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Chapter 5

Late in the afternoon on Christmas Day, Dad approaches me while I'm alone in my room.

"I'm going to take Esme and Bella to the cemetery. Do you want to join us?" he asks.

I take a deep breath before responding. I want to join them for several reasons, but I stick with the simple one. "Yeah, I'd like to visit mom."

He nods and tells me they're leaving soon, so I get myself together quickly and meet them at the front door.

The car ride is short and quiet. Dad parks the car near Esme and Bella's parents' graves and we all get out. As much as I want to be there for Bella right now, I know it's not my place since she has her sister. Without a word, I walk in the opposite direction and easily find my mother.

I haven't been here in a while, but I'm certainly no stranger to this place. When Mom first died, Dad used to bring me here often. He always told me I could tell her anything. Although I was young when she died and I don't remember much about her except what my dad has told me, I still feel an unexplainable connection to her.

I haven't visited as much over the last few years, but I still make a point of coming whenever I feel the need. And though Christmas is as good a reason as any, I know there's more to my visit than that today. I'm glad Dad stayed with his wife and hasn't joined me yet.

"Hi, Mom," I say quietly, dragging my fingers across the letters of her name. Elizabeth Masen Cullen—a beautiful name for a beautiful woman. "I'm sorry it's been so long since I've been here. Last time was my birthday, and today, it's Christmas. But, you already knew that." I chuckle to myself. "Just as I'm sure you already know what's been going on for the last few days."

I think to myself for a minute, contemplating how my mother would feel about this situation I find myself in. One thing I know about her, one thing my father always told me, was that they both only ever wanted my happiness.

"I doubt you'd approve of what's been going on, Mom, but I have to tell you that nothing else has made me this happy. I know the situation is all sorts of messed up. But being there, being able to comfort her, being able to hold her … I don't know if anything could give me greater happiness.

"I wish I'd known you longer. I love Dad, and Esme's great, but I'm pretty sure that having a mother to guide me would have been nice." Squatting down in front of her headstone, my fingers linger over the word "mother."

"I don't know, Mom. I wish you could tell me what to do." I chuckle deeply. "Although, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it. And then I'd probably do whatever I wanted anyway. I just want to be there for her and show her how much she means to me."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see my dad walking over. "I love you, Mom," I whisper, kissing my fingers and placing them over her name. Standing up, I give Dad a hug when he reaches me, and then walk back toward the car to give him a few minutes.

Before I make it to the car, I see Bella standing stoically by herself in front of her parents. Esme must be in the car already. Without thought, I head directly for Bella.

She turns as she hears me approaching. Her eyes are dry but red, as if she's trying desperately to be strong. Her parents were killed by a drunk driver five years ago, just before she started dating Jasper, and I don't think she's ever gotten over it.

Her eyes widen as she sees me, and her bottom lip quivers before she takes it between her teeth. She's trying to be tough but needs to understand that she doesn't have to be.

"You shouldn't—" she says when I get close enough.

"Stop," I tell her gently. Dad and Esme always knew that Bella and I were friendly. I don't see anything wrong with this. I pull her into my arms as soon as I'm able to reach. "There's nothing wrong with needing a shoulder to cry on," I say quietly.

And then the dam breaks. Sobs wrack her tiny body, and I don't think she'd be standing if not for my arms around her.

"Let it out, sweetheart," I say into her hair. "Let it go."

Her sobs continue for a few minutes before she gets herself somewhat under control. Through sniffles, she speaks into my neck. "They'd be so disappointed in me."

"No, baby." I rub her back. "You've done nothing wrong. They'd be proud of you." I pull back a little so I can see her face, showing her how sincere I am. "You're a wonderful teacher, just like your mother. And, you're a strong woman who found herself in a shitty situation through no fault of your own. But, you're taking control and doing what you need to do."

I cup her chin in my hand before I continue. "You're doing the best you can with the hand you've been dealt. I promise you, they'd be proud …" I nod my head in the direction of her parents' headstones. "And we're all proud of you," I say, thumbing back toward the car where Dad and Esme are waiting.

Bella sniffles again as more tears stream down her face. "Thank you," she says quietly.

"Do you need another minute alone?" I ask. "Or, would you like me to stay with you?"

