Is This The End?
A/N: Okay here it is the final chapter. Now I know some people want me to write more chapters, as there enjoying this story and want to see it fulfilled properly. Your probably right and I would, but the thing is I don't think I could write any more chapters to this story without the quality substantially declining, this one alone was very hard to write and its not particularly good, I'm sorry. I think I set a to high tone and mood with the last Chapter, one which proved incredibly difficult to follow. As such I'm afraid this is the end. As I said, its not the best chapter and I don't think it follows the last one's feeling particularly well (feel free to disagree though). Still I hope your find some parts your enjoy.
Chapter Three: From Sadness and Fear, Doth the Phoenix Fly…
Kurt slowly led Sheldon towards the building. Sheldon didn't really care where he was lea, he wasn't paying attention. His thoughts were on other things, most of them guilt. "Here we are," Kurt said. Sheldon casually looked up; they were standing in front of a gym. Sheldon didn't speak. "Well aren't you coming?"
Sheldon sighed, "Why should I?" he asked, "Trust me Sheldon," Kurt said, "When you're hung up on girl problems, nothing makes you feel better than a few sessions at the gym." "I don't know if that's translatable." Sheldon said his voice was more apathetic than annoyed. "Okay," Kurt said, "what do you normally when you're feeling like this." Sheldon paused, "I normally relax with my favourite things, comic books, Star Trek DVD's and the such."
"So why aren't you?" Kurt asked, there was a pause. "because none of its working." Sheldon suddenly shouted, "None of it." Kurt jumped back; he had never seen Sheldon have such a reaction before. Slowly he approached, "so why not try it my way?" Kurt asked, watching Sheldon closely, he seemed to have returned his previous mood. Sheldon paused unsure, considering the premise, before finally saying "What have I got to lose?" And with that the two of them walked in.
Sheldon looked around the gym, it was set out the way you would expect it to be, complete with weight machines, exercise bikes, punching bags, weights and all sorts of other exercise equipment. Multiple muscular men were already using the vast facilities. For a moment curiosity overpowered his apathy, he had never been in a gym in his whole life. But the feeling was quickly squashed.
"I'm not exactly fit," Sheldon said turning to Kurt, "And I don't particularly enjoy exercise, so how does this actually help me?" "Well, you sort of channel all your negative emotions into the work out, that way you get a positive way to work them out." Sheldon didn't reply. Kurt however took this as him simply agreeing with him. The fact he was able to make his genius friend feel better made Kurt feel good, he smiled "so what do you want to start with?" he asked. "You chose." Sheldon said uncaringly. "How about bench pressing, and work on your upper body strength?" Kurt suggested.
Sheldon shrugged, his mind was still in other places. After stretching he laid down on the bench. Kurt, acting as his spotter, he handed Sheldon the weight. Slowly Sheldon lowered it to his chest, before lifting it up and holding it there. He then placed it back on the stand, "how much does that weigh?" he asked, for the first time paying attention to what was happening. "Fifty pounds," Kurt replied. Sheldon stared at him, "I lift more than that, put more weight on."
"Sheldon, I don't…" Kurt began, "if I have to be here, I might has well get some actual exercise done, so put some more weight on." Sheldon interrupted. Uncertainly, Kurt added some more weight to the bar. "How much is that?" Sheldon asked, "one hundred pounds." Kurt replied. Sheldon took the weight and began pushing it up and down several times. This was clearly harder, but he still carried it off okay. "More," Sheldon said calmly.
Kurt was getting worried, Sheldon was a thin man, but he had managed a hundred without too much trouble, so he added another two more weights to the bar. Sheldon tried to move it, but this time he was straining, struggling he managed to get it up three times. Before practically dropping it on top of himself. Kurt carefully held it above Sheldon's chest. Sheldon looked at weight, he couldn't lift it, he had failed to continue to lift it, he had failed…again.
Snarling Sheldon suddenly grasped the weight and raised it as far as he could go. Straining he held it there; Kurt was surprised by this sudden change, but kept his hands on the weight. Sheldon then began rigorously dropping it and pushing back up. Kurt watched shocked, Sheldon's eyes were burning, but this time only with an orange flame. He kept going, trying to get faster and faster. His arms were straining, his blood vessels were popping he couldn't keep this up, but he showed no signs of slowing.
Shocked Kurt pulled weight out of his hands, and put it back on the stand. Sheldon sat up suddenly, he shook as nausea hit him, he was sweating and breathing heavily, "You've got to slow down," Kurt said, "your pull a tendon or worse if you jump ahead to far." Sheldon didn't seem to be paying attention, he just stared at the weight; it was an odd gaze, not only sad, but also almost longing.
Behind them two other men came walking up, one tall, one smaller and stockier with tanned skin "hey Kurt," the tanned men called, spotting Sheldon he added, "whose the nerd." Sheldon didn't respond he just sat there still looking. "Back off Jack," Kurt said, "His names Sheldon, he's a friend of mine and he's a genius." Jack looked at Sheldon, "he still sounds like a nerd," he said, "maybe," Kurt replied, "then he's a nerd, who earns more in a day then you do in a decade."
Jack shrugged, "what's wrong with him?" the other guy asked, "He keeps staring at that weight." "He's going through problems in his relationship, Harry." Kurt replied "and it's affecting him quite badly, that's why he's here". "Oh, I'm sorry," Harry said, he continued to watch Sheldon. It took a while before Sheldon seemed to grasp that people were watching him. Slowly he turned to face the other two men. "Sheldon, this Jack and Harry, there friends of mine." Kurt said. Sheldon didn't reply.
"Not very talkative is he," Jack said. "He normally is," Kurt replied. Unsure he went back to helping Sheldon with the weights. Although they didn't meet very often, Kurt could still see the differences and it surprised him just how different Sheldon seemed, he was mostly silent, seemed distant and didn't seem to care. Every so often though he would suddenly switch and seem unnaturally determined, immediately after he started to encounter problems with what he was doing, and then Kurt had to pull him away from whatever he was doing before he hurt himself, at one point he almost pounded the punching bag till his wrist snapped. What was going on Kurt had no idea.
