Stage Nineteen: Orders

I sighed heavily for the third time in the last ten minutes. Each time, Orochimaru looked up at me, sitting alone in my corner, pretending to read some little scroll on a topic I don't even know about. There's this saying that bad things happen when a woman sighs three times.

Three days; It's been three days. He hasn't said one word to me. It's driving me insane. I miss his voice. I haven't said another word, either. Alright, he's spoken around me, just not to me. Mostly to Kabuto, who walks in, glances at me, then addresses Lord Orochimaru as though I wasn't even in the room.

As Kabuto walked into the room this time, the fifth time today, and I decided to walk out. I had been playing it safe by sticking by Orochimaru's side for these three days. Now, I'm walking out of his sight. I chanced a glance over my shoulder to see his amber eyes staring into mine.

They were cold, emotionless, and a façade. He was watching me to test me, to ensure that I wasn't going to break the ultimatum: I cannot leave.

I couldn't leave. Orochimaru, though as impassive he may have thought he was being, was hurting. I couldn't let him go on like this. Orochimaru doesn't show his emotions, but he lets them destroy him. I can't be the one to destroy him; he has to be the one to destroy me.

He's doing his job wonderfully.

The shoji slid open with all the enthusiasm of a man dead on his feet. Hearing it slide on its track closed was equally foretelling. The shadow formed crossed the room without undressing. There was pressure on the tatami beside me.

I don't know what possessed me to wander into Orochimaru's bed chamber, but I felt that this had to end, and perhaps this is the place to do it.

"Sensei?" I whispered.

His hand was instantly at my throat. He was gripping my trachea, but there wasn't life threatening pressure. I supposed that was a response. I lifted my hand to hover over his, brushing his skin lightly.

"This has to end," I quietly sighed.

His hand slid from my throat to my waist, pulling me into the curve of his body. "You are sorely mistaken, Child." There was nothing in his voice, no emotion, no emphasis, no insight. "This has just begun."

Despite Orochimaru acting strange, life in Otogakure seemed to be unaltered. Sure, there are a few less Shinobi now, but death is just a part of life. The same vendors cluttered the same market streets, the same shop owners went about their business. Standing here in the street, Orochimaru's hold over all of us seemed to lessen, simply because people were getting on with their lives, with or without him. He really didn't matter early on a Monday morning.

The shinobi will tell you this is not the case, that Orochimaru is everywhere. Surely this seems impossible when one stands in the middle of the village and just observes the way everyone behaves. Shops aren't open yet, but they're busy all the same.

I was out with Sasuke. He was still just as cold to me as before, only now he understood. I could not have told him what I was doing in Konoha; I didn't know that Orochimaru would want him. No matter what happened, Sensei would have reprimanded me for breaking confidence. I wasn't willing to go through that; the bond Sasuke has with me isn't a mutual one. All the love in the world wouldn't make me do that.

"If you're my superior, why must I assist you on your errands? Can't you do this alone?" Sasuke asked.

"Drop your venom," I answered. "Orochimaru doesn't trust me to stay here. Surely he told you to attack me if I tried to evade you."

Sasuke sighed. "I find it odd; you're his favourite, his genetic perfection as he put it. You're a big girl, you can take care of yourself."

It was my turn to sigh in exasperation. "You don't get it. He doesn't want me to be able to take care of myself. It means that I no longer rely on him for everything I need. I'm not bound by some curse mark, Sasuke. I'm bound by free will alone."

"If you leave, he'll kill you."

"I don't think Orochimaru can, anymore," I truthfully answered.

"You can't be that strong, Tsuki."

"Even if I'm not, is it impossible for him to become that weak?" I asked.

"Orochimaru doesn't believe in him having weakness."

"Just because you don't believe in weakness, doesn't meant it isn't there."

"And just what is Orochimaru's weakness, Tsuki? Where does he falter?"

"Surely observing him you can notice, Sasuke."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Where are you taking me?" he asked as we walked down an ally behind a bento shop. "He told me that you had a few simple tasks in the village to take care of."

"Did he tell you just what those tasks were?"

"No he did not," he answered, quite annoyed.

"Clearly," I stated. "Orochimaru gave me orders of his own for the day."

"Great," he moaned with sarcasm. "And what are those?"

I smirked at him before pulling hand signs: Boar, snake, rat, tiger, dragon, monkey. I then gripped his throat and threw him into a wall at the end of the alley, where he disappeared. I walked through the wall to follow him.

