Christ on a cross and all his disciples. Guys, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'M SO SORRY that I'm so late with this update. All I can say is that my life basically turned upside this past month. I'm really struggling with my living situation, with school, and recently ended a long term relationship with someone I love and care for very deeply. It's been hard and my muse has been struggling with this story for a while. I'm coming back though, and as I promised you, I am NOT giving up on this. Never. I wouldn't do that to you guys, I love you too much, for any of you that are still left. As I mentioned to another reviewer, I'm also working on a completely original work that I desperately want published as well, so I'm splitting a lot of my writing time between the two of those. I hope you guys forgiving me for being so late, and I hope you guys don't give up on me, and I love you all very much.
When Fox woke the sun had not fully risen. She found herself towed in very close to Daryl, closer than they had slept together recently, her back completely pressed against his chest, one of his legs slid between the two of hers, his arm caging her around her chest, keeping her tied to him. He only slept with her like this when he was feeling threatened.
Her eyes fluttered opened and she saw Rick was awake and was on watch. She knew that the two of them had talked when they'd gone to hunt yesterday, she had asked Daryl about it as they were bedding down for the night, but he hadn't said much. And what he had said had been laced with a thick warning growl.
"Daryl, wake up," she whispered softly as she began to stir in his embrace. He shifted against her and only tightened his hold.
"Stay," he murmured, tugging her legs into his, nuzzling the nape of her neck, teething the flesh softly. "Sun's not up, no need to move yet."
She chuckled softly. Normally that was what she would say when she was desperate for a bit of a lie in. Daryl's work ethic was stronger than hers no doubt about it.
"Lemme go, I need to walk around and wake up a bit," she urged. She struggled in his arms a little more but he merely tightened his grip, his fingers squeezing down onto her forearm with one hand, the other now against her hip.
"Stay with me." His voice had dropped to a low growl, raspy and thick, almost animalistic in its undercurrent. She shivered in his embrace as he pressed himself harder against her and sank his teeth a little more firmly into her neck.
She groaned softly. He wasn't making this easy on her, and it was oh so tempting to let him have his way, especially when her mission was not a pleasant one. There were a few tricks in her back pocket she knew would probably work on him, but then again, the possessive hold he had on her was beginning to make her doubt it. Awkwardly she twisted in his arms and nibbled on the underside of his jaw and licked his throat, tasting his skin and feeling the pulse point beat strong and sharp. She palmed his abdomen and curled her fingers near his ribs before working her teeth against his neck and tugging just a bit at his ear.
"I am yours," she whispered. "But there's something I have to do."
Now his eyes opened and he stared at her, the smoky cobalt depths piercing and enveloping all at once. "You don't need to know what I said to him. It's between the two of us." His fingers bit into her hips and tried to pull her onto him but she resisted.
"This isn't about the two of you. This is about me and him. If I don't do something this will just keep festering. You said your piece. Now it's my turn." Her eyes were hard and she pried his hands off of her body. She sat up on her knees and he moved with her, not bothering to pull the leaves out of their hair just yet. She gripped his wrist and then briefly interlaced their fingers, drawing his hand up to lift it over her heart and let it rest there against her skin for a moment.
"You are mine. And I am yours." She exhaled softly and leaned forward to kiss him for just a split second before letting go of his hand and getting up to her feet.
She walked straight up to where Rick was resting his back against one of the trees, his python stretched out on his lap, his long legs kicked out in front of him as his blue green eyes kept a steady watch over their surroundings. She barely looked down at him when she spoke.
"We need to talk." She felt more than heard him open his mouth to protest but she cut him off before he could get the words out. "Daryl's awake, he'll guard camp." When Rick didn't move she turned and looked at him over her shoulder. "Don't make me drag you."
That spurned him into moving. He followed her down the same trail Daryl had used the night before and she didn't speak until they were halfway to the river, well out of earshot to the rest of the group.
"Daryl blames you for putting me in a compromising position," she started, turning around to face him.
"Do you?" he asked, meeting her gaze halfway.
"No." She stalked towards him, stopping just shy of invading his personal space. "At least not as much as he does."
She took a deep breath in, struggling for her words as she always did. She didn't want to break his toes anymore than she probably already had, she didn't deliberately set out to hurt people when she tried to reach them, but she knew she had never been anything but blunt.
