going.
"Well, why not? You both make me feel things that I shouldn't!" I nearly screamed. Draco stop mid-sentence. He studied me intently, eyes scanning my face. The only sound between us was the sound of my haggard breaths.
"Like what?" Draco asked quietly, eyes boring into mine intently.
"Sorry?" I asked, unable to process the question. I was too busy trying to recover from the lack of oxygen.
"You said that Weasley and I make you feel things that you shouldn't. What are those things?" Draco repeated, unblinking.
I bit my lip harshly, regretting getting caught up in the moment. "That was nothing."
"You're lying again. Something happened tonight, something you're not telling me." Draco growled. "And, I'm willing to bet my entire Malfoy inheritance that it has something to do with Weasley."
My stomach flipped as a blush the color of cherry tomatoes covered me face to chest. "That's none of your business." I whispered, turning to hurriedly walking away. I didn't know where I thought I was going. Draco's hand shot out like a cobra and grabbed my wrist. His grip was surprisingly gentle, and when I turned to see why I understood. It was almost as if his eyes had glazed over, if I didn't know any better. The crease between his brows deepened.
"Then make it my business." Draco pleaded with me. I knew he hated to do it - he hated begging of any kind. My face softened and my anger simmered down as I looked into his eyes. He looked genuinely worried for me. I'd only seen that look in his eyes about twice, and mostly after my injury.
What would I tell him? That Ron had kissed me and the only reason that I had been unable to recuperate was because of him? That I felt more for him than I was letting on? He had to know that already - Draco was intensely intelligent. We'd stopped kissing each other for the sake of research a long time ago - that much was obvious. Perhaps, if I couldn't explain myself with words...I could explain myself with that.
My hand went to cradle one side of Draco's face as my other hand stayed linked to his. I leaned up slowly - giving him the chance to step back. When he didn't move, I pressed my lips to his briefly - barely letting him catch my bottom lip between his own. Just the brief brush of our lips made my blood tingle. It made my stomach twist and my brain clutter. There was no dynamic to this, to us.
I stared up at him, confused to see that he wasn't utterly disgusted with me, or even disappointed. Actually, I didn't even feel disgusted with myself. The pain that I had caused Ron still pained me heavily, but kissing Draco didn't make me hate myself. I felt...entitled.
"I can't." I answered his previous request. I stared at Draco longingly, clearly trying to show him that I needed time. There wasn't any possible way that I would be able to explain myself verbally at the moment.
"Soon?" Draco asked, even though it was slightly more of a request than a question.
"Soon...I promise." I told him, meaning every word.
VVVVV
HOLY MERLIN RIDING A BICYCLE WEARING PINK UNDERWEAR WHILE EATING A KRISPY KREME DONUT...I have missed you all so much! No but seriously, you guys have no idea. First off, I know that you all want to kill me for literally not updating since last year...that is, all 2 of you that are probably still sticking with this story. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if every last one of you gave up on me updating and thought I lied...I honestly wouldn't blame you. I'm not gonna give you any excuses this time as I usually do, but I AM gonna say that it's so brilliant and great to be back. I know this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but in a way...it was needed...plus I've been working on this single chapter whenever I could for the past few months...haha, I hope that gives you a small sense of how absolutely busy I am! Regardless, as I always say, this story will have it's ending and I won't give up, no matter how long it takes to finish or update, no matter how many months of hiatus I take, I will ALWAYS come back to this story. I'm a girl of my word. I love you all for sticking with this story, and believe me I see your reviews asking me to update, I would never ignore you guys! Sorry for any typos I might've missed! The long awaited Dramione get together is literally so close I can taste it, but that doesn't mean it'll be paradise! You'll just have to wait and see! Review Review Review! See you soon guys! Love to all! x