As soon as I appeared on the other side, he swung a kick at my temple, which was easily blocked, even with his Sharingan blazing crimson. "What the fuck?" he asked, his foot suspended inches from my skull, caught in my hand.

I lowered his leg and landed a kick to his side, sending him across the empty warehouse floor. I watched him skid a considerable distance before approaching him. "Orochimaru wants me to test your progress under his guidance. I find this a little unnecessary, but then again, I'm not the one who gives orders."

He got to his feet, Sharingan still activated. "Then you're not going to get very far. I can see everything you're about to do."

I landed a well placed kick to his forehead; the same kick he was unable to land on me. "Oh really? Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?"

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I don't remember telling you the secret to the Sharingan," he stated.

"You never did," I smirked. "Then again, you should know that you aren't the only Uchiha that I've encountered."

Anger blazed in his eyes like I've never seen before. "Itachi wouldn't dare."

I laughed. Now I was getting somewhere. "Yet, somehow I already know. Isn't that odd?"

He attempted to kick me, punch me, round house to my temple, strike at my shoulder, stomach, land a kick to my chest; all without avail. I countered it all before simply throwing him back and away from me. He blew a fireball toward me, which was easily caught and contained with a wind containment jutsu.

He watched the fire continue to blaze inside the large orb of moving air. "This wind is stronger than a desert storm, yet inside is completely calm," I informed him. "The fire still burns, fuelled by the constant flow of both oxygen and chakura."

"So what?" he asked. "You can keep my fire going."

I made one simple hand sign and watched him barely jump out of the way before his own fire jutsu was sent back at him with full force. Kunai flew at me from behind the inferno, which were intercepted by a wall of flowing air.

"You're slipping," he smirked. "I saw that coming as soon as you trapped it."

"You still don't consider that perhaps I wanted you to see it? You're going to have to think to fight me, Sasuke. You can't rely on your kekkei genkai to see through me. I know how the Sharingan works."

He took full advantage of my lengthier response to attach me, landing a shurikan in my shoulder.

"Much better," I answered, not even flinching from what felt like a mosquito bite. I pulled the weapon from my flesh and pressed my chakura into the metal. Smirking at my target, I threw it carelessly, watching the weapon change direction to lodge into the sternum of my opponent, who tried in vain to dodge. "But still not good enough. Did Kakashi teach you anything at all, boy? Are we starting from scratch?"

He flew at me with anger, hatred even. I pulled a windmill shurikan on him just as he got within reach. It opened and shredded his flesh at his chest, leaving shirt and skin to fall at his feet.

I pulled a quick jutsu that I had often seen Orochimaru use against me, but had never once tried myself. In honour to my master, my insight into jutsu proved superb, as chains wound up Sasuke's ankles and confined his entire body, just as his skin began to heal. His eyes flashed with such loath that I never thought possible from him. At least, not toward me.

I struck three pressure points in succession: at the base of his neck, between his ribs, and at his temple. He quickly fell to his knees. "You bitch," he growled as the chains tightened to restrict him further from getting to his feet.

I slapped him across his face. "I can't believe you, Sasuke. I know you're hurt, but damn. Why can't you just let it go? I wasn't involved with you. It was Gaara I was sent after. Drop it," I hissed, tightening the chains against his chest. "Friendship isn't about grudges; I don't know who it was who taught you what friendship is, but they didn't do a good job. Even I know that. Don't be blinded by your anger. It will only bring you down."

I knelt beside him, to help him heal the skin that hadn't been dealt with yet.

"Get away from me," he growled. "I don't need your help."

I hung my head, but otherwise did not move. "What has become of you, Sasuke?" I raised my gaze to look him in the eyes, still blood red. "What happened to my friend?"

"You left him behind, remember?" he stated with ice in his voice. "And don't look at me that way. You're not a lost puppy dog. You don't need me."

I lightly brushed my fingertips against the skin of his hand. "It doesn't mean that I don't want you." He tried his best to pull away from me, but couldn't because of the chains.

"Just leave me alone," he half whispered.

I crouched onto my feet, rising a little from my kneeling stance. "As you wish, Sasuke-san." I lingered long enough to leave a tear stained kiss on his cheek before vanishing, releasing the chains from their hold against his flesh.

I headed back alone, leaving Sasuke to untangle himself. I knew he was being two faced back there. Despite his anger, despite his hatred, he held back. I did everything as Orochimaru asked, I even got wounded for him, but in the end, his love is still his weakness. He is blinded by his hurt. He has yet to learn how to use it to his advantage.

