All things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer; I just like to play with her characters.
No copyright infringement is intended.
HUGE thanks to my betas darcysmom and twimom817 as well as my pre-reader EdwardsMyObsession1971 – without them this wouldn't be nearly as pretty.
A/N: Has it been a long two weeks for y'all? Yeah, it has been for me too. I want to give a shout out to the girls on Facebook who are reading and wondering anxiously what's going to happen next. Thanks again for rec'ing this little story – it means a lot.
When You Least Expect It
Chapter Twenty
Sad Man Walking
EPOV
I wish I understood why Bella had such a quick change of heart. A week before I returned from Australia, she finally admitted – albeit reluctantly – that she wanted to see if there could be more between us. We'd spent hours on the phone talking about the most inane things. We talked about work and politics which neither of us were really interested in, but an overview of it gave me a glimpse into her mind and it was fascinating to see how it worked. We talked about movies and music. I wasn't shocked to hear that her favorite movie starred Johnny Depp, but her second choice was incredibly interesting. Her reasons for choosing it had me longing to fly home and watch it with her because it wasn't one I'd seen before. We had so many things in common and every time we'd find something we were both passionate about we'd find ourselves laughing so hard we could barely breathe.
I quickly learned that Bella's laugh was one of my favorite sounds. Her carefree giggles made my day infinitely better.
When Bella walked out the door – it rocked my world – in the worst way.
Come back so we can talk? – E
I begged her via text, but she wouldn't give in. Bella was stubborn to the umpth degree. I called Jasper to see if maybe Bella had said something to Alice, but neither one of them had talked to Bella in a few days.
I took a bottle of Jameson and retreated to my music room like a dog with my tail between my legs. That was the worst mistake I could have made. Bella's scent and the memory of her were everywhere. I sat down at my piano and took a long draw of whiskey hoping to drown out the sound of Bella's voice in my head.
"Ed … get up. You've got a fitting for your tux in an hour." Jasper nudged me as I rolled over on my leather couch.
"Go away …." I growled.
"Don't start that shit with me, Ed. You have stuff to take care of today. You'll have plenty of time to wallow later."
Wallow? What could I possibly have to wallow about? I rubbed my aching head and it all came flooding back to me.
Bella.
I stumbled down the stairs hoping that it all had been a horrible dream. Bella would be in the kitchen humming along to whatever was playing on her iPod while she made an amazing breakfast. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I realized the kitchen was dark – there were no comforting sounds or tantalizing aromas emanating from it.
She was gone. Bella wasn't coming back.
"If you're looking for Bella, she won't be back," Jasper confirmed. "I brought some pastries and there's fresh coffee in the carafe on the counter. I made a reservation for you and Carlie for dinner. Emmett will pick her up from LAX at two."
"You told her she didn't need to come in today?" I asked.
"Yes. I also told her that the NDA is still in effect. However, I didn't tell her that her health insurance will be taken care of indefinitely. That's all on you, boss."
Jasper was as efficient as they come. He was always on top of things and it was something I appreciated. I wasn't looking forward to telling Bella that I was taking care of her medical insurance needs for as long as she needed me to. I was sure she'd fight me tooth and nail over it but at the moment, the crux of my problem was getting her to talk to me.
Silently, I attempted to eat a bit of breakfast before I crawled back upstairs to shower.
I knew I had to clean up my act a bit. My sister would arrive in a couple of hours and I really didn't want her asking too many questions.
Mercifully, my fitting was short. The measurements my stylist in Australia had sent over were spot on. Once every detail had been looked over and my tux was deemed suitable, I was dismissed.
Once back in my threadbare t-shirt and well-worn jeans, I returned to my music room where my piano and the bottle of Jameson were my only company.
Later that evening, I dined with my sister in a ritzy restaurant and ate expensive food with absolutely no flavor. I longed for Bella's cooking – it was one of the things I was most looking forward to on my all too brief visit home.
"Edward … whatever happened to the chef you hired? Surely her cooking could have been better than sitting in this stuffy restaurant with all these pretentious people."
I looked up to see my sister looking at me with a wry grin on her face. I only wish I could have returned the expression.
"Bella's gone."
"What happened, Edward? Mom said she was perfect for you."
"I'd rather not talk about it, Carlie."
