Chapter 13: The Truth
There'd been a power cut. They had groped around in the dark, searching for the box of candles that people always seemed to keep in their houses for such occurrences. Cid had provided the lighter, and soon the whole room was filled with candlelight and laughter, the novelty and romanticism of a candlelit Christmas sinking in.
Tifa was smiling as she placed down the last candle-filled jam jar. It was what she had wanted for a long time; to see everyone together. And it made her so much happier that Vincent had agreed to come. She didn't know where he was now- he wasn't in the room with the others during the power cut- perhaps he was upstairs.
She wandered into the living room from the kitchen and stood leaning in the doorway, laughing with Cid's animated jokes made at Yuffie's expense. The young girl slapped a hand to her forehead in exasperation at the futility of her resistance.
"Excuse me."
Vincent was back, wanted to squeeze past her to regain his previous seat which Tifa insisted he took. Before she knew it, all eyes were on her, and Vincent was shifting rather uncomfortably at her side.
"Hey, you can't ignore the mistletoe!" Yuffie cried, determined that if she had had to kiss Cid, then Vincent had no grounds for refusal. Tifa flushes slightly, though thankfully the candlelight spared her the embarrassment of the others' notice. She had forgotten that every doorway had a sprig of that damn flower pinned above it, to ensnare innocent passers-through.
"C'mon Vincent, it's only a kiss." Shera gave an innocent wink, though underneath Tifa knew she was trying hard to brush over the obviously sensitive issue. Tifa smiled apologetically, the little liqueur she had consumed not serving her well enough in giving her courage.
She turned her face towards him, offering a small shrug as though saying, 'hey it wasn't my call this time'. If the others knew the source of her discomfort she had no doubt that they wouldn't press so much. She could forgive them for it, because she wasn't about to tell them the truth.
She lifted her eyes, pupils dancing between his, searching for any flaw in his expression that might give anything away. The firelight danced over his smooth skin, his face expressionless and impassive. Then defeat lowered his eyes and slumped his shoulders a fraction, and she couldn't quite believe it was happening as he turned his face down towards hers, allowing her parted lips to brush against his mouth.
The situation held no familiarity. Her eyes fluttered closed, trying to shut of stochastic darting thoughts as his mouth descended over hers. Vincent had never willingly kissed her as he did now. His mouth was warm and soft, a breath lingering between their lips as they parted; A promise for more perhaps, or something else?
They parted swiftly. He turned and ducked into the room, leaving her blinking stupidly still stood beneath the mistletoe. She swallowed, sucking in her bottom lip to reaffirm his taste, before taking a deep breath and following him inside.
They carried on as they had been before, with no member of the party giving any indication that they recognised the tension between them. Tifa's fingers trembled slightly as she picked up her drink from the table, knees threatening to betray her as she lowered herself down into a seated position on the floor.
She sat at the foot of the armchair which Vincent occupied, twirling a glass of deep ruby port in her hand, not really watching the game of charades that was now in full flow before her. The stiffness of the figure beside her suggested that perhaps he wasn't paying attention either.
That kiss had been different; Unaccompanied by neither shame nor guilt, even though it was given under pressure. He had kissed her, willingly, and publically. Perhaps she was overanalysing things as usual, yet perhaps this kiss could be considered wholly significant.
The candles burned merrily in the room, gentle music from the battery-powered radio added to the overall ambience as the Christmas tree glittered in the corner, a stack of present nestled under its branches. She could smell the fragrant port, mulled berries, as well as the fresh scent of pine needles and the log fire.
She was content and relaxed, probably for the first time in a long while.
Dozing slightly, she suddenly realised that her head was resting gently against Vincent's thigh. Then as she stiffened and made to move away, she became aware of Vincent's fingers entwining in her hair, gently pulling the strands away from the nape of her neck. Shivers erupted from his fingers' points of contact on her scalp, crawling over her body, down her spine to her very finger tips.