After two hours he decided to call it a day. "So how do you feel?" he asked, Sheldon looked up "tired," he replied. "Well this is your first time, you're bound to feel tired. After doing all that you should tired, do you feel anything else?" Kurt asked. Sheldon shrugged, "different," he replied, "good different or bad different?" Kurt asked, "Just different," Sheldon replied. Kurt continued to watch his friend with uncertainty. He hoped his efforts had helped.
Sheldon paused and turned to go, "I'll see you around." Kurt said, Sheldon didn't reply he just walked off. Kurt stood there unsure, before deciding to leave himself. After getting home, he was making himself dinner when the phone rang, "Hello" he said, "Hello Kurt," Sheldon said from the other side. "Hello Sheldon," Kurt said happy to hear his friends voice again. "Kurt," Sheldon said, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you a favour, do you mind meeting me at the gym again tomorrow?" "Of course not," Kurt replied, "how's six O'clock?" Sheldon asked, "Fine." Kurt replied. "Okay bye," Sheldon replied. Kurt smiled; evidently his actions had helped his friend.
Slowly Leonard walked out Penny's apartment; it had been six days now since Sheldon's meltdown. Since then the two of them hadn't seen or spoken to each other. It had been long enough; calmly he walked up to the front door. He hesitated before knocking it, the look in Sheldon's eyes that night, just before he had thrown him across the room, had given him nightmares, what could cause a person that much pain? Regardless, Sheldon was his friend and that was all that mattered. And with that he knocked on the door.
There was silence and then the door opened. Sheldon stood there. His hair was scruffy, his shirt was dirty and he clearly needed a shave. However upon seeing Leonard, he briefly smiled, it literally lasted a second, before he returned to his normal apathetic look. "Hello Leonard," he said calmly. "Hello Sheldon, do you mind if I come in?" Leonard replied. "Of course, it's your apartment to." Sheldon said.
He calmly walked away from the door, before collapsing back onto his spot. Looking around Leonard was shocked; all the damage from the meltdown had vanished. All the mess had been cleaned up, everything was back in its original place and the room looked exactly like it had before the event. It was almost as if the rampage had been erased from history, everything broken had been replaced or repaired.
Walking over to the kitchen Leonard opened a cupboard, all the broken crockery had been replaced and all the glasses were back. Turning back he once again had to take it in, everything had been replaced even the chips in the paint were gone. "You've been busy," Leonard mummed. "Not really," Sheldon replied.
Leonard turned back to face him, seeing Sheldon sitting there in his spot watching TV, in there fixed apparent, Leonard suddenly felt hopeful maybe Sheldon had managed to recover from whatever had happened to him. Sheldon was even watching Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan on the TV. It was only when he saw his face that Leonard realised something was still wrong. The film was just starting, but Sheldon clearly wasn't interested, reaching for the remote he turned the TV off.
"How are you feeling?" Leonard asked. Sheldon shrugged, "different," he said, "just different." And with that he got to his feet and walked over to the door, "where are you going?" Leonard asked. "The gym, Kurt will be waiting." Sheldon replied. "But you don't go to the gym," Leonard replied, taken aback by this statement. "I do now." Sheldon replied. He sounded almost sad, but with that he walked off.
Left alone, after thinking over this sudden knew information and wondering how long Sheldon had been going with Kurt. Leonard decided to examine the rest of the apartment. His room was the same as he left it, likewise the bathroom hadn't changed. Eventually reaching his final target, Leonard walked into Sheldon's room. He was again surprised by what he saw; the room was repaired, but not everything had been replaced. His mirror was replaced, his door had been reattached, his shelves had been fixed, and the broken window pane had been replaced. The mess was gone from the floor, but nothing had been replaced, his shelves were empty, his cupboard was almost empty, so much of his stuff was missing. He hadn't replaced his action figures or his comics or most of his stuff. He had only replaced his room. Walking back into the living room Leonard was left thinking about what do, he decided to go see Penny, as Sheldon had clearly not gotten any better.
Sheldon sat down for a moment; this was the fifth day in a row that he had come to this gym. He spent two hours here then he went home. Kurt had managed to make it, as he went practically every day. They were just finishing their workouts, Jack and Harry casually walked over to them. "You still coming?" Jack asked, Sheldon didn't reply, "why doesn't he talk?" Jack asked, "He does," Kurt replied, "I just don't think he wants to now, he prefers to stay in his thoughts."
Jack rolled his eyes, "all this over girl trouble, how could it happen?" he asked, "I mean I've had my fair share, my girlfriend kicked me out last week." "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Why?" Kurt asked, "Well it went like this, it was the same night I had bowling and just as I was going out, she sprung on me that she had booked us a reservation at a fancy restaurant. I of course couldn't go, as I promised the team I would be there for the competition. She never told me about this before or nothing and I made it very clear to her that it was the big competition tonight, I had all week. And then she still gets angry at me. Claiming I value bowling over her."
Jack sighed, "Well I was feeling a bit guilty, so I booked us another reservation at this restaurant, and then on the night, it turns out she and her friends have a girl's night planned and she can't make it. She never told me about this or anything you understand. And then gets angry at me for booking it on the same night and tells me I have no right to determine what she does, then she kicks me out when I point out the double standard. And it's my apartment and all."
Kurt shook his head, "that's brutal," he muttered, "yeah, well I'll buy her something nice and tell I'm sorry tomorrow, I'm sure by then she'll have cooled down and be ready to forgive me. What about you Kurt?" "Oh, I'm not dating anyone at the moment," Kurt replied, "my last break up didn't go to well, she left me for my own brother." The guys shook there head, "How are things with you and the Mrs, Harry?" Kurt asked
"Not bad," Harry replied, "we did get into an argument last week though over the fact, that she didn't tell me she had taken five hundred dollars from are joint account. Still it's all sorted now." He paused, and then absentmindedly asked "what about you Sheldon, how are things between you and your girlfriend?"
Kurt stared at Harry in shock. For the first time in the whole conversation, Sheldon looked up, "what did you say?" he asked coldly. Catching on Harry didn't reply, but Jack had other ideas, "come on Sheldon," he said, "we've told you all are secrets, what happened between you and your girlfriend? What caused you all these problems? Did she use your microscope without telling you?" He chuckled. Sheldon's fists clenched. "Calm down mate," Kurt said, "he's just joking around, you don't have to tell us."
