Alrighty guys I'm back. Who saw the Walking Dead premiere? I'm not even sure what to make of it. It was so good, and somehow so strange all at the same time. Its such a departure from Season 3...yeah, like I said, I don't even know what to make of it. But, no spoilers just in case. P.S. Be prepared. Shits about to get /real/ in this chapter.

Two and a half weeks passed before Benjamin finally gave the ok for the group to resume traveling. Truth be told though they had enjoyed their brief respite at Ivy's cache, eating their fill, recovering their strength, sleeping in relative safety. The only thing that was wrong with the situation is that with every day that slipped by, it was a day longer that the group knew that their daughters were being held by a deranged scientist. The night before they were set to leave Ivy's cache they sat around her hideaway and Rick unfurled the map she had given him, the one marked with the circles that told the locations of her various stores.

"I say we head for the various places that Ivy's already cased and laid stories down. It'll help keep us on our feet and give us points to go. Are all of these built in places like this?" Rick asked, looking up at Ivy who sat across from him.

Her silver hair tumbled down her shoulders as she looked down at the map, pouring over the paper with meticulous care. Next to her Benjamin sat closely, their knees occasionally brushing. Ever since the first night he had hardly left Ivy's side, and everyone could see the wrought change in the medic since being reunited with her. He watched her closely as she let her fingers spread over the map.

"Most of them are built far enough away from city centers to be considered safe, but there are a few within danger zones," she murmured. She tapped the map in Louisiana. "I have a cache built in New Orleans, because of the close proximity of the river. That one is not safe for a large group like ours. The next bet is this one here," she tapped a crooked meeting of several blue lines, "right where the Missouri, Cumberland, and Tennessee rivers meet. From there we can follow the Tennessee river until we turn south into Georgia."

"You might be a blonde, but you're smart as hell girl," Daryl murmured quietly. "This is perfect. All of these rivers eventually connect. A steady supply of fresh water, food, and an immediate point of escape from Walkers. We can't ask for much more than this."

"That is if our vehicles can make the trip. There's not always roads that connect these places, and we're running low on fuel," Glenn muttered, threading his fingers through his dark hair. He was moving with some stiffness still but not nearly as much as he had when he'd first gotten back on his feet. Benjamin was helping him work through the pain with what drugs he had left, which was very little since he'd used damn near all of it to get him through the initial pain of the surgery.

"We'll make due. If we end up having to go on foot, then we have no choice. Our kids are more important than our cars," Rick said firmly. Daryl's stomach gave a clench but he too understood. It would pretty much have to be life or death for him to abandon Merle's bike, but he would in a heartbeat if it meant he could get to Luna faster. He couldn't even begin to describe how badly he'd been missing his little girl. Though he slept, his dreams were fraught with nightmares and he woke in cold sweats, murmuring her name. Fox did her best to comfort him but even her touch only went so far to soothe his restlessness and his rapidly increasing grief. Rick wasn't fairing much better. After the meeting broke up he left the group and didn't return for a long while, so long that Daryl went out to look for him.

He found his friend sitting down beside the river, his head down, the heels of his hand pressed against his eyes.

"You're not there," he whispered to himself. "You're not there, you're not there. You're not real. You're not real."

Rick looked up and stared straight ahead. Daryl could see nothing but an empty field and the bank of the river, but he suspected Rick could see something else. He felt like he should leave, like he should leave the man alone with his corrupted thoughts, but something held him fast.

"Lori I'm trying, I'm trying so hard. There's nothing else I can do! I can't leave the group…I can't just go tearing off into the wilds. Judith, she's smart and she's strong, and she's got Luna with her, she'll be ok, I swear it. Lori don't…stop looking at me like that, please!" Rick's head bowed between his arms his hands fisting roughly into his hair. "Lori please…please don't look at me like that."

Daryl could hear the tears in Rick's voice and his heart tore in two. He wanted badly to intervene to somehow help his friend, but he wasn't sure how, or if it was even safe to intrude on him. He stole back, moving very quietly, and slipped back down into the cellar.

"Benjy." Daryl motioned for him to approach and slowly the medic got up from where he was sitting next to Ivy.

"What's going on?" he asked, threading his fingers through his shaggy blonde hair.

"It's Rick. I think he jumped the crazy train again," he whispered.

"What, you mean like when Judith was born?" Nobody in the group had forgotten how far Rick had gone…how close he'd been to never coming back again.

Daryl nodded. "He's talking to Lori again."

Michonne approached the two of them cautiously, but with a measure of conviction in her as well. "I used to talk to my boyfriend. He died at the beginning of the outbreak. It doesn't mean he's crazy."

