Chapter Seventeen
Outside, Veronica nearly ran into Madison. Madison was soaking wet and looked like a drowned rat or a poodle just out of its bath. Obviously, she was also drunk off her ass. She approached Veronica menacingly with a swaying swagger and said as if she thought that Veronica was somehow responsible for everything that had happened inside, "You must be soooo proud."
Annoyed and not willing to take the kind of bullshit that Madison was sure to continue dishing out, Veronica said with authority, "I'd stop there."
Madison scoffed and said with mock fear as she dared move closer to Veronica in as threatening a manner as she could muster, "What are you gonna do? Use your stun gun on me? Hasn't that gotten a bit old?"
Without a moment's hesitation, Veronica threw a right hook at Madison, hitting her square in the jaw. Taken by surprise, Madison was effectively knocked back as Veronica snarled in her general direction, "Original enough for ya?!"
She began to move away at a fast clip when she saw Logan pull up alongside her in his convertible, calling out anxiously, "Get in!"
Moving to the front passenger's door, Veronica couldn't help but throw out sarcastically, "What, do I look like a hooker now?"
"Not in a million years," Logan responded with a grin. It was strained, though, as he repeated urgently, "Now get in!"
Finally following his instruction, he squealed the tires as soon as her door was closed. In no time, he'd proven that his fabulously sleek piece of fine Italian machinery could burn from 0 to 60 in exactly 4.5 seconds flat. Veronica hastened to get her seat-belt on, something she realized Logan had done prior to picking her up.
As she looked over at him, she asked, "So what happened? Where are the others?"
Glancing at her but keeping his eyes on the road to the best of his ability, Logan said vaguely, "There were some loose ends to tidy up. They're taking care of a few things, talking to the sheriff's department, and then getting out of there."
Her brow furrowed in confusion before she asked, ""Then why are you here with me instead of there with them?" Then she added as an afterthought that she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to, "And where's Carrie?"
"People were injured, Veronica," Logan explained intently, bracing himself for the backlash from her that he was sure would follow. When she didn't respond, he hazarded another glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye and saw that she was incredulous and expecting an explanation. He obliged by adding, "If it were just my reputation at play here, I'd be more than happy to stick around and wipe the floors with those guys before tossing them in a dumpster. Problem is, I'm apparently supposed to be a respectable role model now," he smirked, "Go figure, huh?"
He glanced at her and she glanced at him. The immense magnetic pull between them would likely have kept them locked in each other's gaze indefinitely if it weren't for the fact that Logan had to tear his eyes away to look back at the road. When he broke their stare, she turned to peer out the window in order to hide the tiny smile that played on her moist lips.
Then she remembered. He hadn't answered her other question. She looked back at him and asked again in a cautious tone that they both knew was guarded, "Where's Carrie?"
This time, eyeing her in the rear-view mirror again, he answered casually as if his words held little import, "She left before I met you up at the bar."
Veronica forgot to breathe. Her expressive blue eyes flashed a million emotions in succession before she managed to pull it together enough to ask another question. Everything about her showed her vulnerability as she asked tentatively, "Why'd she leave?"
The look he gave her said it all. Finding a safe spot to pull off on the shoulder, he turned to her. Releasing the steering wheel to drape one arm along the driver's side open window and the other along the back of Veronica's seat, he allowed himself to be mesmerized by her. His voice was quiet and his eyes were searching when he said, "I think you know why."
She inhaled sharply and swallowed hard, unable to control her reaction. Biting her lower lip, her throat suddenly felt very dry. She forced her heart to slow to at least a semi-normal rate before she whispered a singular statement, not a doubt in her mind that it was accurate: "Me."
His hand came down from the back of her headrest so that the backs of his fingers could glide along her jawline. He gave her an intent little smile as he said, "I've missed you."
Her eyes fluttered closed at his feather-like touch. Her voice was breathy with both need and desire as she admitted softly, "I've missed you, too."
