Thank you as always! As a result of the all the seasonal preparations and imminent festivities, (as well as my younger son's birthday on Saturday – a case of spectacularly bad planning on my part!), I won't be posting next Thursday (27th). The next chapter will be available on 2nd January. However, I am taking part in the Secret Santa fic-exchange, so please look out for my story (already written) over the festive period. Happy Christmas!
Her contemplation was short-lived. When she awoke, stretching luxuriously in her spacious, king-sized hotel bed and reflected on the previous evening's discovery, she knew that she didn't want their friendship to end, nor continue under uneasy suspicion or resentment. It was advantageous, in many ways, that they had known one another previously. Regardless of the passing of time, they each had a tentative understanding of the other's fundamental personality, in the way that prospective friends or lovers usually do not. From Sybil's point of view at least, this meant a loyalty to preserve some form of friendship, even if they subsequently decided that any romantic attachment was no longer desired. With that in mind, she decided to trust her instinct and believe Tom's declaration that he had intended no underlying deception. After all, she had made every effort to present herself in the best possible light when they first met – by carefully attending to her appearance, reflecting on her career and apparently offering the persona of a mature, collected woman which certainly didn't match her own self-image. And Tom should be given credit for revealing the truth before he took her to bed. She had laid her desire clearly on a plate, yet he had not yielded and she felt that there was something touching about his integrity in that respect.
She was under no illusions that their relationship would be straightforward. Tom's principal priority would be with his son and while that didn't feel troublesome so early on in a courtship, she was aware that the issue may niggle over time. His frequent trips to Ireland were less of a concern. Sybil's shift patterns meant that she frequently worked at weekends and was accustomed to making less conventional social arrangements.
As she made her leisurely way into the en-suite shower, she considered with a smile that affairs of the heart can rarely be measured in the same objective way as other decisions. Although Tom's revelation provided plenty of arguments against taking their relationship any further, their mutual compatibility and her overriding attraction towards him were heavily weighted. Her thoughtful sigh, combined with a happy grin of anticipation while she stood under the powerful jets of water, signalled that she had arrived at a satisfactory conclusion.
She ate breakfast with her colleagues, surrounded by the muted yet happy chatter of the wedding party, and deflected questions of concern from the new bride.
"He was always going to stay at the B&B, Gwen and he had to get away early this morning. Don't rush us, it's all fine."
Cornered by Jonathan's brother, she slipped outside to assist him in decorating the newlyweds' car before they left for Cardiff airport and an onward flight to Kos. After enthusiastically waving them off, she took a curious wander through the Valley town in which Gwen had grown up, searching for a newsagent. The rugged beauty of the surrounding green peaks contrasted sorrowfully against the bleak town centre - charity shops and discount stores vying for custom amongst a once proud and industrious mining community, now battling to retain hope and expectation.
Her purchase complete, she drove home and spent a lazy and self-indulgent afternoon lying on her sofa with a pot of tea, The Observer and Samson for company. Consequently, it was mid-evening by the time she rang Tom and heard the dual tones of anxiety and relief within his tone.
"Well I've thought about it…" she began slowly, choosing her words carefully. "…and I kind of understand why you didn't tell me at the beginning. I wish you had said something in the restaurant, but anyway, I do appreciate you being honest at the point you were."
"Thank you" he replied softly.
"And I don't want you to think that any of my deliberations are to do with Joshua himself. I don't think badly of you in any way for having a child. I mean…" she gave a light laugh "…I'm not a virgin, so it could easily have happened to me. And it sounds as if you've been a very responsible and loving father, so there's no issue there."
"But you don't trust me" he said flatly.
She paused momentarily. "I do trust you, actually. And I would like to see where this goes. I really like you, Tom and I think we might be good together, but I accept that you come as a package deal."
From his audible exhale of breath, she could tell he was smiling. "That's a good way to put it."
"But if I ever discover that you've lied to me again…"
He interrupted immediately. "I didn't lie, Sybil and it's important that you believe that. I omitted to tell you about him, but I did not lie. I know it's easy to say after the fact, but I promise that if you'd asked me the direct question – Do you have any children? – I would have told you the truth. You asked me if I was married and I was half-expecting it to be the next question."
"Okay" she conceded. "I accept that. You're right, it wasn't an outright lie. So if you're still keen, I suggest that we just start again."
"I'm keen."