Daryl shook his head. "This is different," he muttered, brushing her off.

Benjamin sighed heavily. "There's nothing I can do. He's not psychotic, not as far as I can tell. It only happens when he's under so much stress that I think it would break anybody. I've talked to him about it before, he knows logically it's not real. I think when she died, something cracked in him, and it never really healed." He sighed again, leaning against the wall of the cellar. "We've all got scars." His head tipped to the side a little. "You know just as well as anybody else that the worst of the wounds are the ones you can't see."

Daryl shrugged and walked away, Benjamin obviously having made his point that he wasn't going to disturb Rick, but Michonne dared to venture out of the cellar. She found Rick by the river and heard the soft mutterings of his voice, and she listened carefully to the words he spoke. She heard a similar cadence that reminded her of how she used to be all those years ago when the world had first ended.

"Rick," she said, making sure not to startle him.

He twisted to look at her and immediately the surprise registered. She held her ground, waiting until he tipped his head to the side, giving her permission to come closer. She readjusted her sword and sat down next to him.

"Why did you come with us?" he asked. His voice was hoarse and his eyes were red but she chose not to comment on it.

"You have a strong group. You're risking life and limb to retrieve your children. You can't be evil. And I…I've been alone for a long time. Even before I met you I wasn't sure how much more I could take before I cracked. Humans are social creatures. We aren't meant to live alone." She leaned her arms across the tops of her raised knees and glanced at him out of the side of her eye. "Who is it that you lost?" Her voice was gentle, as if she was tenderly peeling off a bandage on a fresh wound.

Rick unconsciously rubbed the space on his finger where his wedding band used to be. He had taken it off years ago, finally deciding that he needed to, in order to fully put his grief from Lori's death to rest. It was a symbol of something that no longer existed. And for years he had not broken down like this. His visions of Lori had been confined to his dreams only every so often. He had not seen her in his waking state ever since Judith had been born.

"My wife," he answered after quite some time of silence, so long that he had almost forgotten Michonne was there. "It was a long time ago. The first year of the outbreak."

Michonne nodded. She kept silent, allowing him to speak if he wanted to, or stay silent if he chose to. She understood more than anybody else the effect of just having another warm, breathing body sitting with you could be.

"She was pregnant with my daughter, Judith, one of the ones who was taken. We did our best, Benjy did his best…it was never his fault. I know he blames himself sometimes but he shouldn't. She died in childbirth." He heaved a deep sigh and found that his fingers were twisted into the dry grass near his legs, pulling angrily on the strands as he spoke. "Sometimes I feel like she's watching me. Haunting me. Driving me crazy about things that I just can't fix."

Michonne nodded again and shifted, turning just a little bit to look at him. "Maybe it's not your job to fix it," she said quietly.
"But it is," Rick insisted. "These people, they trusted me with their lives. They didn't even know me that well back then, but they followed me. They followed me and I got so many of them killed, and every time something happens, every time someone dies, she's always there, watching me." He ripped a fistful of grass from the earth and crushed it in his fist. "Our marriage wasn't great before the world went to shit. We were fighting all the time, we were talking about maybe splitting up. Carl was so young at the time, we didn't want to hurt him, but we didn't know if we could really make it work. And then the world goes to fucking hell and she just…she stabs me in the back and is still one of the most important people to me. I can't get past it."

He went on, openly rambling, and Michonne listened intently, letting him vent his feelings. "I tried to tell myself I understood, why she went to Shane. They'd always been close. I tried to explain it away, I tried to make it alright in my head. She was scared and abandoned and thought I was dead. She needed someone to protect her and Carl. I've tried so hard to just accept it. But I couldn't. I never really could look at her the same way once I knew. I didn't want to be that way…I hated hurting her like that…but just knowing that Shane had touched her the way only I was supposed to…the way only I had…I couldn't…"

"And sometimes I get so jealous of Daryl. I never say anything…I never show it…but God if it doesn't feel like this is punishment for what I did. I got rid of Shane so he would stop hounding me, my family, and the group, but it all stemmed from how much he wanted Lori. And now…now its like I fight the same thing. Daryl has Fox and she'd never betray him. She'd never run off with another man just because she needed someone to protect her. Fox has never needed someone else to protect her. Fox has hurt Daryl a few times, but never the way Lori used to do to me. With Lori it was a constant undermine, a constant dig at everything I said, everything I did, to the point I eventually just quit saying anything and then I'd never know if I'd done the right thing or not. With Fox it's not like that. If she approves you know, and if she doesn't, you know that too. And when you earn her trust, she'll do anything for you. Anything."