"There might be a part of you that always loves me, Rick. I can't blame you for that. I can't hold you hostage to that. Daryl might, until the fear fades, which it will in time. It always has before. I don't blame you for asking me my name. I blame myself for giving away what only rightly belonged to him."
"Does he own you, Fox? I can remember when you would have never even dared say you were claimed." His eyes turned hard, his jaw curved sharply as he rounded on her, the tips of his long fingers twitching.
Anger roiled through her veins. "Do not bait me." It was not a warning, it was a threat. "I am his. I have always been his, Rick. Don't make me prove it to you again."
Fire flashed in Rick's eyes and that on it's own would have been enough to spurn Fox into moving but the words that escaped his teeth was like a lit match to gunpowder.
"Nobody ever makes you do anything you don't want to."
She launched herself at him, striking with rapid fire blows of her fists, one to the collarbone, one to the gut, a stabbing kick to his shin. Ducking the incoming blow, slamming the heel of her hand into his ribs, shoving the wind out of his lungs. He staggered back and she threw herself at him, tackling him to the ground, twisting and wrestling with him until she had pinned down his lower half. Her thighs caged his ribs as she whipped out the small blade she always kept strapped on her leg and held it against his throat, her fingers fisted in his hair even as he tried to struggle.
"You want me to prove it?" she hissed as she leaned down against him, so close she could practically taste him. "Prove that I am his?" Fire roared through her veins as power flowed over her skin, making her fingers twist even harder and her hand press the knife down harder. The blade began to bite the skin but no blood flowed just yet. The heat in his eyes refused to die and she'd be a liar if it didn't prick something in her, that animalistic part of her that reveled in a fight and loved to prove her own strength. That part of her that was born out of having not been strong enough to save what was most precious to her. That blind animal instinct that she knew was stronger in her than most. She knew she brought that part of Rick to the surface sometimes, that willingness to abandon their reason and sensibility. She shuddered with the force of it as tried to take her over. She shook with it, her hand trembling on the knife, her fingers biting into Rick's hair, holding him down, her heart slamming against her ribcage so hard that it physically hurt. She wasn't sure if she wanted to fight, flee, or fuck the feeling out of her. In another life, before Daryl, she would have gone for the latter, to exorcise the demons trying to drag her to hell. It took everything she had in her to wrestle the monster away from the surface and push it back down, deep into the dark recesses of her mind.
Her grip relaxed. She eased her fingers out of his hair, pulled up on the knife and slid off of Rick's body. She was still shaking when she let go and stood up, and she couldn't put the blade away, but when Rick got up to his feet, she met him with a smile.
"I am his, Rick," she said softly, twirling the knife in her fingers. "Because he won't allow me to destroy myself. You and I together, we would raze each other to the ground. I saw it in you just now, I felt it in myself. You and I, we both have monsters inside us, so close to the surface these days, and maybe that isn't our fault. Maybe we were born that way, maybe the world brought it out of us. It doesn't matter. We are bonded because we see that in each other, the bloodlust and the rage, and it feels good to have someone else losing their mind right next to you because then you're not alone with the shame and the guilt afterwards. Daryl sees that part of me, he loves me regardless, and even though he can never completely kill that monster in me, he's given me a reason to fight back against it. He showed me that there really is no power in losing control like that. Because in the end you're isolated and alone, shunned from the ones who love you best. You know when I learned that?" Rick shook his head and the smile on her face deepened, the slowly rising sun glancing off the raised ridges of her scars.
"Just days after we left the quarry, me, Glenn, and Daryl went to Atlanta for supplies while you, and a few others went to the CDC. We made it back alive but just barely. I was exhausted and frightened and the voices of my friends that had died in the city just a few weeks before were haunting me. The monster lent me strength to get back to camp, but it wouldn't go away. I tried to force myself on Daryl, not realizing the kind of man he was. When he pushed me away, I took advantage of Glenn. It felt good, I forgot about what was hurting me, the monster was slaked at last, but Daryl caught the two of us. And the next day when we packed up and left I had to ask him if I could ride on his bike. If he'd take me back in essence. I didn't expect him to, and I wasn't going to grovel. I had too much pride to admit that I had done something wrong."
"He took you with him," Rick finished softly. The stinging in his neck where she had pressed her knife was fading slowly.
