Disclaimer: All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing in her sandbox.

Chapter 90 Realizations

"It's for you, Bella, it's your Mom."'

BPOV

"So, have you decided what to tell your mom?" Charlie asked, as he wandered into the kitchen to sit with us while I finished eating, and Sue put away the leftovers.

"Mom! I forgot all about calling her!" I exclaimed: "I was so busy thinking about Jake and Bree, she completely slipped my mind. I guess I should give her a call," I said, and Charlie slid his phone across the table to me.

I thought about earlier, when Dad had first told me that she called and I had to laugh at what had gone through my mind to say to her . . .

Hi Mom!

Edward, my 110 year old immortal vampire husband with two medical degrees delivered my partially human son who, by the way, can sit up on his own almost at three days old,put thoughts in your head as well as read the ones that are already there and drinks blood.

How was your cruise?

I laughed to myself and shook my head. Sue took my plate from me and I stood, taking a deep breath and picking up the phone. Edward's eyes were comforting as I stared at him, while walking to the back door as I rang her phone all the while trying desperately to decide what it was I was going to tell her to explain Masen..

"Mom, hi! Sorry I'm calling so late. I know. I'm Sorry I didn't call you. I didn't want to call while you were on your cruise. I know. Fine. Yes. No, Masen is fine and Edward was wonderful. No, no complications really. I know, well . . . he was really early. Yes. Yes. You are? No, that's fine. I can't wait to see you, Mom. I love you too. Drive safely. Okay. No, Edward will be happy to see you, too. Tell Phil good luck with his training. Bye."

I walked back to the table and handed the phone back to my dad. I knew I looked somewhat sheepish, but it was only because I really was a coward and had not known what to say to my mom and now she was coming here. Here. She was coming here to stay with Edward and me for at least a couple of weeks, and neither of us had any idea how we were going to handle her.

"Mom is coming. Phil has to be at a training camp starting tomorrow, but she insists on driving up to stay and help me for a couple of weeks with the new baby," I told them.

"What are you going to tell her, Bells?" my dad asked, folding his arms as he sat, rocking back on the two back legs of the kitchen chair.

I looked to Edward, then back to my dad, then to Masen, held in Edward's arms. There was just no way he would pass as a newborn, let alone a preemie. Even if I allowed her to believe that I lied, that Edward and I had been sexually active right after I went home with him in July and not waited till September, that would mean that Masen was still a couple of months early. I drew a deep breath, my mind flying through a million different things all at once and at the same time feeling blank.

"Let's ask Alice which explanation works, sweetheart. I have no idea what to tell her and you know how intuitive and downright nosy she is anyway. We kind of have to figure this out before she gets here so we are all on the same page when we talk to her. Surely there is a way to get by with this, at least for a little while," I said hopefully . . . but my face didn't show it.

Edward sat, allowing Masen to play with his fingers and suck on one of them as he stared at me.

"Bella, if your mom is coming to stay with us for a couple of weeks, there is something I would like to do as often as possible till she gets here."

"What?" I said, clueless. He stared at me with his molten gold eyes and I watched them darken before my eyes as he cocked his head to one side.

"Oooh."

"Everyone here is somewhat accustomed to us and our noises, love. My family is used to such things and so has your father," he looked over at my dad who was looking at his hands folded in his lap and trying not to add noise to the displayed snicker that covered his face well.

Edward continued, his head nodding toward my dad, "He and Sue and Jake have become somewhat . . . desensitized," he said, eyeing my dad as he kissed Masen on the forehead and told him goodnight, handing him to Sue, then turning to me.

"Upstairs, wench!" he somewhat demanded, gesturing toward the stairs.

"Edward! My father . . . ," I reminded him, mortified that he would be so bold in front of him.

"Your father has had sex before, love . . . he said so earlier today, remember?" he told me as he took my hand and half pulled me toward the stairs.

"Edward!" I said, listening to Sue and my father chuckle and the rest of his family look at him like he had lost his mind. I playfully leaned back, pulling away from him. He allowed me to pull away, of course, only to slowly stalk me as I backed towards the stairs.