Michonne's eyes narrowed slightly. "She's killed for you before, hasn't she?"

Rick nodded. "Shane. The man who used to be my best friend. And Judith's actual father. Shane betrayed our group to the very people who kidnapped our kids, causing several of our own to be killed and Daryl to be severely injured. Fox would have killed Shane on her own with or without my consent, but I went with her. I lured Shane into place and she struck the blow."

Michonne let the silence hang between them for a while, carefully choosing how much she should say. She recognized the depth of the weight Rick was shouldering. She wanted to help, because she knew how much the group really did rely on him, and she innately understood that Rick was a good leader. He had kept this band of humanity safe for almost twenty years. That was a damn good track record in her book. He had taken her in and treated her with respect. She wanted to help him.

"Lori still haunts you because you're used to her haunting you. It's easier to maintain that tension than to feel the hurt, and especially the anger. She betrayed your trust, and it sounds like that you didn't resolve it before she died. It's ok to be angry at her. I was so angry at my boyfriend, for years, just for dying. Obviously he didn't want to die, he didn't choose it, but I was still angry at him. I got over it eventually, but it took a lot of time. And once you're finished being angry, it will probably be easier to fully let her go."

Rick sighed heavily, his head bowing forward slightly. He couldn't meet her eyes when he spoke again. "I don't want to let her go, not completely. There is no one else like that in my life. Daryl has Fox, Glenn has Maggie, and now even Benjy's got someone. I know it's one of the last things on the priority list but…" he trailed off, his neck flushing with embarrassment.

"Intimacy is a human need. It's nothing to be ashamed of," Michonne said gently. "But holding onto her mentally like this seems to be more damaging than it's worth. It's your choice, but just from what you've said, I think it's hurting you more than helping."

Rick nodded. "I think you're right. But there's other reasons why too." This was said darkly, Rick's hand twisting into the grass again, his feet shifting restlessly on the ground.

"You want Fox. The same way Daryl has her. And you think if you mentally hang onto Lori it won't be any harder than it has to be, watching her with another man. Your best friend no less." Michonne guessed. Rick's eyes went a little wide as he stared at her. He didn't understand how after so little time with them she could have picked up on it, but in the same measure, he was somewhat grateful that he had someone next to him impartial with whom he could talk. He asked his family for advice many times about many different things, but this wasn't one of them.

"I tried not to. I tried so hard. Sometimes its more than I can take…" He bowed his head forward again. "I feel so filthy about it. And it doesn't fucking help that she knows. She knows and sometimes I think she's teasing me. She's out and out said that if she had never met Daryl than maybe…maybe we could have tried…"

Michonne stayed quiet for a while, again carefully choosing her words. She didn't speak often, but when she did, she always wanted it to count for something. "Fox is the poster child of honest to a fault. Anybody else would have just denied everything and left it alone. But to be honest, Rick, I doubt it would work out so well with you and her. You're far too different from each other. You see in her what you want to see because she has everything Lori didn't that made it so hard to live with her right when everything fell apart. But to be honest, the only one in this group who could ever really handle her like that is Daryl."

Rick shrugged his shoulders and let his head hang. "I know. And I know all of this is just because everything has gone to shit. If we were still at home and Judith and Luna weren't missing and we hadn't almost died so many times it's like the first year of the outbreak all over again, it wouldn't be like this."

Michonne nodded. "They know that Rick. They've always known it." She paused for a moment and met his eyes steadily, speaking with solid conviction. "You're a good man, Rick." She didn't say anything else, she just sat next to him while the moonlight filtered down over the water of the river. And amazingly enough, he was glad for her company.

"We're out of gas again," Glenn said as the group wheezed to a halt along the side of the highway that was loosely following the trail of the Missouri River. Thanks to Ivy's knowledge of the roads they'd been making good time and still able to stay near the river, but they were less than five miles outside the city of Saint Louis and the vehicles had finally rolled to their ends.

"Damn it," Fox cursed, angrily kicking the tires on the truck but Daryl put a hand on her shoulder.

"The bike still has gas, I can go for a run to try and find some," Daryl offered.

Ivy shook her head. "You won't find any. The only place that still has gas right now is the airport. And there is a reason for that." Everybody knew what that meant. The only reason anything was ever left anywhere was because it was too crowded with Walkers to get to.

"We need it. We spent two and a half weeks not moving, we have to try," Fox urged, seeing the way Rick was weighing it in his mind.

"Do you know where the gas is in the airport?" Rick asked, turning to Ivy again.