Once I stood before the entrance to what I know to be 'home,' I decided against going in. Sasuke still had his pride to nourish. If I come back before him, especially if he takes forever, Orochimaru is going to think it worse than it was. If I linger, and he arrives before me, Orochimaru will think he fought better.

I found myself at the Valley of the End, standing on Madara's head. I kicked at a pebble, sending it over the cascading waterfall.

I wondered to myself, why do I act without thought? Why would I try to heal the wounds I inflicted in a battle? Surely that is salt in the wound, but why should I care enough to want to make him feel better? Sasuke, you were the one friend I've ever known that I could tell anything to. Someone who could relate to me, and now you're gone?

I remember him defending his cause against Gaara. He was trying so hard to open my eyes to his love for me. He tried so hard to make me leave Gaara alone, arguing that I had spent so much more time with him than with this, this stranger.

"You kissed him."

"And?" I hissed.

"You've never kissed me," he pointed out.

I looked at him. "You have tons of girls swooning over you."

"And?"

"Well, I figured you get pissed if I tried."

"So you wanted to?" he asked.

"If you're thinking I love him, I don't."

"You just kissed him."

"I kiss all of my friends."

"You've never kissed me… Do you honestly think I would of stopped you?" he demanded. "Those girls are nothing, and you're the only friend I have. Do you think I care?"

"Apparently you care," I retorted.

"He challenged me, Tsuki. And now it's like he's challenging me again. You don't understand."

I sighed. "Sasuke, calm down."

"You're wasting your affection on someone who doesn't deserve it. He isn't capable of returning it, you know."

He was so different then. Looking back, it's hard to think that was a year ago, maybe two. He was so spiteful towards the future Kazekage. Hell, he probably still is. I couldn't blame him, Gaara did challenge him on nearly every level. He wanted to kill Sasuke for the sake of proving he was better.

Sasuke wasn't really an better than Gaara was. He was just as arrogant, stuck up in his own way. He still is. He took a huge wound to his ego today. I wouldn't be surprised if he took his hatred for Naruto and channelled it toward me, using me to obtain the Mangekyo Sharingan.

I have often wondered what would happen if two Uchiha clan members engaged in Tsukiyomi on each other. Would they both be forever lost in torture, until they died? Would anything happen at all? That could be the case, they might cancel each other out. I don't think there's anyone who has tried. From my understanding, only two of the clan members have ever obtained and used it before.

I looked at the sun. It was approaching high noon. I left Sasuke hours ago. Surely he would have returned by now. Orochimaru was probably impatient, pacing behind his desk as he calls me an insolent child for making him wait so long. In another hour he would send Kabuto out to look for me, while chastising Sasuke for letting me out of sight long enough to break my promise and get away.

As soon as I had risen, it seemed that my estimation was off. Kabuto was standing behind me, watching as I sat in meditation. He explained to me that, though I was still technically in Orochimaru's boundaries, it was still inexcusable for me to have run off without telling Orochimaru-dono where I was going. Orochimaru is furious with me for leading him into a false pretence that I had left him. I had asked why he was furious if he knew it was false. This was a mistake.

"Orochimaru knows that you are going to push your limits. He understands that you are still in defiance with him. Though he does not see your reason, he knows that what ever they may be, you are slipping." He paused momentarily. I knew it wouldn't last. He then continued.

"Personally, I think he should have killed you years ago when you showed up after supposedly going to Sunagakure. We looked, you weren't there. Then this story about the Akatsuki? What do they want with you? You're not important to anyone other than Orochimaru, you'll never mean anything to anyone other than Orochimaru, and no one will allow for you besides Orochimaru. Even Sasuke has abandoned you, someone who was once his friend, when he found out who you served. Through these years Orochimaru has marked you as his, even if he can't keep a curse mark on you. They know who you belong to. They know you betrayed Konohagakure. They won't want you. You might as well give up and resign to a quiet life here. Maybe Orochimaru-sama will find sympathy in his heart and use you for an experiment or two, or perhaps he'll just feel sorry for you and kill you. You deserve less." Kabuto glanced out of the corner of his eye wearily. He knew that I let him finish, and he knew that he was in danger.

"No one else wants me?" I asked.

He nodded. He explained that I had no redeeming qualities other than pure skill as a shinobi and konoichi. He took advantage of me not receding into patterns I had established long ago; he took it as weakness when I didn't assault him for being too bold.

