Chapter 12: Forgiveness

It was entering into November when she received the call from Shera. She was delighted to hear from her at last, and Shera was equally thrilled to hear Tifa sounded much more like her old self. She was wondering if Tifa and Yuffie had plans for Christmas, and if not, then the festivities were to take place her home in Rocket with Cid. Tifa had accepted immediately with bursting enthusiasm, glad of an opportunity for a reunion, which came so rarely these days.

"Oh, and I called Vincent." Shera intoned. Tifa could visualise the twinkle in her eye. "And he's agreed to stay too! So that's all of us!"

Tifa's heart lurched in her chest. She was going to him again. She spent the day smiling with optimism, Yuffie smiling because it amused the little Shinobi to see her so pleased about seeing Vincent, of all people.

To Yuffie, he was boring, unresponsive. She'd never been as successful as Tifa in extracting conversation from him, but then again, she didn't have as much patience. She was looking forward to seeing what may develop, when they arrived in Rocket town. To Tifa, it couldn't come fast enough.

-0-

It was snowing. Yuffie giggled excitedly, fidgeting in her seat, clearly anxious to get outside and wreak some havoc. Tifa adjusted her earmuffs and scarf, unable to stop smiling each time Yuffie caught her eye; her cheerfulness was infectious.

They were travelling by train to Rocket Town, but there had been some delays due to the weather, so it was approaching late afternoon when they finally pulled into the station. Yuffie and Tifa shuffled off the train, laden with their belongings, boots crunching on the snow-dusted platform. Tifa squinted up at the old Rocket launch pad, the metal girders caked in snow. She imagined the old craft leaning perilously over to one side, sprinkled with snow. Now it was just space rubble, drifting somewhere amongst the stars.

"C'mon Tif, our dinner'll be cold!" Yuffie urged, hobbling past her down the footpath, barely managing to keep a hold of her bags. Tifa laughed, taking the opportunity while Yuffie's back was turned to stoop and scramble some snow together, forming a compact ball between her palms. Sniggering, she launched the missile, the ball sailing through the air and hitting Yuffie in the square of her back with a satisfying thump. Tifa squealed with delight, her shoulders shaking with barely contained laughter.

Yuffie stopped dead in her tracks, letting her bags fall to the ground in an unceremonious heap.

"Oh no you didn't..." Yuffie quickly retaliated, launching a flurry of rapidly made snowballs. Tifa evaded all but one, which made contact with her backside as she tried to wriggle out of its path. The war continued, with Tifa gaining the upper hand for the moment, her cheeks flushed with the exhilaration.

Up the hill, Vincent wondered what all the screaming was about; probably just the children playing out in the snow. After all he had encountered several snowball fights on his way down here; he had heard the train pulling into the station. Upon looking down from the crest of the hill, Vincent smirked to himself from within the folds of his coat and scarf; Tifa and Yuffie were involved in a furious snowball fight-come-scuffle, where the snowballs were beginning to seem more like lumps, neither girl taking the chance of spending too much time on forming a streamlined missile when in such close proximity.

It was good to see Tifa laughing, her cheeks pink, smile open and unhindered. Her long hair flowed from beneath a woollen hat, her face barely visible due to the scarf wound tightly around her neck. And she was beautiful. Vincent swallowed the lump that threatened to form in his throat, shaking himself slightly. She looked happy, healthy, and relaxed. Staying with Yuffie was clearly what she had needed; to get away from it all, and be herself.

The period of her remaining oblivious to observation came to an abrupt end, as Tifa noticed his solitary figure stood a few hundred yards away. Vincent cursed himself for making it seem as though he was faltering in his approach, and immediately began to walk towards them upon his recognition.

"Vinnieeeee!" Yuffie hugged his tall frame excitedly, leaving traces of snow on his black coat. She began to jabber away, plopping some of their luggage into his arms, not seeming to have noticed the sudden subdued nature of her companion. Tifa nervously tucked her hair behind her ears, picking up her forgotten bags from where she had abandoned them. Vincent offered her his free hand to take one, but she shook her head, declining his offer.

"You look well." He found himself telling her, as Yuffie tramped ahead, singing a rude Christmas carol to herself. He regretted how impersonal his statement sounded. What else was he supposed to say? You look healthy at last, I see, started eating? You look beautiful...

"Thank you." She murmured, her eyes focused on the footprints before her that Yuffie had laid down. "I've been eating a lot better. Yuffie's cook is quite something!" She was trying to lighten the mood, he recognised, but they both knew it was just more awkward conversation. "Not that I didn't enjoy your cooking." she added, blushing a little. Vincent pretended not to have noticed.

