Chapter 9: Honesty
The familiar dark shapes of her living room furniture became recognisable to her as the dawn approached, spilling a watery grey light through the drawn curtains. The house is eerily still around her, so quiet that she can hear the morning call of the birds nesting in the trees outside as though they sat upon the sill.
As she shifts, her muscles complain instantly, locking up, uncooperative to her demands. Her head feels clear though, waking from a long needed sleep. Her abdomen throbbed dully as she raised herself up onto her elbows, and she winced at finding thick layers of bandage with her probing fingers.
Something stirred in the room, her neck burning as she whipped it around too quickly to locate the source. She relaxed instantly upon recognising Vincent, slumped rather uncomfortably in the adjacent sofa, his expression troubled. Perhaps he was dreaming again. Her muscles screamed as she overrode their complaining, first sitting upright, and then standing. Two short but painful steps and she is at his side. Lowering herself down beside him, he does not stir. She took the opportunity to examine him carefully; He looked as though he hadn't slept at all for several days, his eyes sunken, the skin purpling a little from exhaustion.
Allowing her fingers to touch his cheek, she finds him barely warm. She heaved a sigh, slipping her arms around his torso and burying her face in his chest. She'd almost let him walk out of her life, yet he'd been there the whole time, even after she'd done her damn best to drive him away; She'd punched, kicked, screamed, cried, even kissed him, and he had taken it.
She remembered running out into the square in the rain, calling his name, desperately trying to get his attention. He had seen, was running towards her, his expression one which she had never seen him wear before. Terrified wouldn't quite cover it. His fingers had been trembling, adrenaline pounding through his arteries, yet he'd not missed. Once, then once more, just to make sure.
She'd blacked out then, barely even aware of her wound. She recalled her fear for Vincent's life, overriding that for her own.
The sword had cut along an old scar, opening it back up again, bringing with it old memories, old fears, and old nightmares.
But she knew that this time she would not spend years waiting for her white knight to return to her, only to find a shell. Her protector this time had come from the shadows, and would remain there, watching over her.
She didn't noticed him waking up, didn't sense the arms encircling her fragile body, until she felt his lips against her hair, whispering words of comfort as he rocked her gently. It was only then she realised she was sobbing, shoulders racking, ribs aching with each stuttered intake of breath.
"I'm here Tifa, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here..." He held her a little tighter against his chest. He had been too afraid of losing her that night to worry about what he was and wasn't giving away. He was aware of Cid in the kitchen, muttering expletives to himself for having being woken and clicking the kettle on. Shera was shuffling down the stairs, yawning in her pyjamas.
But he didn't care.
Tifa's sobbing subsided just as the sun crept over the valley hills, and she slipped back into an exhausted sleep. And Vincent too himself to sleep, glad that for this moment, Tifa was secure.
-0-
Shera had been called in to take care of Tifa's wound. She was pleased that on removing the dressings only a week on, the wound had begun to heal well, and showed no signs of infection. Mako exposure had some benefits after all. Tifa lay face up on her bed, wincing a little as Shera prodded her.
"How long have you been here?" Tifa mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She had been asleep for a further eleven hours, Vincent nowhere to be seen when she awoke.
"I've been here for three days," Shera replied, daubing the area with gauze. "and Vincent has never left your side since we arrived." She commented after a pause. Tifa did not answer. "Is there… something going on… between you two?"
"No." Tifa answered curtly, trying to hide her blush. "Vincent wasn't the type to let something happen, considering the mess I was when he came." She laughed a little, despite herself.
"I get the sense that you… wanted something to happen?" Shera tried to keep serious, though her eyes sparkled with mischief. Tifa's mouth twitched. "There's nothing to be ashamed of. He's very attractive."
"It's not that. It's… Vincent is a complex person to come to understand, but once you've got to know him, he is actually quite predictable." She paused, wringing her hands. "I'm just scared that… once he sees that I'm ok with you, he'll find an excuse to leave again… I feel like we were… getting somewhere, I guess."
Shera gave no comment, sensing Tifa's meditative mood. "He was… he is way out of his comfort zone here."
"Wow." Shera breathed, daubing the wound with antiseptic. "All of that going on in one head? It's no wonder he's the way he is."
