AN-
…..Enjoy…..
Mara's POV
January passed by very fast and the dreaded Valentine's Day was soon creeping up on us. Lexi was blushing like mad, telling me she was afraid, Petey shared Lexi's same fear. I was willing to bet that they were both afraid of giving chocolate because they both wanted to give it to the other…. and of course I'm always right.
I suppose something I've always dreaded about Valentine's Day was the fact that I never got anything. Dads would give their daughters chocolates, boyfriends and crushes to their girls, but I was never the object of anyone's affection so I got nothing. And my relationship with my dad was shit, so I got nothing from him either.
"You excited 'bout Valentine's Day Mara? The other chicks seem excited." Peanut said to me a few days before the dreaded day. I sighed and leaned back.
"No, I hate Valentine's Day, call me the Valentine's Day Grinch if you must." I replied bitterly. Peanut shook his head and lit up a cigarette, offering me one. I took one and used the end of his to light it.
"Why do you hate it so much?" questioned Peanut. I shrugged.
"I suppose it's because I've never gotten a valentine, I've never been anyone's crush, or girlfriend, and my family relationships are shit. I have seriously never gotten a valentine before." I answered with a scowl as I blew a puff of smoke.
"Never?" Peanut asked incredulously, I nodded.
"Never, I'm serious, never. Not a single chocolate or a paper note or anything." I replied.
"I don't believe it." huffed Peanut, "That ain't possible." I snorted.
"Sure it's possible, I'm a sarcastic, insane bitch with weird colored eyes, pale skin than never tans and ugly hair. The only good thing about me is the fact I have two watermelons on my chest." I ranted. Peanut blinked in surprise before replying.
"If it helps anything, I think you're pretty." I stared at Peanut and he sighed in exasperation.
"I'm making it clear now that I don't think of ya like that, got it?" Peanut clarified. I snorted.
"Got it." I nodded. Peanut nodded back at me.
"You're pretty, trust me." Peanut muttered as I heard someone approach. I thought nothing of it, until a hand clamped down on my shoulder.
"Mara!" It was Johnny.
I had managed to avoid Johnny since Christmas which had been a feat; he tracked me down every day and would chase me until I lost him. Hell he even started chasing me into the girl's bathroom if I tried hiding in there! Luckily, the attendant would usually help me out by grabbing his ear and leading him out.
"Eyyyy, Johnny-boy, look at that!" I pointed away from us, but I knew Johnny didn't fall for it.
"I ain't falling for no tricks of yours." Johnny stated, and I looked to Peanut for help to find him walking away.
"Asshole!" I shouted after him, Peanut just looked over his shoulder and grinned at me before continuing on his way.
"Why've you been avoiding me?" Johnny questioned, turning me so I was facing him. I looked up at him, since we were very close.
"Because I'm insane." I replied simply, "I take meds to keep myself from going on a rampage and you saw the side of me I've been trying to keep away. You think I'm a monster, a freak don't you?" Johnny sighed and dragged me over to the bench in the auto shop. He sat down and pulled me next to him.
"You ain't no monster and you ain't no freak Mara." Johnny stated, shaking me slightly.
"Then what am I? I'm not normal, that's for sure, I was like a beast attacking him, what's worse is I don't remember anything from it. Your ma is probably scared of me, and I was afraid you hated me after that." I muttered. Johnny shook me a few times before he replied.
"You are you, you're Mara, you're an insane chick who can pack a punch who is my friend." Johnny snapped. I blinked then shook my head and looked down.
"I don't want to be me; I don't want to be Mara, because that means I have some beast within me that makes me see red!" I spat. Johnny shook his head.
"You're perfect how you are! You wouldn't be you if ya changed, so if that means ya have a beast, then so be it." Johnny growled and I felt a strange warmth spread through my chest from my heart. Suddenly I felt tears well in my eyes. I tried to wipe them away. I couldn't tell if they were happy or sad tears because I wasn't much of a crier. I barely ever cried. I never cried.