"Thank you," Sheldon said, "because I don't want to talk about it." "Why what did you do? Have it off with your assistant on the labs floor and she found out?" Jack joked. Sheldon stared at him, a fire burning in his eyes. "No," Sheldon said coldly, "I did not do that, I didn't do anything?" he shouted the last bit. Jack stared him in shock. Eyes turned to face them, but Sheldon didn't care. "If you must know what happened." Sheldon snarled, his voice getting deeper. "My girlfriend was unsatisfied because I refused to ever sleep with her, so she hired someone to do it with her behind my back and I caught them in the act!" The second he said those words, his rage evaporated and his eyes watered. He collapsed back into the chair and began to cry.
Eyes stared, mouths hung open. "Oh my god," Kurt mummed to himself. Jack just stared in shock, "That bitch." He mummed. Sheldon suddenly dived forward knocking Jack into the wall. He held him there his hands clasped round Jack throat. Although shorter than Sheldon, Jack was a lot stronger and bulkier. However the look in Sheldon's eyes put the fear of God himself through the man. It was like looking into a fiery pit, which at the same time was full of sharpened ice, each piece pointing straight at him. "Don't you ever call Amy a bitch!" Sheldon snarled slowly in a low voice that sounded almost inhuman. "If you ever do it again, I swear I will Murder You!"
Jack was shaking like a child; at this point he honestly believed that Sheldon would kill him, everyone who got hear him say that would believe he would kill him. "It's okay, mate." Kurt said worriedly, he put his hand on Sheldon's shoulder. Sheldon let go of Jack and brushed Kurt off. His anger subsidising he started to cry again, and with that he walked out of the room. Eyes upon eyes watched him in shock and horror.
Kurt turned to Jack, he was still shaking "Happy now?" Kurt asked. The man hung his head. "I'm sorry," he said, "I had no idea. How could I?" Kurt shook his head, "well, maybe you should think a bit more about what you say in the future." Jack nodded, Kurt turned to leave, but then Harry spoke, "here Kurt before you go, as you're the smartest of us, why did your friend refuse to sleep with girlfriend?"
Kurt paused, he honestly didn't know, no one had ever brought up Sheldon's feel of germs. However using the small amounts of knowledge he knew, he started to think, finally he came to an answer, one so reasonable he felt sure it was correct. "Well he's a southerner." Kurt replied, "And as you know there quite religious down that part of America, and under their beliefs sexual relationships are only allowed for the married. So he's simply waiting as accustom to his beliefs."
Harry shook his head, "impressive," he muttered, "what a guy. Resisting all that just to follow what he believes in." He shook his head again, "I always thought I would do that, and then came that night when I was seventeen, that I got Anna Clover to come over…" Not interested and more worried about his friend Kurt walked off. He found Sheldon standing outside the building. He wasn't crying any longer, just looking up at the sky. "How are you feeling?" he asked, Sheldon turned to face him, but he didn't speak, then he just turned and walked off. "I'll see you tomorrow then," Kurt shouted after him, Sheldon didn't reply.
Never the less, Kurt did see him the next day, and the day after that and so on. That week Sheldon went back to work. He had previously been off, under claim of needing time off to recover from emotional trauma. Leonard also moved back in with him, he had been perfectly happy to stay with Penny, but not wanting to anger her by taking advantage of her hospitality, he had left as soon as Sheldon seemed stable. But he wasn't, everyone around could see he wasn't.
He no longer spoke so often and when he spoke, he was always blunt and quick to the point, no more use of complex versions of words, no long lectures on obscure and unimportant topics; his native accent seemed here to stay. He now ate alone, when he ate at all. After work he always left to go the Gym and then he came home and after that he would just go into his room till it was time for him to come out the next morning. Leonard still heard him crying during the night, not every night now, but still more than was healthy. He no longer joined in the guy's activities, nor did he comment on them; he was in all senses a very different person.
A week went by, but nothing seemed to change, and then another week went by. Following his previous reaction, everyone was afraid to try and talk to him about it. Penny and Bernadette went round to Amy's many times, but every time they got there no one answered the door. They tried to visit Amy at work only to find she had turned up in weeks. Eventually, almost a month after the original incident had taken place, they decided enough was enough.
So when Sheldon walked into his apartment that night following coming back from the Gym, he found everyone sitting his apartment waiting for him. "Hi Sheldon," Leonard said cautiously, "Hello Leonard," he said calmly, before turning to go his room. "Wait, wait, Sheldon we need to talk." Sheldon sighed and turned back to face them. "No we don't," he replied. "Yes we do." Bernadette said, "Sheldon we care about you, and we just want to talk."
Sheldon sighed, "Fine," he said miserably, before walking over to the coach and collapsing into his spot. "Sheldon, I think we need to talk about what happened between…." Penny began, but Sheldon cut her off "I don't want to talk about it." He said calmly, "but Sheldon…" Penny tried again, "I don't want to talk about it." Sheldon said more aggressively, this time his eyes started to water. Realising she was tripping a nerve Penny backed off.
Leonard paused, "well how are you feeling." Sheldon looked at him, "Apathetic," he replied, but his voice was sad. "Are you sure?" Penny asked, "Positive that is what I said." Sheldon replied, his eyes were no longer looking at anyone, instead they seemed… glazed. "So…" Penny began, "I've already said I don't want to talk about it." Sheldon replied.
"Okay buddy, what do you want to talk about?" Leonard asked, Sheldon looked towards him, "guilt, depression, misery, self-hatred, pain, no I think I'm good thank you." Leonard stared a Sheldon surprised by this obscure answer. "That isn't what I asked," he said, "no I'm fine," Sheldon replied, "after all, why should finding out your failure, hurt?"
Everyone stared at him, Sheldon's eyes were distant. "What he talking about?" Howard asked, Leonard waved his hand in front of Sheldon's face, Sheldon turned to face him "yes?" he asked. "Are you okay?" Leonard asked surprised, "No," Sheldon replied, "I wouldn't say that, I think it's been simmering for a long time." "What is he talking about?" Howard asked again.
