Disclaimer: All the Twilight stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. I'm just playing in her sandbox.
Author's note: I finished this way early, so I thought you might enjoy reading tonight rather than tomorrow. Remember, they're young and they have never had this type of misunderstanding before . . .
Remember to review so I will know what you think and know that I really appreciate it!
Chapter 108 The Orient Express
This time, I was every bit as mad as my husband.
EPOV
Masen and I were waiting at the train station an hour early, gifts of chocolate in hand. We were anxious to see Bella. I heard the minds of my siblings long before I saw them. They all arrived in the limo, the driver checking in all the bags and Renee looking everywhere, desperate to see that I was there with her grandson . . . as if she thought I would be parted with my wife for very long at a time . . . ridiculous woman.
I walked over to them and Masen reached for his mom as I leaned in to kiss her cheek and hand him to her. Her entire body stiffened as I leaned close and it was then I knew I was really in trouble.
There were three cabins and a suite making up each car on the train. Cabins had one room and slept two people each. The suite was a cabin with an extra room added that could also sleep two and I had booked it for Bella and I, the extra room being for Masen. The porter showed us to our cabins, Emmett and Rose getting the first one, Renee the second and Bella and I had third door on the car with Alice and Jasper having the other cabin at the end. Instead of walking into the suite with me, Bella took the diaper bag from my shoulder and walked back to her mother's cabin, shutting the door behind her.
I stood there stunned.
"I told you to watch what you did, Edward. I can't tell you every move you should make. At some point, you need to go on blind faith and trust each other to know the right thing to do. Bella seems to instinctively know what you need but you, brother, have a ways to go," my sister said as she followed Jasper into their cabin, leaving me standing alone in the hallway with an empty suite to keep me company.
I walked into the suite and put the package Masen and I had gotten for his mom on the table with the note I had written to her, and sat. Alone.
The porter came and went, offering me refreshments but I declined. I heard my wife and mother in law leave their cabin to go to dinner, taking my son with them. Rose and Alice followed shortly and it wasn't long till Jasper and Emmett knocked on my door and invited themselves in.
"So, you're finding out how the doghouse feels, hey bro," Emmett shared.
If looks could have killed, surely he would have been a goner.
"Edward, calm down," Jasper insisted as he tried his best to calm me.
It was no use. I couldn't handle not getting along with Bella and I was ready to do anything that I had to to solve the problem, including groveling.
"So, brother, you're probably at the point that you're getting ready to grovel, am I right?" Emmett asked.
"Yes. Absolutely. Anything it takes to solve this," I stated in all honesty, my hands clasped and my elbows on my knees as they had been the last few hours while I sat alone in my cabin.
"Let's go for a run."
"What?" I asked, my eyebrow raised and my tone surprised.
"A run. Let's see if we can beat the train as it takes a loop around the coming mountain range. We can go over it instead and be waiting on the train as it passes. Lots of deer and sheep on the way as well, if you're thirsty."
"Emmett."
"What?" my brother retorted, a mock look of innocence covering his face.
"Are you sure?"
"Edward, Emmett and I have done this countless times when Alice and Rose spent the evening discussing fashion and shit. Trust us. We've done this lots of times when you were off buried in old manuscripts and books in Rome with Carlisle, arguing whether or not we had souls.
"Why did I never know about this?" I asked.
"Apparently you don't ask enough questions, brother. Am I right?" Jasper asked with a twinkle in his eye. Apparently he knew something from Alice, but he wasn't letting me in on it directly.
"You have no idea," I sighed.
~oooOooo~
BPOV
"Bella," my mom almost whispered as I stepped into her cabin with Masen and closed the door, "Are you not even going to talk to him?"
"No. Not right now anyway. I love him so much, if I'm near him I know I'll just hug him and cave and he really needs to know that I'm not okay with him acting this way," I told her as I sat on the sofa and hugged Masen to me.
My mom would have been horrified if she had seen the hickies and bruises he had left from last night . . . not to mention his act of purposefully marking his territory . . .