Marlene had settled herself at Tifa's other side, begging for details, without shame, of what it was like to kiss Vincent underneath the mistletoe. Suddenly aware that everyone was listening, she hesitated in her answer. She could only guess as to what the others knew about herself and Vincent; she hadn't sworn them to secrecy, and she couldn't blame them for speculating.
Vincent had to know by now. He was obviously avoiding it, and she'd come to accept that. Love and relationships, they were a two person game, she reminded herself. Though she had tried to move on mentally, telling herself that he wasn't interested in her that way, that he would never want a relationship, that they were friends first before anything else… She couldn't force him to change, not now. He was too independent, aloof and reluctant to open himself up to anyone else.
They couldn't just make that leap, from being friends, and distant ones at that, to lovers, all because of her stupid expectations.
And she'd been totally at ease with that, until now…
Until that stupid mistletoe had blown everything out and into the open again. In that moment where he'd leaned in to kiss her, ruby eyes smouldering and yet unreadable, her chest had constricted, her heart doing near-fatal somersaults inside her chest...
Then he'd touched her hair, burying his fingers in it and soothing at her scalp; that was something personal, something so blindingly out of character for Vincent. So why now?
Her mind reeling from her thoughts and the alcohol, she excused herself and left the room, hurrying underneath the mistletoe as though it threatened to strike again. She entered the bathroom and daubed at her flushed skin with water, neglecting to close the door behind her. The only light was from a candle stood on the side of the washbasin. She examined her reflection by the amber glow, mentally addressing the woman in the glass.
She shouldn't have allowed him to change things. She'd finally made peace with her past actions, moved forwards from the place she had been before.
Or had she? She found that the months since she had last seen Vincent had gone slowly, and her days seemed empty of his presence. She often talked herself out of picking up the phone and just calling him just so she could hear his voice, to re-confirm his existence. But she'd put the receiver back down and walked away more often than not.
"Are you alright Tifa?"
She started, turning abruptly to face the shadow in the doorway. Vincent's claret eyes shone out of the darkness.
"I… I'm fine." She lied, her fingers coming to tug at a stray strand of her hair.
"Are you sure? You seem bothered by something?" He shifted his weight onto his other leg, arms folded.
"I'm just a little tried I guess." The ambient candlelight conveyed a sense of intimacy, and she blushed a little, suddenly uncomfortable. She took the silence as an excuse to leave, to brush past him and escape downstairs from scrutiny.
She chose a seat by the fire, idly stroking Red XIII's flame coloured fur, his tail twitching from time to time as he snoozed. Shera's head rested affectionately on Cid's shoulder, watching Yuffie and Marlene's animated game of cards progress on the carpet. Vincent was back in his seat, and Tifa was trying not to show she was aware of his gaze flitting to her intermittently. She swallowed down her insecurity for as long as she could, until the opportunity for escape manifested itself in the form of Marlene's bed time. She jumped at the chance, seeing as Barrett was away with the fairies on the sofa.
Marlene had protested only mildly- it was a lot later than her usual bedtime, and unbeknownst to Tifa, she was brimming over with questions she wanted to ask. She launched herself into bed with surprising fervour, clutching her beloved bear in her arms. Tifa let out a sigh as she settled herself next to Marlene, propping herself up on her elbow, weariness setting in.
"So are you excited now?" Tifa asked, closing her eyes. The candle that had been their aid for the dark ascent up the stairs flickered at the bedside.
"Yes. But can I ask you something Tifa?" She asked, her eyes wide with curiosity. Tifa obliged to her request with a slight inclination of her head, terrified that she was going to ask whether or not Santa was real. "Do you love Vincent?"
"What?" Tifa was stunned, laughing a little, though her stomach knotted inside.
"Do you love Vincent?" She repeated her question resolutely.
"What makes you ask that Marlene?" Tifa's smile faded.
"I don't know. I guess it seems odd that you hardly talk, or make eye contact with each other. And I saw how shy you were when he kissed you." Tifa swallowed. Marlene's indignant stare reminded Tifa that she wasn't such a child for seven years old. There was no way she could lie to her.