"Oh, Edward," She sighed. "You're falling or have fallen in love with her."
"Carlie …." I growled.
"Okay, okay … end of discussion. But promise me that you'll eventually tell me. Mom fell in love with Bella when she came to stay with her. Her only regret was that she didn't get to see much of Bella's little boy."
I'd had enough at that point. I stood from the table and threw down several hundred dollar bills and walked out with my sister trailing behind me. Emmett was waiting for us outside and held open the door to the car.
The car ride home was quiet and as soon as I was back inside the comfort of my own home, I stomped up the stairs and locked myself inside my music room.
The day of the Academy Awards, I went through the motions. I walked the red carpet and smiled as my sister walked beside me. I wished with my whole heart that it was Bella walking with me. I longed to hear her quiet whispers of admiration of the other ladies' gowns. When I mentioned the Oscars to Bella she told me she loved to watch just to see what everyone was wearing.
"Edward … smile, you look like someone ran over your dog." Carlie deadpanned.
I tried to plaster on a fake smile and I hoped the audience bought it.
When my category came up, I closed my eyes and tried to find the calm that Bella's presence always brought as they introduced the nominees.
"And the Academy Award for Best Actor goes to … Robert Pattinson!"
I was disappointed and relieved all at the same time. Rob deserved the win – we both had movies premiere at Cannes and he had done a superb job portraying his character.
After the ceremony, I stopped by the after party to congratulate him. I found him standing with his girlfriend, Kristen. They were both chatting with director, David Cronenberg.
"Hey, man. Congratulations," I said, shaking his hand.
"Thanks. It seemed kind of unreal that we were all in the same category."
"Absolutely," I agreed.
I briefly introduced Carlie to Rob and Kristen before we made a quick exit.
I could hear the clicking of cameras as I ducked into the car.
Jasper and Carlie were already dressed and waiting for me when I walked downstairs the next morning. Jasper slid the newspaper over to me as I sat at the breakfast bar.
EDWARD CULLEN REMAINS HEARTBROKEN AFTER SPLIT WITH ESTRANGED GIRLFRIEND, LAUREN WELCH
Cullen arrived at last night's Academy Awards Gala escorted by his sister, Carlie. Sources say that Cullen appeared pre-occupied and distant. Decked out in a coal black Gucci tuxedo, Cullen was every bit the brooding heartthrob. Could it be possible that he is pining over Welch? Ms. Welch's reps were unavailable for comment and she did not attend last night's Gala. However, Ms. Welch was seen at the Vanity Fair party afterward. Cullen's reps declined to comment.
"Shit …." I sighed throwing down the paper.
"Yeah, shit." Jasper growled. "What happens when Bella sees this?"
"I don't know. I hope that she doesn't and if she does – I hope she knows better."
"Do you want to rebut it?"
"No." I laughed humorlessly. "The truth is that I am heartbroken but it's certainly not over Lauren Welch."
Later that afternoon, I reclined in my seat as I tried to get comfortable for the long flight to Sydney. I dreaded closing my eyes for fear that images of Bella would overtake me. I hated leaving without saying goodbye to her but it's what she wanted, I supposed.
Time moved slowly and quickly all at the same time. It went by quickly when I was working – when I was on set and pouring myself into my job. It moved slowest when I was alone with my thoughts in my trailer or hotel room. I took my guitar along with me and I began to write … so many songs were inspired. It was as if I couldn't keep them in – the notes came pouring out of me.
I was glad when filming was over and even happier to be back in my own house – in my own bed. My house felt huge and empty, and I longed to call Bella and beg her to come back to me – to talk to me and tell me why she'd left my life so suddenly but I knew that it would take time.
Jasper kept me up on what was going on with Bella while we were away no matter how much it hurt me to hear it. I was over the moon happy when he told me that she sought out a lawyer and filed for divorce and sole custody of Kaden.
"If she needs anything – please let me know. I'll do whatever I can to help Bella keep her son," I begged Jasper.
"Let's hope it doesn't come down to that, Ed. I hope for Bella's sake that everything goes smoothly and Mike doesn't fight her on every little thing."
Jasper and I had a long talk about Bella and her soon-to-be ex-husband. Jasper told me how he never liked Mike Newton from the start and he knew he was all wrong for Bella.
