Her head was still pounding. The room swam in and out of focus and her stomach was in knots. It had been almost twelve hours since she'd woken up after...whatever that had been. The infernal images were still swirling around in her brain. She couldn't make sense of anything that was there. It was like a half remembered dream, its meaning floating just off the corners of her vision. She couldn't tell if the images were about the future, their future, or images of the Protheans and the past. It all jumbled together. One word flickered through her mind though, a word she couldn't reach out and grasp, that passed to quickly for her to grab hold of. Reaper. It had no meaning, no reference. But it floated there, a warning, a threat, maybe a promise.
All of this compiled with the memory of Jenkins. Soldiers died, she knew this. She accepted it. It was what she had told Baby-face and the Williams girl. Williams. The name floated around in her head, something about a half remembered joke from training. But Williams wasn't exactly an uncommon name, and who knew what she had done to get stuck on that back woods planet. Prime was no brainer assignment, at least it had been before today, and so far the Gunnery Chief had seemed more skilled than her rank - something Lillith had not often found in her years with the military. His death, whatever she'd told the others, weighed on her though. More so than the death's on Torfan. They had done something good that day, they had accomplished something, saved lives. Jenkins death was different.
She chuckled silently. It was his own stupidity that had gotten him killed. He'd walked right into the line of fire without even looking. He's been a good kid though. A little slow on the uptake, and certainly not the same quality of soldier this Williams seemed to be, but there had been a willingness to learn in him that had boded well for his future. All of that was over. And his body sat in the cargo bay, locked in stasis, awaiting his final deployment. He'd be unloaded when they reached the Citadel, loaded up on a transport vessel, and would be sent to Earth before turning around to go right back to Eden Prime. It was laughable, stupid.
In frustration, Shepard slammed her fist into the bulkhead of the stairwell. She heard Baby-face curse and start moving toward her. She cursed silently herself and continued up the stairs. She was supposed to be in a sleeping pod, sleeping until they approached the the Citadel, but her mind refused to relax. Chakwas had finally taken pity on her and told her she could return to duty as long as she took it easy and checked in with her every hour.
The door to the CIC refused to open. She passed her hand over the lock again, and waited. And waited.
"Commander?" Baby-face's voice carried up the stairwell. "Everything okay?"
"I'm fine, LT. As you were." She clenched her fists, the pain in her head cracking, making her eyes water.
"Of course ma'am."
"I'm sure the wall had it coming," Williams added, stepping off the elevator. Had they been able to hear it down in the cargo bay as well? Shepard waved a hand across the the lock a third time.
"It didn't listen when I told it to carry on," Lillith snapped.
She could feel the look the two shared, feel their concern radiating off them.
"Commander," Baby-face said, and she could hear him coming up the stairs behind her, "why don't you go lay back down. You don't look well."
"I told you to move along, Lieutenant."
"Yes ma'am. And I'm afraid I can't do that. Dr. Chakwas told us to bring you back to her if anything happened." Baby-face held up what looked like Shepard's omni-tool She looked down at her wrist and, sure enough, she wasn't wearing it. Which would explain why the door wouldn't open, she realized. Her vision swam, and she saw, again, the destruction of an entire race.
"I gave you an order," she said without much feeling. She always wore her omni - she was waiting for the day when they found a way to implant them subdermally so she didn't have to worry about it falling off. Ashley said something to Baby-face - what was his name? He nodded and she walked away. Lillith found she couldn't focus on either of them. The pain in her head was worse than anything she'd ever felt. She'd been shot, had someone slice her face open from above her eye to her chin just after basic, had broken more bones than she cared to recall. There had been an accident during hand to hand training, but the scar was still there, and that had not hurt nearly as bad as her head did now.
She suddenly felt an arm slide around her waist, and a hand grip her elbow.
"It's okay, Commander. Just breathe slowly, and let's get out of the light. The dark helps. Don't try to focus. Close your eyes if that helps, I'll lead you."
It was Baby-face. He was leading her, his voice soft, soothing against the torment in her head. A sick feeling rose up in her stomach, a churning that beat in time with the pounding in her head. She took a deep ragged breath and that just made it worse. She was going to be sick. She was not about to be sick in front of a subordinate.
"Close your eyes, Shepard. It really does help. I won't bump you into anything. On purpose anyway."
She nodded once and closed her eyes. He did lead her, carefully, slowly. The sound of the elevator made her head explode. She bit her lip to fight the nausea, and the rolling pain behind her eyes. Keeping her eyes closed did help. The pain didn't dim any, but it was easier to focus on ignoring it when it was dark.
The sound of a door sliding open echoed inside her skull. She saw, as vividly as she used to see the end of her old life, wave after wave of incomprehensible destruction. Someone was screaming in her head, but she couldn't understand the words, couldn't comprehend what the voice was saying.
Baby-face broke through, his voice still quiet, as the lights suddenly went out. Her eyes shot open, and she had an easier time focusing. They were in the medbay, the only light coming from the equipment in the corner. Baby-face was still gripping her arm. Chakwas approached them slowly. She also kept her voice quiet.
"Lillith Shepard," she said, sounding so much like Lillith's mother that she would have cried if the thought of doing so didn't make her think her skull would crack open. "Why didn't you tell me your head was still hurting?" She cursed then, something Lillith had never heard her do, despite living so closely with marines. It made her look up as Chakwas took over for Baby-face and made her lay down on a table.
They were whispering, their voices controlled, as the pain rolled over her. The torment in her stomach eased as she lay back and kept her eyes closed. Her breathing slowed as her stomach stopped churning, and she tried to sit up. The pain was receding, and she had work to do.
"Don't even think about getting up, Commander," Chakwas said, her voice low.