"I think I'd like a minute alone if you don't mind," she says as she reaches for my hand and squeezes it.

I nod and tell her I'll be in the car. As I'm walking away, I could swear I hear her say something that sounds like "see what I mean," but I tune it out and let her have some privacy with her parents.

When I climb into the car, my dad and Esme each give me curious looks, but I just shake my head at them. Bella joins us a few minutes later, taking my hand in hers on the drive home. I rub my thumb across her knuckles and give her a smile in reassurance as her sniffles die down.

At home, Esme engages Bella in cooking for a while. Dad and I take some beers into the living room to watch TV.

After about a half hour of silence, he startles me when he speaks. "That was a nice thing you did for Bella back there."

I hum in acknowledgment. "She's trying to be so strong, but I could see that she just needed to let it out."

"Did she tell you what was going on with her and Jasper?" Dad asks.

I can't tell if he's fishing for information or if he really doesn't know, so I keep it simple. "She just told me she's divorcing him … other than what we all overheard last night."

He nods. "I don't know how long she'll be staying here, but I know Esme's glad to have her back—even if the situation isn't ideal."

"Yeah, I'm glad Bella has her sister to help her through this." I want to add "and me" but bite my tongue to keep from saying too much.

We continue watching TV in silence for a while until Esme joins us. She flops down on the couch next to Dad with a huff—completely unlike her usual self.

"I can't convince her otherwise," she says quietly to Dad.

"You have to let her make her own choices, Es." He pulls her close and kisses her head. One thing that has never been lacking in this house is affection.

"I just hate the thought of her being alone," Esme responds. A few minutes later, she addresses me as an afterthought. "Edward, you could probably help her out."

"Hmm?" I question, drawing my eyes away from the TV as if I hadn't been hanging on their every word about Bella.

She speaks in a soft tone, clearly trying to avoid having Bella overhear the conversation. "Bella insists that she needs to find her own place to live as soon as possible." My heart drops at her words, but I keep listening. "I know you were going to look for an apartment after the holidays, and you have good connections in the real estate business around here. Maybe you can help her find something."

"Of course," I tell her. "I'll help any way I can." Bella already knows this, and I wonder if she was planning to ask for my assistance.

"Thanks. I better go check on dinner. We should be ready to eat in about a half hour."

"We'll set the table, honey," Dad offers.

Dinner is delicious and pretty laid back with small talk and laughter, until Esme decides to address the elephant in the room.

"Bells, you know I would really prefer it if you stayed here, at least for a little while …"

"Es, please don't start again. I just really need to start my life over," Bella says with a huff.

"I'm not starting anything, I promise. I was actually just going to tell you that if you insist on finding your own apartment, Edward can probably help."

"Oh," she says, with a look of surprise on her face. She turns to face me with wide eyes before a smile breaks across her face. It's one of the few genuine smiles I've seen her with since she got here.

"Yeah," I chime in, finishing the bite of food in my mouth. "I was planning to look for my own place after the holidays, and I have some contacts that can help us … I mean, help me, and help you," I add nervously. I didn't mean for it to come out that way, and I hope no one noticed my blunder.

"That would be great," she says, smiling wider now. "If you have someone who can help us." I don't miss the teasing she added to the word "us." My mind instantly starts plotting ways to pay her back for that teasing later, but I shake it off because playful Bella is definitely a step in the right direction.

We finish dinner and clean up after we've all agreed to take a break before dessert. I head back toward the living room when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look back to see Bella tilting her head in the direction of the stairs. Waiting a few minutes, I follow her up and find her sitting on her bed with one of the Shakespeare books open in her lap.

I close the door quietly behind me and she gives me a small smile. Not the genuine one from earlier.

"What's up?" I ask gently.

She pats a spot on the bed next to her, so I cross the room and sit. "I wanted to ask you a favor."

"What do you need?" I take her hand in mine and link our fingers together.

"Esme found me a lawyer already, and I have an appointment with him tomorrow." Her honey eyes are pleading with me. "Can you come with me? I mean, you don't have to come into the appointment, but can you just be there with me?" she asks all in a rush.

"Absolutely," I tell her. "I'll be there for you."

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