"But the heart wants what the heart wants – and she wanted him."
"I know that feeling all too well, my friend." I chuckled.
I'd been home about a week and I was having a meeting with Jasper – going over my schedule for the next few months when his phone rang. He answered and became very panicked. I thought for sure that it had something to do with Alice.
"Ed … I need to go. It's Bella, she got some news from the lawyer. Alice needs me to go and pick them up."
"Shit … did she say what the news was?"
"No, just that I need to go and get them. She said Bella's not good."
My heart fell. Bella wasn't good. News from the lawyer. So many scenarios ran through my head, and I could feel the anxiety rising within me.
"Go … take care of them. How far away are they?"
"They're shopping on Melrose. Shouldn't take me too long to get there."
To keep my mind off of Bella and what news she could have possibly gotten, I went to my music room and sat down at my piano. I hadn't realized how much time had passed and when I checked my phone to see if maybe Jasper had called and I didn't hear the phone, it was after five o'clock. I couldn't stand waiting anymore so I decided to call Jasper and see how Bella was.
"Hey, Edward. I'm sorry I didn't call you back. Bella was a mess so Alice and I brought her home and we're still here with her and Kaden."
"What happened? Did she tell you what the lawyer said?"
"Yes. It's good news. Mike didn't contest the divorce. As far as the custody goes … it's good and bad news. He's granted Bella sole custody."
"That's great! That's what we wanted right?"
"Yeah … but Mike also gave up his parental rights. Bella is heartbroken for Kaden. Thankfully he barely remembers him but he's getting older and he's bound to start asking questions."
"Wait a minute … Mike gave up his rights? What the fuck? What kind of asshole does that?"
"Mike apparently."
"Jesus," I breathed. "How's Bella?"
"She's shattered. I don't know what to do for her really. Alice is with her now and I'm outside playing with Koda and Kaden."
"Maybe I should come over …."
"Edward … I don't think that's a good idea right now. I know you want to comfort her and that's all fine and good but I don't think that Bella is ready for that right now … not from you anyway. No offense."
"None taken but damn … I feel like I should do something. Bella and that little boy deserve better than this, Jazz."
"I know it, Ed. I know it. But for now sit tight and hopefully Bella will get to a point where she's ready to talk to you again. She did ask about you earlier so I know she cares about you. Alice swears that she never stopped but Bella won't outright admit it."
"She's so … stubborn."
"It's her way of protecting herself, Ed. You can't blame her for that."
"No, I guess I can't."
Jasper and I ended our call and I returned to my music. The more I thought about Bella and her situation with Mike, the angrier I became. He tossed them out like they were nothing – and they were so far from it. They were – everything. Although it would be a cover – I decided to record something for Bella. I set up my Disklavier with a new memory card so I could go back and add lyrics to the piano later.
Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that's leading me
To the place where I find peace again
By the time I finished recording the song, I couldn't stand the helplessness any longer. I made my way down the stairs and found another bottle of Jameson in the pantry cupboard. It would have to help me through the evening.
The whiskey didn't keep me from thinking about Bella – sitting in her little condo, her heart breaking for her son. I wanted to be there with her – I wanted to comfort her. I was a selfish bastard. I wanted to feel her warm and in my arms, and I wanted to be the one to wipe away her tears and make everything better for her because that's what she did for me whether she knew it or not.
I was so far gone that I didn't realize what time it was. I called a cab and waited for it outside the gates of my estate. I gave the driver Bella's address and before too much longer the cabbie was asking me if I wanted him to wait for me.
"No … that's not necessary," I slurred.
I stumbled up to Bella's front door and knocked. I didn't realize how heavily I was banging on the door, but if I had, I would have known it was enough to wake the entire neighborhood. I heard Bella's dog barking but in my inebriated state, I couldn't remember her name for the life of me. I'd only been to Bella's home one other time and that was when she was still living with her father. Her condo was something new for me.
Bella swung the door open and she was more beautiful than I remembered. She wore a pale pink tank top with soft, pink plaid pajama pants. Her mahogany hair was down and for the first time, I realized that it hung to her waist. Bella always wore her hair up when she was working and other than the hospital I'd never seen her out of my home. Even when Kaden was in the hospital – Bella had her hair up. I liked it down. I wanted to tangle my fingers in it and relish in the softness of it – of her.
