Author's note: 1) thanks go to my reviewers HL, ASMF, Seaotter, and JB

2) This gets kinda mushy, and after re-reading it myself I felt that what she was saying was reminiscent to the letter she gave Peeta…why? There is a reason waaaaay later in the story…if you guys have theories I would be delighted to hear them :D

Chapter 6

Saying Goodbye

The tour passes thru Five soon enough, I don't attend and it's too early for day of the dead. I raid my old home with Tracker to get some of my old stuff, pictures and sketchbooks I left behind.

It feels weird being in a place I remember so clearly having Seneca by my side. Him in the kitchen making lunch. Talking to me about anything I had my mind on, looking over my shoulder as I was nose in biology books. Me snuggled beside him on the rare nights we watched TV together. Always the news. I can almost feel him kissing the crown of my head.

I hate the Capitol, taking my brother away from me twice, once with an invitation and another by ending his life. I sit in my old kitchen then nostalgia almost chokes me like the thin coat of dust everything has. It's stifling despite being winter. Before Tracker can even ask I have packed the last of my old things in a backpack and am out the door.

Away from the spirits that haunt me.

The rest of the season I stay planted in Tracker's home. I draw until I'm exhausted. Then I sleep fitfully. Unlike district Four where I had a group of people eager to help I am with family that knows there is more to me than just some spy for district Thirteen.

Tracker tries to talk to me but I don't know how to tell him anything anymore. Jack has taken my voice with my outburst. I want to tell him I am okay but it just doesn't feel right.

Maybe because it's a lie, I'm not okay, I wasn't okay four years ago, I wasn't okay two years ago. I don't know if I will ever be okay again.

Day of the dead comes finally but I don't go to the festivity despite Tracer and Tracker pleading for me to come out of the house. I do my own mourning in front of Tracker's fireplace burning a drawing of Sen and I. Seeing the paper curl and be demolished by the flames does help, though very little. I am completely alone, the last of the Crane clan and I hate it. I hate it like I hate Snow and Coin, how I hate the games and the fact that if it weren't for them I might at least have Seneca with me right now.

The only upside to them is they allowed me to meet and make new friends. Peeta, Arora, Ken, Maverick, my small crew in Thirteen, all still alive.

Tracer and Tracker show up late in the evening. It took me burning the pictures to realize my work isn't done and I can't stay much longer despite Tracer wishing I would. They catch me doing inventory of my things.

"Leaving without saying goodbye?" Tracker says coming over.

I don't say anything at first, it takes Tracer coming over with her son in arm for me to finally say more than two words.

"You know I have a hard time saying that word Track" I mutter looking into the dark blue of Samuel's eye as he stares at me, "it seems way too final, and I will always find a way to come and visit"

"Is it because of Jack?" Tracer asks, "I told him to apologize"

"He hasn't and he's not the only reason" I sigh, "I mean to check in on Peet and Katniss, then I should be heading back to Thirteen"

"A spy's job is never done" Tracker says. He looks at Tracer who gives him a nod, "I guess we can give you your gift early"

"Gift?" I look at Tracer who gives a sad smile as Tracker hands me a parcel, when I unwrap it I am very confused.

It's the training guide I made, now rebound in red leather and embossed lettering on it now declaring it 'the tribute bible', "I don't understand"

"We figured if you were going then you might want to pass on this to the new victors" Tracker says, "Tracer and I have memorized it and made a copy of it already but this is yours, it was meant to be used by you." He touches the book, "it will help Peeta and Katniss now, as mentors, besides this year is a quell, they will need all the help they can get. Plus Seneca gave me this" he offers an envelope with a disk in it, I don't need to know what it is I know, it's a copy of my games.

I realize I haven't said anything of my plans to them, I should, I really owe it to them. "Can we talk outside?"

They both look confused, but nod and follow me outside.

I pace a bit until Tracer stops me after handing Sam to Tracker to hold, "Ariana what's wrong?" she asks worried that I have give into an old habit.

