Disclaimer: I don't own them; I wish I did… *sigh*
Notes: So…Close! I'm super excited about what's coming up, and nervous which is ridiculous since this is my story and the plot is under my control….or is it? O_o
Huge thanks to everyone reading/fave/following/and especially the reviews and PM's! I can't tell you how awesome it is to read your responses to this story, it means the world to me! So thank you again!
:: Walking Dead ::
Chapter Sixty-Nine
(Fin's POV)
I didn't hear him coming down the hallway. Didn't even know he was there until he spoke.
Not that I'm surprised by that anymore. Daryl can be quiet as a shadow when he wants to be, most of the time I don't even think he realizes he's doing it. It's not a conscious decision from what I've observed; just an ingrained habit.
A childhood survival technique still second nature even years later. A tragic but useful side effect of his rough upbringing. A near impossible habit to shake, even if he wanted to; after being raised in a house where getting noticed rarely brought on good things and being invisible meant safety…hardship taught him well; it's helped keep him alive.
Noise always invites the Dead.
"Come on, Get up. Damnit Girl, you been moping for days..."
I have not. I frown. I thought I was hiding it better.
He grabs my wrist, pulls me up off the mattress with one hand. I drop the book I was failing to read; I've been staring at the same paragraph lost in thoughts of Luke and Winchester and everything else for probably over an hour. It falls without a sound quickly forgotten onto the rumpled covers while Daryl tugs me all the way to my feet.
I follow him as he pulls me into the open hallway just beyond the box wall that marks our 'bedroom' space since we still haven't moved back upstairs… I think he likes it better down here with a little privacy away from the group; especially at night…
The hallway here is mostly clear of boxes and other items, just a long stretch of open cement block walls leading to the bathrooms and back office where Mika and Carol sleep at the other end; and the backdoor to what used to be this places prep kitchen but now functions as the shower wall.
I watch him carefully as he drops my hand turning to face me. He wants something clearly; I just don't know what it is.
I stare at him while he raises one hand to his lips; chewing on a hangnail mulling something over under my gaze. He seems to make some internal decision after a few seconds. He moves with an assertive purpose now as I watch him, both curious and confused when he pulls his knife off his belt and sets it down on top of the boxes to our left, pulls his leather vest off and lays it down next to it so he's down to the worn flannel shirt over his jeans.
When he walks closer to me he doesn't exactly make eye contact, looks slightly nervous with the way he fidgets shifting his weight when he's standing in front of me again.
"I want you to show me how you got that knife away from Kyle."
I stare up at him surprised he'd bring that up: we never talk about it.
"Is that okay?" He's staring at me now, expression tight.
"Yeah… I can do that." My eyes flick to his knife resting on the boxes well out of reach before raising to meet his again. I don't have to ask out loud.
"Don't want you to accidently stab me." He looks like he's only half kidding.
"I'd never stab you accidently." My lips twist up.
He clears his throat shaking his head at me, shifts his weight nervously from one foot to the other when I move towards him and twist; placing my back against his chest. It almost feels like he's going to bolt away from me…like I'm the one suggesting I pull a knife on him and he try to get away from it.
I grab his arms one in each of my hands when he doesn't move; wrapping one arm around my waist ignoring the slight shake to my hands. His fingers slip under the hem of my tank press over my hip pulling me flush to his frame so his breath warms the back of my neck; tickles my hair as I raise his other hand. I lean into his chest and place his other arm against my chest, hand next to my neck as if he were holding an invisible knife to my throat, my insides writhe and twist struck with an alarming wave of panic I didn't expect…
"You okay?"
After Eli and Kyle and Chris…
I realize my breathing has gotten a little fast when he speaks drawing my attention to my reaction. I nod, force my tense muscles to relax. "Yeah, I'm okay; this is a good idea. I need to practice with Luke gone… I'll show you the individual movements really slow first."
He nods against my back while I lock my fingers over the bare skin of his wrist where his flannel sleeve is pushed up over his forearms. I can feel the muscles under his skin flex and tense against my collar and shoulder as I pull his arm down slowly twisting his hand in a slow deliberate motion counting out each movement as I slide through them.
I need to remind myself that I am smart and strong...
"One—" pulling his hand down twisting his thumb out turning his grip,"—Two," pushing my head back the same way I bashed Kyle's nose the first time stunning him; "Three—" then jerking forward again pulling my back away from his chest, "—Four," raising my elbow to mime striking Daryl's face with it; and "—Five." Finally pulling far enough away that I can jerk out of his grasp just like I did that night when I escaped Kyles hold; I don't follow through with the kick to Daryl's face, we're not sitting down—instead I raise my leg slowly and mime kicking him in the family jewels. He doesn't flinch away, trusting me not to hurt him; just stands perfectly still watching me.