I was too outspoken to be considered good enough to be a home maker, and that I would never settle down with someone. This I already knew. He went on to say that I was incapable of holding a friendship. I knew this was a lie. I had Tayuya, Itachi, perhaps even Neji, if one stretched the imagination a bit. Did he not hide the truth from Lady Hokage? Did he not help me at all?

Kabuto had clearly covered ground while I remembered past happenings. He was now going on about how insubordinate I was, and that Orochimaru let me get away with murder when I should have been disciplined.

He was not allowed to go further on the subject of how worthless he thought I was, as we were now in earshot of Orochimaru's study. We walked the remainder of the corridor in mutual silence, him hoping I would finally get what was coming to me, and me hoping Sasuke wasn't going to be on the other side of that door.

Kabuto slid it open to allow me access, and I walked in with him on my tail. Orochimaru was pacing back and forth behind his desk, and Sasuke was sitting in my chair across from it, running his hand over the indentation that was made during the experiment. Sensei looked in our direction when we walked through the threshold, and grinned. Looks like we were both not getting what we wanted.

"You're late, Child."

"I wasn't given a time to return, Sensei."

He looked to Kabuto. "Did she leave the village?"

Kabuto shrugged and responded that I didn't technically leave the his land, but that I was on the border. He wanted to say more, but didn't.

Orochimaru looked Kabuto over sceptically. "That was quite a walk together. You appear unscathed." He looked to me. "What did you talk about?"

Kabuto looked at me with horror. It clicked for him.

There was a reason I had held my tongue, and kept from destroying him. "Orochimaru-sama, Kabuto was just explaining to me that he doesn't approve of your discipline. He believes that you are getting lax, and that soft nature is permitting me to be defiant. He claims that I have no worth as a Shinobi or Konoichi, and made clear to me that he believes your judgement to be clouded in keeping me in active duty. He expressed that I have no redeeming qualities and that I should be dismissed, killed, or solely used in experiments." I wanted the satisfaction of allowing Orochimaru, the primary victim of Kabuto's offence besides myself, to have the pleasure of ripping his skin from flesh, flesh from bone, and bone from each tendon that strung his wiry frame. I didn't like tattling like an eight year old, but knowing the pain that Orochimaru could procure was greater than I could produce was worth the action.

I watched as Orochimaru boiled underneath the surface of a composed façade. Kabuto now looked terrified, his horror had tripled at the least. Sasuke was looking back and forth between Orochimaru, Kabuto and myself, blatant shock on his face.

"Kabuto." Orochimaru pronounced each syllable with deliberate enunciation. "I shall deal with you when I am finished here. Leave, and when I require your attendance, I shall send Sasuke to retrieve you. Do not leave the compound. Do not evade him. Go."

I looked over at Sasuke. "You're in my chair, Uchiha."

Sensing the threat behind my words, Sasuke silently removed himself to the seat at Orochimaru's left.

Orochimaru's eyes followed his movement across his vision field. "This says a lot, Sasuke. How great was your defeat?"

Sasuke avoided answering his question.

"I see," Orochimaru remarked. His eyes flashed back in my direction. "It seems that Sasuke has a way to come before he can withstand you. However, I have to wonder if it was more than just a spar I sent him into. There is ice in your countenance, Child."

"No, Orochimaru-sensei, it was a spar you sent him into. However, it wasn't so for me. Sasuke is still emotionally wounded."

"I am not wounded," Sasuke hissed, "I have learned my error in trusting you and have resolved to never allow it to happen again."

"I am proud of you, Sasuke, for coming to that conclusion. However, Tsuki is your comrade. Hatred of her could cost you your life in combat. Your pride is not worth your life, or the success of your mission. You need to find the balance between distrust and despise."

Orochimaru's chastisement seemed wasted to me. Sasuke is a stubborn person. He has made up his mind to hate me. There was nothing Orochimaru nor I could do to stop him short of killing him. Personally, it happens to be just one less liability. I don't have to worry about how he would handle it if something happened to me, which with my lifestyle, something inevitably will happen.

Orochimaru, being the type of man who hated keeping anyone waiting, got straight to business. He held three vials, labelled Sasuke, Tsuki, and Ex1. They all contained blood. Ex1 was full, and the other two were half drained. I assumed Ex1 was the experimental mixture of Sasuke's and my own plasma.

"I don't remember you taking that from me, Sensei."