My sudden appearance at her door surprised her.
"Edward … what are you doing here?"
I leaned against the door jamb and took another moment to relish the sight of her. I explained that I missed her but she didn't seem like she was buying it. She seemed angry. Then I realized that my words were slurred and she had probably figured out that I was a little drunk.
Bella asked me how I had gotten there and I explained that I called a cab and then I begged her not to call Jasper and tell him that I was there because he'd asked me not to go and he'd probably kick my ass seven ways to Sunday if he knew I was there. She invited me in but I stopped in my tracks because her dog was sitting at the entrance to the hallway growling at me. The dog didn't look happy either.
"She won't hurt you – she just doesn't know you," Bella murmured softly.
The dog was beautiful – and extremely protective apparently. Bella reprimanded her and pointed to her bed. Amazingly, the dog did exactly what Bella wanted her to without Bella having to say a word.
"Bella … I've missed you … soooo much."
I couldn't help myself - I needed to be closer to her. I could feel myself stumbling but it was Bella's steady hand that caught me.
"Okay, big boy. Let's get you into bed and you can sleep it off, okay?"
"Bella …" I whined. "I don't want to lose you again."
"I'm not going anywhere, Edward. I'll still be here when you wake up."
It was such a relief to hear her say that. The last thing I wanted to hear was that she hated me and never wanted to see me again – I couldn't have borne that. Bella held my hand tightly as she led me down the hallway to what I assumed was her bedroom. I was correct in my assumption as we entered the room and she explained that it was indeed her bedroom.
The room was comfortable with white furniture and bedding in various shades of blue. It was calm and relaxing and made me think of the beach. She encouraged me to sit down on the bed and then Bella knelt at my feet and began to pull off my shoes.
"Bella …."
"Edward, we'll talk tomorrow. I'm tired and you're drunk. That could be a bad combination."
"Okay … but you're not going anywhere right?" I confirmed.
"No, Edward … I'll be right out in the living room if you need anything, okay? Now get comfy while I grab you a bottle of water and some aspirin, okay?"
Bella stepped out of the room and I shed my jeans and sweatshirt. I lay down on her bed and it was very comfortable. I breathed in deeply the scent of her that lingered on her pillow and without realizing it, I drifted off to sleep. I thought I heard Bella wish me goodnight in a low whisper but I was too comfortable to open my eyes and see if she was really there or not.
The house was quiet the next morning when I woke. When I came over in my drunken stupor the night before, I hadn't given any thought to the fact that Bella would need to get Kaden up and ready for school. In fact, the more I thought about it – the more anxious and worried I became. I took a deep breath and decided it was now or never. After using the bathroom, attempting to tame my hair, and brushing my teeth with my finger, I opened the door to face Bella's wrath.
She was sitting on the couch in the living room folding a basket of clothes. Her dog was lying at her feet – ever the protector. Again, Bella was dressed casually in a soft pair of sweats and a fitted t-shirt. Her hair was still down – part of it was swept over her shoulder. She looked up at me as I entered the room and for a second … I saw a flash of the warm, hazel eyes I'd been missing.
"Hey." I smiled.
"Hey. Are you feeling better?"
She didn't sound angry. Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe she'd had time to sleep off her anger that I'd showed up unannounced on her doorstep. I assured her I wasn't drunk anymore but I had to ask her the million dollar question.
"Bella … are you mad that I came over last night?"
I watched her carefully as she closed her eyes and bit her lip as if she was trying to hold back her true response. I would have to be an idiot to think she wouldn't still be angry.
"What were you thinking coming over here like that? I mean, Jesus, Edward. It was late and you were drunk. You could have woken Kaden up …."
"I'm sorry, Bella. I completely forgot about the dog. It's just that … Jazz told me about the divorce and custody thing, and I wanted to see you. Jazz asked me to wait but I couldn't. I've missed you so much, Bella."
I figured honestly was the best policy so I did my best to lay it all out for her. I could only hope that it wasn't all in vain. She carefully put all the folded clothes in the basket and moved it from the coffee table.
"Edward …" Bella sighed. "I'm angry that you came over without calling first and I've even angrier that you came over drunk. Kaden would have seen you like that and that … is not okay. I don't want him exposed to that."