"And you're done."
I stand two feet away heart racing staring up at him while he watches me quietly expression strangely unreadable. I'm still wondering why he asked in the first place…What's the point?
"Again?"
He nods grabbing my wrist and pulling me back to his chest. "Yes."
It's strangely cathartic; liberating going through the motions… maybe even more so then it was practicing everything but this with Luke, remembering all the ways that I can protect myself…
We slide through the motion over and over, repeating them until we're both flipping through the actions almost at the same speed I would actually use to defend myself. He's a quick study…
I'm just bringing my elbow up to pretend I'm smashing him in the nose again when he moves his other hand off of my waist; moving without me telling him to or physically positioning him for the first time since we started this exercise…
Daryl lets go of my hip, no longer pinning my back against him as his arm comes up in the space of a second. I gasp in surprise when he grabs my elbow mid-swing with his now free hand arching his back and tilting his face back out of the arc of my strike. He pulls my elbow using his grip on the back of my arm; the backwards motion forces me to twist further than I expected to. I can feel my body twisting too far; shifting my entire position. I'm so shocked that I let Daryl's grip on my arm jerk me completely around using my momentum and his leverage against me.
I have no choice but to twist the rest of my body; follow with my feet, spinning with quick steps to face him. His other arm the one that was lowered by my grasp to my chest trying to control the fake knife jerks hard against my fingers at the same time he spins me around. He rotates his wrist yanking his arm loose; his bare skin slips through my fingers with the sudden unexpected strength of his movement. Now he's got ahold of my hand in his.
I gasp trying to twist my hand free but my brain is tripping over itself.
I'm thinking, not reacting; and that's a problem because he's now got both my arms under his control pinned in his grasp. He raises his leg up and pushes me backward with his knee against my hip, shoving with his tight grip on my arms. I'm too off balance, scrambling backwards; rocked up onto my heels leaning away from him trying to keep my footing.
I'm more then slightly out of breath, heart racing wildly when he yanks me back to his chest, pushes me backwards with his whole body into a solid surface—trapping me against his body, raising my arms over my head. He pins them to the wall that's suddenly pressed to my back while I stare up at him in utter shock.
"And how do you get out of this?" He's breathing just as hard as I am, fingers tightening over my wrist and forearm when I tense under his grip. I bite my lip to stop the moan trying to work its way out of my throat at the feel of him pressed against me, heat and friction in all the right places…
"Who says I want too?" My voice is entirely too out of breath.
His grip loosens and I instantly press my advantage twisting around the grip at my wrist, yanking my hand loose. I shove away from the wall enough that I can yank my right leg up, hook my calf around his left leg and push his chest back forcing him to let go, step back or fall.
He chooses to step back with the movement, but doesn't let go of my other arm. We both stumble enough that when his other hand snaps out and grabs me again we tumble down to the concrete in a tangle. I make sure that we land so that I'm straddling him on the cold concrete floor; not pinned beneath him.
I stare down at him feel the heat of his fingers as they slide over my legs, tracing up from my knees to encircle my waist before slipping back down while I wait one brow raised in question breath rushing in and out of my lungs.
He doesn't speak for a few moments. Just lays there against the concrete flat on his back staring up at me.
I bite my lip to hide my grin. "So, did I kill you?"
"Pfft." He twists, jerks his hips up off the ground pitching me to the side.
I have to roll away so he can't grab me. I press my palm to the ground ready to push myself up when his fingers lock around my ankle with an iron grip yanking me backward; taking me off of the foot I already had planted to the ground ready to spring up and get away.
I fall dragged backwards instead; twist, rolling onto my back my tank top riding up to my ribs as I slide across the cold smooth ground. My stomach summersaults traitorously when I feel his other hand lock around my hip; rough calloused fingers pressed to my bare skin pinning me down.
I bring my knee up to strike on instinct and then remember it's him, stopping the movement just before I slam my leg into his side throwing him off. I leave it raised unsure what to do now; trapped against the floor with the inside of my right thigh pressed flush to the outside edge of his hip, I drop my foot back onto the floor under us.
He's leaned completely over me now, one hand still locked around my hip, his other hand pinning my wrist and hand to the concrete over my head; effectively stopping the strike of my elbow from connecting with the side of his neck. I lay there frozen, breathing rushed and unsteady staring up at him. The fingers of my left hand tense where they're still pressed to the side of his neck… where I was going to use my hand there to push his head into my elbow strike; breaking his neck.