Leaning over slowly, his liquid brown eyes lit with anticipation and a desire that matched her own. His fingers spread open to gently cup the side of her face as his lips brushed hers causing a shot of electricity to spark between them. Her hand moved to the back of his neck, drawing him closer as she deepened the kiss.
The experience reminded them both of the same night so long ago. Outside the Echolls mansion their junior year of high school, they had stood beside his jackass yellow XTerra reminiscing about Lilly. His ex-girlfriend, her best friend. The lusty and vivacious teen vixen whose death had rocked both their worlds and ultimately began the sequence of events that had brought them together.
The memories flooding through both their subconscious' caused them to break the kiss even though his face, his lips remained inches from hers. He gently fingered a strand of her honey-blonde hair and chuckled deeply, a look of wonder and awe in his dark gaze. Quietly, he repeated a phrase that she had used on that second most fateful night oh so long ago: "What are we doing?"
Knowing exactly what he was talking about since she'd been thinking the same thing, she replied with a look in her clear blue eyes that mirrored his own, "I have no idea."
His lips found hers once more and this time they lingered in the moment as tongues tangled and lips caressed, savoring each and every sensation. Finally, it was her turn to break away with a husky chuckle. Her eyes pierced his, seeing to the depths of his soul as she said, "We should talk about this."
He kissed her again, short and chaste compared to the last two but still with a world full of promise. He rested his forehead against hers and nodded, agreeing with her. "We should," he said before reluctantly leaning back into his own seat. His right arm going back behind her headrest again before he asked, "So where should we start?"
"How about at the beginning?" Veronica suggested, "After I ran away from you."
Logan gave a short, self-deprecating laugh before giving her a pointed look. "I reacted pretty much how you'd expect, Veronica."
She gave him a guilt-laden stare but waited for him to go on.
"Me plus emotional turmoil equals self-destructive psychotic jackass, remember?" He stated in a clear and purposeful tone that caused her to squirm uncomfortably.
"I remember," she said softly, ashamed as she looked away, unable to meet his eyes.
He took pity on her and traced her jaw with his left index finger to get her to look at him again. "Hey," he said quietly as blue eyes met brown, "You needed to do it. I get that now. At the time, though, your disappearance was the catalyst for me losing the last tiny thread of sanity I had left."
Veronica reached a small hand to touch his knee, a look of sadness and regret in her deep blue eyes. "I'm sorry my boneheadedness caused you so much pain..."
Leaning toward her, Logan touched his lips tenderly to her forehead. "I'm sorry for being such a needy jackass."
Pulling back so she could smile into his eyes, she asked him with a searching and inquisitive look, "What made you change?"
Pausing, he studied her face for a few moments, wondering how she would react, before saying calmly, "I learned that you can only play the 'poor little rich boy with a death wish' for so long before one of your death-defying stunts tries to take you down."
Eyes wide and full of anguish, Veronica couldn't help herself when she cried, "What the hell did you do, Logan?!"
Sheepishly, he shrugged a shoulder and gave her a crooked half-smile and said, "I downed a bottle of Jack chased by a few tequila shots. Then I decided to see how fast I could push my Land Rover down the PCH."
Veronica gasped, her hand squeezing his knee without thought, terror in her bright blue depths.
"Hit a curve going 110," he continued, "Didn't think the Rover would flip like that. Thankfully, I flipped into the hills and not off a cliff. Was teetering on the edge for a while, though. Must have blacked out at some point cause the next thing I knew, I was being airlifted to Mount Sinai."
"How did I not know any of this?!" Veronica breathed, more asking herself than anything else.
"I don't know," Logan answered with compassion in his tone, "I was in the hospital for four months recovering. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't hope you'd find out and I'd wake up to see you by my side."
She wanted to ask why he hadn't called. Why Wallace, Mac, or even Dick hadn't let her know. But the answer was simple. She'd left him and he'd always respected her choices, even when he knew they were wrong.
"I almost lost you and I didn't even know it," Veronica whispered, again talking to herself in a tone of shock, fear, and incredulity.