She nodded. "They used to keep fuel on hand to supply their ground vehicle that assisted the aircraft. It'll be in a tanker in one of the hangers."

"Do you know which one?"

Ivy shook her head. "Gas was one of the things I never stored. I used it if I had the chance, but you can survive on foot without it. I never took any more risk than I had to. That's part of how I've stayed alive for so long."

"Rick, I think we should leave it alone and go by foot," Maggie urged. "Airports are huge and filled with Walkers, you think we're really just gonna be able to sneak in there and get the gas we need and get back out?"

"Are there any other options?" Rick asked Ivy who already had the map spread out over the hood of the car.

She tapped a large swath of green about ten miles from their current location. "There's a farm here that I know has a generator. I don't know if they have any gasoline left, but last time I checked the place was abandoned. It should be safe enough for us to approach."

Rick hadn't answered yet when Michonne jumped off from the top of the car that she'd been resting on to keep watch and unsheathed her sword. "Walkers!" she hissed. "It's a herd and they're headed straight for us!"

"Shit," Maggie cursed, pulling the hammer on her gun back, loading a bullet into the chamber. Fox unsheathed her kukri blades beside Carl who shoved a fresh clip into his gun. Rick spun on his heel and used the car for height so he could see over the wreck of abandoned vehicles scattered along the highway. His stomach turned to ice and his heart slammed to a halt inside his chest.

It was a herd, a massive herd, all headed straight for them, groaning and stumbling, jaws gnashing, dead eyes swiveling back and forth looking for its next victim. They didn't have nearly enough bullets or manpower to cut them all down.

"Under the cars!" Rick hissed. "Get up under the cars, don't move, don't make a sound!"

Daryl grabbed Fox by the hand and pulled her along and dove under a large truck that had stalled out several car lengths behind. The height of the vehicle offered them maneuverability and it was right next to the edge of the road, all they had to do was roll a few times and they'd go tumbling down the steep embankment that led into the woods that bordered the edge of the highway.

Benjamin stuck close to Ivy as she grabbed her map, rolled it up, and stuffed it into her vest. He followed her as they scrambled to find a place to hide, finally finding one under an SUV. The squeeze was tight and he tried desperately to still the shakiness in his breath. Ivy was shaking right beside him even as she pressed her belly to the ground, her face drawn and anxious framed by her silver hair.

"They can smell us!" Ivy hissed as she watched the Walkers lift their heads into the air and breathe deeply.

"No they can't. Just be quiet, they will pass," Benjamin whispered.

"Yes they can!" Ivy breathed as the shuffling feet came ever closer. "We have to move, now!"

Benjamin's heart thumped like an insane drum beat in his throat as he watched the shuffling horde of walking death begin come closer. The rotting smell of blistered flesh and the salty deterioration of blood wafted down his throat and made his stomach churn. He was shaking uncontrollably even as Ivy's scarred bicep pressed up against his own. Electric tingles of fear tore up and down his spine, making it almost impossible to think. Ivy was scrambling backwards to get out from under the car, full blown panic setting in. They both shuffled and slid back but unable to be silent about it, several Walkers dropped to the ground and began to crawl towards them, thrashing wildly as rotted limbs and bony fingers reached desperately under the car. Benjamin yelped, trying to stifle it as much as he could, but it was too late, they had heard him. At first it was just one hand, but now there were dozens, slamming against the van, scrambling, pushing, snarling, bloody spittle and insane eyes filling his vision as the horde tried to get at them.

"Move!" Ivy snarled in his ear. She wiggled out from under the car and began to drag Benjamin who was scrambling madly as hands came just a hair's width from grabbing him. She yanked him out from under the car but they found themselves pinned by the body of the van, the next car over, and even more Walkers.

"The roof!" Ivy panted, looking desperately for an exit. "Benjy come on!" she yelled as she began to scramble for the hood of the van. Hands tore at her, but the protection of her duct tape bound arms held them back as she kicked and clawed, stabbing with all her might, trying to provide the security she needed to pull Benjamin up.

"We have to help them!" Fox hissed from where she was hiding with Daryl under the car. Daryl tensed, indecision wracking him, not wanting to put the rest of the group, and especially Fox, in danger, but she was right, if they didn't do something, they were going to be ripped apart. Daryl watched as Ivy lunged down from the hood of the van and grabbed Benjamin by the wrist and was trying to pull him up. The Walkers were closing in as Benjamin kicked and scrambled madly, terrified cries wrangled from his throat.

