Stage Three: Confessions

I wasn't really sure if I had done the right thing, but I did know that it wasn't smart. Sometimes doing the right thing is the dumbest thing you can do. Either he hated me a lot more, or he was willing to open up to me. All I knew was this: I couldn't go after him. He has to come to me. If he doesn't, all has failed. I can't have failure. Orochimaru is unforgiving, and he is all I have.

I sat on the swing and pressed myself forward, only to fall back the other way. Thoughts filled my mind about what I was going to do, but nothing seemed to work. Something kept telling me to apologize to the guy. I don't apologize.

I noticed a figure walk out of the academy. It was Sasuke. He approached me. "You and Gaara?" he asked.

"What about Me and Gaara?"

"I saw what you did."

"The kid needs a friend. No more."

"You kissed him."

"And?" I hissed.

"You've never kissed me," he pointed out.

I looked at him. "You have tons of girls swooning over you."

"And?"

"Well, I figured you get pissed if I tried."

"So you wanted to?" he asked.

"If you're thinking I love him, I don't."

"You just kissed him."

"I kiss all of my friends."

"You've never kissed me."

"You're going in circles."

He stopped my swing. "Do you honestly think I would of stopped you?" he demanded. He sounded angry with me. "Those girls are nothing, and you're the only friend I have. Do you think I care?"

"Apparently you care," I retorted.

"He challenged me, Tsuki. And now it's like he's challenging me again. You don't understand."

I sighed. "Sasuke, calm down."

"You're wasting your affection on someone who doesn't deserve it. He isn't capable of returning it, you know."

"I could say the same thing about you. You have affection thrown at your feet and you ignore it all."

"I can't be distracted and you know that."

"You're being distracted now!" I shouted. "Maybe I already know! Maybe I didn't want to distract you!" I stood up, forcing him to stand straight. "You're jealousy is clouding your mind."

"I am not jealous of him."

"Then you feel threatened."

"No, I don't feel threatened!"

"Then what is it? What is making you so angry?"

"He's standing in my way."

"You're way of what?" I demanded.

"In the way of you! You don't get it, Tsuki. There's a reason I'm open with you!"

"And what's that," I asked, "because you love me?"

He loosened up slightly. He looked confused, but it was a forced confusion. "Yes."

I was startled. "Sasuke, I never expected this from you. You were the one I thought would be beyond this."

He looked away from me. "You can't control when you fall in love, or who it's with. I don't know why it happened, or even when. Seeing you with Gaara, it pissed me off. I couldn't understand why. I couldn't even tell you what happened afterward. I blacked out, and now I'm here."

I wrapped my arms around him. "I don't know what you're going through, but I know it must be pretty bad."

He kissed my forehead, then pushed me away from him. "Don't fall in love with me, Tsuki. You're right. I am jealous and distracted. This is why I couldn't allow myself to love in the first place. It's something we agree on: weaknesses." He walked away from me, not looking back. I knew I wouldn't see Sasuke again for a while. It hurt me, knowing I had hurt one of my closest friends. It was a pain I was all too familiar with.

* * * * *

Two days had passed with no sign of them. Sasuke was throwing himself into training with Kakashi, and Gaara hasn't been seen at all. Orochimaru had been observing my method's affect on Gaara the whole time, but not telling me anything. He seemed distant, so I knew it wasn't good. I felt secluded.

I had taken to hiking through the forest when I had nothing to do. When I have nothing to do, I dwell on what has happened. When I dwell, I get depressed. I can't let that happen. While hiking, I worked on my chakura control. I'd see how long I can stand on the bottom of a branch or walk on the water for hours until I am too drained to do it any more.

Today was a day of rest for me. I had a book and was sitting by the stream, lost in the words of someone else's woes. No one knew where I was, or so I thought.

"Tsuki-san?"

I looked up to see Kin standing before me, watching me cautiously. "Yes?" I asked.

"Orochimaru wants to see you."