"I plan to stop the games" I look at her, "I have someone on the inside, but this coming year, this will be the last year the slaughter continues unchallenged"

"Ari" Tracker says a bit shocked, "you can't be serious"

"You want to send Sam into the games in twelve years? I sure as hell don't" I glare at him, "it stops now, I don't care if it takes me storming the gates of the arena, this will end with this quell, fifty years is fifty years too long for something so destructive to continue"

They are quiet for a while Sam takes that moment to wail from being tired and despite Tracker trying to calm him I get passed the squalling infant. He seems to quiet almost instantly, he clenches and unclenches his tiny hands and stares at me.

"No one should have to wonder if they will live another year" I say, "especially kids"

Tracer looks at Tracker, the look they share I recognize.

It's the same look that Seneca at fifteen years old gave me at ten.

Unity.

"Whatever the plan Ariana" Tracer gives me that look, "count us in"

"What about Jack?" I look at her

"If Jack has two brain cells to rub together he will agree to this" Tracer says, "I love him to death but sometimes he is as dim as a burnt out light bulb"

We head back to Tracer's house together, I tried handing Sam to either of them but he starts to cry as soon as I attempt to. When I finally tuck him in they give me a moment with my quasi nephew.

"I don't know what the future hold for you little man" I say to him, "I do know this though, when you are twelve, the only thing that you will worry about is what your parents are going to get you for your birthday"

He stares at me, the dummy in his mouth being sucked at a calming rhythm.

"I want you to know a few things" I tell him, I don't know why I am talking to a baby that probably doesn't understand a single word I am saying. "Your parents love you, more than they love anything in the world. That is the most important thing to remember. Your uncle Tracker may not know how to deal with you if you start to cry, but he does care a lot about you okay Sam? Just…reassure him that just being with him is enough. Last thing and if you forget it don't worry, I will defend you no matter what, I will be at your side when you need an ally, at your back when you need to rally support and at your front if you need a defender. Even if I'm not here physically" I touch his chest and he squirms a bit and wiggles under the cover, "I will be here, and I will never disappear as long as your remember me okay? And if you need to remember who I am you just have to ask your mom and uncle" I bend over the basinet and kiss his forehead, "you go to sleep now"

I head downstairs and get my jacket on, it's almost midnight. This is the point I hate, I have to tell them goodbye for now, I don't know how to word it that it means I won't see them again.

They are waiting at my motorcycle, my bags strapped to the back of it.

All three of them.

Tracker.

Tracer.

And Jack.

I look at him a bit wary. He steps up to me and we look at each other. The light from the porch traces our image in the gravel.

"Look" he says

"Yeah" I reply

"'bout before" he says

"I know" I reply

He looks at me sadly, then fixes the collar of my jacket so it sits flat, "you and Sen never did dress properly, not even for the damned reaping" he fusses

"Jack, it's okay" I touch his hands, "I know you were just upset, I get it, I was there"

"And yet you just let me railroad you" he looks confused, "I will never understand you"

"Maybe that's the joy of not having me as a partner, you never will have to understand" I reply jokingly, "take care of Sam okay? Spoil him, like we were never spoiled"

"Count on it" he smiles and then does something I wasn't expecting

He hugs me.

"You be careful" he says, "we'll see you next year"

"Yeah maybe" I reply as he heads in to check on his son.

I head over to my motorbike and Tracker hands me my helmet as I get on.

"I left your phones blocked Tracer and I blocked yours Tracker, so if I call it won't be tapped" I explain, "I'll contact you when I have a plan in place"

Tracer chuckles, "always on the job?"

"Is there any other mode I have?" I fasten my helmet on, "take care of each other alright?"

"Take care of yourself" Tracker says, "we'll keep an ear out for anything"

I nod.

Tracer hugs me, she lets a few tears fall but has a sad smile as well.

"I'll be fine trust me" I tell them. "I have to get going"

"Why can't you just say it" Tracker says, "please Ariana"

I look at him, I owe it to them, I owe them a lot. Before I get on my bike I hug each of them, "goodbye my friends, we'll see each other soon I promise"

With that said I give a final wave and head off into the night.