"We're just hours from the Citadel, I'm supposed to meet with Anderson and Ambassador Udina. And I still have to finish my report. I'm fine. It's just a headache."
She heard Baby-face try not to laugh, and she opened a single eye to look at him. He was lit from behind, the monitors haloing his face with orange light. A dull spoon ripped at her eye and she quickly closed it again, her head spinning a moment before her equilibrium returned. Something was pressed against her arm, and there was a hiss followed by a slight sting that hardly registered against the backdrop of destruction that was tearing her brain apart.
"You are not fine. You will be, but in the meantime you are not to move from this spot. And that's an order."
Lillith groaned, but her head had stopped spinning. She was drifting, drifting away. Sleep beckoned, hollered to her, and the calls did not make her head hurt. She let sleep take her, and she slept dreamlessly.
"What do you mean, she's not coming," Udina hollered, causing Ashley to smirk and Kaidan to flinch. The man was a boiling pot of contained rage.
"I mean that there was an incident with the beacon, and the ship's physician has ordered the Commander stay on bed rest."
"That might be for the best," Udina snapped, throwing his arms up, "she certainly made a mockery of everything on this mission. She was our best hope to get a human in the SpecTRE's and it ended with Nihlus dead!"
"That wasn't her, that was the geth. And Saren," Ashley snapped, unable to hold her tongue.
"Mind your place, soldier," Udina growled, "and the geth haven't been seen beyond the Veil in centuries. And don't even talk to be about Saren. Without Shepard how am I even supposed to bring this before the Council?"
"But it's the truth, sir," Kaidan said.
"The truth? Where is your proof? Some crazy story that Shepard won't even show up to repea-"
"I'm right here, Ambassador," Lillith said, stepping out of the doorway. She'd heard enough. She knew now her decision to argue with Chakwas had been the right one. Who knew what would have happened if she hadn't shown up. There were days she felt like the world would end if she wasn't there. It wasn't a pleasant thought.
"Shepard," Udina barked, "finally."
"Sir," Shepard said, addressing Anderson and ignoring the Ambassador completely. Udina was a skilled politician, a ladder climber, true, but one that actually knew what he was doing. Lillith had little patience for politicians, never held much stock with them, and Udina was among the worst. Politics was one of the few of professions where Lillith though that incompetency might not be a bad thing. She could feel the ambassador bristling at being ignored, but she ignored him - she was a soldier first and foremost.
"You're supposed to be resting, Commander," Anderson said, his eyes shining with worry.
"I was released, sir, to be at this meeting."
Anderson stared her down, but finally nodded once. She had no doubt that he would taklk to Chakwas, and the two would have a wonderful time discussing her inability to fo what was best for her. They reminded her of her parents the time she had broken her arm when she was seven but had refused to stop climbing trees while in the cast. She had ended up grounded for the eight weeks the cast was one, plus another two, at the doctors behest to make sure the bones had properly healed. The look on Anderson's face was exactly the same as her father's had been when he'd found her, just hours after the cast had been set, back in the same tree she had fallen from the day before.
She felt a pang in her gut at the loss of her family, but it wasn't as strong as it normally was. She kept her father's face the way it had been that afternoon in her mind. He had been so angry - the medical bills for her arm would not be cheap - but she'd know he'd also been proud of her. Though no child growing up on the colonies was weak, or could be considered spoiled, few would tackle the thing that had wounded them mere hours after it happened.
There was anger in Anderson's face. And worry. And pride.
"I hope you know what you're doing, Commander."
"I do. I also know that Saren is up to something, and that if we don't move now things are only going to get worse. He had geth with him! The geth are little more than a scary story told in college science classrooms. The council has to do something. Nihlus is dead at another Spectre's hands, and something big is coming."
"What? What is coming? Shepard, you're giving me nothing more than Anderson. I need more if I'm going to take this before the council."
""Then take me. I will tell them exactly what happened. We have statements from survivors. We have physical evidence - we have dead geth!"
Udina fumed for a moment, and Shepard saw his eye twitch. "Fine. Meet us in the tower, I'll see if I can get a meeting with the council. Just behave yourself! This is delicate enough as it is. You were our best chance for the Spectres."
"Forget the Spectres! That's hardly important at this point. We have to stop Saren from whatever he's planning!"
Udina scoffed, and seemed ready to start on a tirade, when Anderson intervened.
"We will let the council handle this. I'll radio the time of the meeting when we know it, Commander," he said, and Lillith knew she had been dismissed.
"Yes, sir," she said, nodding curtly and turning on a heel.
"And Shepard," Anderson called after her once Udina was on a call with the councilors, "get some rest."
"Aye aye, sir," she said, taking it for the order it was. Still, he hadn't said she needed to rest on the ship, and she could really for a drink.
"Back to the Normandy, ma'am?" Baby-face asked as they walked through the diplomatic offices and stepped out into the political district of the Presidium.
"Don't be so stuffy, Alenko," she answered, after taking a moment to remember his name. "I hear there are some pretty sweet bars down on the Ward levels. Let's see what we can find, huh?"
"But the Captain said-"
"The Captain said she needed to rest, LT. And we'll make sure she doesn't overexert herself," Williams countered. Lillith thought she'd probably get to like the Gunnery Chief.
"Alenko," Lillith said, sliding her arm around his waist and letting her fingers trail along his side. She saw the startled look in his eyes, and smiled, her lips pulling back with a sweet promise. "I'm sure a big bad soldier like you can keep me safe."
His breathing hitched as he looked at her, and he nodded slowly. Men were so easy. She stepped away from him, winked at Williams, who grinned, cautiously, back at her, and then headed for the elevators.