Her words warmed him but tied a knot in the pit of his stomach as well. He'd always want her. He had no doubt about that. But could he afford to need her again? The answer to that question he wasn't so sure of.
"I've barely changed at all," Veronica reflected softly, looking off down the empty highway, then back to him. "I didn't want to come. I told Wallace not to let me be alone with you," she admitted, causing him to chuckle lightly. "I even had this elaborate plan all laid out for how to avoid you the rest of my trip after I saw you outside Casa de Caring."
"What made you change your mind?" Logan asked curiously, his eyes never leaving her face.
"A dream," she answered shamefacedly, "Or rather, a dream that was likely brought on by consecutive conversations between me and Wallace and then me and my dad."
A spark of humor filled his dark eyes as he said mockingly, "Ah yes. The dreams that are really your subconscious trying to work things out while you sleep when you won't allow yourself to work through them while you're awake."
"Yes," Veronica pursed her twitching lips and narrowed her gleaming eyes at him, "One of those dreams." Then she continued, "Anyway, I was all ready to run again. Go back to New York, back to Piz and leave you alone with Carrie. Then that dream...When I woke up, I knew I had to talk to you. I couldn't leave like I did before. But I don't know what I'm doing now, either," she admitted.
"Neither do I," Logan's humor-filled eyes held hers intently as he quirked another half-smile at her.
"I still have my life in New York," she stated earnestly. "You have Carrie. I have Piz. What are we doing here?" she gave a nervous chuckle.
"We're being grown-ups," Logan said, his own chuckle much more reassuring than apprehensive. In fact, this was the calmest she'd seen him, ever. He touched the tip of her nose affectionately with his index finger and added, "We're figuring things out before we make life-altering decisions. Isn't that the way responsibility is supposed to work?"
Veronica's tinkling laugh was one of surprise. She shook her head in amazement as she said, "Logan Echolls! When did you become the responsible one between us?!"
"When you weren't looking!" he quipped back with a full-on grin now.
She rolled her eyes and punched his shoulder lightly, unable to keep herself from beaming back at him. "I deserved that," she said in a resigned but unrepentant manner.
"Yes, yes you did," Logan teased.
"You're just asking to be hit again, aren't you?!" Veronica laughed.
"Foreplay, remember?" Logan bantered smartly, his grin as broad as she'd ever seen it.
Suddenly, she sobered and asked impulsively, "How serious are you and Carrie?"
The light left his eyes as he studied her, wondering what her motive was for asking the question. He answered as noncommittally as he could: "As serious as I can be with someone who's not you."
She thought about asking him what he meant by that but somehow she thought she knew. If he were to ask her the same question she'd asked him, she'd probably be forced to say the same thing if she were being honest. Circumspectly, Veronica asked next, "Do you want to be more serious with her?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she regretted them. There was no way for him to answer that without putting them both in an awkward position. Quickly, she retracted her inquiry, "Never mind. Don't answer that."
"What do you want, Veronica?" Logan asked intently, realizing exactly how long they'd been out there talking when he saw the sun begin to rise behind her.
"I..." she began, then faltered as she remembered the interview she'd had and the job offer she was hoping to receive on her return to the city. Suddenly, she felt conflicted. Could she really leave behind everything she'd worked so hard for and return to Neptune? Wouldn't that be taking a huge step backwards? "I don't know," she finally finished, sadness and regret in her tone.
Pain, disappointment, and resignation showed briefly in Logan's gaze before he looked away. When he turned back to her, his face was unreadable. "When you know, you have my number," he said meaningfully. He was leaving the ball in her court and they both knew it. His words ended with him turning the key in the ignition again, moving off the side of the road and back onto the main highway. She looked at him and he glanced at her but neither spoke for the rest of their ride together.
It was just after sunrise when he dropped her off and sped away. When he was out of sight, she went inside and, once safely sealed behind a locked door, she cried her eyes out for what she had just given up. Why, she thought, was she always making the same mistakes over and over again?