Chapter 22
"We're gonna make a baby," I say, still smiling and squeezing her tighter.
The month of July keeps us busy with hikes, picnics and lazy days spent together. We also spend a weekend helping Emmett move into Rose's townhouse. I am amazed to see the change in my best friend, who went from serial dater to committed relationship in the blink of an eye. But, it's easy to see that Rose has him wrapped around her little finger. They are good for each other, and I'm happy for them.
It's also nice that Bella has such a close girlfriend, and that the four of us can hang out together and have a good time.
With my promotion now fully in effect, I start saving some extra money in preparation for whenever Bella and I are successful in our baby-making attempts. We haven't told anyone that we're trying, figuring it will be better to not have to hear anyone else's opinion on the subject. Obviously, we expect Esme to take issue with this, and we hope that she'll be a lot more accepting if we just announce that Bella's pregnant when the time comes.
Bella explains to me that she thinks Esme will be extra sensitive to the issue, sharing something about my step-mother that I never knew. I was aware that Esme was married before my dad, but had no idea that she had a baby—a son—who only lived a few days. Without going into specifics, Bella tells me that there were complications at birth for both mother and baby, leaving Esme without the ability to carry another child.
Learning that about my step-mother is a shock to me, and I have to trust that she'll love and cherish our baby and not resent it.
Bella doesn't want to chart her cycles or anything like that yet, preferring to just go with the flow for now instead of stressing about it. So, we continue with our usual activities, and there's definitely no shortage of baby-making attempts.
Unfortunately, Bella's cycle starts right on schedule at the beginning of August. I have to admit that I was also getting excited about the prospect, but I try to be realistic, knowing that it can take several months in the best of circumstances. I can see the disappointment in her eyes and do my best to comfort her.
"Are you okay?" I ask, knowing the answer but wanting her to talk to me about it.
"Yeah," she says unconvincingly. "I know it's stupid to be upset about this. I shouldn't have even gotten my hopes up."
"Hey," I say, putting my arm around her shoulder and pulling her close while we walk along the trail behind our apartment. "It's alright to be upset about it. We know it's not likely to happen quickly, but that doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel what you feel."
She sniffles while looking down at the ground. "I know."
I kiss the top of her head, which is leaning on my shoulder. "Does it help to know that I'm upset about it, too?"
She looks up at me with wide, red eyes. "You are?"
"Of course I am." I stop walking and turn her to face me, keeping my hands on her shoulders. "I want this, too, Bella. I'm just trying my best to not let it consume me, and I'll continue to enjoy being with you no matter what." I shrug.
"Thank you," she says, hugging my waist and laying her head on my chest. "That does help."
August passes in much the same fashion, with the exception that Bella has started preparing her classroom for the new school year. She's excited that this year the classroom will officially be hers, and is doing everything she can to make it feel like home.
One morning at the end of the month, I roll over in bed and find her spot cold and empty at an ungodly hour. With my eyes half open, I look toward the bedroom door and see the light of the TV flickering in the living room.
I throw on some underwear and stumble toward the door, intent on finding out why she's out of bed so early. In my sleep-hazy state, I stub my toe on the door frame and end up in a wobbly hop most of the way into the living room.
My heart breaks into a thousand pieces when I finally spot Bella curled up on the couch with a wad of used tissues in front of her on the coffee table, the pain in my toe immediately forgotten for the one in my chest. I make my way over to her and sit down, lifting her head and placing it on my lap. I run my fingers through her hair and she turns into me, her arms winding around my waist, holding me tight. I don't have to ask her what the problem is.
She sniffles and buries her face in my stomach while I shush her, telling her that everything will work out and that I love her.
She finally speaks with a shaky voice. "I don't know why I keep getting my hopes up." Her fingers dig into my back as if she doesn't want to ever let go.
"I wish there was a way I could take the pain away, Angel," I tell her quietly. "You should have woken me up. You don't have to go through this alone."
"I know." She sniffles again. "I just feel silly for getting so worked up over it. It's only been two months."
I pull her body up so she's cuddled on my lap. "I don't know much about female hormones, but I'd venture to guess that they play a big part in being so emotional."
She chuckles through her sniffles, and I'm glad to see I'm at least able to make her smile a bit. "You're probably right. I'm sure I'll be fine in a few days."
"It's okay, Bella. You're allowed to feel like this. And you definitely don't have to hide it from me." I kiss her forehead. "How about we get back in bed and I can hold you close in there."
She smiles up at me and nods, so I turn off the TV and carry her to our room, where I hold onto her tightly for the rest of the morning.
