Jess was sitting on the bridge smoking when Dawn came and sat next to him. He guessed that he shouldn't be particularly surprised by that - even though Dawn had agreed not to talk about the things he'd seen, he didn't think she was the kind of person to avoid him because of that. Truthfully, although Jess had left the diner to get away from Luke so that he didn't have to have a conversation with him, Jess could quite easily have left town for a bit, or at the very least gone to some less public place if he'd wanted to avoid conversation entirely. He supposed that it was different talking to Dawn, because she'd been through things too.
"Smoking again." Dawn commented redundantly, swinging her legs over the edge of the bridge.
Jess didn't reply, although he did take another drag on his cigarette.
"I thought you said that you were cutting back. That's your second today."
Jess didn't bother to mention that there about half a dozen cigarette butts gracing the bottom of the lake. He'd been sitting there for quite a while now. "I'm not planning on going cold turkey any time soon."
"You might want to think about it. Smoking isn't really good for us mere mortals."
Jess shrugged. "That's why I'm cutting back."
"Well, you might want to cut back a little more successfully."
"I think that's just about exhausted that topic." Jess said drily. "You can leave now."
"Oh, so G.O. Away is back then, I see."
"Yes. Now, why don't you go away?"
Dawn shrugged. "If I went away every time I encountered a broody person, I'd never have even met my sister's first boyfriend."
"I'm not brooding."
"That's what he always said."
"Did you ever consider that he just didn't want your company?"
"No. I am a lovely ray of sunshine. Who wouldn't want me around?"
"Well, me, for one. So go away and dazzle someone else with your sunny personality."
"What's the problem?"
Jess groaned. "Not that again."
"Well, something's clearly bothering you."
"Why does something have to be bothering me? I could've just come here for a peaceful smoke only to be disturbed by your nattering."
"You could have." Dawn conceded. "But you've obviously smoked more than one cigarette while you were sitting here, and I know the broody expression well. So, what's the problem?"
Jess glared at her balefully. "Give me back my cigarettes."
Dawn looked like she was going to play innocent, but changed her mind and pulled them out of a pocket before handing them to Jess.
"Thanks, Carmen Sandiego." Jess said sarcastically.
"I prefer the Artful Dodger, personally. Anyone called Artful has to be pretty impressive."
Jess frowned, remembering the first day he'd met Rory. He'd stolen one of her books to leave some notes in the margins, and she'd called him Dodger. But Dawn couldn't know that.
"You alright there?" Dawn said, after the silence stretched on for too long.
Jess flicked his half-finished cigarette out into the lake and stood up abruptly. "I'm fine." he said curtly, walking away.
Lorelai was in the middle of preparing everything for the Dragonfly's test run weekend (and thinking that she couldn't possibly have everything ready by then) when Luke showed up and said "Lorelai, can I have a word with you for a minute?"
"Uh, Luke, could you come by at a slightly less awful time? Like next week? I'm kind of swamped here."
Luke almost left then, but he was here and he might as well carry on with what he had come to say. "It's about Jess."
Lorelai sighed. "What has he done now?"
"Nothing-"
"Well, you're right to be worried. I don't think that kid has gone a week without doing something villainous. He's probably going to c-"
"Lorelai, do you remember when you said that Jess was way more screwed up than I thought he was?" Luke said, cutting off Lorelai's tirade before she got into full swing.
Lorelai nodded. "Vaguely."
"Well, you were right. Good God, were you right." Luke pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Why? What happened?"
"You know that girl Dawn? The one that came with Xander?"
"No. I don't think I've met her."
"Well, anyway, Jess blurted out to her that he saw some guy stabbed in the neck with a broken bottle and bleed to death. I pressed him about it, and he said it was true. Then I suggested he talked to someone about it, and he flat out refused and stormed off."
"We knew he was pretty messed up to begin with, Luke. I've met Liz, and she seems like a nice enough woman, but I can't imagine what it would be like being raised by her. What are you going to do?"
"I don't iknow/i. That's why I'm here. I thought you might have some advice, or something. I mean, I know Liz and TJ are moving into town, but Jess wants to stay with me and I don't know what to do."
"Oh, Luke. I don't know what you can do. You can either leave him to get over it and hope that he sorts himself out, or force him to see a psychiatrist and hope that he doesn't resent you for the rest of his life. I don't know what's better."
Luke sighed. "I guess that's not really surprising. Rory's pretty much a perfect kid, I guess you've never had to deal with this stuff."