"Ey, don't cry! I didn't want ya to cry!" Johnny sounded slightly panicked.
"I-I think, they're happy tears. That touched my heart, you know, no one's ever called me perfect. Only flawed, imperfect, ugly and stupid." I sniffed. I was surprised when Johnny's arms wrapped around me in a hug.
"Then cry if they're happy tears." Johnny ordered lightly. And I felt my tears begin to cascade down from my eyes. I buried my face in Johnny's chest and cried until I couldn't anymore. I sat up, my eyes most likely red from crying.
"Thank you, Johnny." I said to Johnny. He just smiled at me and put an arm around my shoulder so he could give me a one armed hug.
"Sure thing, Mara." And with that, I felt a lot better.
o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0Time Skipo0o0o0o0o0o0 o0o0o0o0o0o
Valentine's Day came by fast. I got up early and escaped to the auto shop before I could witness any chocolates being given, or flowers or notes. It always made my heart ache when I realized that I was getting none and everyone else was getting some.
I spent the morning in the auto shop, sitting in a secret place I had discovered. One of the work benches in the corner wasn't completely against the wall, so I could hide between the wall in the corner and the work bench hid me completely. Then another work bench made it so you had to be right there in front of me to see me, so if I really wanted to hide I had the perfect spot.
I stayed there for the entire first period, a few greasers came through, there was a shop class for the second period but I could always go and hide somewhere else. At lunch all the greasers came in.
"Anybody seen Mara?" I heard Johnny question the greasers.
"No, she's been hidin, she said somethin bout her hating Valentine's Day." Peanut answered.
"I'm sure she'll turn up." Ricky commented, leaning against the bench that had a view of me if you turned your head.
"Where do ya think she's hidin?" asked Johnny.
"Somewhere that'd make us look like idiots." I heard Norton reply from across the room.
"Yeah… I bet." Ricky paused as he turned and saw me, "Found her." The greasers all piled around Ricky and looked at my spot between the benches and wall.
"Damn, didn't even notice ya Mara, good hidin spot." Lefty whistled. I smirked at them.
"Yeah…." I muttered, "It's a good spot I found. Ricky wouldn't have seen me if he hadn't of looked just right." I shot Ricky a glare, he just grinned back at me.
"What're you hidin for? It's Valentine's Day, didn't we have a conversation on it?" prodded Peanut. I frowned.
"We did," I used the wall to help me stand, my legs were stiff, "Doesn't mean I changed my mind on it." The other greasers looked confused.
"Why do ya hate it so much?" asked Hal. I sighed.
"I've never, ever gotten something for Valentine's Day, never. Nothing, no flowers, no chocolate, no note, no nothing. I've never been somebody's girlfriend, or crush so I've never gotten anything." I admitted.
"Impossible, I call bullshit." Ricky announced, "You're too pretty for that." I gave him a blank stare.
"Me? Pretty? Now I call bullshit, I ain't pretty. I've got weird eyes, ugly hair, pale skin, the only thing I got for me is the two watermelons on my chest…." I heard Norton snort and then Lucky elbowed him.
"That ain't true, your personality is great too, and you're pretty." protested Vance.
"Bullshit, I'm still calling it, to add to my ugliness I'm a sarcastic, loud temperamental bitch who changes moods in a flash." I snapped.
"But that's what's great bout ya, you're not fake like other chicks." pointed out Hal. I scowled.
"Bullshit!" I cried, throwing my arms up before I sidled past the greasers blocking my path from the corner. I stretched out my legs, various cracks coming from them.
"Mara, you ain't ugly, you ain't no bitch." growled Norton.
"I am, stop lying." I replied as I walked to the door, "I'm heading out to lunch before I find a new hiding spot." I left the auto shop and headed out of the gates, ignoring the prefects who gave me dirty looks.