He cocked an eyebrow at me and explained that because I was drugged the night before, I wouldn't remember him drawing the sample from me based on the results of the entire experiment conducted in the months prior.

He also explained that there was a brief period of eight hours in which the blood remained fused together before Sasuke's genetics were rejected from mine. It was a momentary window of opportunity that would allow my offspring to inherit the Sharingan kekkei genkai, a window so small, in fact, that it is unlikely that my embryo would even survive the rejection of his blood. There was less than a fourteen percent chance that all of this would happen as planned and desired, without there being loss of genetic material, embryo, or any other factor that would corrupt the experiment.

By the end of his much wordier explanation than my own, Sasuke's eyes glazed over. I didn't blame him. If this pertained to me as much as it did to him, I would wonder why I was even involved at all. However, I was required to pay strict attention, considering this was my future child whose life hung on the line.

It was concluded that one egg from me was required, possibly more, for Orochimaru to play with.

"Why do you need an egg?" Sasuke asked.

I sighed heavily. "This has stopped concerning you a long time ago. I don't think you need to know." The words were like daggers being thrown from my tongue. This is something I would have told Kimimaro, should he still be alive, or even Tayuya. I could tell Orochimaru now grasped the extent of the offence dealt to me.

"Are you not curious yourself, Child?" he asked.

"Not at all," I answered. "I have an idea already as to what you're planning, and that is enough of an answer as I need."

"Voice this idea, if you will."

I stated that with what I knew of Orochimaru, he would attempt to extend this small window of time by either tampering with the genetic infrastructure of the egg, or by injecting Sasuke's blood multiple times throughout the conception timeframe. He would also observe the effects of both experiments, and would actually require four eggs, two as controls, and the other two just for observing the effects of the experiment. I made it clear that I did not wish to know how he was going to provoke cell division in the unfertilized eggs, and that this whole thing disturbed me to a minor degree.

"What are your thoughts, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn," he sighed. "I have no idea what either of you just said. I am not a medical shinobi, nor do I wish to become one. If you would like a second opinion, ask Kabuto."

I saw Orochimaru get that blank expression that normally translated to pain. I quickly punched Sasuke with full force, knocking him out of his chair, hoping that it would appease Orochimaru-sensei enough to keep him from doing much worse.

He had other ideas. He threw Sasuke into the farthest wall, going on a tantrum about Sasuke's place in Otogakure. Such insolence would not be tolerated from him again, and if Sasuke had any will to live, he would learn manners when speaking to his superiors.

Taking this as my cue to leave, I quitted the room without saying a word to either men. They can battle this one out, for all I care. Sasuke has done nothing to deserve my protection. Let him feel the repercussions for disrespecting Orochimaru.

It shouldn't have surprised me, but finding Kabuto listening at the door made me jump. "Poor Sasuke," said he, "Someone should have warned him not to take an example from you. Orochimaru lets you get away with murder. If any of us mortals tried anything of that sort, we would be beaten within an inch of our existences. But not you, no. You're up on a pedestal, better than us. You get the look, or scolded like a child. He needs to realize that you've grown up."

I gripped his throat without the care of his life on my mind. I threw him into Orochimaru's shoji. "By the sounds of it, he's ready for you, Kabuto."

I heard more shouting from Sensei as I walked back to the Eastern Wing: my rooms. It grew faint with every step I took, and by the time I reached my hallway, I could block it out entirely. It was nice to see him angry at someone else other than me for once.

Once back in my own bedroom, the most sacred of my sanctuary, I immediately knew something was amiss. Things looked different, as though they had been shuffled about; someone was here. Someone evaded my traps, disarmed my alarms, and survived my quarters long enough to move things around.

I searched everything. They didn't just move things, they took from me, and they took the strangest things. Clothes were gone, books, journals, trinkets, my kakuro puzzles; things I would use every day. The little money I had wasn't touched, but pictures and objects of sentiment were removed.

The perpetrator did leave one thing in return for taking my things which eased my mind only in the slightest. Upon my desk there was one single leaf of paper so small that it looked like a scrap among my piles of paperwork. To the untrained eye, it would have been looked over. Even Orochimaru would have missed it, but I knew every document, every shred of paper in this room.

I opened it, and scrawled upon it in a man's hand was one word:

Stay.

I looked for more notes hidden among my piles, but there was no other clue, not another utterance. Someone got past my defences to ransack my room and tell me to stay? It didn't make sense. I was far from confused; I was simply dumbfounded.