I focused on my son. He seemed as anxious to see me as I was to see him, nuzzling into my neck with his little head full of curls and pulling me to him with hand fulls of my clothing in his little fists. His curls were shoulder length now and I wondered if we shouldn't trim them even just a little. He was a boy after all and the gorgeous ringlets gave him a feminine appearance, despite the blue clothing and little boy outfits that he wore. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, holding him tightly before lowering him into the crook of my arm for him to nurse.
"He's hungry," mom observed.
I couldn't get my nipple uncovered fast enough for him as he pulled at my blouse trying to help me. I had to laugh.
"Alright, son. Don't bite mommy and we'll try this without the shield this time," I laughed, "I'm not sure you could stand to wait while I found one in the diaper bag anyway."
Masen nursed nosily as the otherwise quiet train cabin started to move along the tracks. I had been so excited last week when we planned this trip, having heard about the Orient Express as being something quite special and even kind of mystical . . . something you had to experience if you ever went to Europe. I had been so desperate to see Edward, to know that he did meet us and was going with us . . . I hadn't even noticed my surroundings.
The cabin I was in wasn't large, just enough room for several people to sit on the posh seat and have someone be able to walk in front of you to get to the lavatory. It was the design - the opulence of it all - elegant gold trim and ornate carvings in the woodwork. Somehow the word luxury didn't adequately describe it.
Masen finished nursing just as there ws a knock on the door, and mom rose to open it. I had hoped, somehow, that it was Edward but it was a young gentleman introducing himself as our porter. He explained that dinner was served in about two hours in the dining car and that while we were gone he would come in and prepare the cabin for sleeping - though I had no idea what that meant. We were also told that anything we wanted, at any time, would be his pleasure to bring us and that we should just pick up the phone and cal him. Day or night. This particular car of the train was his responsibility, and he was well informed about its passengers, referring to us by name - well, to Renee as Mrs. Dwyer, anyway. He paused a moment, noticing Masen lying on the seat as I reached for a diaper.
"Madame, you are Madame Isabella Cullen, yes?" he asked.
"Yes, but call me Bella. How did you know?" I asked, somewhat astounded at the personal touches.
"I have only one baby listed and he is the son of Monsieur Edward and Madame Bella Cullen who are registered in the suite next door on this car, yes?"
"Yes. I'm just visiting with my mother for the evening, thank you. We don't need anything right now," I told him as I folded up the soiled diaper that I had just changed and started to put it in the trash.
"Allow me to dispose of that for you, Madame," he said as his white gloved hand took it from me before it ever reached the trash, and he exited the cabin, pulling the door shut without a sound.
"Well, this is indeed going to be an experience!" mom laughed, the surprised look on her face almost comical.
I pulled up the soft jeans that Edward had Masen dressed in and he kept reaching for the diaper bag on the table cross from our seat. When I grabbed it and got it close enough, he reached both hands in and pulled out a brown teddy bear, half his size. Edward. The teddy bear was new, something he and his dad had apparently gotten today and he wasn't about to let go of it. It looked like an old timy stuffed animal, the way they were made back before plastic eyes and faces were added, it's features simply sewn into the fabric with the appropriate colored thread. Masen seemed to love it, just the same.
"How cute is that! He loves his teddy," mom cooed to him as she patted his back.
"Edward must have gotten it for him today," I said looking into the bag and pulling out a couple of small, colorful balls - just the right size for Masen's hands, and a package of wooden blocks with letters on them.
It seemed as though he and his dad had indeed visited a toy store while they spent the day together. I sat Masen on the floor and spilled the blocks in front of him as he laughed happily and started to play.
I had tried all day to remain calm and confident . . . Edward had told me he would meet us at the train, and he had done just that. All day I had pushed away the nagging insecurity that told me Edward had left me . . . and I was right. He had greeted me sweetly, moving to kiss me on the cheek and offering Masen to me immediately. I noticed the hurt look on his face when I had taken the diaper bag and turned to go into the cabin with my mom. I saw . . . and it nearly killed me to cause him pain . . . but he had to know that I was not going to put up with his childish behavior, even if he didn't think he was acting childish. I knew he was only 17. I was only 19, but we were parents and he had been 17 long enough to act responsibly and way more mature than he had demonstrated today and yesterday. Mom pulled me from my musings as she suggested that we dress for diner. Hum. There was only so much fancy I could stand, but I humored her, opening the small bag that I had hand carried onto the train to find a dress and heels there waiting for me. Alice.
