2
The doctor raised his eyebrows slightly before shaking his head and turning back to the clipboard in his hand. "Was that your brother?" he asked, his voice sending shivers down my spine.
I internally slapped my brain; it couldn't have been any of the other men I'd met in this bloody war could it? One of the soldiers I'd walk past and never have to see again until I was safely back in England and I could introduce myself as Josephine, rather than Joseph? No, that would have been far too easy.
Something in his smile made my knees go weak, not that I could really feel my knees from beneath the pain in my chest.
I swallowed hard and nodded back. "He might just be your next patient if I can get off this bed," I growled at the flap John had just left through.
The doctor let out a light laugh and took a step closer to me to lay his hand on my forehead.
I had to fight not to flinch away from his touch and I was biting my lip so hard that I could taste blood by the time he lifted his hand away from me.
"Let's have a look at the damage then." He smiled with a surreal cheeriness as he placed the clipboard on the table and rolled his sleeves up.
Without thinking I grabbed the hem of my shirt tightly and held it. "No!" I started. "I mean- its fine. Honestly." I tried to flash a smile.
"I don't think you've quite understood the concept of hospitals," he said softly, a smile playing on his lips.
I found myself staring back before I caught myself and blinked, looking away quickly. "It's really not that bad… I just need some rest or-"
"Miles! There you are!" A nurse appeared by his side, breathing heavily. "Tom needs you in surgery. Now."
Miles' face split into a grin. "Of course he does, I'm glad to see he's finally bowing to my superior surgical skills."
The nurse gave a long-suffering sigh. "Just get over there before he kills someone."
"That's probably less of a metaphor than you might imagine." Miles' smile never faltered once.
"Can you get him cleaned up and ready for when I'm done?" He inclined his head towards me as he ducked away from sight. "Thanks Kitty!"
The nurse, Kitty, turned to look at me and I pulled my face into an overly forced smile.
"Looks like you got left with me, nurse!" I grinned as broadly as I could, mimicking the way I'd watched John flirting with the French girls at every town we'd passed through.
She gave a small smile in response and pulled one of the screens around the bed to shield us from the rest of the ward. My heart was racing as I held firmly onto my shirt. "If you just leave the water I'll get myself cleaned up," I tried. "You're probably very busy; I wouldn't want to keep you."
"Don't be silly, it's my job." She sat down on the edge of the bed with a smile that would, under any other circumstances, have been comforting. But this wasn't going to work. I made a mental note to make John suffer for leaving me here – he really was a rubbish big brother.
She must have read the worry in my eyes because she looked at me with an expression of pitying encouragement. "You'll feel better once you're clean and Miles, I mean Captain Hesketh-Thorne, can get to your side." She leant forwards and prised my fingers from the hem of my shirt.
"Please, I can manage-" My protests were interrupted by another doctor pushing past the screen, his Scottish accent reaching my ears before I could even see him.
"What the hell did you tell Miles? He's acting like he's God almighty," the doctor, who I assumed must be Tom, rolled his eyes. "Even more than usual that is."
The nurse laughed as she stood up, "I didn't think that was possible. And I thought you were busy with that operation."
"I was, but Miles insisted he should be the one to do it, seeing as he's far more superior," he said, with one eyebrow raised and his voice dripping with sarcasm. "So I thought I'd leave him to it and get some free time." Tom flashed Kitty a smile, not seeming to realise I was there.
"Thomas Gillian, are you trying to tell me you have suddenly ended up with some free time and just don't know what to do with it?" The nurse smiled flirtatiously.
"You know damned well that's exactly what I'm saying." His eyes never left her face as he was speaking.
"Good, then you can get Miles' next patient ready for him." She grinned sweetly.
I waved awkwardly at him from the bed.
Tom opened his mouth to reply but shut it again with a shake of his head and a laugh. "Well played, Katherine Trevelyan, well played."
"You're a star." Kitty kissed him quickly on the cheek and ducked behind the screen, Tom's eyes following her, a smile on his lips.
I waited a moment, but when he still hadn't moved I let out a small cough to remind him I was there. He jumped slightly, spinning around and scratching his head guiltily before picking up the clipboard Miles had been scribbling on.
"The thing is doc, I'm fine to do this on my own. I tried to tell the nurse…"
"Private, you've got at least three broken ribs and apparently half a battlefield's worth of debris in your side. You're going to need help."
"Thing is," I repeated, having no idea where I was going with this. "I have a slight problem: I can't take my shirt of."
"Isn't that why I'm here to help?" he raised his eyebrows pointedly.
"No!" I held an arm out stopping him from coming any closer. "No, I mean I can't take my shirt off." I tried to plead with him just with a look. It didn't work.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," he smiled kindly. "We're both men here."
"Aren't we just," I mumbled under my breath.
Tom checked the clipboard again. "It's Joseph right?"
"Just Jo," I nodded. "Everyone calls me Jo."
"Joe, then, I need to get your side seen to before it gets infected. If it does this could become fatal." He wasn't messing around anymore. I could tell he was genuinely worried about this becoming a bigger problem.
I was silent. He took the silence for consent and sat down where Kitty had been to undo the buttons at the bottom of my shirt. I could feel myself tensing, there was no way this could end well. I caught his hands as they reached the third button.
"My name, on the form, it says Joseph, doesn't it?" I was talking quietly now, thankful for the noise on the rest of the ward. There was no chance of being overheard.
He nodded slowly, seemingly confused about where I was going with this. Not that I could blame him for finding this confusing.
"My name is Jo. But it's not short for Joseph."
He was even more confused now.
"My name is Josephine." I choked as I used the name I hadn't since I'd joined up. "I'm Josephine. That's why I can't."
The tape inside Tom's brain continued to tick as the letters typed themselves onto the record. Slowly he pulled his hands from mine; I'd forgotten I was still holding them.
We were both silent for a moment.
"You're telling me that…"
I nodded, not needing him to finish to be able to understand what he was saying. "Sorry." I didn't know why I was apologising, but it felt like the right thing to do.
Tom said nothing but continued unbuttoning my shirt until he was able to fold the stiff and muddied fabric up revealing the wound, but nothing more.
I let out a sigh of relief I didn't realise I'd been holding in.
He still said nothing as he washed the blood away with a touch so gentle it tickled more than it hurt.
After what could quite easily have been hours of his fingers gently washing then bandaging the skin, or at least what was left of it, he finally sat back and wiped his hands on a clean sheet.
"How's the pain?" he asked, his eyes not quite meeting mine.
"It's bearable," I replied honestly.
He gave a single nod before standing up and walking out, past the screen.
I sighed and dropped my head back against the pillow. No doubt he had gone to report me and I'd be on the first ship back to Blighty in the morning. I just hoped none of the lads would get into trouble for lying for me.
No doubt, my mother would have killed me, and John for that matter, if she found out that I'd joined up, and that he had let me. She had been under the impression that I was working devotedly as a nurse in England and was just unable to come to home.
Short from crawling out of the bed and dragging myself back to the trenches there was nothing I could do but wait. So I waited.