Chapter 7: I'll stay
Kelly let out a long sigh before she began: 'All those things you told me earlier, they were all true. It wasn't fair of me being jealous of Naama, then Leila, and it certainly isn't fair that I'm jealous of Maria. You have expressed your feelings towards me numerous times and I've pushed you away just as many times. I don't know why.' She paused a while and looked down before she continued. 'What I'm gonna say now might sound weird.' She looked up, straight into his eyes. 'I love you. I do. I know that in my head and in my heart. But I can't bring myself to love you. I love spending time with you, I love being with you, I love kissing you... When we kiss it just feels so right. But when things tend to go any further, I shut down. I don't know why, I just do. You are by far the most amazing man I've ever met and I consider you my best friend. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to have a relationship with you if it means losing you as a friend. That's just how I feel. I want to be your friend more than I want to be your lover, I guess.'
'You guess? Kel, why couldn't we be friends and lovers at the same time?' 'Just… Because.' 'Because!? That's not good enough Kel!' 'Because I've never been friends with any of my lovers. Certainly not after I broke up with them. Have you?' 'Well, no, not really. It's not like I'm rude to them or anything. We just don't talk so much anymore.' 'Exactly! I don't want to not talk to you.' 'Me neither, Kel, believe me. But who says we were to break up? It only has to go right once, you know?' 'I know, but is it worth risking our friendship?' she asked with her big brown eyes fixed on his. 'We won't know that until we try, will we now?' Matthew whispered while lowering his eyes to Kelly's lips. Just when they both leaned in to kiss, a loud thunderstruck filled the room which caused both of them to jump up. 'What was that?' Kelly asked. Matthew got up to look out of the window. Apparently, a heavy storm had broken loose. Thunder and lightning were continuously switching places in the New York sky. Rain was pouring and from what Matthew could see, the streets were flooding already. 'It must have been raining heavily while we were talking'. Kelly got up and joined Matthew by the window. 'Oh my', she hushed, 'look how dark it is outside'. Matthew took this as a cue to switch on the lights, but there was no reaction. 'There's no electricity', Matthew said. Kelly, who was still looking out of the window noticed there weren't any lights on anywhere. 'It must be a blackout'. 'I'll get some candles', Matt said while ducking into one of his cupboard.
Kelly turned around and saw Matt lighting the candles. She walked over to where he was standing, took his hand and led him back toward his couch. She sat down, still holding his hand in hers and ordered him to sit down next to her. 'Are you happy?' she asked him in the barest of whispers. He looked at her with questioning eyes. 'Just answer my question, are you happy?' 'Yes, yes, I think I am.' Kelly nodded and smiled weakly at him. 'Good', she said. 'I think I better head home.' As Kelly got up, Matthew took her hand: 'You can't possibly go out in this weather.' 'I'll hail a cab, it's fine, don't worry.' 'Have you seen a cab outside? The streets are completely deserted. I won't let you go out, I'm sorry. You're just gonna have to stay here.' 'I need to go home, Matt'. 'Fine, I'll go with you then, we'll walk.' 'Don't be silly.' 'I'm not being silly. I'm drop-dead serious'. 'Fine, I'll stay.'