Once Shera had finished, Tifa stood shakily, stumbling to her bedroom window. There, she got a view of her backyard. She peered through the blinds, to see Vincent hanging out her washing; just a few bed sheets, towels and tablecloths. She giggled to herself. Such a domestic image: Vincent with the washing basket at his feet, a peg between his lips as he struggles to hold the edge of the sheet in place before he fastens it.
His expression was natural and relaxed. Tifa enjoyed watching him like this, yet the sentiment was rather bittersweet; for as long as she is around him, he can never be natural, relaxed. He put so much effort into maintaining his stoic facade, in the event she does something stupid like try to kiss him, or ask slightly more and more invasive questions.
She was ashamed of her behaviour, for making him feel so on edge around her. She wished she could begin again, and take back all the angry words she had said.
On acknowledging the nearness of his impending departure, Tifa realised how much he had done for her. He had battled her through her depression and suicide, he had protected her every moment, from being awake to asleep, and he had never walked away, even when it was getting too much.
Well, until then. She made a mental note to thank him, before he got the chance to slip away, without saying goodbye. But she reckoned that he thought enough of her to do at least that.
-0-
Vincent was overwhelmed by the sudden appearance of other people. He excused himself after dinner and left the house for a walk out of the town that was beginning to make him feel restless and enclosed. His hands in his pockets, he traversed the square, not looking at the spot where Tifa had lay bleeding in his arms, only days before.
He came to the border of the town, the grasses rippling in the light summer evening breeze. It lifted his hair, his face warmed by the golden sun. Walking at a slow pace, he wandered into the meadow, watching the rabbits bobbing about in the grasses, wary of his presence. He eventually settled with his back against the trunk of a large oak tree, legs crossed at the ankles, lazily watching the day move around him, unaware of anything for once, he thought.
An hour slipped by. Gazing back at the town, eyes squinted in the sun; he could make out a slowly approaching figure, clad in white, heading in his direction. After a few moments, Tifa came into focus, her long auburn hair rippling in the breeze. He sighed slightly inside, daring to hope that she wouldn't damage his secure seclusion.
She said nothing as she came near, warming him inside with a sincere open smile he had not seen grace her lips in a long while. She sat several feet in front of him with a wince of pain on the grass, her fingers toying lazily with the buttercups and cornflowers that grew wild on the Kalm plains. Vincent did not feel inclined to break the silence. Tifa had come to seek solitude too, and he wasn't going to deny her that.
"It's a beautiful evening isn't it?" she turned her head slightly. He examined the part of her face that her hair exposed; a cheek, the tip of her delicate nose, her sensitive lips, slightly parted in a smile.
"Yes. It is beautiful."
"I want to say something to you, Vincent." She was kneeling a foot or so to his left, and raised her face to him. In the light from the sun, her features were set ablaze; gold gleamed in her hair, amber in her eyes, rose in her lips.
"Thank you. Thank you for… well everything I guess," she ran a hand through her hair, pulling strands over her shoulders. "I don't want you to feel that it was your fault, what happened to me. I shouldn't have done what I did, and I understand your reasons for being angry with me, for my behaviour. I feel I at least owe you an explanation."
"Tifa you do not owe me anything. I should have protected you like I promised I would. I was the one who… who failed you." Vincent turned his face away, slightly embarrassed at the way she was making him feel; ashamed of his blankness, and of his stubbornness.
"Don't reprimand yourself so much, Vincent," she gazed down at her hands, twirling a daisy between her fingers. "I should be doing that, after I pushed you away so much." Vincent swallowed and turned his face away, gazing unfocused, at the hills in the distance.
"One thing I said though… I meant it. You remember what I said about the part of you that thinks something could happen between us. I want to appeal to that part of you, Vincent: The part of you that I see when you look away from me." She reached out her hand and gently turned his face towards hers, her amber eyes searching deep into his claret ones. "What are you so afraid of, Vincent?"
"I… I don't know." He answered her honestly, so that she was a little surprised. "I don't know what I am afraid of. But when I look at you, I see… I realise how easy it is to have it taken away." She removed her hand from his face, letting it fall back into her lap. It was her turn to look away, her face forming a slightly amazed expression.
Moments passed, where neither moved nor spoke, until Tifa got slowly to her feet, and began walking back towards Kalm, leaving Vincent's mind reeling, still sat beneath the oak tree.
-0-