I walked through town and headed into New Coventry before I hid myself away in the bike park in the corner where the greasers would probably notice me later. I was able to stay there until classes ended because then the greasers came to ride their bikes. I snuck out when no one was looking and headed to the pier. I sat on the end and watched the water like I had on my birthday.
"I hate Valentine's Day." I sighed as I watched some guy give a girl this huge thing of flowers and a heart shaped box of chocolates. Sitting on a bench was an old couple who were talking and ignoring the world. I sighed again and continued to watch the water.
"Stop sighing, it's a day for chicks to be happy." I heard Johnny sit down next to me.
"Well, I ain't happy." I huffed.
"This make you happy?" I turned to ask what and found Johnny holding out a small box. I took it and opened it to find chocolate in it. I couldn't stop the large smile from crossing my face.
"And don't ya say it's because I pity you, I was plannin on giving you them anyway." Johnny added. I put the box next to me and turned to Johnny. Then I pretty much tackled him in a hug.
"Thanks Johnny…. I appreciate it." Johnny, getting over the shock that I almost knocked us off the pier hugging him, put his arms around me and returned the hug.
"Aww, young ones today, such cute couples…." I heard the old woman on the bench behind us say. I felt my face turn slightly pink and pulled back quickly. Johnny, taking one look at my face started laughing.
"Your face looks like a tomato!" Johnny laughed at me some more.
"S-shut the hell up!" I barked.
"Hey, look it went a shade darker!" commented Johnny, peering closer just to see how much redder he could make my face.
"Johnny!" I shouted. Johnny just kept on laughing.
Lexi's POV
Valentine's Day was one of my favorite holidays. I loved how nice it was, of course Mara hated the holiday with a burning passion, but that was just Mara. Besides, she hated the color pink and pink was associated with Valentine's Day.
"Ooooh, I don't know if I should…." I murmured to myself as I looked at the small box of chocolates I had. I wanted to give them to Petey, but I was afraid….
"Stop being a damn baby," Mara would most likely tell me if she heard me, "Go and give them to him!" Actually…. Mara would probably be viler in what she would say…..
"Hey Lexi." I jumped about two feet in the air at the sudden presence of Peanut.
"W-where did you come from?!" I squeaked. Peanut laughed at my sudden flustered appearance. He ruffled my hair, something he had taken to doing. When Mara asked him about it when she saw him do it, he told her that I reminded him of his little sister, so he treated me like her.
"My ma." he replied bluntly, making me turn most likely a shade redder. He started laughing, and I suddenly was reminded of Mara.
"Oh! Have you seen Mara? She hates Valentine's Day…. and I wanted to convince her to come to the dance…." I trailed. Peanut blinked.
"I forgot there was even a dance." he commented before shaking his head, "Mara's hidin, Johnny's been lookin for her too." I giggled and Peanut raised an eyebrow at me.
"Mara's been spending an awful amount of time with Johnny lately…." I trailed, Peanut chuckled.
"Think we're missin somethin?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No…. I read Mara's diary, we're not missing anything as of now….. but in the future…" I smiled real big, "I have hope!" Peanut started laughing, and he ruffled my hair again which I fixed after he was finished.
"Johnny's been plannin on givin Mara chocolate." Peanut informed me. I gasped and started jumping excitedly.
"Really? Oh this is great! Perfect!" I giggled a bit as I imagined Mara's reaction.
"I hafta go before class starts, don't want those damn prefects makin me go." Peanut jogged away and I giggled.
"Mara…. oh yay!" I squealed as I turned around. I started to skip, only to run into someone. I squealed upon realizing it was Petey.
"Oh, hey Lexi…. I was looking for you actually…." trailed Petey. I was very annoyed about the fact that I wasn't tan enough for my blush to not be so obvious.
"Um…. here." Petey held out a box and I giggled upon realizing what it was. From my pocket, I produced my own box and traded it for the box he was handing me. Who needs courage?
"Thanks." I chirped and I noticed that a blush was evident on Petey's face, only slightly though because he wasn't pale.