September starts with Bella going back to work full time and our daily lives continue as they had been before. My thoughts occasionally drift back to the conversation that Bella and I had about marriage, about how she may be ready at some point. I make a decision, determined that I will wait for her but that I will also be ready whenever she is.
With that thought in mind, Emmett and I take a trip to Seattle one Saturday. He's always been my wingman, so when I decide to go ring shopping, he's my obvious choice for support.
It doesn't take long for me to second guess my decision—not my decision to marry Bella when she's ready, but my decision to bring Emmett with me.
"How about this one?" he asks for the thousandth time. We're only in the first store, and he's determined that each ring is the ring.
"Em, man, I need something that's Bella's style. Not just the biggest rock I can find," I say with a huff.
"Well, how the heck do you know what that is?"
I shake my head at him. "I don't know, but I have a feeling I'll know it when I see it."
We continue browsing for a bit before determining that it's time to move on to another store. The second store is just as much a bust as the first one, and I can tell that Emmett is getting annoyed with me.
"I guess I just don't know anything about ring shopping," he says dejectedly while we take a break for lunch.
"I don't know anything, either," I tell him. "But, everything I look at feels like something's missing. I don't know how to explain it, other than you'll know what I mean when you're looking."
"Well, what do we have to compare to?" he asks as the waiter clears our plates. "I mean, what was her ring from Jasper like? Maybe you can just go with the exact opposite of that." We both laugh.
"I think it was a pretty big stone, so going with the opposite is a good idea. She's so dainty. She needs something that will look right on her hand. But, I want it to have meaning, too."
"Okay, so, on the smaller side. I can work with that." He thinks for a moment before his next question. "What does Esme's ring look like? I'm sure your dad knew what he was doing when he bought hers."
"Esme's ring has a lot of stones," I start, before my mind goes off in another direction. Thoughts of my dad buying a ring lead me back to the idea of it having meaning. I want it to mean something, not just for Bella, but for me, too.
"I see the wheels spinning, Edward. What are you thinking?"
A smile creeps up on my face. I can't believe I didn't think of this before. "I'm thinking we're not going to find it in Seattle."
"What?" he asks, perplexed.
"My dad gave me a lot of my mom's jewelry a few years ago. He told me he wanted me to have it for when I had someone special to give it to, even if I saved it for my future kids."
"What does that have to do with buying a ring for Bella?"
I shake my head at him. Sometimes he really is thick. "I'm going to give her my mother's engagement ring."
"Oh!" he exclaims. "Do you think she'll like that?"
I can picture the ring clearly in my head. "Yeah, I think she'll love it. It's simple, but elegant. And most importantly, it has meaning. The fact that it means something to me will make it mean even more to her."
"Well, then that's settled. This was a complete waste of time." Leave it to Emmett to not hold back his true feelings.
"Maybe not. There's one more store I want to go to. I still need to get a birthday present for Bella."
Bella's birthday present is much easier to pick out, and Emmett even ends up finding something for Rose. All in all, the trip is worthwhile.
He drops me off at home and I know I only have about a half hour before Bella gets back. She spent the day with Rose, so I imagine as soon as Emmett walks through the door she'll be on her way home. Not wasting any time, I go into the closet in the spare bedroom and immediately open the fireproof safe that's on the floor.
The safe is mostly empty, only holding the few boxes of my mother's jewelry, our copy of the lease and our renters' insurance policy, and one box of Bella's that she asked me to put away for her. I quickly locate the ring and open the box, finding it more beautiful than I remembered.
It's a raised solitaire, weighing just over one carat, set in platinum with channel set diamonds in the band. The ring doesn't have a scratch on it, but I look it over contemplating whether I'll need to get it sized.
I grab the back of my neck, trying to figure out how I'll be able to get Bella's ring size without her knowing. Just as I'm about to give up and close the safe, I notice the box that Bella put in there. I pull it out quickly, hoping I have enough time before she gets home, and open it to find exactly what I need. Inside the box sits her engagement and wedding rings from Jasper.
First, I hold up the two engagement rings together, eyeballing to see if there is a difference in size. They appear to be about the same. Then, I slide her old engagement ring onto my pinkie, making note of exactly how far I can push it down.
When I take that ring off, I slide my mother's ring on the same finger. It moves to the exact same spot and stops.
A perfect fit. I knew this ring was meant for her.
A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter! Please leave a review to let me know what you thought of it.
I posted a pic tease of the ring on my Twitter and Facebook profiles yesterday. Make sure you follow/friend me if you want to see stuff like that in the future.