"Is he angry?" I asked.

"Very," she answered. Clearly he had gotten to her already, judging by the bruises on her arms. She tried to defend herself. Pointless.

I sighed and got up from the river bank, with my book in hand. I didn't wait for her to lead the way, I had to face him alone, just as she did. I walked with my head held high, knowing I was going to pay for screwing things up. He would only beat me down harder if he knew that I was dreading what was to come. I could show him no weakness, or be shown no mercy.

"You requested me, my Lord?" I asked, as I slid the door open.

He was standing with his back to me, looking out the window. His body was tense, but he did his best to hide it from me. He didn't even face me. "You and Kin were sent to find information, which neither of you seem to be able to uncover. The exams start in three days. It seems you have pushed him farther away from you!" He turned to face me slowly and fixed a glare into my eyes. It was a strong glare, but I didn't dare to blink it off. "What have you done, Tsuki. Explain yourself."

I looked him in the eye with a look so cold the temperature must have dropped three degrees. "Gaara is different from any other person you have asked me to pry information out of. He doesn't want a friend. He doesn't want to be talked to. He likes being alone, he enjoys other people's sorrow, and he hates me. He hates me because I didn't kill him when he tried to fight me. He hates me because I'm not afraid of him. He hates me because he can't kill me with a clean conscience. He doesn't want to talk to me."

"Then force him," Orochimaru growled.

"I'll force him to do nothing," I hissed.

Orochimaru closed the space between us and struck the side of my face. I didn't flinch, and no sound escaped my lips. "Do not deny me again. You forget your place child." He grabbed my jaw with strength that bruised my flesh. "You aren't yourself, and I want to know what he has done to make you defy orders."

"He did nothing," I answered.

"You're lying," he whispered furiously. "What are you hiding from me, child?"

"I hide nothing."

"Who is he to you?" Orochimaru demanded.

"He is no one."

Orochimaru threw me to the floor. "You have three days, Child. Three days to get the information I desire. Do not disappoint me again. You know what awaits you if you fail."

* * * * *

I tracked down Kankuro after I regathered my composition. I healed my bruises and waited for the redness to die down. I was used to Orochimaru's wrath. I was used to hiding it, too. I found Kankuro shortly after I had left my apartment. He was sitting in Ichiraku, ordering a bowl of ramen. I sat to his left with a chair between us. He might tell me something Gaara wouldn't.

He looked at me and asked, "How long have you been here?"

I stared at the wall behind the old man as I answered, "Six months before you came."

"Why so early?" he asked me, trying to keep the conversation going. He wanted to ask more, but he couldn't with people around.

"Tired of where I was, I guess." I shot him a warning glare, then looked back at the old man who was serving me a bowl, even though I hadn't ordered.

I slipped money out, be he refused saying, "Already been paid for."

I looked at Kankuro. "You didn't have to buy me lunch."

"Doesn't mean I didn't want to." he slid his bowl over and sat beside me. "I figured I would take the chance to patch up the hatred you have for me."

"Not much you can do about it," I answered.

"Tell me why you hate me," he requested.

"You're egotistical," I answered. "You have a big head that needs deflated."

"Maybe you're just a bitch who can't look past my 'big head' long enough to see the real me."

"There's no maybe about it," I growled.

He relaxed a little and took a deep breath. "I'm s-"

"Don't you dare apologize to me," I warned. "I already know you're a weak character."

"There's nothing bad about admitting you're at fault," he retorted.

"You're saying you were wrong in the first place. If you're acknowledging you're fault, then how am I supposed to trust you to be right?"

"You're just going to have to trust me in the first place."

"I am not a trusting person."

"You trust Him," Kankuro hinted. "You trust Him and Gaara."

"I don't trust Gaara."

"Then why did you tell him that you're a-"

"Enough, Kankuro," I stated. My tone was softer than my words implied, but they had the same effect. I rose from my seat and left my uneaten ramen.