"Because he's a better man than anybody could have ever given him credit for. When you first met him he was violent, impulsive, hateful to the whole world and he didn't give two shits who saw or if it bothered someone else. I saw all that in his eyes when I was slipping into camp and stealing from you. But I could see the doubt there too, that there was a layer underneath that just needed a reason to find the sun. I knew then that he would be my lifeline. But I could feel the way everyone watched me, the way he watched me, all of you used to look at me like I might be a Walker, like I might bite you at the first opportunity and infect you with a disease. I realized then that I couldn't let the monster rule me anymore. Because some day, it wouldn't be enough to keep me alive. But when Daryl forgave me for what I did, I realized there was something much more valuable that could be mine, if I was willing to trust. If I was willing to rest on my own strength rather than the monster's. I wouldn't admit it then, but I think that was when I loved him."
"But you still have done things that someone…someone not like us…wouldn't do," Rick said softly. She was not deaf to the way he used the word 'us.' He was not ignorant of his own monster, and it gave her a sense of peace to know that they stood on the same ground.
"Shane," Fox said quietly, her tone full of bitterness and old anger that would never completely die. "Shane threatened what belonged to me. The monster is not blind, Rick. Daryl tames it but I never said it died. Shane tried to take what was at the time the most precious thing in the world to me. I killed him to protect what belongs to me." She exhaled slowly and sheathed her knife. "And I was trying to save you from the monster. I saw it in your eyes but I hoped maybe if I intervened I could hold it back. That is how I show my love. All the hurt and the pain and the sin that others carry I take it and hold it in myself. Because for whatever reason, I have so little shame, it doesn't hurt me nearly as much as it does others. I was trying to keep the door locked, but I knew when Lori died that it was too late. The monster was in you and it broke loose. I did what I could to contain it but I knew from then on it would always be there. Because once you taste the power that rage gives you, it's impossible to completely give it up."
Rick let out a breath and she could see the reflection of her own disquiet deep inside. She wanted to approach him, to somehow quell the hurt, but she knew that she would make it worse if she did. She fought through her instinct and remained where she was, taking a deep breath before she spoke.
"You are a good man, Rick. You always have been. You defend those who cannot defend themselves, you forgive people for their mistakes, you do the best for the group as a leader, and it's been a good job. You love your children and you would do anything for them. But what I said all those years ago is still true. You and I would destroy each other, and I will never let that happen. I will not let the monster sabotage the best thing that ever happened to me. Not just for me, but for him too. Because he deserves my loyalty. Just for the man that he is, never mind the hundreds of thousands of little things he's done over the years to earn it. I belong to Daryl. I always have. I always will. You think you love me, but it isn't real. It's only the monster in you locking eyes with the one in me and seeing a kindred spirit, seeing an outlet." She sighed gently and her smile softened. "I will help you when I can, Rick. I will spar with you when you need it, I will offer you the challenge that you need when it becomes too much to take. But I will never love you the way I love him. And you will never love me the way he does. I can't take back the fact I told you my name, but I hope you better understand now why it was only for him."
He was silent for a long time before he answered, chewing over his words carefully. She needed to hear him say it, to know that he truly understood, because that was the only way he was ever going to move past it.
"Because Dahlia is the monster. And Fox is who you really are."
She smiled gently. "Who he made me. And there are only two people who can truly love the monster, Rick. Only two. And you are not amongst them."
She turned to go but he stepped after her at the same time and she could feel the tension again between the two of them. She paused and dreaded the words she knew she would hear.
"Why did you tell me?"
Her fingers tightened into fists and then uncurled as she half turned to look him in the eye. Many things she could claim herself to be, but a coward had never been one of them, and he deserved for her to look him in the eye.
"I said I would never love you the way I love him. I never said I didn't love you." She blinked her eyes slowly, fighting through the unwanted moisture in her eyes that threatened her composure. "What can I say, Rick? I thought we were going to die down there in that hellhole. I thought I'd never see you again. I'd have to return to camp and tell your son that I failed to bring you back alive. I'd have to face Daryl knowing I let his best friend die. When we rescued Judith, I'd have to look her in the eye and tell her that her father was dead. And I'd have to look Luna in the face too, and tell her that I failed. Luna, who thinks I'm invincible, that I'm not afraid of anything, who naively thinks I could take the world on without backup and still win. In that moment I was vulnerable to everything I lost, everything that had been taken away from me. I told you my name because I needed to feel connected, to do something to make up for what was about to happen. To somehow offer tribute to a debt I can't ever repay."