I almost panicked and hurt him…
"That was dangerous Daryl…"
He's staring down at me, voice tight and low when he all but growls his next words.
"I've made a decision."
I stare at him in confusion feel my insides flutter under the heated gaze boring into mine.
"I don't care if Luke comes back; the only person you're allowed to spar with is me."
My stomach flips and instant heat roars through my belly, tingles all the way through my limbs to my toes. My fingers shift, grip his hair in my fist pulling him closer.
"If you wanted to play Daryl…you could have just asked..." I grin watching him flush all the way to his neck despite the heat in his look, the way he's watching my lips move as I breathe out his name.
I move my right leg, lift my foot off the ground and loop my knee over the back of his thigh yanking him down so that he's pressed against me his breath hisses out and his eyes darken.
"So, you want to let me up and try something else? …or you wanna keep me pinned down and take me right here?" I tilt my hips up off the concrete in emphasis; grind against the obvious bulge pressed to me in our position.
He curses fingers tightening compulsively against my skin.
"It's the middle of the damn day..." His voice is a low growl. It heats my spine and pools low fluttering and throbbing. I twist my fingers tighter in his hair, press my lips against his; feel his grip shift on my skin, his hand moves grip sliding up fingers lacing through mine over my head; still keeping me pinned down.
I wait until he's out of breath enough to break our kiss; pulling back from me a few inches to give him my response with a wicked grin. "What's wrong Dixon? You worried I'll see something I haven't before?"
"No but Carol… or Mika might." He's blushing so brightly it kills me.
I burst out laughing, blushing hard myself before twist my shoulder up off the concrete pressing my face to his shirt. Shit. I completely forgot about everyone else…
"Let me up then," I push at his hold, arms flexing against his where he's still got me pinned down.
"So you can kick my ass some more? Pfft."
"Daryl… I could kick your ass from right here." I quirk my brow at him in challenge.
He stills, whole body tensing staring down at me, eyes an almost incandescent grey blue as he regards me skeptically; calculating his odds.
When he moves it's lightening quick; already over in the stretch between two heartbeats. He's grabbed my free hand from his neck and is already pressing it down to the floor. I tense pushing back so he only manages to pin it next to my head leaving my elbow bent out to the side. I tense pulling down as hard as I can so he's not able to raise it high enough to get both my wrists trapped in one hand.
It's a small victory; pinning both my hands in one of his would give him a free hand to work with… which is a remarkable delicious idea when I think about it… but won't help me get away… thinking about our new position definitely doesn't make me want to…
He smirks down at me, lips twisted in satisfaction while my back arches in mild frustration off the floor.
"Mighty big talk for such a little lady."
I huff staring up at him.
Okay this complicates things…
I twist my head to the side take a few seconds making a show of inspecting how he's holding each of my wrists in turn. Try not to grin when I feel his grip tighten under my scrutiny, expecting me to struggle, make a move.
"What's wrong Daryl?" I slide my foot up the back of his thigh pressing him tighter down into me, tilting my hips up into the friction biting my lip. "Nervous?"
He doesn't look nervous… he looks…ohmyGod…
My hips buck off the cold concrete grind against the perfect pressure of his body, shuddering; muscles tensing feeling his weight press in just the right spot… That damn zipper on his jeans grinds against me when I tilt my hips up into his thrust; completely forgetting that I'm supposed to be getting away: fuck that.
The only thing my whole body is focused on at this exact moment is how to get more friction where I need it…how to appease the throbbing, titillating flutter under my skin.
His lips press against mine, teeth sliding over my bottom lip making my back arch pressing my chest to warm muscles. The bare skin of my abdomen scraps against his belt buckle…and it's a damn good thing he took his knife off and "—fuck… Daaaryl…"
I've got both calves wrapped tight around his waist now, pulling down against his grip on my wrists still pinned uselessly against the cold floor. My breath hisses out and goosebumps bloom across my skin when his mouth presses to my neck. I twist my head stare blindly at the wall completely lost in the feel of his teeth, and tongue and lips moving down to my collar; writing secret messages across my skin while I moan and buck.
My hips twisting off the ground to grind into his again; fists clenching desperate on empty air fighting his hold twisting and pulling, desperate to grab his back; knot my fingers in his shirt and drag him closer then he already is.
He could fuck me right here on the floor and I wouldn't stop him…I'd beg him for more…
His teeth slide over my earlobe stinging just enough to make my heat twitch. His breath is hot against my skin, chest pressed flush to mine as he rolls his hips into me; grinds against me with the most delicious fucking pressure… and then one of my hands is suddenly free and I've got it tangled in his thick dark hair keeping his nose pressed to my skin, mouth devouring the side of my neck while I gasp rocking against him.