"You might want to tell Kin that she's not getting anything out of me."

I looked back at him. "No one expects her to," I answered. I lifted the cloth and stepped out into the sunny street. I was disappointed in what Kankuro had told me; he didn't tell me anything at all. What could I expect, though? I hate him and he hates it. There's a lot of hate between the sand siblings and myself.

I just began walking without any idea where I was going to go. I didn't care, honestly. The worst thing Orochimaru could do if I failed would be kill me, and I was ready to face death. He can expect me to fight, though. I know that I don't stand a chance against him, I just won't allow him to kill me without a fight.

I stopped walking at the edge of the training field. I didn't have to fight. I could leave, right now if I felt so inclined. He couldn't stop me; he wouldn't even know.

"Enjoying the show?" someone asked with sarcasm. I looked up to see someone glaring at me.

"I didn't even notice you," I answered truthfully. "I was thinking."

"Then leave, I don't need you here as a distraction."

His white eyes were empty, yet soulful and ambitious. "I'll leave, but can I know your name?" I asked.

"Neji Huuga," he answered cautiously. "Yours?"

"Tsuki Dentsu," I answered. Fulfilling my promise, I turned to leave. I didn't even look behind at him, even though his stare was burning into my neck.

I resumed my walking, contemplating running from the monster that I had known all my life. I remembered why I was with him in the first place: he was my backhanded slap of reality, which I needed to escape the fantasy realm which everyone seemed to reside in. What point would I make if I ran away from him now? I would tell him that I'm a coward who couldn't even complete the task at hand. A coward who couldn't even talk to a boy who wanted to kill her.

That gave me an Idea.

* * * * *

I kicked in the door to the Sibling's hotel room, which proved to hold Temari and Gaara inside. I turned to the red head and growled, "I need to talk to you, and if it's the last time I ever talk to you, so be it."

Temari's eyes widened, but she didn't say a word. She looked from me to the wrecked door that had splintered and was resting against the wall.

"Leave, Temari," Gaara commanded. She got up quickly and walked out, still in shock. She closed the damaged door behind her, but I knew she was listening.

I pressurized the air in front of the door tightly, insuring privacy. "You three are planning something against us and I want to know what," I barked.

"And what if I can't tell you?" he asked.

"Then I will sit here until you do." I sat on the floor to prove my point.

"If there isn't a plan, then what are you going to do, sit there until we make one up?"

"If there isn't a plan, and you go against your word, I will kill you," I retorted. "I will make it as drawn out and painful as I possibly can."

"You could have killed me before, and you didn't. Why should I believe you're going to kill me now?"

"I didn't have reason then, and I do now."

His sand surrounded me. "It looks like you're trapped," he hissed. "You can't escape me."

"There's a glass of water on the table."

"What can you do with it?" he asked.

I summoned the glass to me and ran the water through the sand, causing it to drop on the floor. "I can make one hell of a mess."

He sprang at me and pinned me to the floor. "Dammit, Tsuki!" he growled. "Leave me alone! Stop tormenting me with your lies of friendship and hope. I don't want you!"

"You're right. They were lies. I expected you to figure that one out sooner. I don't give a damn about you, Gaara. You can die tomorrow and it wouldn't change me. Tell me what you're planning and I'll go on my way, never to talk to you again. You may never even see me again, if you're lucky."

"This was all a trap, wasn't it?"

"I never liked you. If Orochimaru didn't want me to find out what you were up to, I would have never confronted you in the first place."

"Then why did you kiss me?" he asked, hurt.

"It was all a spun web. I didn't plan to, but hey. You do what you can to get the job done," I answered. "I told you, I'm not destined for love."

"I could kill you now," he growled, "but your web trapped me like a beetle." His sand began to rise again. "You don't even care, do you?"

"Care?" I asked. "I do, actually. I also hate you, Gaara. You've always had what you wanted." I chuckled to myself.