She turned away from him and was going to go back to camp but he crossed the gap between them. He reached for her, slowly letting his fingers settle on her shoulder to keep her from leaving.
"Fox."
The way he said her name, it was so full of conviction and weight she could not ignore it. She didn't know why she was afraid to look him in the eye this time. What was she afraid to see? A man on the verge of heartbreak that would forever ruin the family they had so carefully built all these years? She didn't know if she could take it, but the desperation to know one way or the other was what drove her to meet his eyes.
She saw not heartache, but love. Love and respect and affection and perhaps the barest trace of humor and softness that she was so relieved to see. It was so like the look she'd seen him wear so many years before, before Lori had died, before Carl had to grow up without a mother, before the world had brutally torn apart so much of what he had held dear. Before his best friend at the time had betrayed him. Before, when the world was dangerous but not overwhelming. It was an image of the man he had once been, and she now knew could still be.
"You owe me nothing, Fox." He smiled so gently for her that a single tear finally escaped her eye, the one that was not drawn in by her scars. "The nice thing about you is that you have never sold yourself for favors. You're not the kind of person to create debts." His fingers brushed against her cheek and then vanished and she exhaled at last. "Everything between us, all of us, is free."
She smiled and wiped the dampness from her face. "There's something I have to do. Stall the group for a bit, hm?"
He nodded. "Not for long, we don't have much time." She matched his understanding and left, practically sprinting back to camp, only slowing down when she came close to keep from waking everyone else. When she arrived, she found that they were all still sleeping. All but one. She approached him swiftly and didn't say a word, but took him by the hand and led him out of earshot away from the others, hardly waiting for cover before she kissed him fiercely, pouring all the need and emotion into it as she held onto his body and tugged herself sharply against him.
"Come to claim what's yours?" Daryl asked with a low growl as he ducked his head and let his teeth grind against her neck. She felt herself gasp as heat poured through her and her back arched sharply, trying to get closer to him.
"To be claimed," she breathed against his jaw.
He tightened his arms around her waist and the small of her back and hoisted her up, pressing her back against the thick trunk of a tree. With the rising of the sun she knew that the group needed to be moving on, heading closer to Atlanta, closer to their goal, but she knew that they needed this too. A reaffirmation of their bond, of why they loved each other so deeply, sealed into their skin and bones. She kissed him hard and deep, robbing his breath as her tongue scorched the inside of his mouth while his fingers fumbled at the edges of her clothes, desperate and so wanting that it burned through him like the blaze of a summer sun. He tilted his mouth down to get a better angle as he kissed her back, inhaling her taste, feeling her spice and woodsy smell settle over him and all but made him frantic. He almost ripped her jeans in his haste to get them off, growling with frustration at the confinement of their clothes. If circumstance had allowed he would have stripped them both completely down so there was no barrier but they didn't have the time. He needed that, he needed to feel every inch of her skin against his own, scars and twisted bones and all.
He lifted her away from the tree slightly, twisting his hand into her hair near the back of her head, holding her firmly against him. Her hands ran between them, nearly frantic with the way she pulled at his belt, her mouth still completely occupied with his. His teeth sank into her lip when she finally freed him from enough of his clothes. He pulled his mouth from hers and stared her right in the eye as he aligned their hips and drove into her. Her head flung back and she clawed her nails against his shoulders, almost thrashing with the sensation. This was what she loved best, this rough shot, head spinning, axis tilting sensation when she was so completely off balance that she couldn't even try to fight for control anymore. She could just let go and just feel all that he had to give her. He pushed her back against the tree as his hips hammered hard against her, his hands drawing down her body, biting into her ribs and hips as the tree scraped against her back. His teeth sank into her lip and pulled as she hissed and tightened her nails down his shoulder blades, clawing at him as the pleasured edged with pain struck her, jarring her consciousness and stripping away everything that made the world so hard. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew they were risking getting caught but he couldn't give a fuck. Not now, when he needed her so desperately. He chased his ending with brutal speed and she buried her teeth into his neck and shoulder to stifle the sound of her cries of pleasure as she thrashed against him, her peak exploding through her and he refused to let up, making her feel as though she might short circuit and die. Her heat blazed through him, practically turning him inside out. His fingers continued to tighten on her, to the point he knew she'd probably bruise but he couldn't stop himself. He growled deep in his throat as he continued to have at her, until she managed to get her head up and lean her cheek against his, her teeth finding purchase on his ear as her warm breath ghosted over his skin.