"Sweetheart, the baby! He needs to spend time with us, Edward," I said. I had fed Masen and he seemed content, but we had been away from him most of the day. I knew Edward well enough to know that he was aware of Masen's thoughts, and would not be leaving him with others if it was going to be a problem or if it would upset the baby. I also suspected that as soon as I was asleep he would have Masen in his arms, and I had never seen Edward display such a blatant need for me in front of others

"Bella, you were held hostage from me for three days, not knowing if I would ever have you with me again and you've been pregnant for most of the time we've been intimate, making me nervous about hurting you . . . well, even more than normal. Don't expect me to be shy about wanting you," he said quite softly as he closed the distance between us and I could feel his cool breath on my neck. "You know you want to . . ."

"Edward! What happened to the prudish uptight gentleman that would not allow buttons on his shirt undone?" I asked coyly, remembering him acting like this when we had been in Yellowstone as well.

"He grew up, got married to the woman he loved, had a son, and decided to try for a daughter," he said loud enough that even my father gasped at the idea, not to mention his family sitting in the living room with their mouths agape. Edward only smiled, seemingly and uncharacteristically delighted at the spectacle he was causing . . . kissing me in a way that would not be considered exactly polite in public.

"Now, wench . . . about that daughter . . . ," he said as he lifted me over his shoulder and sped up the stairs with me. His family was almost literally rolling on the floor in laughter and amazement in the change in the man before them, and my dad smiling . . . knowing that his daughter really had married the man she loved more than anything.

I had a feeling that eternity with this man was going to be really amazing.

"Edward!" I continued to squeal at him as he tossed me on our bed and climbed over my body as though he was an animal stalking its prey.

"Sweetheart, we made love all day. All day, Edward," I reminded him, wondering what the hell had gotten into him.

"Bella . . . ," he said, his lips never leaving my skin and his hard length pressing into my stomach as he lie full on me, his hand pulling my knee up on one side of him as he slid between my legs. I almost didn't have the heart to tell him, but we had said we would always be honest with each other.

"Sweetheart," I managed to say between kisses. His intent was clear. He quite literally ripped yet another pair of jeans entirely off my body, along with everything else we had been wearing as his unnecessary breaths increased. His lips never leaving my skin.

"I love it when you're this needy, sweetheart," I told him as I reached between us and touched him, eliciting a moan from my husband as his hips rocked forward in response. He pushed my other leg aside to gain access to me, his body straining and his back arched against me as he growled.

I laced my fingers in his and removed his hand from my core while I stroked his hair with my other hand. Stopping him was not something I had ever done before and it was as though the earth had shifted on its axis. He rested his forehead on mine, breathing in a deep breath and holding both my hands, one in each of his on either side of my neck as he tried to calm himself enough to speak to me . . . at least that was what I thought he was doing. His forehead moved to my shoulder, and he hid his face from me, moving the lower half of his body off to the side of mine and onto the bed.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I . . . I don't know what got into me. I just had to have you and I didn't even notice that you didn't want to," he whispered, obviously either mortified by his actions or crushed at the thought of my not wanting him.

"Edward, do you really believe I don't want you right now . . . that I don't want to make love with you?"

"Bella, you just had the baby three days ago and we spent all day making love, it's okay if . . ."

"Stop right there," I told him, pressing a finger to his lips to shush him, "Believe me, I want to. You couldn't have noticed that I didn't want to, Edward, because I do want to."

"There's more to this, love. What is it, what have I done?" he asked. I hadn't seen him afraid that he wasn't wanted in quite a long time, and I had to tell him the truth. I couldn't let him think it was him. I just needed to tell him.

"I'm just kind of swollen and a little sore right now. It doesn't mean that I don't want you," I said. I was embarrassed and worried that I wasn't going to be able to be there enough for him, that I wasn't enough for him. I moved my hand from his lips and grasped him again. I used the other hand to force his face away from my shoulder. It was like pushing on a granite wall at first. He refused to move and let me look at him, but my persistence paid off and he gave a few inches, my eyes meeting his overwrought golden ones.

"I love you. I always want you, please believe me. I can be enough for you," I panicked, my feelings of inadequacy rising to the surface, along with my fear of losing him, "Once I'm changed, this will never ever happen and I'm so very sorry that I . . ."

He put a finger across my lips and looked at me with his eyes so full of love that it almost made me cry.