"Can you keep a secret?" Marlene's face instantly brightened, nodding vigorously. "Vincent is... He has done so much for me, since Cloud died." She swallowed. It had gotten easier to forget about him, as the months slipped by, but it still hurt none the less. "I… I began to lean on him, perhaps a bit too much… and I don't think Vincent could stand it. I don't really know how to describe how I feel about him. Only that he makes me feel... safe."
"Safe and happy?" Marlene was engrossed.
"Yes, I suppose. For a while at least. I just don't think I could make him happy; that is if we... I think he still blames himself for Cloud's death."
"It's always about Cloud, though isn't it?"
"What? How?"
"Cloud changed who you were. He stopped you seeing your friends, and he hurt you." Tifa sensed a spark of anger from within the young girl that made her smile with tenderness. "And even now he is gone he is still stopping you from being happy. Vincent drove him away, but you can't let him stop getting in the way of your happiness Tifa! You're both just afraid."
"How so?" Tifa was dumb struck by Marlene's revelation. She'd never thought she could have the capacity to summate her relationship with Vincent so accurately.
"He is afraid that you still love Cloud. And you are afraid that Vincent thinks you only love him, because you have no other choice." Tifa opened her mouth slightly, and then burst out laughing. Of course, that was exactly it!
"Yes!" Tifa wiped away a tear. Marlene took hold of her hand and squeezed it, speaking with a passionate defiance she could have only inherited from her father.
"Then tell him, Tif."
"But it's not that easy." She wished it could be, but with Vincent it was anything but. "I don't think he even feels the same."
"He does. And you know he does."
She wanted to believe that, she really did. But did she dare? Yet the more she thought about it, the more obvious it became. He had maintained a strict distance between them; it was fear that kept his desired in check. He feared she would only be using him, as a substitute for Cloud. When he weakened, then she would break his walls down. Yet when she had been herself, he sometimes let those walls down of his own accord. He was tender, almost affectionate, in his own way. And she remembered the things he once said to her; that when he looked at her, he saw something he could have.
She'd done nothing but think about him, every night of those four long months when she was away in Wutai. But no other conclusion had been made other than that she was obviously, undeniably, foolishly in love with Vincent Valentine.
What was stopping her now?
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She'd kissed Marlene goodnight, silencing her protests with a promise that she would think it all over, and returned downstairs and entered the warmth of the living room. She realised that it was snowing again outside; it was a total whiteout, the only thing visible outside the windows being the occasional erratic flurry of snowflakes.
She sat by the fire, drowsiness setting in as the hour approached midnight. Both Shera and Yuffie had gone to bed; Nanaki was fast asleep, leaving Barrett, Cid, Vincent and herself. It wasn't long before Cid grunted a goodnight and made his way to bed, shortly followed by Barrett who had kissed her on the cheek to wish her a merry Christmas.
They were alone.
After a few moments silence, Vincent cleared his throat and leaned forwards in his seat, gazing at her, with something in his eyes Tifa couldn't place.
"You look tired." He said after a silence, massaging his forehead gently with his fingertips.
"I suppose I'd better go to bed. No doubt Marlene will have us up early tomorrow." She glanced over at the piles of presents protruding from beneath the Christmas tree. She stumbled to her feet and stretched her aching muscles, all the while Marlene's words running through her mind.
"Indeed she will." Vincent made to stand also. She was sleeping downstairs on the sofa, and so he would have to leave for his own room.
"I'll see you in the morning, then." Struck by a sudden urge, she stood before him, tearing her gaze away from the buttons of his shirt to his wary face. His pupils scanned her face, his body language guarded. "And Vincent?"
She smiled gently, her heart racing in her chest as she stood on tiptoe to place a delicate kiss on the side of his mouth. His lips parted in surprise. "Merry Christmas."
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A/N: A few changes here and there to this one. Enjoy and as always, if you're new to this (I have seen more added story alerts) please leave feedback!