"I am yours," she breathed against him.
He snapped, and the howl that roared through him was probably loud enough to wake the dead if she hadn't had the presence of mind to wrap both her arms around his head and neck and push him against her chest, smothering the cry. She did not hiss or cry at the sting of pain as she felt his teeth bite down deep near her heart. Instead she hummed with pleasure and satisfaction as she felt him begin to go boneless as he usually did when they had just finished making love. He slipped from her body but refused to set her on her feet, instead he merely held her against him, unable to let go.
"I love you," he breathed against her skin. He wanted to say more but the words died in his throat and shifted into a low croon as he nuzzled her neck and chest, softly kissing at the bite. She stroked her fingers through his hair, loving the way he continued to hold her close, but she knew time was of the essence. She knew by now Rick would be back at camp and rousing everyone else, people would be looking for them soon.
"I love you too," she whispered into his ear. She combed her fingers through his hair, desperate to just stay here forever and never let this peace get away from her, but she knew she couldn't stay. Too many people were waiting on her; her daughter was waiting on her. Daryl seemed to realize this too and so he slowly set her on her feet again, but just as they finished straightening their clothes, he swooped down and caught her for another kiss. They didn't have to speak, they didn't need any words. All of the emotion was humming in between them as they walked back to camp hand in hand. The others were awake as Fox had suspected they would be, and when they came back, she didn't let go of Daryl's hand.
"So what's the plan then?" Carl asked quietly as he finished loading a fresh clip into his gun.
"We resupply at Ivy's cache outside Atlanta. Then we go for the city," Rick said firmly. He glanced at Daryl who refused to let go of Fox's hand as the roughneck lifted his chin and met his friend's eye.
"I can try and find Merle. If I know him, that crazy son of a bitch is holed up in the hills outside the city. He can help us get into the building."
"Will he?" Glenn questioned. He also had a hold of Maggie's hand now and Maggie's eyes were just as demanding of an answer as Glenn's. She'd heard enough stories from Glenn to be cautious. And they had all seen the state Fox was in when they'd pulled her from the base in Colorado.
"Yes. I can make him."
"You sure about that?" Maggie asked sharply.
Daryl twitched his jaw from side to side. "Sure as the sun rises."
DarylDixon'sLover: I hope Daryl forgives Merle
I don't necessarily know if Daryl can forgive Merle. I don't think he can really separate 'forgiving' and 'forgetting'. I don't think he could ever truly let that go, not when it came to Fox. But he is the master of working around scar tissue and old wounds.
mrskaz453: OMG! Another Awesome Chapter… Merle/Luna were just amazing.. She is so much Daryl/Fox that is isn't funny... Merle is Merle and Luna has his number... She is definitely a Dixon…LOL I found myself starting to cry a bit with every word Luna said to Merle and Merle's response...Merle knows Judith isn't Rick's kid... LOL Lori/Shane just didn't hide anything from anyone...and Judith does have a lot of Shane/Lori traits, but thank goodness Rick raised her...So excited to see what happens next... with Merle in the mix, Daryl/Fox/Others meeting up with Merle... Can't wait.. Update soon.
I really worked hard on the Merle/Luna interactions, I rehearsed them over and over and wrote different drafts in my head to try and find the best mix. Luna is such an intense mix of both her parents, I had to find a way to balance Fox's ferocity and take no prisoner's attitude with Daryl's subtler, but still knife sharp intuition and depth of feeling. Luna definitely had Merle's number, she's been working out in her head how to handle this guy as soon as she realized she'd need his help. Awww….I made you cry? Yeaaah! That was what I was going for. I wanted that sense of guilt and pain and desperation for resolution, so that's awesome to know I got what I was going for. Whew. Merle for sure knows Jude ain't Rick's kid, he doesn't come off nearly as smart as he is, and like Daryl, he lets that part of himself fly under the radar until it serves his purpose. I apologize my friend for making you wait so long for an update, I really hope this doesn't have to happen again.
Brittney: Merle is definitely stubborn that's for sure but it is a Dixon trait. Can't wait for the next chapter!
That is probably the defining Dixon trait. I love how much that's been illustrated in the last few episodes of the actual show (I haven't seen the finale yet, ACK!), so I'm glad I've maintained that in the story.