Leonard watched Sheldon he had returned to his blank stare, his eyes looked almost empty, empty save sadness, "what's wrong with him?" Penny asked. "I think he's delusional," Raj said, "No, he's not delusional, he's hearing what he doesn't want to hear," Bernadette said. Everyone turned to face her. "You know, when you need to talk about something but don't want to and supress it, somehow everything you encounter seems to remind you of what you don't want to talk about, and it continues on till you can't stand it any longer? It seems he's going through a very extreme form of this, he's literary hearing the conversation he needs to hear, not the conversation that is being said."
"So he's insane?" Raj asked, Sheldon turned to face him, "possibly," he said sadly, "that's entirely possible dear friend." Raj stared "Did he hear me?" he asked shocked, "maybe," Bernadette said, "but if I'm right he will answer to the questions he needs to hear regardless of what we say." "Or he's just insane," Howard muttered. Bernadette shot him another look. Everyone turned back to Sheldon.
"Okay Sheldon," Penny said "We need to talk, clearly this has deeply affected you and as your friends we want to help you. So tell us something." Sheldon didn't reply, his expression had changed he now looked sad, very sad. "Sheldon?" Penny asked. "Sheldon." He didn't reply, rather he just sat there silently.
"What's happened?" Leonard asked, "Well if he's hearing the conversation he needs to hear, maybe he heard something which was particularly painful?" Bernadette suggested. "Yes," Sheldon replied, "your right, that is exactly it and that's exactly what happened." They turned to face him, he was now on the brink of tears. "Why?" he asked sadly, "why? What did I do? What did I do wrong?" he was practically whispering, his voice sounded broken.
The others sat there in silence, "Of course," he said sadly, "of course I hate it, I hate going, I hate being there, I hate it all, I hate everything that led to this and the worst part I can't enjoy what I love anymore, because every time I try, all I can think about is what happened." "Hate it?" Leonard asked. "If you hate it, why do you keep going?" he didn't know what Sheldon was talking about, but this seemed to work best when they played along with what he was talking about.
Sheldon turned to face him and for a moment his eyes seemed to focus, on the brink of tears he said, "Because it's the only thing I've found so far that calms the anger." The was a pause, "I hate it, I hate the anger, it makes me act in a way I don't want, it makes me be someone I don't to be, it makes me hurt..." He just stopped there and hung his head.
"Sheldon," Penny said calmly, "why are you angry?" he didn't reply, "Okay, who are you angry with?" she asked. Suddenly he got his feet, "who?" he asked, "who? Who Am I? Who? I? I? I!" he shook his head, his vision was now clear again and with that he walked off. Still muttering to himself. He stopped suddenly and turned, "your right," he said solemnly, "your right, you are right." He turned back, now almost crying and walked back to his room.
The others turned to face each other, "well that accomplished nothing." Howard said miserably. "Okay, this has gone on too long; we need to put a stop to this," Penny said, "how?" Leonard asked, "we can't talk to him about it or else he will refuse to answer, fly into a homicidal rage or will literary hear a different conversation. And if we can't talk to him, we can't find out what's wrong with him, and as we don't know what happened, we can't help him get better."
"Well if he won't talk, then we need to talk to the only other person who knows," Howard said. "We've tried that, and we just can't find her." Bernadette replied. "Well, we'll have to try again," Penny said, "if only we could get into her apartment, even if she wasn't there, it would give us some idea of where she has gone."
"Why not use the key," Raj asked. All eyes turned to him, "what key?" Penny asked, "The one Amy gave Sheldon, because she was sick of him simply picking her lock when he wanted to go in and wait for her." All eyes stared at him. "How do you know that?" Leonard asked "he told me," Raj replied. "Why didn't you tell us this earlier?" Penny asked, "Well it didn't come up." Raj replied casually.
Well where is the key?" Penny shouted, "Sheldon has it." Raj replied. All eyes turned to the hallway and silence fell. "So we just go in there and get it?" Howard asked, "Do you want to go in there?" Penny asked "because I sure don't, last time I went in there, I ended up thinking he was going to kill me and then later caused him to nearly kill me."
"I'll go," Leonard said unsure, "he's my best friend, he won't mind if I do it." Calmly he walked down the hall and knocked on Sheldon's door. "Sheldon?" he called out uncertainly "can I come in?" no one responded. Reaching for the handle he opened the door. The room was dark, on his bed sat Sheldon, he was just staring out the window.
"Do you mind if I borrow something?" Leonard asked, Sheldon didn't reply he was just staring at the sky. Seeing the key on his desk, Leonard reached over and grabbed it. He turned to leave when Sheldon spoke, "Thank you Leonard," he said calmly. "Thank you?" Leonard asked confused. He turned back to Sheldon, he was still looking out, "you were right," he said solemnly, "all this time I've been looking for answers, but I never found any because I was asking the wrong questions, thank you, all of you." Leonard waited for Sheldon to speak again, but he remained silent, so Leonard just left.
Returning to the room, he gave Penny the key. She and Bernadette left, leaving the guys with Sheldon. They soon arrived at Amy's apartment. Taking the key, Penny opened the door. The room was dark, very dark. "Hello?" Penny called. No one replied. Slowly the two girls walked in, the floor was covered in multiple pieces of paper and other miscellaneous items. Bernadette fumbled for the light switch. When a voice called out. "No, No, I'm sorry I really am, I'm sorry. Please don't, please!" And then sobbing repeated, "I'm sorry."
"Amy," Penny shouted. The lights flicked on, the room was even more of a mess than expected, multiple items and knick knacks had been knocked onto the floor, empty food cartons and packaging were stood across the kitchen. Amy's harp was knocked over, all the doors were closed, dust laid around the entire room and there huddled on the floor before them was Amy. She was completely naked, had her head hung in her hands and she was crying.
"Amy!" Penny screamed. Slowly Amy looked up, she blinked somewhat as her eyes adjusted to the light. Upon seeing the two of them she jumped backwards in shock, "no, not again, please not again," she screamed, "what, Amy it's me?" Penny asked shocked at this reaction, she walked after her. Amy began to crawl backwards, upon hitting the wall she huddled up against it, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she sobbed, "please don't hit me again. I'm sorry." "What? Penny exclaimed shocked, "I'm not going to hit you."