The dining car was the equivalent of a five star restaurant, complete with a four course meal served on china and fine crystal. It was delicious, and Masen even enjoyed bites of my dinner as the scenery flew by outside the train window. Though it was dark, the moon lit the landscape just enough for some of the features to show . . . especially the lakes nestled in the valleys with mountains surrounding them.
"So, still punishing the dumb ass?" Rose asked as she slid into the seat next to me, Alice taking a seat next to my mother on the other side of the table.
"Rose," my mother scolded,"She's not punishing him and my son in law is far from being a dumbass. He's just male, and that comes with some handicaps!"
That got a laugh from us all, like I think she intended. She had tried all day to keep things light and not let me get upset over Edward . . . they all had. Now Rose and Alice had even come to the dining car and were going to probably have to swallow several bites of food to make it seem real as they sat and visited with us.
"He hasn't left that suite yet, Bella. He's just sitting there," Alice shared.
"Good. Let him figure out where he went wrong so that he can grovel for the appropriate things," Rose scoffed.
"I think I'll go talk to him after dinner," I added, picking at my food.
"Bella, you'll just end up sleeping with him," Rose warned.
"Well, of course I plan on sleeping with him, Rose. I love him and I have no intention of spending my night away from him.
"Just make sure he understands your point, Bella. You don't want to have to make the same point again and again like I have had to do with Emmett. The big lug just doesn't ever get it the first time!" Rose fussed, shaking her head but then smiling, softness showing in her features.
I returned to our car, telling my mom goodnight and reaching for the door to the suite that Edward and I were supposed to occupy. It was decorated exactly the same as the one my mom was in except that it opened in the middle to join with another room where a small crib had been set up. It was beautiful. There was a beautifully wraped box on the side table with a note on top of it in Edward's elegant script.
Bella,
I'm so very sorry that I over reacted.
Please forgive me . . .
I will always love you,
Edward
I changed Masen into some pajamas and nursed him, his eyes closing and sleep taking him before he had finished draining the second breast. He and his dad must have played hard all day for him to be this tired, I thought to myself as I laid him in his bed and covered him.
It was only then that I allowed myself to face the fact that Edward wasn't here. The suite was empty and the bed didn't look like it had even been sat on since the porter made it down. I opened the present he had left for me - a box of chocolates. He knew how much I had enjoyed this particular kind from a small shop I had found in Paris, and he had gotten me a whole box of them.
I reread the note . . . and the tone of it scared me. Why had he said I will always love you instead of just telling me that he loved me ? Was he saying it so that I would remember his feelings always - even when he wasn't there?
No.
He promised he would never leave me.
"Edward," I called softly to him, knowing he would hear me if he was anywhere near or in one of the other cabins with his brothers.
Nothing.
"Edward!" I called as loud as I dared without alarming anyone else nearby. Surely he would hear me. He could have heard that anywhere on the train . . . unless . . .
Oh God. He wasn't on the train. He couldn't be, he would have come to me when I called his name, i knew he would have. No matter if he was mad at me or not, he would always come and check on me if I called him, I was sure of it.
He promised, I told myself again and again as I curled up in the bed I should have been occupying with my husband. The tears that I had been holding back all day finally flooded my eyes and streamed down my face.
~oooOooo~
EPOV
I returned to the cabin a few hours later, refreshed from running the mountain and sloshing from the mountain sheep we found on the way. As I entered the train car I could hear her crying softly. I would know that sound anywhere and I hurried to her, discovering Masen asleep in a crib in the lounge area of our suite and Bella curled up in the twin bunk the porter had artfully transformed our sofa into.