When I got in the cab I obviously didn't put any thought in to the fact that Kaden could see me. But now that my head was clear, I could see why Bella would be upset by it. I wouldn't want my son exposed to that either. I apologized again and told her how worried I was about her being upset by the news from the lawyer. I explained that Jasper had told me she was extremely upset and that they had spent several hours with her after she received the news.
"Edward, whenever a child is involved you have to think about your actions. I can't make choices on a whim … I have to think about Kaden."
I nodded and took a deep breath. I knew I needed to tell her exactly how I felt the moment she walked out of my door, or she'd never know my feelings for her.
"When you left that day, I was devastated. I missed you the moment you walked out the door. I didn't realize how much you meant to me until you weren't there anymore. Bella … you're an amazing person – you offered me comfort where I needed it most – expecting nothing in return. You listened to me with an open mind and without judgment. I needed that as much as I needed your quiet encouragement. You were the one person outside of my security and assistants I thought I could trust."
After my admission, I couldn't hide my hurt. I hadn't been open like that with anyone in a very long time – even Lauren. But no matter how hurt I felt, I still needed Bella to tell me why she left. I needed to know if it was something I did that ran her off … and I knew I'd do anything to get her back.
"It was wrong of me to tell you that I would have liked to pursue more with you, Edward. Until the judge signs those final papers, I'm married. Honestly, when it comes down to it – I'm scared. Scared of what happens when I can offer myself to you. What happens when you get bored with me? If you want me that means you want my son. I'm scared of him getting close to you only to have you change your mind. We aren't accustomed to the lifestyle that you live. I don't know how we could possibly fit into it."
Bella's voice was quiet and shaky as she explained why she walked out of my house that afternoon. We had talked about her divorce and I knew it was a timing thing. She had to wait until she'd been in the state for six months before she could file. She also explained that she felt uncomfortable because she still felt she was cheating even if Mike was doing the same thing.
"I'd be a hypocrite, Edward."
I respected her values and opinion. It meant that I had to be patient. I knew it wouldn't be easy but I'd take whatever Bella could give me. What I didn't understand was how this beautiful, loving creature could ever think that I would get bored with her. There were still so many things about her and her life that I wanted to know. I could absorb them like a sponge and it still wouldn't be enough.
"Bella … how could you possibly think I would get bored with you?"
"Mike did," She whispered.
There it was. My poor, beautiful, insecure Bella.
"Oh, Jesus … Bella," I sighed. "I'm not Mike. I've known you six months, and yet I can't imagine my life without you. Even if we only remain friends, I want you in my life."
It took all I had not to sweep her into my arms and hold her like she deserved to be held. Instead, I settled for reaching out and taking her hand in mine. Bella seemed hesitant, but when she realized that all I wanted was her hand, she relaxed.
"Edward," She whispered. "I need to think about it."
I expected as much especially with the events of the day before. I hoped with all my heart she'd offer me the chance I wanted.
"Bella … if you allow me to get to know you and Kaden, I promise you won't regret it."
Bella seemed frozen in place – as if she was warring with herself. I released her hand and retreated to her bedroom to get my sweatshirt. I'd said all I could possibly say and the ball was back in her court. I knew now it would take time for her to sort out her feelings. I felt the need to apologize once again and I asked her if she'd call me later. She nodded mutely in agreement, and I let myself out.
A/N: I want to mention – I know I've been getting a few reviews saying that EPOV is skipped over somewhat because of the repetitive nature of it. I apologize, but I elected not to rewrite the chapters but I will do my best to cut down the repetitiveness in the future.
For those of you who aren't music savvy – a Disklavier is a device attached to a piano that has the capability to record and play back music. If you go to the mall and see a piano playing by itself – more than likely it's powered by a Disklavier.
Edward was being a bit brave in this chapter wasn't he? Or was he being reckless? Waiting outside the gates of his house for a cab? Tsk, tsk, Edward … probably not the smartest thing.
That said, Chapter 21 is also EPOV and so without further ado … I'll leave you to it. If so feel ever so inclined, I'd love to know what you think!
The song mentioned in this chapter is Everything by Lifehouse - the lyrics belong to them, not me. =)