"Fuck it," he cursed. He came up with Fox from under the car and yanked his gun out from his belt and fired off a shot, killing a Walker, but more importantly, drawing their attention away.

Benjamin screamed as the Walkers still continued pressing in, and Daryl had the worst feeling plunging through his gut. That wasn't just a cry of fear, that was pain.

No, no, no, it's not, he's fine, he's spineless, of course he's screaming like a bitch, it's ok, just get them away from the van, come on Daryl, move!

"Rick!" Daryl yelled, calling for his companion. He and Fox darted towards the oncoming herd of Walkers, stabbing, slashing, shooting, doing anything they could to kill as many of them as possible. Rick and Carl had already rolled out from under the cars and had unleashed their bladed weapons, hacking off heads right along with Michonne, Glenn, and Maggie.

"We can't take them!" Michonne yelled as she swung her sword, arcs of blood spattering like a grizzly artist painting an asphalt canvas. "There's too many!"

Fox flung one of her knives, hitting a Walker right in the back of the skull, sending him down in a tangle of ashen limbs before spinning and sending a head flying from its shoulders. She was about to answer when another Walker came up from her side as she was turning the opposite way to stab another in the skull. The monster seized on her arm and yanked its head down to take a chunk out of her. She screamed bloody murder as she twisted free, pulling the hands of the monster clean off the wrist and falling to the asphalt as she kicked and scrambled, trying to get out from under the pile of limbs.

Rick blasted with his python to help clear a path as Daryl struggled to get to her, too afraid to even call her name as she disappeared under the crush of bodies. In his madness and blind panic, he desperately searched for the old scarlet flame of her hair that had once been a clear beacon of her location. A poisoned knife of terror stabbed between his ribs when he didn't see her and he furiously hacked his way to the pile of Walkers she'd gone down under.

"Daryl!"

Oxygen flooded into his lungs. He saw her scarred face emerge from underneath the car she had crawled under to get away from the Walkers. She came back around from the vehicle and destroyed another monster, unleashing a spray of blood and guts as she used a car door to slam a skull flat.

"We have to move!" Maggie hollered. She squeezed the trigger on her gun and fired off a powerful shot, causing a nearby Walker head to explode like a smashed bottle of red wine. "We're running out of ammo!"

"Get your bags, leave the vehicles, move!" Rick yelled over the boom of gunfire from his python.

With Fox at his side, Daryl maneuvered his way over the pile of bodies they had created and found Maggie's car. He guarded Fox while she ducked inside and grabbed not only his and her bags, but also Glenn and Maggie's as well. She slid these over the trunk and roof of the car towards them and as soon as they were on their backs, they turned and split, following Rick and Carl who already had their supplies holstered. Daryl twisted around and saw that Ivy and Benjamin were still trapped on the roof of the car that had proved to be a small island of safety, but dozens of Walkers were pressed in on them and were coming very close to tipping the car over.

"We gotta get them," Fox panted as she pulled out her gun. She didn't shoot often, but her family was in danger, there was no other choice. Daryl nodded and squeezed her hand in his for a split second before the undead forced them to keep fighting. They charged forward, slaughtering Walkers left and right, Fox taking aim at skulls while Daryl used both his crossbow and his knife to destroy the monsters in his way.

"Ivy, Benjamin, jump!" Fox called with a heaving breath as she and Daryl struggled to clear the ring of Walkers to only one or two deep.

Benjamin went first, staggering hard as he landed on the asphalt. Fox darted in and retrieved him, shoving him to his feet and pushing him forward. Ivy came down next, flinging herself off the hood at a running start, tumbling down to her shoulder, which was now missing the sleeves of her jacket, came up cleanly, spun on her heel, and fired again, the gleaming of her pistol glinting dimly in the foggy sunlight as she fired off shot after shot. She let out a mad, furious cry as she rose up to her full height, her silver hair billowing around her wildly as she squeezed the trigger again and again. Her jade green eyes were filled with murder and Daryl wasn't sure what had come over her but if they didn't move, they were all going to get killed.

"Ivy, let's go!" he yelled.

She was the last one to turn and run. They all took off as fast as they could go, running for their lives, fortunately able to put distance between them and the herd, but if they didn't keep moving, they would catch up. It was a grisly and all too potent reminder of their lives in general. Either they kept moving, or inevitably death found them. It was how it had always been, and Daryl was beginning to become convinced that's how it would always be.

"The river!" Ivy panted as they rounded a bend and came across nothing but more desolate highway, overturned cars scattering its lanes, rusted metal of a bygone age a dim reminder of the devastation the world had suffered. "It's deep enough near here that they even if they follow us in they won't be able to swim through."

