Chapter 4: In a heartbeat
'Why are you hiding out here? I thought you had made plans for lunch', he asked.
'I ... I euhm. They got cancelled last minute.' 'They got cancelled in these 10 minutes after we did our scene together?' 'Yeah', Kelly said plainly. 'Why didn't you tell me, we still could have done lunch together like I suggested?' Kelly thought about what she was going to say for a second but she decided to be honest. 'I assumed you would have made other plans already'. 'So Penn told me. Maria is out of town and I have seen Maria every day in the past few weeks unlike you.' Before Matt could tell her he wanted to spend time with her, she interrupted him: 'Whose fault is that?'
Matthew was surprised by Kelly's behavior. Why was she being so distant and hostile? 'What's that supposed to mean?' 'You know exactly what it means. You want to have lunch and catch up, well you could have called me, you know. I was in New York all this time and I haven't heard from you once'. 'What is going on with you? Why do I have to call you? You have my number, Kel. If you wanted to hang out, you could have just called or texted me. You know I would have said 'yes' no matter what.' 'That's what you're saying now. It seems to me you were quite busy with Maria.' Kelly flinched while she pronounced the woman's name for the very first time. 'Kel, is this about her?' Kelly suddenly paled and grew quiet. She had said too much. He knew she was jealous. 'Kel, answer me! Is this about Maria?' Kelly decided to give him the silent treatment. 'Fine, if you don't want to say anything, I'll just wait here until you're ready to start talking', and with that Matthew let himself plop onto the small grey couch in the corner of Kelly's trailer.
Kelly grew more and more frustrated with every passing minute. I'm not going to be the first one to start talking, she told herself, I'm just not. Minutes passed. Kelly opened her mouth but shut it again without even letting out a sigh. 'Gosh, Kel. Just say what's on your mind!' Kelly, who was pretending to be reading the latest Vogue, didn't even look up. 'Fine, if you don't want to talk, I'll talk. Here's what's going on with you. You are so fucking jealous of Maria. You thought I would always be available to you whenever you needed some affection just like you needed it at Fashion Week last year, just like you needed it at the From Scotland with Love event, just like you needed it at Cannes, just like you needed it numerous times before. I was always there for you to satisfy your needs, and I was happy to do it, Kel. It's my problem really, I just can't say 'no' to you. But the minute you thought things were getting a little too heated between us you backed away. I can't believe you! For five years I have declared my love for you but you kept pushing me away saying you didn't want to jeopardize our friendship. I ended my marriage for you, left my wife AND child for you, Kel. You kiss me at the Gossip Girl 100th episode party and a few weeks later you tell me you have a new boyfriend. Then I meet Leila and you were so bloody jealous even when you had Marcus, you couldn't even stand seeing me with another woman. I thought we could make it work if I broke up with her and guess what? I did break it off with Leila. For you! And what do you do? You tell me you just want to be friends. And now, you're doing it again. I am sick of all this Kelly! If you want me, tell me. You know I'll leave Maria in a heartbeat if it means I can be with you. But if you don't want me, then please start behaving like my friend again instead of being this jealous bitch.'
Kelly was perplexed. Matt was right, everything he had said was true. She knew she hadn't been fair being jealous when she couldn't even express her own feelings towards him.
'So, what's it gonna be?', he asked.