"You're welcome…" he mumbled, and I giggled again before surprising us both by leaning forward and kissing him on the cheek. Yeah, who needed courage?
Mara's POV
"There's a dance?" I asked Lexi bluntly as I watched her try and pin her hair in a different style. She had on a light pink dress that wasn't too pink to the point I'd have thrown something at her. I was thankful for that.
"There is, I'm going with Petey." she informed me proudly.
"That's good." I nodded.
"Are you going?" she asked.
"No, who would I go with?" I scoffed.
"Johnny." she stated as she scowled in the mirror at her hair. Lexi hardly ever scowled, it was strange to see that expression on her face. However I was too busy trying to think of an answer to that.
"No, just….. no." I replied, keeping a blank face.
"Hm, you should go. I bet Peanut is having a similar conversation with Johnny right now!" Lexi bet, once again frowning at her hair. I sighed and walked forward, grabbing her mass of curls and pulling them around before I set them in a neat bun with a few curls that hung out. I left some curls out on either side of her face and I pulled out one of the many pairs of earrings I had in my ears.
"Here, wear these. They match." I passed her the earrings and she smiled at me, the earrings were a lighter silver than the rest and they looked good with her dress. She hardly ever wore earrings, and every once in awhile I have to pierce her ear for her again since the hole would close. She only has the normal one hole, which annoyed me. But it annoyed me because look at me, I'm covered in piercings.
"Thanks Mara!" chirped Lexi as she made a face as she tried pushing the earring in her half closed hole.
"Do not tell me I have to fucking pierce them again." I growled, Lexi shook her head and shoved the earring through. I nodded and turned to leave.
"Mara, just come alright? I'm sure you have something to wear." Lexi called. I shook my head with a sigh and exited her room.
After a half an hour of brooding in my room I sighed and decided I would go after all. From a box under my bed I pulled out a dress. It was a dark crimson color and it left my shoulders bare, but had long flowing sleeves which I liked. The dress went to about my knees before it cut off, the end was a bit ripped but I liked it. I pulled a pair of black boots on over a pair of black leggings and I left my beanie on with my hair out like usual. I stared at myself in the mirror, and then almost groaned when I realized that the dress showed off my chest more then I'd have liked.
I left my room and made my way to the auto shop. Finding no one there I made my way to New Coventry where I entered the old abandoned tenements.
"Johnny, just go! We're all going!" I heard Peanut yell. I entered the room and saw the greasers had cleaned up slightly, they still had their jackets, but they were wearing dark red shirts under them. The only one that looked annoyed was Johnny actually. Vance and Ricky even looked excited.
"Yo." All of the greasers flew around upon hearing me, and I was stared at.
"Mara? You even agreed to this?" asked Johnny incredulously. I shook my head.
"Nah, I'm not in on… whatever this is, but Lexi convinced me to go, and I decided to find someone to drag with me." I informed them.
"Oh, well your dress matches our shirts, good thing ya comin too, now Johnny'll come." Peanut gave Johnny a grin.
"Damn it, fine." Johnny walked over to where I was and turned to glare at the greasers as they followed. I laughed at him the entire way to the school.
Like the Halloween dance, the Valentine's Day dance was in the gym. We walked in and like the Halloween Dance, I headed to the top of the bleachers with a few of the greasers following me. Johnny, Norton and Hal followed me. Then, after a few silent moments, Norton and Hal left with the excuse that they wanted to get something to eat.
Liars.
"So you didn't want to come?" I questioned Johnny.
"Yeah, seemed stupid ta me." he nodded.
"Ah, I wasn't coming until Lexi convinced me." I commented. Johnny nodded.
"Ya look nice…" he trailed, somewhat awkwardly. I laughed.
"The only thing I hate about this dress is the fact it cuts far down and shows off my chest too much for my liking." Johnny looked like he was going to face palm after that.
"Mara, I wasn't talking about that!" protested Johnny. I laughed.
"I know, I was just saying, look at the way those jocks are staring at my chest." I nodded in the direction of the jocks whose eyes were in fact, directed right on my chest.