I feel him slide his free hand under my side lifting my shoulder blade off the ground so it's pressed against his forearm while his fingers can wrap over my shoulder. His palm is soothingly warm contrasting with my skin; cool to the touch from being pressed to the hard cold concrete floor. His fingertips dig into my collarbone, muscles bunching and tensing in his arm while he holds me in place; keeps me from sliding away from his touch even a fraction of an inch when each driving, grinding thrust of his body against mine threatens to push me up away from him. Every pump of his hips against my center shoves me back down into the concrete, has my body writhing and crawling working us back arching and gasping backwards across the floor while I try to tug him closer with my free hand.
His voice is a rough growl in my ear, teeth marking my skin while I shudder. "Thought you were supposed to be getting away from me girl…"
Yeah right. I don't want to get away as I cling to him; I need to get closer somehow…
I arch and buck tilting my hips up into his next thrust biting my lip to stop a desperate moan from escaping. I shift my legs higher tilt my hips further changing the angle of friction between us, twist my neck to hide my face against the warm skin under his chin, breathing him in while he curses and gently bites the side of my neck; slides his teeth over my collarbone hard enough to leave a mark while he grinds down rolling his hips in a tight circle over my center hitting the perfect spot and just like that I'm gone…
My whole body tightens and rolls up into his. Searing pleasure and molten heat ripping up my spine, dancing behind my eyes making me shake and tremble and flutter spasming hopelessly beneath him. I'm throbbing and empty and groaning his name into his neck with my breasts thrust up to his rub against his chest as he keeps rolling his hips; keeps grinding against my clit keeping the pressure and friction just…There… and… oh. God.
I shouldn't be able to fall twice; not this quickly…but Fuck… I'm not even down from the first high and he's pushing me over again. This one so much harder and faster and just more…
God so Much… More.
I jerk and twist and keen against his chest clawing at the back of his shirt, rocking my hips up to keep the feel of sweet pressure from his body pressed to mine. Loving and equally frustrated by the heavy weight of his sex against mine. We're separated by too many damn clothes, when he should be buried in my heat, needs to be pounding into me while my nails drag down his spine and he comes inside me shouting my name…
He pulls back just enough that I can feel the cool air against my skin. I gasp, and twitch and quake from head to toe staring up at him trying to catch my breath.
"Fuck…Daryl…" another shiver rolls through me tumbles down my spine and I have to squeeze my eyes shut and roll my body into it. Let it shudder down my limbs and melt in my belly flooding me with more wet heat.
"Jesus…" I keep my face pressed to his skin, hands sliding down his back slipping under the back of his shirt, running up the muscles covering his spine pressing my palms against them feeling them tense under my touch.
His smug voice in my ear makes me laugh. "I might be new to this martial arts thing…but I think I won that round."
"No, I just won…twice." I slide my fingers over his rough cheeks feel the scruff drag against my fingertips humming softly, let my hands keep sliding down his neck over his shoulders…
"What?"
I have to press my teeth to my lower lip, lost for a moment in those gorgeous deep blue eyes. Feel my fingers absentmindedly tracing letters into his skin under his shirt. I've written all three words silently across the wide expanse of his back before I even realize what I've done.
I stare up at him breath catching in my throat waiting for him to say something; to acknowledge the pattern I feel like I just branded into his warm skin. The very same words that I've wanted so badly to say out loud but can't are now out there.
He just keeps staring at me, breathing fast and warm against my skin. I'm just starting to believe that he didn't catch what I did when his fingers disentangle from mine, his palm slides down my forearm to my elbow. And then…so slowly I'm certain I'm imagining it for a moment; he traces the first letter against my skin...
'I'
My breath catches and I can feel my eyes burning, and my chest seizes—and his hand moves farther down my skin; fingertip tracing the next word just as slowly and deliberately into my arm, his eyes never leaving mine boring into me while I burn beneath him…
'love'
And my eyes slip shut and I bury my face against his neck gasping and trembling and shaking so hard that he leans down into me again presses his lips to my skin. He brushes his lips against my temple, and my brow, moving down to the tip of my nose, before pressing the softest kiss I could ever imagine to the corner of my mouth while I stare at him again and his finger traces the last word against my wrist…
'you'
And then his fingers slipping back through mine again, pressed palm to palm so tight against the floor…and he's pressing his lips to the other side of my mouth, and then to my lips, palm cupping my cheek; thumb sliding over my skin while I swallow hard and stare up at him and curl my free hand through his hair pulling his lips back me, squeezing his hand in mine as tight as I can while I breath against his lips, and slide my tongue over his bottom lip and wrap my arm around his shoulders holding him as close as I can and just lose myself in his kiss.