"You said you weren't afraid of me."

"I'm not. I hate you because you're arrogant."

He gave me a look of confusion.

"Please," I hissed, rolling my eyes, "as if you didn't know. You look down on everyone as though we're all beneath you. You think you're special enough for the whole world to give a damn. You're not."

His nails were digging into my arms, which began to bleed. "I will always hate you for this. You turned me against myself, all because I thought I could love you."

I looked at him in shock. First Sasuke, now Gaara? "If you want to so damn badly, then love me. I won't stop you."

"No one ever told me that love is what pains you the most."

"Hm," I mumbled, "another reason for me not to get involved in it." We were now both encased in his sand, in total darkness.

"I want to hurt you like you hurt me," he growled. "I want you to know what you've done. I want you to bleed rivers of blood in revenge."

I handed him a cold kunai. "Then do it. Make me bleed for you. Kill me, and know you've taken everything away from me."

He took the weapon in hand, but I couldn't see what he did with it. All I felt was his warm hand back on my bleeding arm. He pulled me to stand. "You want me to kill you." He pushed me against the wall of sand. I could feel his hot breath on my forehead. "You want the physical end. I'm not going to kill you. I'm going to make you suffer."

"Take a number," I instructed. "There's a long line of people who want to make me suffer for one thing or another."

"Then I'll kill them all to get to you," he growled. "Even if it means I have to kill Orochimaru."

"Then you'd just be doing me a favor," I laughed. "That man doesn't care enough to want me to suffer."

"Just like you don't care," he hissed. "Now you know how I feel, having the one you love most not give a damn.

I was really getting pissed off at this point, because he was sounding like a broken record. "I may hate you, but that doesn't mean I don't care. And I don't love him"

"Prove it," he demanded. "Show me that you're capable of caring about someone other than yourself and Orochimaru."

I wrapped my arms around his waist, rested my head on his shoulder, and said, "I haven't killed you yet. I haven't even fought you."

Sand pushed me back against the wall and away from him. "That doesn't mean you're not just setting another trap for me."

"I have told you my intentions. Why would I need another trap for you? You're already stuck, whether you know it or not."

"How am I stuck?"

"While you're killing all the people who desire me dead, you're staying close to me. I can watch you like a hawk. I will haunt your every thought and dream. You don't desire my demise at all. You just desire me."

Sand surrounded my body, leaving my free from the shoulders up. "Why would I desire someone so heartless as you?" he spat.

"If you could change, what's to say I can't?" I taunted. "Isn't that what you were thinking for the last two days?"

"You will never change for me," he growled. "You're incapable of it."

I pushed his sand aside and grabbed his hand. "You'll never know if you don't have the desire to find out," I answered.

He grabbed my wrist and tightened his grip, cutting off the blood flow. I could feel his glare pierce through the darkness. "I can't make you like me. I can't order you to feel the same way. I can see through you now, it's clear to me that you're not going to change. Not unless Orochimaru demands it from you."

I rose my hand to slap him, but he held my wrist tight. "If you don't love him, prove it. Show me. I already know you're a damn good liar." He smirked, I could hear it in his voice. He was getting the better of me and I was letting him. He was right, every word of it. I did love Orochimaru. There was nothing I could do about it, and it hurt. That's why he was my reality, because I was living in a fantasy world. He was the only thing that kept me grounded in the truth, and it was because he didn't care.

He let go of me. "I knew you couldn't." His sand fell around me, then shifted back to form his gourd. "Leave."

I took one step forward, toward him. "I can prove it, and I will," I whispered.

His eyes narrowed as he folded his arms. "Do it," he demanded.

I leaned up and kissed him. Not on the forehead as I had done before. I pressed my lips to his, with as much passion as I could. He put an arm on my shoulder, not knowing what he should do. I wrapped my arms around his waist, then broke away. He looked me in the eye; I didn't break contact.

I turned to the door and left, removing my pressurized air as I went.