"Well, yeah, but Jess isn't your fault, Luke. He came to you, after all. You should probably give him a little space."
"Yeah. Yeah, I guess." Luke said thoughtfully. "Thanks, Lorelai."
"Any time."
"Can I see it?" Rory asked.
Xander frowned. "See what?"
"The scar. What did you think I was talking about?"
"Oh. It's just that, after that comment about glad to be alive sex and then you asking to see something, naturally I thought that you were talking about m-"
"Oh, God no." Rory exclaimed.
"Hey, there's no need to be so harsh."
"Xander, I was talking about the scar. Not about anything else. Get your mind out of the gutter."
"Want to check me for gang tattoos, do you?" Xander said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"No euphemisms. I just want to see the scar."
"Ah, you isay/i you only want to see my scar, but a corollary of seeing it is that I take my shirt off." Xander pointed out.
"Is getting naked all you can think about?" Rory said, sarcastic tone not quite taking attention away from her blush.
"Well, being alone in a room with a beautiful woman I've just had a really hot make out session with does tend to distract a man. It's even better than linoleum."
"I don't think that linoleum has ever been noted for its erotic power."
"You'd be surprised."
"Take off your shirt."
Xander blinked, a little taken aback by the directness, but then he winked and said "Yes, mistress." in as provocative a voice as he could manage.
When he did, Rory was utterly unaffected by the sight of having a shirtless Xander standing no more than a couple of feet in front of her. This was because seeing a large black burn scar has a tendency to drive away any feelings that seeing a shirtless man might normally evoke.
After a moment of staring, Rory said "Doesn't that hurt?"
Xander shook his head. "Nah. Giles said that Willow fried my nerves. I can't feel a thing there."
"Should-shouldn't you see a doctor or something?"
"No. It's magical, doctors can't fix it. Basically it's just there. It occasionally bleeds when poked by angry mothers armed with shovels. I don't usually even notice that it's there most of the time, except when it prevents me from having glad to be alive sex."
Rory stared at it some more, before noticing that, beside the big black scar that drew most of her attention, Xander had other, less noticeable scars. Some were long and jagged, like he'd been raked by a wild bear - or a demon. Others were puncture wounds, like someone had stabbed him with a knife - or sunk their claws into him. She saw the bruise on his arm from where she'd hit him with a shovel a few days ago.
Xander, noticing her gaze, said softly "They bother you, don't they? The scars."
After a few seconds, Rory shook her head. "No. They don't." But she wasn't entirely sure that she was telling the truth.
Xander looked sceptical, clearly not buying it either. "It's alright, you know. It's just what happens when you spend most of your life fighting demons. But I'm retired now, more or less. I'm not fighting on the front lines any more. You don't need to worry."
"How did you do it?" Rory asked suddenly. She hadn't been intending to say that, but it had just slipped out. "How did you manage to... to do it for all those years?"
Xander could've said something about how he'd only survived thanks to his friends. It would be true, if a little trite. But he knew that that wasn't what Rory was asking. Not really.
She'd seen a glimpse of what life in Sunnydale had been like, towards the end, and it had sent her running. She'd even let her memories be wiped so that she wouldn't have to face it. Rory wasn't asking how Xander had survived fighting vampires nearly every night for years. She was asking him why he hadn't run away when he'd had the chance.
Xander knew that Rory wanted him to say something reassuring, something that would make her feel less scared by what had so nearly happened to her. But Xander didn't really have a simple answer. He had come close to leaving so many times.
"I-I just did. I don't know how. I guess, to start off with, it was like an adventure. Like Scooby Doo, you know? Meddling kids solving mysteries. Even after Jesse died. But when Buffy drowned, I realised that it wasn't a game, not really. But I kept doing it because I could make a difference. Not because I could help people, although I did that, but because if I wasn't there then my friends would have to deal with it alone and they might die because I wasn't there. So... I guess I managed to stick with it for them."
Rory looked at him, eyes luminous with unshed tears. "I think you might be a wonderful person."
Later, Giles came back from New Haven, and Rory went home. Xander thought about asking Giles about what had happened, but he knew better than to try and talk to Giles after he'd met Ethan. Giles was liable to bite off people's heads at the slightest provocation in those circumstances.