Amy Looked up, "you're not?" she asked timidly, "no," Penny said, "I would never hit you, never." Amy paused and then timidly she stretched out her arm. Very gingerly she touched Penny leg. Before quickly pulling back in shock, "you're real." She said shocked, "yes I'm real." Penny said confused. "I'm real to." Bernadette chipped in. Penny stared up at them in shock, before hanging her head in shame, "so it's finally happened, no more shades, instead the genuine articles are here, well go on let's get it over with. Begin the slut shaming, I deserve it after all."
Penny and Bernadette exchanged looks, "Amy, what are you talking about?" Penny asked, "We're not here to shame you," Bernadette added, her eyes still watering, Amy looked up "yo…you're not?" she asked, she sounded like she didn't believe her ears. "Of course not, come here you." Penny lent into hug her. Only pull back suddenly, a putrid reek filled the air around Amy, Penny chocked twice before taking several deep breaths. "Whoa," she exclaimed, "when was the last time you washed?" she asked, "when was the last time you ate?" Bernadette asked, staring at Amy's figure, she had gotten smaller, not starving you understand, but still noticeably thinner than before, but not in an even way.
Amy hung her head, "I don't deserve to wash, I barely deserve to rot in my own filth and I had something to eat on Saturday, so the day before yesterday." Amy replied never lifting her head. "Amy its Thursday," Bernadette said, "Oh is it," Amy replied uncaringly. Penny and Bernadette again exchanged glances. "Amy have you been here, alone, this whole time?" Penny asked. Amy solemnly nodded, "what happened to your clothes?" Bernadette asked. Amy pointed towards the sink, the burned remains of a dress and other items laid there. Walking over the two stared at what was left, she had even set her underwear alight. "I couldn't bare the sight of them any longer, not after what I had done in them." Amy replied on the brink of tears.
"Wait you did it?" Penny said, "But you had everything planned for a wonderful night together, what went wrong?" "You don't know what happened?" Amy asked shocked. "No," Penny replied. Of course, the confusion was lifted from Amy's mind, they weren't aware of her sins, that's why they've weren't shaming her or assaulting her as she deserved. Amy hung her head, Penny led her from the floor over to her coach, "I'll tell you," she said solemnly.
Amy retold the tale of the events of the night, from her unreasonable reactions, to her stupid decisions, to horrible mistake and agreement to engage in sin. Throughout the story, the girls watched her with shock; sorrow or surprise, as Amy carried onto retelling the events of what she had done, with unhealthy dose of self-loathing thrown in for good measure. Upon ending, she looked forward; neither Penny nor Bernadette knew what to say.
"Amy I…" Penny finally began, Amy hung her head in expectance, here it came, the loathing, the mocking, the shaming, Amy prepared for tears, "…can't believe you spent all this time alone." Penny finished, Amy looked up "what?" she said in genuine surprise, "you should have told us about this, you poor thing, alone and miserable for an entire month? It's beyond the realms that anyone should have to endure."
Amy blinked, "but…but…but after what I did…" Penny cut her off "yes you screwed up, you screwed up pretty big , but that's all you did, we don't think any less of you because of it, after all if I had a dollar for every mistake I made with a smooth talking guy in a bar, I would have…" Penny paused, "well the point is, were your friends and were here for you, no matter what." "No matter what." Bernadette repeated.
Amy's eyes started to water. "Thank you," she sobbed, wrapping her Arms around Penny. Penny gaged slightly due to the smell, but she ignored it as best as she could. Eventually Amy let go. "Now we've got to get you to Sheldon…." Penny began. Amy suddenly jumped backwards in shock, "Sheldon? He wouldn't want to see a harlot like me again." She said sadly. "Yes he does," Penny said. Amy shook her head sadly, "no, no he doesn't, what would he want with an adulterer who betray his trust with a total stranger, purely out of lust? He has every right if he wants to put a bullet through my head, if he does I'll hand him the gun myself."
Bernadette looked at Penny in shock, "Amy," Bernadette said gently, "it's clear that what did has caused some psychological issues for you and that's fine, because it's caused him multiple psychological issues as well." Amy looked back, "it has?" Amy asked, "Defiantly," Penny replied, "at times he's been one step away from becoming the next Ted Bundy." Amy paused; she shuddered slightly, not out of fear, but seemingly out of awe.
"Now here's what were do." Penny said, "We'll get you cleaned up, and dress you up nice and then take you to see him again, then you can talk this whole matter out likes couples do." Amy looked at them uncertainly, "I can't," she said, "Come on you can," Penny replied "no," Amy said solemnly, "Amy…" Penny said, "I can't face him," Amy said solemnly, "not after what I've done, I just can't." Penny rolled her eyes, she could be just as stubborn as he was. "Amy," she said sternly, "if you don't go and wash yourself now, I'll carry you in there and wash you myself." Amy suddenly looked up, now looking almost hopefully she stared at Penny, "you will?" she asked. "Wash now." Penny said sternly. Amy sighed and walked off. The water started to run.
Penny turned to Bernadette, "what do you think?" she asked, "I can't believe she would do that," Bernadette admitted, "I mean Amy of all people do that? If anyone else told me, I would take them to court for slander." Penny nodded, "I know, it's shocking, but that's not important, what's important, is getting those two back together, I mean look at them, she's both obsessed and crippled with guilt, has become self-hating and seems to be suffering from hallucinations which exist purely criticise her, while he's an emotional roller-coaster which is continually fluctuating between not caring, being incredibly sad or homicidally angry. If we don't get them back together I don't think either of them will get any better. And if they don't were have to have put away, before either of them really goes to far." Bernadette nodded; she had seen the scars on Amy's wrists, which hadn't been there a month earlier.