The eager manner in which he said the words caused her mouth to curl up into a huge smile and momentarily, she leant her head against her knees, raised up on the sofa before her. The less composed Sybil, the one which Tom had not yet seen, wanted to bound around her living room with glee – so many romantic disappointments over the years and yet still, her instinctive reaction to his ardour was one of joyful exhilaration.
She swallowed deeply and restored an expression of poise. "So, obviously you're going to see Josh next weekend, but how about I come over the following Friday on the train and we have a night out in Swansea?"
"Sounds good"
"I can get a late train back." She smiled to herself – 'or not', she thought.
ooOoo
He met her on the concourse at Swansea station and they exchanged clumsy kisses, smiling at one another with self-conscious unease. Their previously relaxed manner with one another appeared to have shifted and Tom moved uncomfortably from one foot to another, while Sybil glanced around, tucking a strand of hair awkwardly behind her ears.
"Um…I thought we could go down to the Mumbles…" he offered and she smiled brightly at his up-beat effort. "…there's a nice pub that I've got to know. They're doing some live music later, a sort of folk/blues singer – do you like that kind of thing?" He looked uneasy once again, visibly relaxing as she nodded. "I've seen him play there a couple of times before, he's good. They do above average bar food, so we can grab something to eat first."
"It sounds lovely."
"So, do you mind getting the bus?"
Sybil frowned, caught by an instinctively self-defensive reaction. "Why? Do you believe that perhaps I think I'm too grand for buses?"
The embarrassment on his face was instantly visible. "Of course not, no! We just didn't talk about what we were going to do tonight, that's all. I'm not sure what you were thinking of."
She chided herself for presenting such an aggressive front and felt her cheeks redden. "I just want to spend the evening with you, Tom. I'll go with the flow. It all sounds great – honestly."
Their mutual disquiet did not abate as they boarded the bus and Sybil found herself sighing inwardly, wondering whether their relationship had stalled too early on and if it might already be irreparable.
Turning towards him with a discernable effort at brightness, she asked "Have you got a photo of Josh that you can show me?"
Tom's expression instantly switched to one of delight. "Loads on my phone, yes. I won't bore you, but…hang on…this is my favourite."
He passed his handset to Sybil, who smiled at the sight of a joyful boy's grin –tousled blond hair, familiar looking blue eyes sparkling and a radiating sense of happiness as he stared into the camera lens.
"I took it in my parents' garden last autumn. Tom added, leaning over her shoulder. "We'd just been doing silly races, kicking leaves and the like."
"Do you mind me looking at some more?" Sybil asked and Tom stretched out a conciliatory hand.
"Please, go ahead"
She flicked her finger across the screen, absorbed by the montage of shots – Josh with a football at his feet, or bundled up in a thick coat and hat, one of him sitting on a sofa with his thumb firmly placed in his mouth – his attention directed elsewhere, on a fairground ride, sitting on some stairs, next to a Christmas tree. He was featured with an older couple, who Tom confirmed were his parents, then between two smaller girls – Kieran's daughters, Josh's younger cousins. Finally, there was one on the lap of a beaming blonde woman, her arms wrapped tightly around his waist. Despite the inheritance of Tom's blue eyes, Joshua's smile matched hers and Tom softly confirmed – "That's Eddie"
"Well…" Sybil declared, as she handed back his phone "…he looks like a very happy little boy!"
Tom nodded, glancing one more time at the final frame, before placing the device back in his jacket pocket. "Yes, I think he is, most of the time at least."
The tension between them appeared to have subsided a little and Sybil lightly touched his knee. "Considering you said yourself that the situation isn't ideal, I think that's a real credit to you..." she hesitated "…to you both."
"Thanks. He has started with a few awkward questions since he began school and realised that his situation isn't the norm amongst his friends. Why don't you live with us? Why aren't you and Mammy married?" He turned towards her and flashed a fleeting grin. "But he's also asked me why I'm not a Premiership footballer and why I don't have super powers, so to be honest, he's got fairly high expectations overall!"
They alighted at the Mumbles, although the rapid arrival of dusk obscured any view of its famous coastline. Settled in the corner of a traditional-looking pub – oak beams and brasses on the wall, their meals ordered and drinks in hand, Sybil resumed her cautious questioning.
"So did you have a good time together, last weekend?"
Tom flashed a smile and nodded. "The weather was awful…was it here too, yes? So that makes it quite limiting, especially as it's not my house. But I took him swimming and he had a friend's birthday party on the Sunday so I went and dutifully made polite conversation with all the other parents. We played some games, built a lot of Lego…made pirate hats."
"Very creative!" she replied with a smile and he returned her gaze with a teasing grin.