Emberka-2012: Merle will not refuse. Luna beat the target with each strike. She really so much like her mother, with her bravery and a sharp tongue. And her ability to play on the nerves.
Luna did everything she could to draw Merle out of his shell and to convince him to help her. She believes he will, but maybe it's Merle that doesn't know his own mind so much. She truly is like her mother in that respect, she can find where it hurts and dig down deep into the meat of the matter and make what she says count.
RedneckBunny: I love that you're throwing all the bad crap of the past at Merle in the hopes of him showing a softer (I'm not sure that's the right word) side.
I knew instinctively the only way to break Merle's shell was to go way back into the beginning, where all of the pain between him and Daryl started. Merle has tremendous guilt about what happened to his little brother, and the hand he had in it. He has too much pride to actually admit it, but he can show it in his actions, and that was what Luna was going for.
lunasky99: So, so sorry I didn't review the last chapter. I had to take apart and fix my laptop cause it wouldn't charge and the screen was glitching. Anyways here's the review for chapter 25: Absolutely loved it! Hahahaha! Judith and Luna's conversation, you can definitely tell their ''sisters'' Mal and Simon's conversation was also hilarious! Hmmm I like Mals real name it's a nice name :) Haha Luna is absolutely 100% correct about her mother killing at least one person on this little adventure. I like the little fight Merle and her had. I also like the way you described his expression changes when he realizes who she is. OMG! As soon as your done writing it and have published it 'either by yourself or with an actual publisher' you have to tell me the title so I can buy and read it! I love the dynamics of Judiths character you are brilliant! You completely succeeded in your goal of giving the quarry and the Dixon residence that heavy memory feel. I guess if I have just eaten something and then smell the blood of the animal then I'll feel just a tad woozy but the sight of it has never made me feel sick before hmmm that's interesting 'I think it's just different for different people' like my sister isn't to keen on the sight but has no problem with the smell...I think it was definitely the right choice to put the 'intimate' scene in there, it brings them together more before they go off to face Merle. I'm glad you like long rants because I often give long rants xD. Ooh, Damn islands why do you have to be surrounded by the ocean! haha but then again if you keep on killing walkers, after a few years you will have killed them all of and found all of the other survivors creating your own walker free civilization. Haha we have had quite a few close calls where more then one of us could have gotten hurt and if not hurt then dead, most my family's completely lucky we even survived to like 20 'like literally how is most of the people in my family even alive? I alone should have died like eight times by now!' Haha I am completely looking forward to the ZA the only thing I don't like about it is that I know I won't be able to save everyone in my family and by themselves some of them just aren't cut out for surviving... :( Review for chapter 26: Hahaha she got into Merles head and as soon as she got in she slaughtered everything until she got him right where she wanted him, she got him thinking just the right things so that she knows that eventually he'll give in. Haha OKAY... she is dead set on burning that place to the ground. Awwwww, I really love Luna and Mals relationship! Did he say he loves her!? She should really contemplate whether she loves him back 'after the missions over of course, because it will just prove to be a distraction if she thinks to hard on it while doing the mission' Okay that is the end of this review, again sorry I couldn't review for the last chapter but it's here now so... yeah xD
It's completely alright my friend, I understand how life goes. Awww, of course I'll tell you what it is when it's published. That's part of the reason why I was gone for so long, I started to work on it intensively. I'm one of those people who juggle multiple projects all the time (bad me.) I try not to think too hard about what would really happen if an actual ZA happened. I think I could survive…I don't think as many of my friends or family could though, for a lot of different reasons. Fortunately zombies are fiction. Thank God. In some ways Luna's conversation with Merle was designed both to break him, and to try and bridge the gap between him and the rest of his family that he's been exiled from for so long. She needs him to believe that Daryl will forgive him and that there's some sort of hope for reconciliation, or there's no chance that he'll help her, but she also knows how much Merle means to her dad, so she has some altruistic motives as well. Hah, did Mal say he loves her? She suspects he did, but she's a little bit terrified of the idea at the same time. She defines love a lot like her mother does- if someone can love the bad parts of her as much as the good then it's real for her, but there's a part of her that thinks maybe Mal doesn't completely understand who she really is. He'll find out soon enough though, because her ultimate goal is definitely to see the CDC burned to the ground ;)