"You had only to tell me, sweetheart. I would never intentionally hurt you. Sex is something we can do when we both want to, not just when I get crazy like this," he said as he snuggled me to his side and held me. He hugged me gently to him, telling me he loved me and that I was more than enough in very way and that he was sorry he was so needy and that he would love me just the same if we never got to make love again . . . but I already knew all that because I felt exactly the same way about him.

"Get some rest, love," he said as he started to hum my lullaby.

I squirmed and squirmed, unable to get comfortable . . . knowing what I wanted. I hugged my husband to me and rolled to my back, encouraging him to cover me with his body. I hugged his head to my chest as he nestled between my legs, holding me to him as he kissed me softly and laid his cheek against me.

"Am I not too heavy lying on you? Is this more comfortable for you, love?" he asked as I continued to squirm.

"Ummm. Almost," I said as I reached down and positioned his length where I was swollen and sore, "Now. Much better, I have my own personal ice pack." Edward snorted, it was a kind of a tense sound really.

"Love, there is no way I can lie still and let you sleep like this," his gravelly voice rasped out, "so close to you . . . I love just lying here holding you, but not when I'm rock hard and almost inside you, I just can't control . . ."

"Yes you can. Just because I can't have any friction . . . there, doesn't mean we can't enjoy each other," I said as I placed his hand on my breast and encouraged him to squeeze, eliciting a moan from me. It was obvious that he was barely able to control himself. He ran his thumb over my breast, watching me intently as he slowly kissed and licked my chest. Slowly he took me into his mouth, staring at me as I nodded, arching my back and pressing my breast into his mouth as he began to suck, holding me to him. I wanted to tell him yes, that was what I had wanted . . . needed, but I could make no coherent words form. Though he had thought himself the one that was needy, I came instantly from his touch as he held me and I felt his cool release covering my swollen parts. He did not thrust into me, but lying perfectly still, holding me as he came again and again, his purring loud and his pleasure obvious. I reached my lips toward his as I broke his suction and caught his mouth against mine, kissing him for a long moment as he held my face in his hands, his weight on his elbows. He kissed down my throat and chest to the other breast, causing me to climax yet again as he nursed from me.

I could feel it already; the venom soothed my body, my undercarriage much less swollen and sore than a few minutes before. When he finished with my breast, I stroked his cheek as his head lie on my chest, telling him how much I loved him and how happy he made me. He leaned up on his elbows and kissed my lips softly, tracing kisses down my jaw to a favorite spot he had just under my ear.

Before he grasped what I was doing, I reached down and positioned him at my entrance, slowly rocking my hips up to meet him and sheath him inside me. Edward's arms straightened, the tendons in his neck straining and his head arched back.

"Bella . . . no, I thought . . ."

"Venom," I said by way of explanation, "everything is feeling just perfect now, sweetheart."

His eyes were black again as he looked down at me and placed soft kisses all over my face, his tongue licking my lip and asking for entrance as his arms snaked up under mine and grasp onto my shoulders from behind. He thrust into me gently at first, his need seemed difficult to control as his force increased, moving me slightly with each thrust and causing me to scream his name before his lips were able to somewhat silence me. My muscles tightening, squeezing him and causing him to release yet again, this time fully inside me as he called my name loudly, his arms extended as he roared above me. God I loved this man. How could he ever think for a moment that I didn't want him like this, always.

As I looked at him in moments like these, my husband caught in a moment of ecstasy, his face contorted and strained as his pleasure overtook him, I could almost think that I was enough for him ... almost.

~oooOooo~

EPOV

All the questions that I had amassed for Carlisle about different forms of birth control and how we would implement them, all disappeared. Gone. If we were to have another child, it needed to be right away. When Masen finished nursing, and that didn't seem like it would be more than a very few months, we would need to have another baby so that Bella could finally join me in immortality.

Aro or the other Volturi perceiving Bella's still being human as our having broken their laws was a constant threat hanging over our head, and something to be avoided. There was no way of knowing what they would do, if they would understand that she would be a vampire as soon as the baby was born or if they would insist she be destroyed, thus ending myself and my family as well. Masen, I had no idea what would happen to Masen in the event of such a thing, and the thought scared the hell out of me. No, we would need to plan on changing her as soon as Masen finished nursing. If she wasn't pregnant again by then, then I would certainly happily accept Masen as an only child. I had never expected the gift of a child at all and my life was fuller than I had ever imagined.