"Mind you," Bernadette went on, "it does explain why he got so angry." "It does?" Penny asked, "think about it, what made him angry? Questioning his strength in their relationship, giving him a child's toy, him failing, others suspecting the worst of him and the worry about being betrayed. All of that links back to feeling hurt by a betrayal and worried about how his actions were involved in causing it, you see?" Penny didn't but that wasn't important. "Regardless, I'll wait for her to get out; you go check and see what she's got in her wardrobe to wear, make certain its nice." Penny said. Bernadette nodded and left, leaving Penny to wait.
Slowly they walked up the stairs towards the apartment. Bernadette was in front of Amy, while Penny stood behind her, purely to stop her running away. She was practically pushing Amy up the stairs. The crossed over the last step and stood there on the landing, Amy was close to panicking now she would run for it, if it wasn't for the face that Penny blocked the stairway. "Don't worry," Bernadette said, "you look beautiful."
And truthfully she did, Bernadette had found another dress in the back of Amy's cupboard, Amy had bought it years earlier and warns it for an award ceremony, she had not worn it since. It was somewhat small, but partially thanks to self-starving, Amy was able to fit into it. It was a green dress. They also had done her hair, so it was once again nice and straight. Amy looked down at herself, "why do I have to dress up again?" she asked "I really don't feel like it, its to soon." "Because you need to apologise," Penny replied, "and when women need to apologise to men, it always works best if you dress up nice, there always much more willing to except your apology then, trust me."
Amy gulped; she still wanted to run away, where too she had no idea, just anywhere but here. Bernadette knocked on the door, and Penny practically had to push Amy inside. All eyes turned to face her as she entered. "You got her," Leonard said happily. "How is he?" Bernadette asked, "He hasn't moved once since you left," Howard replied. "Well, what do we do now?" Raj asked. Penny walked over to the corridor. "Sheldon," she shouted as loud as she could, there was no reply, "Sheldon," She shouted again. Slowly Amy tried to sneak over to the door, but before she got there Penny turned back to face them, one look and Amy winced back into the corner. "SHELDON!" She practically screamed, "There is someone here to see you."
Finally a voice called back, "I don't want to see anyone." He snapped irritably. "But…" Penny tried, "No exceptions." He shouted cutting her off. "But Sheldon," "No…Exceptions." He barked causing Penny to step back. She turned to look at the others, "Any other ideas?" she asked. "We could send her to see him?" Howard suggested. "It might work, Amy?" Leonard said. All eyes turned, Amy stood there shocked, she began shaking her head rapidly.
"Yeah, she's sort of paralysed with guilt." Bernadette added, "So how are we supposed to let him now that Amy is here to see him?" Penny asked exasperated. Suddenly there were several loud clattering noises and the door to the bathroom slammed shut, the shower started running. "Like that I guess," Leonard said supposed.
The water stopped and then several minutes later, another door slammed, there was a more great clattering and crashing noises, causing the others to turn to stare at each other. What's he doing in there? Penny mouthed, Leonard shrugged his shoulders unsurely. And then the door opened and footsteps echoed down the hall, then into the room emerged Sheldon. His hair neatly combed the side, his face clean shaven. He was standing up straight, and dressed up smartly, wearing a blue shirt. However it looked somewhat tight on him, as his constant visits the gym had caused him to get somewhat larger.
Upon entering, his eyes imminently fixed upon Amy. He slowly walked forward towards her. Upon seeing him, Amy's own eyes swept across his body, he looked even better than she remembered, with his towering figure, broad shoulders and thin hips, his soft blue eyes, his… Slowly Amy began to walk forward. The two of them stopped in the middle of the room, less than a yard from each other, still staring at each other. Neither spoke, as Amy stood there, and as her feelings of awe began to wear off, guilt spread through her once more.
Sheldon's soft eyes now seemed to be glaring down at her and now that she stood so close, she was reminded just how much taller than her, worry began to interspace the guilt. "Hello Amy," Sheldon finally said in a soft voice, "hello Sheldon," Amy managed, her voice breaking. She was shaking by this point and could barely keep eye contact with him. And with that they just stood there. Breaking the gaze, Sheldon turned to face the others "I think it would be best if you left us." Sheldon said calmly. "Are you sure Sheldon?" Leonard asked unsurely, "Please leave," he said calmly but firmly.
Excepting this the others quickly left the room, leaving Sheldon and Amy together. Amy shuddered, she wasn't afraid, not really, but she felt as guilty as sin. And now that she was alone, any confidence she had gained upon seeing him and people reacting better than she expected, was rapidly dropping, not there hadn't been much gained anyway. "So," Sheldon said calmly, the way he talked made Amy even more worried, not used to his change in accent, it sounded unusual upon her ears and through the guilt everything he said, sounded hasher. Her eyes were already watering. "I guess we have a lot to talk about."
That broke her, Amy began to sob. She fell to her knees before Sheldon. "I'm sorry," she sobbed quickly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Sheldon was taken aback by this sudden reaction. "I'm sorry for betraying you, I really am. If I could undo it, I would, I really would" Amy sobbed, "I know what I've done, its...its unforgiveable that's what it is. But Please, please let me stay. I except and I understand if I can't be your girlfriend anymore, but please just let me stay near you, I will never ask you for anything else ever again, I'll never complain or disobey you ever again, I'll do anything you want me to do, regardless of what it is, the moment you want me to. I know I no right to ask, I'm worthless, I'm stupid, I'm a sinner, I'm not worth your time or your energy, I'm not worth anything. But please, please let stay with you, let me hang out with you still or near at least, I couldn't take losing your company, I just couldn't. So please except this. I really am sorry. I really am." She continued to sob.
"Stop," Sheldon finally managed. Amy hung her head, she had no right to ask in the first place. How could she possibly ask him to forgive her after what she had done? "Don't say that," Sheldon said calmly "Don't say any of that.". He knelt down beside her, taking her face he guided up so she was looking straight up at him, straight into his soft blue eyes. "Don't sell yourself short," he said, "you're not worthless and you're not stupid, you're a wonderful person, a very wonderful person." "I am?" Amy asked surprised, "yes," Sheldon replied.