"You could tell?" asked Johnny.
"What girl wouldn't tell that a large amount of stares were directed at their cleavage? It's very uncomfortable." I stated. Johnny paused, then nodded.
"You have a point, wanna leave?" inquired Johnny.
"Sure, it's not exactly exciting here anyway." I rose and Johnny followed me. We exited the building and headed to the auto shop. We stayed out back though because I didn't feel like searching for the light switch in there and neither did Johnny.
"So…." trailed Johnny.
"How did it feel to break up with Lola? I'm curious, since I've never been dumped…. or anyone's girlfriend." Johnny took a deep breath.
"It was tough," admitted Johnny as he looked down at his hands, "I mean, I thought I loved her…" I sighed and Johnny looked at me.
"You thought, but she obviously didn't care, she looked at you as a way to get what she wanted. You were high up on the school food chain, so she went after you. She wanted status and money, thus why she was with you, but still went after the preps." I said wisely. Johnny nodded,
"I know that now…. I was blind wasn't I, blinded by stupidity." Johnny muttered. I pat his shoulder.
"Everyone has a weakness, that was yours." I replied. Johnny looked at me.
"What's yours? Your weakness?" I blinked, and looked down.
"I don't know," I admitted, "Perhaps my uncertainty. I'm uncertain who I am, what I want in life, what's wrong with me. I always wonder what's wrong with me, so perhaps my self doubt is my weakness. I don't know."
"You're strong, even with those weaknesses." Johnny informed me. I laughed.
"Keep thinking that, I'm not strong. I just make it look like I'm strong, I'm a mess in reality." I looked into Johnny's eyes.
"You're not a mess. You're too good to be a mess." Johnny murmured. Before either of us knew what was going on, our heads were moving closer. And when our lips connected, shock flew through me. No… not shock, ok maybe shock, but it felt like lightning was flying through me. When we pulled back, I smirked.
"Well…. time to go back to hiding." I announced. Johnny raised an eyebrow.
"Why?" he asked simply.
"Because now I'm confused about everything and to keep looking strong, I can't be confused." I informed him.
"And why're ya confused?" he questioned.
"Because it's a first." I said, and Johnny understood. I could tell by his expression.
"Well, then I'm going to give ya time to think then…. see ya tomorrow, and if ya start avoiding me, again, I'm trackin ya down." Johnny told me as he stood.
"Got it." I nodded and watched as he walked away. Then I looked up at the sky and laughed. I sat there for about half an hour, just thinking.
"Hello, Mara." I turned to see someone standing there. I knew who it was by their voice and tone so it didn't matter that they were hidden in the shadows.
"What do you want?" I asked coldly.
"I have an offer for you…."
Lexi's POV
I snuck into Mara's room, very excited for her diary. She wasn't back yet though, I was confused, I figured that she would be back.
I had actually seen her talking to Johnny at the dance, and they matched! They both had dark red on! Then they left together, I was very excited!
I looked down at Mara's diary and flipped to the right page. Despite Mara not being here now, she had been here and then left. But she hadn't changed because her dress wasn't put away.
February 14th,
I started today by hating Valentine's Day, like usual. But… after my hiding spot was found and I went to the pier, Johnny found me and…. he gave me chocolates. I was so surprised, and it was my first time getting anything on Valentine's Day.
Then after I went to the dance, Johnny and I left early since we were bored and the jocks were staring at my chest. We went out by the auto shop and talked…. then Johnny and I kissed….. It was my first. Boy was I surprised. Johnny left because he knew I had to think.
Then he came up to me. I'm not going to say who, but he came up to me. He had an offer for me. I didn't know what to make of it, so I told him to fuck off. But he'll be back, no doubt.
In good news though…. Today was good. it was a day….
A day of firsts.
AN
So, yeah….. I was listening to the songs Photograph by Nickelback and The Red by Chevelle while writing this.
Sayonara!