"Lead!" Rick barked. He and Carl had come up cleanly in the fight, a few scrapes and bruises from the asphalt but no worse for wear. Glenn was holding up well, only a slight grimace of pain here and there as he jogged alongside Maggie.

Ivy swung and led them over the guardrail that lined the road and they slid and slipped and plunge down the embankment until they reached the copse of trees at the bottom of the steep hill. They crashed through the underbrush and tangled shrubs, much more concerned about speed than stealth at this point. Within ten minutes of hacking through the undergrowth they came to the river. It was a wide breadth of churning water but without hesitation they plunged in. The water wasn't as cold as Daryl had thought it would be, but it was still enough to set his teeth on edge. Their boots scraped and slipped on the slick river bottom and Daryl tried hard not to think about the fact that cottonmouths loved to hide in brush that lined the river just like this, not to mention gators. In the middle of the river it became too deep to walk, and so even with his gear weighing him down he swam, Fox right beside him, kicking with steady power in her legs, doing her best to keep her head afloat and out of the muddy water.

Ivy was the first to reach the other side. She helped them all out of the water and up the steep, muddy embankment as they hung onto roots from the trees that were growing right along the river's edge. Iron red clay slicked their hands as they clawed their way up and out of the water and for a moment Daryl had flashbacks to slogging through the same muck back in Georgia as he sweltered in the summer sun.

"I think we lost them," Glenn panted. They all stopped and listened and looked back across the river, trying to determine if they'd been followed. They heard nothing except the sound of their own wheezing breath and shifting feet on the ground.

"Still, we better keep moving. Walkers live in the woods too, I'm sure they're here," Rick muttered, sheathing his python. They started to move forward again but after only a couple yards they heard the sound of leaf litter being crushed in large amounts. They all spun and saw that Benjamin had crumpled to the ground.

"Benjy," Ivy whispered, dropping to her knees. She pulled him into a sitting position and threw her arms around him, hugging him around the neck as tightly as she could, her silver hair curtaining his face.

Rick rushed forward, effectively pushing Ivy out of the way even as Benjamin leaned up against a thin, ashen tree. "It's all right, Rick," he panted quietly. "It's all right."

Rick gave a long pained groan. Daryl approached and looked over his friend's shoulder and saw the sleeves of Ivy's jacket tied around Benjamin's waist, but despite the measures, a scarlet stain was forming on the right side of his stomach. Methodically, numbly, Rick untied the tourniquet, unleashing a fresh stream of crimson fluid, and lifted up Benjamin's shirt. There, plain as day and unavoidably real, was a very deep bite mark imbedded into Benjy's skin.

"It's ok," Benjamin said again. "It's ok."

Ivy wailed, dropping down to her knees next to him and pushing her face into his shoulder and neck, sobbing incoherently in Russian. Benjamin reached a blood stained hand up and threaded his fingers through her silver hair, speaking Russian back, trying to console her.

"There's gotta be something we can do," Rick pleaded. "Like what your group did for you, Ivy."

At the mention of her name she jerked away and stared at him almost blankly, her tear stained face haggard and worn. She took out her knife and stared at the gleaming blade for a minute. "We could try to cut the bitten flesh away," she whispered.

Benjamin snagged her by the wrist. "Don't," he breathed. "It's been too long. The only reason you survived was because you got treatment within seconds after the bite. It's been at least twenty minutes and we've been running this whole time, it's spread well beyond the bite by now. There's nothing you can do."

"We have to try, Benjamin, this is your life!" Daryl growled, unbelieving that the man would give up so easily.

The medic looked up, his hazel eyes meeting Daryl's own, and there was a deep measure of respect and sadness mixed together there. "I only put Glenn through so much pain to save him because I knew he had a chance. I know my chances, Daryl. I'll not have the last living moments I have be in agony for no reason."

"Benjy, please," Ivy whispered. "Let me try."

He stroked her hair again, leaning his forehead up against hers. "It's ok, Ivy. Really."

Rick took out his python and checked to see how many bullets he had left. Only one. How twistedly ironic was that? Horrible guilt and nausea rolled through his stomach making it hard to even see straight, but Benjamin saw the movement.

"Not now, Rick." His voice was strained, the pain of the infection already taking route deep into his bones. "I have some time left."

"We have to," Rick said hoarsely, barely able to speak.

Benjamin nodded. "I know," he breathed weakly, his eyes closing for a second before finding Rick's again. "But not now. I'll die first and then you can kill me before I come back. I'm not like Shane. I don't have that much energy in me to come back right away. You'll have time."