I kiss him for what feels like hours and barely a few seconds all at the same time. Until I'm out of breath and heat curls down my middle soaking into my skin, flushing my cheeks. And then his fingers slip from mine and he wraps his arm around my back, twisting me off the floor; rolling so that I'm next to him with one leg flung over his hip with his hand pressed to the small of my back dragging me flush to him. His other fingers twisted through my hair, keeping his lips against mine while I gasp and moan and crawl as close to his chest as I can get arms around his back, sliding through his hair.
When he stops kissing me we just lay there, pressed as close as humanly possible with clothes, breathing the same air, his exhales warm against my lips while the back of his fingers slide over my face. He traces them down my temple. I feel them slip over the curve of my cheek, sneak back to curl around the nape of my neck. Daryl's thumb dances in slow circles against my skin; just under the sensitive skin of my ear while my whole body trembles and I press my forehead to his. Just lay there next to him feeling my heart race and my stomach flutter with nervous and elated butterflies all at the same time.
"We need to get up, somebody's gonna walk by 'n think we died..."
"More likely they'll accuse us of boning in the hallway when we have a perfectly acceptable bed right over there…" He snorts in response to that pulls back helping me sit up; even though I don't need the assistance.
We get up straightening clothes, and my hair a little bit.
" 'Bout earlier…" he pauses, looks down away from me, shrugging back into his leather vest, the angel wings across the back draw my eye making my lips twitch up when he turns back to grab his knife; returning it to his belt finally.
"Earlier you mean before the—" I gesture to the floor with a quick grin when he flushes watching me, "—or before the sparing match?"
"Before, all that…"
I stare up at him, chewing at my lip. "What about it?"
"You miss Luke."
It's not a question. I stare back at him holding his gaze with a soft nod. "Yes, I do; and I'm worried something will happen to him out there; that that was the last time I'll ever see him…" I stare down at the floor, exhale slowly feeling it pull at my chest thinking about it again.
"Do you wish you'd gone with 'em, is that it?"
I jerk my eyes to his shaking my head instantly; step closer to him so that I can raise my arm press my palm to his chest over his heart while he watches me carefully. "No, never."
It's not that.
"You were right; when you said it feels like all we do is run from one moment to the next barely averting disaster… I feel like we're always posed on a razor edge; one wrong move and we don't just fall, we bleed…"
He's staring at me, has gone completely still when I started to speak again.
"I've been safe here for years; thought we could all be safe; but one second; one unexpected element…" Chris lashing out at me... "And it almost falls apart again..."
"Don't think I ever said sumthin that fancy."
My mouth twitches upwards with the beginnings of a smile before I huff out a heavy weighted breath and he waits.
"I just…I wish it were possible."
"What?"
"Safety… a happy ending… certainty that this will all be okay."
He's shaking his head down at me. "Aint nobody ever really had that; not me at least."
I stare up at him while he clenches his jaw a few times, chewing his next words.
"You want a guarantee; you aint gonna find it. Best just quit now. You wanna spend your time wondering if we get to live; or you wanna Live right now? We get to fight for happiness every damn day. It aint no damn destination; it's a fucking journey; it's a path you have to claw and scrape by on, sometimes all you can do is pray for the strength to keep going...That's life. Aint ever been anything else to it."
He stares down at me for a long stretch of silence finally flushing with a gruff when I stay silent staring back at him. "What?"
"I thought you said you never said anything fancy."
He snorts eyes darting away looking flustered. "Alright, quit," He starts to turn away stopped by my fingers fisting in the front of the soft leather vest he's been throwing on the last few days over his flannel shirt, it gets cold even in here with the weather fully turned to winter outside.
"You're right." He glances at me for a second then looks away still looking flustered.
"Hey Fin?! Can you come help me for a second?" Carol's voice from down the hallway startles us both.
"Yeah, I'm coming." I pop up onto my toes, press my palm to the side of his rough cheek and kiss the corner of his mouth for just a brief second before following Carol's voice down the hall.
I spin back to face him a few steps away, catching his eyes briefly.
"You're a Hell of a lot smarter then you give yourself credit for Daryl Dixon."
I turn back around walking away before he can reply adding a salacious; "and you're fucking hot." Over my shoulder as I continue down the hall.
I don't have to look back to know he's blushing with embarrassment again when I hear him utter his favorite curse into the empty hallway behind my back.
:: Walking Dead ::