"Bella," I softly called to her as I knelt on the floor and put an arm over her.
She turned instantly to face me, her face swollen and stained with tears.
"Edward! Edward I called you and you didn't hear me, you didn't come! I was so afraid you were going to leave me for awhile and I missed you," she said as tears ran down her cheeks and she sobbed into my shoulder.
"Sweetheart, I told you before that I will never leave you . . . and I won't. I will never leave you, love. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. Masen pointed out today while we were playing ball in the park that I hadn't even asked you if you had done what I had gotten hurt over. I've never loved anyone like I love you and every emotion is just so strong where you're concerned. I'm so sorry. I was going to talk to you about it the minute we were alone, but you went to your mother's cabin and after you left for dinner the guys talked me into going for a run and a hunt I never left you, love, I promise."
She held me as tightly as she could as I knelt there with my arms around her. I stroked her from the top of her head to her lower back, again and again trying to sooth her.
"Bella, please forgive me for not talking to you . . . for not asking you. I behaved so badly by just jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst. I never ever meant to hurt you and I know you never meant to hurt me. I've just been alone for so very many years . . . decades. I waited so long for you, love. I just can't stand the thought of any other man near you, even though I trust you completely. I just . . . ," I paused for a moment, my voice cracking and betraying me with the weight of the emotions I was feeling, "I'm so afraid of loosing you. So afraid that one day something will happen to take you from me and I can't live without you . . . I wouldn't want to."
She grasped onto me so tightly, her tears wetting my face and neck as she tried to pull me impossibly closer to her.
"I didn't you know," she said, her lips never leaving my skin as I slipped onto the tiny bed beside her.
She threw her leg over me to hold me even tighter to her.
"You didn't?" I asked.
"I refused to let the guy do the waxing when he walked in. I made Alice get a girl to do it because I knew you would go all Neanderthal, as Alice says."
"Bella . . . you knew," I almost whispered, "I should have known that you would, you always do."
"Alice thought I was nuts, but I told her it had to be a woman."
"Bella, I thought when I came home after storming out . . . when I got into bed and you held me . . . made love with me . . .well, I didn't understand when you were still mad at me this morning. It didn't make sense to me that you would love me like that and then still be mad."
"Sweetheart, I love you," she said emphatically, pulling her head away to stare into my eyes. "I'm in love with you. I might be mad or angry or not like you very much from time to time, but I will always love you," she told me . . . then half laughed half snorted the way only Bella could before continuing, "and I doubt I will ever turn down the chance to make love with you."
"No arguing in a horizontal position . . . ever," she said softly as she stroked my cheek with the pad of her fingers.
"Deal," I said in amazement, "No arguing while horizontal. When we lie down together, all arguments are off."
I kissed her lips softly as she told me she needed a human moment. She was wearing a soft white gown that was somewhat see through as she walked to the lighted bathroom. I took the opportunity to take my clothes off and lay them on the chair beside the bed as I waited for her.
She returned moments later, removing her gown and slipping into bed with me. The intake of unnecessary breath had to have been audible to her. Though she had undressed in the dark, it didn't stop my eyes from seeing the evidence of my rash behavior on her body. She snuggled into me as we lay side by side on the small bunk, the perfectly laid out bunk above us going unused.
I kissed the bruises that my lips had made on her neck the night before when I had sucked too hard. My fingers traced down to the ones on her breast as well, and I gave each one a soft kiss.
"I'm so sorry about all of these, love. Can you ever forgive me?" I asked, my eyes pleading though I knew her vision was limited in the darkness.
Only moonlight ventured in through the window to light our suite.
"Of course I forgive you, sweetheart. Your need to claim me is just part of your nature and I love you," she told me as I all but cried, noticing the bruises my fingers had left on her soft breasts.
"I never meant to hurt you, it's the very last thing I would ever do," I told her, my lips against her ear as I hid my face in her hair.
"Edward . . . your body could never hurt mine. I bruise easily, you know that, and the small blue marks are nothing. You never hurt me that way," she claimed.
That way.