"That's alright. I won't hold a grudge."

There was something in the way that he delivered this statement that made Tifa think he meant more that the limits of the conversation implied. Had he forgiven her past foolishness? Was he trying to repair the damage created by the tensions that had been allowed to develop between them?

Seeing him again was unlike how she had pictured it to be. He looked no different; still tall, pale and quiet. But he seemed a little more at ease. Whether or not that would last, was another matter.

Tifa was glad of the interruption in the form of arrival at Shera and Cid's house, where she was able to engage herself in conversation with Shera, listen to Marlene talk about her daily escapades of snowman building, and robin spotting. But she was aware of Vincent's eyes on her; if she caught his gaze, she found herself unable to maintain it for long. And she realised that the feelings were still the same; the same flutter in her stomach, constriction in her throat, the same longing for him.

She had fallen him. It was so obvious to her she couldn't deny it any longer.

But this time, she told herself, there was no chance at all she was going to say a word. She'd come too far on her own to ruin it all again. She wanted to show him how strong she had become, and all without his help. She set her jaw resolutely and returned his stare with an offhand smile. He lowered his eyes to his hands.

They didn't speak again for a while. But later, she wished that she hadn't allowed her stubbornness to get ahead of her. If she hadn't, then maybe it would never have happened.

-0-

Cid was smoking outside, watching Marlene and Tifa building a snowman in the garden as the last light of day was beginning to fade. Vincent was sat next to him, sharing his cigar, arms crossed tightly across his chest to trap out the cold. Cid passed the cigar to Vincent as he slowly exhaled the thick pungent smoke into the air. Vincent took a long inhale, savouring the strange flavours presented to him.

"She looks good, doesn't she?" Cid nodded towards the girls, laughing a little, his foot jiggling as it rested on his knee.

"She looks... stunning." Vincent admitted, watching as Tifa searched for pebbles beneath the thick carpet of snow with which to create a smile for their project, who currently only sported a pair of eyes and a nose.

"I wasn' talkin' about Tifa..." Cid said softly, turning to face Vincent, his lively blue eyes dancing as he observed Vincent's silence. The snow'man' sported straw for hair, covered by Tifa's colourful wool hat. "You don' have to pretend Vince, any fool can see how you feel abou' her."

"And what is that exactly?" Vincent got the feeling that his defensiveness would do little to deter the pilot, who was currently giving a throaty laugh at his comment.

"Vinnie, Vinnie, Vinnie... Denial is such a foolish thing. But we all do it, y'know? I mean lookit me n' Shera? We're married now ain't we?" Cid smiled proudly, his wedding band glowing from the amber glow of the cigar's end as he held it to his lips for another drag. "The only person who don't know how you feel is the one person who should know. Tifa loves ya, Vince. And you're both fools for sayin' nothin."

When Tifa and Marlene had completed their task, Cid and Vincent were called in to judge the final product. A tower of white, with shining grey buttons and wide smile, the snowwoman was a fine figure to behold. Marlene explained the intricacies of snowman construction to Cid, while Tifa chuckled at her side, her cheeks and the tip of her nose pink, her hair free flowing now, removed from the constraints of her hat. Vincent returned her gentle smile, almost shocking himself. He swallowed and glanced away. Staring offhandedly at the snowwoman, her shadow long in the moonlight, Cid's words resonated in his mind.

Was it that obvious?

Cold, yet satisfied with their end product, the group returned indoors, enveloped by the warmth of the house. Vincent insisted on remaining outside for a little longer, resuming his seat, the cold biting at his skin. He ignored it.

They were both fools; Him for being so cold and she for being the opposite, too soon. It had all gone wrong, never a balance between them, no common ground. But now, surely she had been thinking about it? Four months away, but she had still written, inquiring about his whereabouts, checking on his health, imploring he visit their friends too.

And he had; He had travelled to Cosmo Canyon, staying with Nanaki for a few weeks.

But he had become restless. His wanderings took him back to Kalm. The bar had been empty for a while (he had returned several times, almost as if trying to prove that the events had unfolded there had actually happened), but now it was sold, open under new management. Entering without a thought, he had encountered Alexandra, who had bombarded him with questions; was Tifa ok, where was she now, was he ok, had he seen Tifa?