He gently guided her to her feet, led her over to the sofa and sat down next to her. "I'm not angry," he said calmly, "not with you at least, I thought I was, but then I realised that I was angry with myself." "What do you mean?" Amy asked shocked, "you didn't do anything wrong." Sheldon shrugged, "no I did, I shouldn't have left you alone in that room, I should have stayed, I should have heard what you had to say, but I was just so shocked I needed to be on my own, and at the time I thought it was for the best. Now looking I realise that if I hadn't left, the two of us wouldn't have gone through all these problems, we could have ended this matter there and then. It dragging on, is as much my fault as it is yours. But that isn't why I was angry."
He shook his head, "No I was angry, very angry, but I was angry with myself, because I felt I failed, my actions had driven from me into the arms of another man, I had done that." He shook his head solemnly, "looking back I can't help but wonder what I did wrong? I mean I know I wasn't perfect, I didn't always comply with what you wanted, I didn't always show you how I felt and I couldn't give you all you wanted, but I was trying and I never imagined things were that bad. On that night I thought what I was doing would make you feel better because I wasn't forcing you into doing something you didn't want, how did it all go so wrong?" He shook his head, Amy tried to speak, but Sheldon silenced her "no I don't want amy answers, it's not important, not any more."
"So you're not angry with me for betraying you?" Amy asked, "I'm hurt and I'm disappointed," Sheldon said, Amy hung her head again but Sheldon guided her back up, "but no, I'm not angry." "So what now?" Amy asked. Sheldon sighed, "Amy," he said calmly, "when I first met you, I assumed are relationship would be little more than all my other relationships, forged out of enjoying the others company and would exist only as long as that continued. After that it would be terminated as it was clearly no longer beneficial. I assume you had similar opinions at the start."
Amy nodded slowly, unsure where this was going. "Well it is now nothing short of certain that for once we were both wrong. It is clear that neither of us can carry on are lives the same way as before without the other." Amy gulped, "Forgive me if this applies more to me than you, however I sense that the events have left a few scars on you as well." Sheldon added. "But the point is we have only two choices left in front of us, so here Amy is my ultimatum."
He looked directly at her, and for the first time his vision turned slightly cold, "what you did that night, it hurt me Amy, it really hurt me. My first thought when I heard it was at the time was that it couldn't be true; I almost attacked the man who told me for daring to say such things. And then I saw you and him with my own eyes, but I still didn't believe it, I…I couldn't believe it. Even when I pulled that jerk off you and knocked him cold I was still denying it, and then I saw your face. You were looking at me in a way I had never seen before. You were so afraid, so shocked, and so guilt ridden, it was then I realised it was true."
Amy gulped, this is what she had dreaded, it was painful to hear him saying this, and with every word she felt the throbbing pain in her chest grow. "And it broke me," he went, "it really broke me, I am not ashamed to admit that. I haven't been myself in a month, I've done things I would never do, I can no longer enjoy what I love, I've destroyed treasured possessions out of rage, I even hurt my friends. Everything, every since point of stability, its all been broken, I have even had to take up constant intensive exercise to stop my aggressive outbursts." Looking down at him Amy couldn't help but notice his larger form, she temporarily distracted her guilt, by letting her imagination run wild, before snapping back to reality. This was important.
"But," Sheldon went on "what is broken can be repaired, what was once can be again, like the Phoenix we can carry on, we can rise from the ashes of are previous strife anew." He paused to let his words sink in "Or we can end it all, finish it here and now, terminate everything, we can stop it, so that we never see each other again, cut off all forms of communication, you go your way, I'll go mine, and if that doesn't work, I guess I'll except that job offer I got in Caroline, thus making sure we never see each other again. Those are your options, so what do you want?"
Amy paused, taken aback by his statements, "I don't want to lose you," she said, "I can't live without you, I would miss you too much, I couldn't bare it. You were the first person to ever understand me, the first person who I could talk to properly, you opened up the doorway into a new and much better life for me, every one of my social successes and improvements are because of you and for that I'm eternally grateful." She paused, "What do you want?" she asked worried.
Sheldon sighed, "Amy," he said calmly. "Before I met you I always considered the idea of a person needing a partner, another, was simply something that had been invented to justify monogamy and then I met you and I realised that sometimes it is better to be with one person. There are some people who are just better together than they are alone. I don't want to lose you either, you're the one who made me realise that there were still areas in my life that I hadn't completed just yet other than my career. We are more akin than anyone else I ever met in my lifetime. You're the first person, who actually made feel like I was talking to another person, you're the first person to make me feel content about thing that I didn't like and you're the only person who I would consider changing for, that's how I feel about you."
Silence fell and the two stared at each other and for the first time in so many days, Amy smiled. "Can you forgive me?" she asked, "yes," Sheldon replied calmly. She paused before continuing, "Do you forgive me?" she asked. "no," Sheldon solemnly replied, Amy was taken back, "you don't?" she asked shocked. Sheldon shook his head, "I honestly wish I could, but I can't. It just me hurt too much." Amy stared in shock, after that had been said, this was it? "That doesn't mean I will never be able to forgive, I've already said that I can." Sheldon continued. "But with me forgiveness is like trust, I can't give it, if you want it you have to earn it back."
Amy nodded sadly, he was right, she was a fool to think that she could get away with what she had done scot free. "Do you want to punish me?" she asked sadly. Sheldon shook his head. "No," he said solemnly, "I propose we act much as we did that night you got drunk and kissed me. We set are relationship back a few lengths and just start again. If we want to get back to where we were, we have to work, and that is what I propose to you." Amy nodded, that sounded fair. "Now there is a movie on tonight that I thought about watching, but decided I wouldn't be able to enjoy due to my emotional issues, now that we have cleared them up I see no reason why I shouldn't enjoy it and I extend the hand of invitation for you to stay and watch it with me, if you want to."
Amy sighed, "Yes I'll stay," she said, "You don't know what it's about yet." Sheldon said, "I don't care," Amy replied, "as long as I get to stay with you, I don't care, and I will as long as you want me to, like you said I have work to do, I've got to earn your forgiveness and I will, I promise you that now, I will do it regardless of how long it takes." Sheldon nodded and with that he finally smiled, he switched on the TV and flicked to the channel. Of course Amy knew she wouldn't enjoy the movie, but she owed it to Sheldon to stay. So she decided to perceiver. Never the less her good fortune pushed her forward. She knew she was very lucky that things had gone this way, if they had swapped places she didn't know if she would have been able to forgive him, so the fact he was willing to forgive her meant a lot to her. But despite it all, despite her better judgement, she decided to push her luck.