There was something in the way she said it. I pulled away from her just enough to stare into her eyes, her soft hands holding each side of my face as she started to speak.
"You did hurt me, though. You hurt me more than you ever could by leaving bruises, Edward."
I was stunned. I couldn't move, lying there frozen beside her as she continued.
"You have to trust me. Even if I had made the mistake of letting a male do the waxing, you should still have trusted that he was just performing a job that he was being paid to do. You should know that it would have meant nothing to me, Edward. Nothing. You are everything to me."
A tear found its way down my cheek as she continued to speak, pausing to kiss the tear away.
"I always consider your feelings but, there will probably be times when I will slip up, forget that your vampire tendencies cause you to go all Neanderthal over things that would not normally be an issue. I get that. I get your need to claim me, but you took it too far . . . it actually isn't even that you took it too far. Watching you come is something I will never get tired of seeing, it's just that . . ."
She paused a long moment . . .
"If you had trusted me to begin with, trusted that I would always be faithful to you . . . Edward, if you had just asked me. You blew up without even giving me the benefit of the doubt - you never even asked me if I had a man wax me."
"Bella I . . . ," she stopped me by putting a finger to my lips.
"If you had gotten mad because I made a mistake, did something that hurt your feelings or made you angry, then I could accept your reaction. Not even asking me is just not something I'm willing to have happen. Ever," she said with such finality.
Oh God.
My entire body froze. I struggled to force the words from my lips that my mind couldn't even bear to think about.
"Bella . . . are you leaving me?" I whispered, absolute anguish and panic sounding in my voice and written across my face.
She just stared at me, not moving. How could a human remain that still, not even blinking. A moment in time felt longer than all the years I had walked this earth. Why in God's name was she the only mind I could not read. Had I been human, my heart would surely have stopped beating.
"Edward," my name left her lips, barely a whisper, yet her face remained solemn.
Oh God.
"Edward. I understand, really I do. When you walked out the door with Masen today I had to tell myself that I had to trust you. You said you would meet me at the train, you were not leaving me. When you stormed out yesterday morning without a word . . ."
My grip on her tightened though she hadn't moved. She still held my face in her hands as she spoke.
"I am not leaving you, sweetheart. I love you and I want to be with you," she said with conviction, though it seemed to take forever for her words to connect with my brain.
"We have to trust each other. You can't read my mind and I certainly can't read yours. We have to talk, ask questions and then believe the answers we get from each other," she told me, her forehead leaning in to touch mine.
"Promise me that you will always ask. Promise that you will get an answer from me before you assume that I have done or not done something. Promise me, Edward."
She wasn't leaving me. She wasn't. She was right here beside me, right where she always was if given half a chance, Even when she was in labor with our son, all she had wanted to do was get to me, to be with me. How could I have been so stupid. How could I have underestimated the creature that lay beside me.
"I promise. Bella, I promise that I will always ask and get an answer from you before I react. I can't promise that I won't react badly . . . but you already know that," I smiled as she nodded in agreement with me.
"I love you, Bella. I always will and I promise I will ask and talk to you more about things that may come up. You know me better than I know myself. I do trust you, you have never ever given me any reason not to and I'm so sorry I jumped to conclusions without checking with you first. You're right. Even if it had been a male doing the waxing, he would have only been performing a service he was paid to do, nothing more. I just can't stand the thought of any other male being anywhere near you, much less touching that part of you."
"I kind of figured that out already, sweetheart," she said as she laughed and stroked my cheeks with her thumbs, "Stupid ridiculous jealous over possessive vampire."
"I really am so very sorry, love. I don't want to argue with you and I never ever want to be away from you again . . . it was torture."
I held her to me and hummed her lullaby as she fell asleep in my arms, my need was only to hold her, to have her near me and she had allowed that. She told me she loved me, that she wasn't leaving me and I would do everything in my power to make sure she didn't regret it. I tucked the blanket between us, making sure she was warm as I hadn't gotten up and put the electric blanket over us yet. I would. I needed to check on Masen anyway, but for right now . . . I just need to be close to my wife.
~oooOooo~