And he was ashamed of himself because he didn't know the answer to the questions, save for where she was. And he had noticed Alexandra's disapproval. He hadn't wanted to overwhelm her with questions of her welfare; Yuffie was taking care of her now, and hadn't he done enough for her already? Now she was taking things into her own hands.

He had thought about going to Wutai, but had long decided against it. He was never one to rock the boat, and he never wasn't about to do it now, either.

But he missed her. She was a friend; a valuable one with a heart of gold, who would risk everything for those she loved. Loved... she had loved, and he had loved. They had both lost, too. They had so much more in common with each other than he cared to admit, sometimes.

Yet Cloud loomed like a spectre in his mind. He feared that she would always blame him for Cloud's death. Vincent didn't sleep at night sometimes; he would replay Cloud's last moments over and over in his head, recalling the last words he had uttered from blood covered lips.

Love Tifa like I never could.

The real Cloud was there that night, dying as Vincent gripped his shirt, calling him back, swearing at him for all the trouble he had caused; for leaving Tifa, leaving him to pick up the pieces.

Tifa...

"Vincent?" Tifa was suddenly there, startling him from his spiralling musings. She was holding two cups of steaming liquid in her gloved hands, a soft smile on her face. He accepted it gratefully, and moved slightly to allow her to sit next to him. She took the seat and cupped her hands around the mug, holding it to her lips, blowing absently over the liquid's surface. Vincent took a sip to discover a liqueur hot chocolate; one of Tifa's many specialties.

"I couldn't resist." She commented, gazing at the snowwoman and taking a long sip herself. "Orange liqueur. Do you like it?"

"Yes." He admitted, glad of the warmth the beverage offered his freezing hands.

"Are you alright? Sitting out here in the cold?" She inquired.

"I'm fine. Just thinking."

"I see. Thinking..." She intoned pensively. "I did a lot of that too, while I've been away."

"And have you reached any conclusions?" He asked softly.

"I…" She swallowed down her nervousness, gripping her mug tightly in her mitten-covered hands. "I wanted to say that I don't blame you for… for Cloud's death." She said his name after a sharp inhale and a slow exhale. Clearly the memories of that night pained her to recall, as they did him. "I am sorry if you thought I was angry with you. I am not angry… not anymore."

Her chin was set resolutely, though she seemed calm. He nodded gratefully, aware of a sudden burden leaving his shoulders. If only he could have heard Lucrecia say similar words. You tried to stop me Vincent, and because I ignored you, I ended up dead. I'm sorry I didn't listen. So sorry…

"Are you alright?" She was leaning around him, a gentle frown furrowing her brows, barely visible beneath the drawn up hood of her winter coat.

"Ah… yes. Just… I was just thinking. It's good to be forgiven." How good it felt to finally get forgiveness, for something he was so afraid she wouldn't forgive him for.

"There was never anything to forgive, Vincent." He made a noise of acceptance as she burrowed down into her scarf and layered coats a little deeper, steam still swirling from her hot beverage as she raised it to her lips to take a sip.

"And are you alright? What do you plan to do next?"

"I'm fine." She ran a hand through her hair absently. "Though I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do. I can't stay with Yuffie forever and… after I sold the bar…"

She'd been searching for months, unable to find somewhere she really felt she belonged. Nibelheim was a no- too many bad memories there. Kalm, she'd already said her goodbyes to; Wutai was too quiet and too different for her, at least for now. She'd considered Junon, new Mideel, even Midgar. But nowhere as of yet, appealed to her.

"You'll find somewhere. Everyone has a place to call home." He said, hoping his words were of some comfort to her. She smiled, a small laugh escaping through her nose.

"And you? Where are you living?"

"Nowhere. I've been travelling around a lot recently. Then Shera called, inviting me here."

"You went to Kalm? Alex wrote to me." Tifa asked softly, gazing down at her hands as she clasped her drink. Vincent's heart skipped a beat in his chest.

"Yes. I was... passing by."

Tifa was staring at him intently now. "Why did you go there, Vincent?"

"..." He found himself unable to answer, unable to find a suitable reason, without divulging the truth. But she waved her hand dismissively.

"It's alright. I guess it won't kill me to never know. Just… Don't be a stranger. I've missed you." She reached across and gave him a one-armed squeeze, eyes screwed shut as his scent washed over her. Then she stood and re-entered the house, leaving Vincent's mind reeling beneath the barren trees in Shera's garden.

-0-

A little dialogue change here- I felt it was important that Tifa voiced her forgiveness for Vincent for a crime she didn't truly hold him responsible for in her heart.

Thanks for reading!

JJ