Fortunately, that night was the time that Taylor has scheduled for a meeting of all the business people in town, to which he'd specifically requested Giles and Xander attend. Normally, Xander wouldn't wish an angry Giles on anyone (he remembered Giles attacking Angelus with a flaming baseball bat after he'd killed Jenny Calendar) but Taylor deserved it. Besides, he doubted that Giles would go full-on Ripper on him.
Despite knowing that the meeting was on, both Giles and Xander were late. They'd been looking for Dawn, on the off-chance that she might want to go to the meeting. When they'd finally found her (curled up in a chair in her house reading, insisting that she'd been there nearly the whole day) she refused. Apparently her willingness to attend town events had only extended to having her basket bought by Jess.
They weren't unduly surprised when Taylor said sarcastically "Well, look who's finally turned up. I'm so glad you could join us."
"Wow, Taylor, I didn't know you liked us so much." Xander said, taking a seat next to Lorelai. Giles sat on his other side.
"Perhaps now we can get on with business." Taylor said, ignoring him.
"I thought this was a meeting for all the business owners in town. How're they supposed to get on with business when they're all stuck in here?" Xander said.
"Yeah, Taylor, I'm losing custom by being here." Gypsy piped up. "There could be dozens of tourists looking to have their cars fixed."
"Very well. I brought you all here because I am aware that there is a proposal to open up some sort of half-way house for teenagers. I understand that this enterprise is to be run by a felon."
"Looking to move away from the market business, eh, Taylor?" Xander commented.
Taylor looked like he wanted to carry on without listening to a word Xander was saying, but he couldn't let that pass. "What are you talking about?"
"You stole my car, remember? Oh, you claimed there was some stupid law, but I bet you really just wanted my car. And last time I checked, car stealing was still a crime. Unless that's changed?"
"It hasn't." Gypsy replied.
"I think I'll defer to the town mechanic on this matter." Xander said grandly.
"I'm not a criminal!" Taylor said indignantly. "I was talking about you!"
"Me?" Xander said, the very picture of shocked innocence. "What have I ever done?"
"You broke your car out of the impound lot and used it as a getaway vehicle."
"No, I didn't." Xander said matter-of-factly.
Taylor waggled a finger at Xander. "Ah ha! He denies it!"
"Well, yes. That's because I didn't do it. Besides, you have no proof."
"The disappearance of your car was at the same time that you yourself left town, was it not?"
Giles stood up. "I've had enough of this." he growled. "I know you're the mayor here, iMister/i Doose, but that doesn't give you the right to denounce and slander an innocent citizen like this. Either produce some evidence, or drop this absurdity. Otherwise you'll be hearing from my lawyers."
"Well-" Taylor spluttered.
"Do you have any evidence?" Giles asked.
"Well, no-"
"In that case, I think we've got a good case for defamation of character. Unless, of course, you'd be willing to offer a formal apology to Xander and withdraw your baseless accusations?"
"But he cut a smiley face into my lawn!" Taylor said weakly.
"No, I didn't." Xander said grinning widely.
"Well, someone did." Taylor grumbled.
Lorelai held up her hand. "Yes?" Taylor snapped.
"I am Spartacus!"
Sometime later, after Taylor had failed to get control of the situation when half the town began declaring that they were Spartacus and dismissed everyone, Xander met Lorelai outside.
"Thanks." he said.
Lorelai shrugged. "It's no problem. Taylor's annoyed everyone in town at least once. We couldn't resist getting a little pay back."
"Thanks anyway. You could've just left me to flounder, you know."
"I don't think you would've done much floundering, really. Your father's terrifying. I think he'd have made Taylor run away before much longer."
Xander thought about saying that Giles wasn't actually his father, but decided to let it slide. Instead he said "What I'm trying to say is, I'm glad that you stood up for me. I thought you might be all cold and distant because... because of what happened."
"I haven't forgiven you for that. I understand why you did it, don't get me wrong, but would one phone call have been out of the question?"
Xander shrugged uncomfortably, wishing that he could explain to her why he couldn't have called but knowing that that would just make everything even more complicated. "I guess not."
"Anyway, Rory likes you, and you're a nice kid. I'm not going to hold the fact that you had a slight breakdown after your town collapsed against you. But if you put Rory through anything like that again, I will beat you to death with a shovel." Lorelai warned.
"If I do, I will stand there and let you do it." Xander said seriously. "I will not hurt your daughter. I promise you that."
Lorelai looked at him intently for a second before smiling slightly and saying "Good night, Valley Jesus."
"Good night, Coffee Guzzler."