"How long?" Rick asked as the rest of the group all settled down to sit around him, pressing close to their fallen comrade.

Benjamin shifted and gingerly inspected the bite on his stomach. "It's deep. And we've been running a while. Probably not long." Sweat was already breaking out on his skin from the affects of the fever, and just by the look on his face they could see how much pain he was already in. Daryl wondered if maybe just putting him out of his misery now wouldn't be better.

Rick bowed his head forward, his gun resting by his thigh as the stress came to buckle his shoulders forward, but Benjamin reached forward and pushed him upright again. "Hey, listen to me. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. We all have to die sometime," he said firmly.

"But not like this. Nobody should have to die like this," Rick breathed.

"Like what, Rick? I am with the ones I love, even the one I had thought was dead." He glanced at Ivy and they all could see the tears streaking down her cheeks. "I couldn't ask for much more than this." He coughed so hard he nearly retched, his body doubling over. When he recovered he leaned back against the tree and sighed for a moment before he turned towards Maggie and met her eyes.

"Remember what I taught you when Glenn got hurt. Airway, breathing, circulation. Get their airway clear by any means necessary. The brain can only go without oxygen for thirty seconds or so without sustaining damage, and in our case, that means the parasites we carry have the time to maneuver and make us turn. Once you have their airway open, get them breathing. Then deal with the bleeding. If they have no pulse, do CPR, even if it means you're pushing blood out. A person is a lot more likely to survive blood loss than they are a heart that's not beating."

Maggie nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks. Benjamin could see she was distraught, but he wanted to pass on as much knowledge as he could in the time that he had left. The whole time he had been caring for Glenn after he'd been shot he'd been teaching her, but it was a paltry education compared to what anyone would really need to know.

"Keep wounds clean. Alcohol can help sterilize an open wound or burn, and in its absence, a heavy salt-water solution will also work. Avoid sutures at all costs, but if you have to stitch someone up, less is more. Keep wounds dry, change the bandages at least two or three times a day. If a person gets any kind of infection, keep them isolated, don't let it spread. Alcohol or salt water to kill the bacteria on anything they touched. Whoever is caring for them should be the only ones they interact with."

Maggie nodded again and ran her fingers through Benjamin's hair. "Thank you for everything you did for me and Glenn," she whispered. Her chin was trembling as she spoke and Glenn gently leaned against her, completely at a loss for what to say.

"We're family," Benjy said simply. "No more need be said."

Fox slid closer to Benjamin now and gently took his hand in hers, stroking her thumb over his bloody skin which was cold and clammy to the touch, but she didn't let go. He smiled a little bit for her, despite the pained undercurrent that lingered.

"Big bad Fox is gonna cry over the Yankee coward?" he teased lightly, coughing a little as he did so.

"Not on your life," she whispered, even though her eyes were indeed wet. "You're not a coward, Benjy. You never were."

He shrugged a little. "Yeah, I was. I was always more afraid than the rest of you. But it probably kept me alive."

Fox shook her head again. "No, Benjy. When the rest of the group was afraid of me and you had the choice to drug me and Daryl to keep us put down, you said something. You're not a coward." She squeezed his hand gently.

Benjy chuckled just a little. "Maybe cause I was more afraid of you and Daryl than I was of them."

Fox sniffed quietly. "Have it your way."

Benjamin laced his fingers through hers weakly. "You did a good job with Luna, Fox. You really did. You and Daryl both," he looked up at the hunter who dropped down to be more at eye level with him now.

"Couldn't of done it without you to help," Daryl said, his voice rough with gravel and poorly suppressed pain.

Benjamin's mouth twitched into a weak smile. "We're family," he said again. He turned to Carl now who's expression was twisted somewhere between fear, pain, anger, and despair, and it reminded them all of the look he so often wore as a child in the first year of the outbreak.

"Carl, listen to me. You take care of your dad, alright? Be good to him. And when you get Judith and Luna back, you watch out for them. They'll need you. Remember what your mother said to you. You're strong and you're good, and you can make it in this world, but it's not worth it if you don't have your family at your side."

"I know," Carl murmured. He squeezed Benjamin's hand and stayed next to him even as Ivy moved to take his place. Benjamin coughed hard again but when he finally caught his breath he turned back to Rick.

"If I can't be buried at home, don't bury me at all," he breathed.

"Benjamin, we don't burn our dead, you know that," Rick whispered.