"Sheldon," she asked, almost timidly, "yes Amy?" Sheldon asked, "you know you said we stepped back several steps in are relationship?" she asked, "yes?" Sheldon replied wondering where this was going. Amy paused; a good portion of her told her not to ask, but the portion that did was slightly larger. "Are we yet at the stage that I can request that we hold hands during a movie?" Amy asked. She regretted it second she said it. What was she doing? She was very lucky as it was, why was she pushing her luck?
Sheldon paused, "no," he said calmly, "I'm afraid you're not," Amy nodded, it was to be expected, Sheldon had never liked holding hands anyway, why should he agree to her request? After all she was in no position to make one. And then Sheldon grabbed Amy's hand. Amy stared at him, "what are you doing?" she asked. "Holding your hand," Sheldon replied, "do you want me to stop?" "No, but why?" Amy replied, "You said I wasn't in at the stage yet were I could hold your hand." "You're not," Sheldon replied, "but I am, so take this as an example of the fact I willing to work to rebuild what we had, just as you are." Amy smiled, for a moment there eyes met again. Before turning back to the movie.
Slowly Penny and Leonard walked up to Leonards apartment, it had been a week since they had managed to get Amy and Sheldon back together, and since then the two had been almost inseparable, they spent most of their free time together, Sheldon even took her to the gym with him. He had decided to keep going, now only once a week, thus allowing he and Kurt to hang out more often, just his way of thanking Kurt for helping him with his issues. What Sheldon and Amy did together was anyone's guess, but they were together and that was all that mattered. And to night Penny and Leonard planned to follow suit and spend the night together.
However Sheldon had sent them both a text saying he wanted them to meet him in the apartment at precisely Six O'clock. Unsure Leonard opened the door; the two were met with an amazing sight. The counter was piled with food. Walking over they both stared, the food looked and smelled delicious, and it was both their favourites, complete with German chocolate Cake for dessert. "Do you like it?" Sheldon asked.
They turned; neither had spotted him standing in the landing. "Yes, what is all this?" Leonard asked, "Dinner," Sheldon replied, "for you," "you made all this?" Penny asked, Sheldon nodded, "why?" she enquired. Sheldon sighed, "My Memaw always used to say that meetings and apologies were best complimented with food. And that is what I need to do, apologise that is, to the both of you."
"You don't need to apologise," Leonard said, Sheldon shook his head, "yes I do. I acted terribly during that period of emotional problems; I took my anger out on both of you. That's exactly the same sort of thing that people used to do to me as a child, and I always hated those sorts of people, I guess that's irony for you, finding out that you are what you hate." He hung his head sadly.
"You're not like them," Leonard said, "what makes you say that, I acted just like them." Sheldon replied, "You were just going through some stuff," Penny added, "regardless of how I felt, that didn't give me the right to treat you like I did, I could have seriously hurt you." He said sadly. "But you didn't," Penny replied, "but I could have," Sheldon added sadly. "Well, maybe you could have, but you didn't and that's all that matters. Did any of those people who used to hurt you ever apologise like this?" Penny asked.
"No," Sheldon replied. "There see, your nothing like them." Penny added. Sheldon straightened up, "no, I'm more like them I want to be," he said sadly, "but I guess I'm not the same." And with that he smiled, "well aren't you going to get started." He asked, "Sure do you want to join us?" Leonard asked, "Can't," Sheldon replied, "I'm going to see Amy, besides there's not enough food for three,"
"You've been spending a lot of time together," Leonard said, "I know," Sheldon replied, "so how are you feeling, buddy?" Leonard asked. "I feel, fine," Sheldon said calmly, "and how's Amy doing?" Penny asked, "she's fine, were both fine," Sheldon replied calmly, "well if you're sure," Penny said worriedly, "don't worry," Sheldon said calmly, "were well aware that unlike movies, in real life psychological problems don't just vanish just because of a makeup. We've spent a lot of time discussing are issues and problems with each other, and I think it's safe to say that were both going to be fine." The others nodded. "Well I better get going," Sheldon said, "Amy will be waiting for me." And with that he left. Penny turned to Leonard, "you know," she said "I have a feeling that all that pain might have actually brought them closer than before." Leonard nodded and the two continued eating.
Sheldon sat next to Amy, they were both alone in Amy's apartment, "It's funny really," Amy said with a smile, "what is?" Sheldon asked, "a week ago I was cowering here, terrified I wouldn't even make it through the night, now I'm happily sitting here with you." Sheldon nodded, "I suppose that is amusing," he said, "a week ago, I was mostly exhausted, constantly doing things I didn't want to do, as it was the only thing that made me stop being angry, now the very idea of getting angry is beyond me."
The two sighed, "I guess it really is better that we're together," Amy said, "It always was," Sheldon replied. Amy turned to face him, the two's eyes met and they both smiled again, "I still feel guilty for what I did," Amy said, "as do I," Sheldon replied, "scars never really disappear, but they do stop hurting eventually." Amy nodded, "how long is eventually though?" she asked. Sheldon shrugged, "does it really matter? After all every else is right again." he said. "No I suppose it doesn't." Amy sighed. "So do you want to go anywhere?" she asked. "No," Sheldon replied, "let's just sit here and enjoy each other's company." Amy nodded, "sure." She said happily, "sure." She paused, "just one thing," she added. "What?" Sheldon asked, "Are you going to keep your new voice?" Amy asked. "Why don't you like it?" Sheldon asked. Amy paused unsure if she had offended him, only for Sheldon to carry on "because I sure don't," he said in his normal voice, "that's the reason I dropped it years ago." Amy smiled, the two of them just smiled. They were together again, and that was all that mattered.
Okay that's it, I hope you found parts you enjoy. Like I said, its not really a good chapter. And again I'm sorry to those of you who liked this story and would have enjoyed it being longer. I'm sorry, I just couldn't keep it going.
Please review, and feel free to include any complaints you have in them. Well thanks for reading.