I had held Masen for several hours after Bella fell asleep, going over his day and unfortunately mine as well. There are apparently many things that are not appropriate to tell or discuss with children, adult things. Masen, however, was the exception. It was not because I wanted him to grow up and be aware of the adult world so incredibly fast, it was just that, with his intelligence and understanding and ability to read other's minds, it was impossible for him not to know things . . . things he probably should not have witnessed or felt even through someone else's mind until he was much, much older.

He wanted to know about Bella, not as his mom, but what she was to me. He was trying to understand my feelings for her and he was somewhat upset because he couldn't . . . he had no way of understanding and I wasn't ready to explain it to him fully. I tried to, somewhat. I told him that she was the other part of me, and I could not exist without her. That I hurt when she hurt, and her joy was mine as well. He listened quietly, his mind trying to process what I was telling him, and he questioned me about feelings that he read from me, from my mind.

I tried to explain love to him . . . my love for him, his love for Bella and me as his parents, and our love for each other. I told him that the difference in feeling love and not feeling it was like the difference between being as hungry as he could imagine, empty, and then being totally satiated, his belly filled to the brim. He seemed to grasp some of what I was trying to tell him. I knew what he was questioning, what he wanted to know. My mind had been so consumed with my wife since she returned that he had ample instances to read in my mind the feeling, the moment of loss of control and ecstasy that Bella and I shared so often. How do you explain that to a child . . . who would have ever thought that anyone would need to?

"Masen, I love you son. I'll talk with you and share with you and explain to you all I can, but some things are private. You have access to my mind, but those feelings between your mom and me, those are for me and me alone, son, and I can only hope that when you are old enough that you find a mate. If you and your bride have even half of the feelings between you that your mother and I share, I'll know you are a happy man.

I hated to wake her, but as I sat in the rocker holding Masen and the wee hours of morning approached, he was hungry. I thought about just going downstairs and grabbing a bottle from the refrigerator for him, but Bella really did want to nurse him . . . and I did have to share. Having been on diaper duty, I really did want to see if a diet of breast milk alone would help . . . and if it would satisfy his thirst as well.

My touch never woke her, but she sighed and leaned into my hand as I placed a breast shield on her nipple, the one closest to the bed as she rested on her side. I gently laid Masen against her, reminding him not to bite or pinch because his mom was fragile. It was as though he mentally rolled his eyes at me again, giving me what should have been a teenage reaction to something that he already knew and didn't like being reminded of as he latched onto her breast and began to nurse. Bella snuggled into him, her arm resting around him as she held him to her and started to stir. I stroked her face and tucked some strands of hair behind her ear as she tried to wake, realizing that Masen was there.

I knelt beside the bed, mesmerized at the sight of my wife feeding our son in such an intimate fashion and me being privileged enough to be allowed to observe. She gently stroked the back of his head as he drank, her arm keeping him cuddled up next to her. He didn't take long before he had emptied one breast and was rooting hungrily for the other as she sat up and held him to her.

She was so beautiful.

My need for her had intensified since I had her back. It wasn't so much that I couldn't control my strength around her, though that was always an issue. It was more that I needed her right with me, I needed to be close to her, inside her . . . and the need seemed to intensify each and every day. We had never made love for hours and hours on end like we had yesterday, and in spite of the coolness of my skin and the fact that the venom in my release soothed her, it was more than she could withstand on a daily basis. Her frail human body was swollen and chaffed, regardless . . . and I had still needed more. I was beginning to understand some of what Carlisle had told me about the need for your mate only intensifying the first few years of being with them, and it not leveling out for somewhere close to a decade. But my mate was human and it appeared as though she would continue to be for at least a few more months. We had only been intimate for four or five months now, four months and a week if you defined intimate as having intercourse. I had been able to put aside much of my need, or it had been overshadowed by the facts, firstly that she was human and frail, and secondly by her having carried my child and all the fear and apprehension that had gone with that.

I had a feeling that Masen had something to do with giving me extra control. He placed thoughts in my head that kept me from following my instincts and being more true to my nature and my rising need to be inside her most of the time. He had helped me protect his mom, and if we were going to try to have another child, I would need to ask for his help this time, help in protecting his mom and his sibling from the only thing now, other than the Volturi, that had the ability and opportunity to hurt her, if only by accident . . . me.

It might truly be possible to be loved to death.