Benjy let his eyes rove over the group until he found Daryl's. "The last person we lost we didn't bury. I'm telling you, I want the same thing. Don't bury me away from the ones I love. Besides, you don't have time to waste like that. You gotta go get Luna and Judith, and since we left our cars, it's going to take even longer now. You have to hurry, the mountains are hard enough to get through, it'll be winter by the time you get back at this rate. Every second counts, ok?" He coughed again, retching so hard bloody spittle flecked his lips. He looked up again, his eyes cloudy but his voice determined. "When I die shoot me in the head and then burn me into ash. Throw me into the river and then keep moving. You cannot help the dead. Only the living."

His gaze rounded until he found Michonne who up until now had been quiet and had kept her distance, but seeing the medic search for her, she dropped down. Rick pulled away, needing some space to breathe and Carl followed slowly, but everyone else stayed.

"Stay near Rick," Benjamin told her. "I know you talked to him last night. You're good for him. There hasn't been anybody new in so long. Help him. He's a good man, but he's mistaken if he thinks he can do this all on his own."

Michonne nodded. "I will," she promised him.

He turned back to Ivy who was still crying although silently now. "Ivy, listen to me. I know you only stayed with us because I was here, but when I'm gone, you still need to stay."

"I don't want to be without you, surrounded by the ghost of what was never mine," she whispered.

Benjamin smiled sadly and kissed her forehead again, his bloody fingers staining the pale silver of her hair. "I know, but you need this. They are my family now. Far more than my parents were. You and them, that's my family. Don't go off by yourself again, you won't make it. Please, for me, keep them safe. Help them get the kids back. They will look out for you, they will protect you."

Very slowly Ivy nodded and then whispered something in Russian and Benjamin responded in kind. She stayed pressed up against him even as he went very still. The group kept vigil as the time slowly slipped away, the fog rolling in deeper and deeper, an uncharacteristic chill settling over all of them. Fox leaned into Daryl as they kept watch over the eerie stillness, thankful for the fact that she was still alive but feeling her heart being torn in two at the thought they were losing someone else after so long.

No one knew how long it had been before Ivy stirred. "He is gone," she whispered, her eyes filled with tears that escaped her lids and spilled down her cheeks. She looked down at Benjamin, hateful of the way he looked so peaceful, like he was really just sleeping and not gone to some place that she could not follow. All she wanted was to follow him. She hated the world, hated fate, hated God, hated everything that had led to this moment, because hate is easier than pain. But Benjamin must have known she would feel like this, he had always known how she would feel. His last words to her, murmured in Russian, reflected just how well he knew her. 'Hate is poison. Hate will kill you. Do not hate for me. I love you too much to want that for you. Don't make this harder than it has to be. Love for me when I'm gone. Do not hate.'

"Rick," she breathed, summoning him and Carl back.

The former sheriff turned and they all stood up, all except for Ivy who remained crouched near Benjamin's body. She kissed him once more, the taste of his bloody lips against hers for the last time, before slowly moving away.

Rick pressed the muzzle of the gun against Benjamin's temple and exhaled, just like he had learned to do all those years ago, and squeezed the trigger. The blast roared through their ears like thunder on the mountains as blood spattered the tree and the surrounding foliage, and when he looked up he expected to see Lori watching him with sadness in her eyes. But all he saw was the empty woods and the thin shafts of sunlight working their way through the foggy air, the silence of the world never as heavy and never as mysterious as it was in that moment.

Emberka-2012: So Leland still inspired by the idea of a free life. I do not know why Mal so doubt that this is possible. In front of him are two girls who grew up and lived outside, and their family did not require the support of a certain mad scientist. And there's definitely live other people. Jenner lost all self-control. And these fights ... Jenner can hide behind any reasons, but he just liked the power and cause pain to other people. Judith and Leland lost a bet about Mal and Luna. They thought about too long period. Everything happened a lot faster and easier.

Leland's been with the CDC group for a long time now, and he's sort of become Mal's right hand man, so Mal wasn't really expecting him to still be harboring dreams of living freely away from the CDC. Mal has lived with the CDC his whole life, he can't even picture what it's like on the outside. Jenner really has lost all semblance of normalcy anymore. He does get off on the power and control these fights give him, but they are serving a purpose, all to be revealed in good time… As far as Mal and Luna, things are derailing in a sense, but whether that's in a good way or bad way only time will tell…

Brittney: This chapter was very action packed! Luna and Mal are getting closer :) and the fact that Jenner is crazy enough to do caged fights is very cruel but interesting...

Mm, they definitely are, kicking and screaming as they go, but they just can't help it. Jenner certainly is cruel and twisted, but he has a purpose for these fights, but it would be a lie to say that he doesn't enjoy the power struggles for their own sake.