"I'll make one for you too if you like…come on, I can tell you'd like one!"
"You know how to treat a girl." The two of them exchanged amused smiles and Tom reached out to gently squeeze her hand. At last the uneasy atmosphere appeared to have shifted and there were signs of their previous relaxed camaraderie.
He cleared his throat. "He's coming over here next week, actually. For the first time."
"For the Easter weekend?"
"Well I'm going over and taking him up to Dublin for Easter, then I'm bringing him over on Monday. I'll take him back again the following Friday. I don't have any lectures for the next two weeks, so I'm catching up with my research this week and then I'll take a week off. It's quite a big thing for me actually, I've never had him on my own for more than a night before."
Sybil narrowed her eyes in surprise. "Why?"
Tom raised a fist to his mouth as he cleared his throat. "Eddie read something years ago that said a child shouldn't be apart from its mother…or primary care giver, for any substantial period of time before it's five. I'm sure there's something in it, but I'm not sure it really applies when it's the other parent. But anyway, I made it clear that I wanted to be able to take him away from time to time once he turned five and he was supposed to come over just after New Year, but then he was ill so he didn't."
"Seriously ill?" Sybil asked with concern.
"No, it was just a cold and chesty cough really, but Eddie got quite upset about the thought of him travelling." He paused and glanced away momentarily before offering a light sigh. "She's a bit over-protective, I think but he's her absolute world and she's there with him, day in, day out. I have the easy job – I just waltz in every second week and play 'fun Daddy', but she has to deal with all the routine and tedious parts of parenthood. So I bow to her better judgement."
Sybil nodded with solemnity, her instinctive sense of fair-play challenged by Tom's explanation. "I'm sure the law would be on your side if you wanted him for longer."
His head swung around and taking in his expression of alarm, she feared that she had upset the newly restored equilibrium between them.
"We've never gone down that route…" he explained evenly "…and I'm proud that we've never needed to. We've always sorted everything out between us quite amicably."
She nodded with a cheerful smile, not wanting to interfere when it wasn't her business to do so and aware that she could not possibly appreciate the difficult balancing act that Tom must have to contain with the mother of his child. Their meals arrived and they ate hungrily, then sat back to enjoy the rich performance of a young, local musician whose enthusiastic fan base populated the pub and mostly obscured their view of the small stage. It was nearly eleven o'clock by the time the crowds had dispersed and Sybil felt that enough genial conversation had passed between them that she could further satisfy her curiosity about Tom's circumstances.
"So what was your parents' reaction when you first told them about Josh's impending arrival, do you mind me asking that?"
They were holding hands companionably under the table and his thumb casually caressed her knuckle, causing an abrupt ripple of desire to flash across her body. Momentarily waylaid by lustful thoughts, she lost all interest in his answer, blinking rapidly in concentration as he considered his reply.
"Not at all, you can ask me anything, Sybil – I don't mind. I'd prefer that we can talk about things. Well, they had mixed feelings, really. On one hand, he was their first grandchild, so they were very excited, but of course they were disappointed that I wasn't having him within the security of a stable, long-term relationship. It wasn't what they ideally wanted for me or for him, but they adore him and have always had a great relationship with him."
"And were you there at his birth?"
"I was, yes." Tom leant back in his seat and with his eyes raised aloft, Sybil could see his mind casting back to the momentous day. "He was two and a half weeks early, which neither of us had expected. Everyone tells you that first babies are always late, so we were taken unawares. I saw Eddie's text at work and drove like a lunatic from Cork to Kilkenny, then of course he didn't actually come for another fourteen hours after I arrived. Her Mum was there and I think she was hoping Eddie would kick me out when it came to the crunch because they only want one other person in the delivery suite and of course I wouldn't have argued, because she was doing all the hard work, so she should have who she wants. But thankfully Eddie said that she wanted me there and…" he came to a halt and turned to meet Sybil's curious contemplation. "It was amazing. I mean, fairly horrible in the lead up…I expect you witnessed births in your training, did you?"
"Only a handful and it was a long time ago now. I found it quite horrific actually, it felt a bit too close to home for me."
"Well yes, as a bystander you feel pretty hopeless, but my God Sybil…" Tom's voice softened and he shook his head. "…when he came out and took that first cry. It was the most remarkable moment of my life. To know that you've helped create this little person and that he's entirely dependent on you." He smiled and Sybil watched the corners of his eyes crinkle in recollection. "It definitely heightens your feeling of masculinity. I felt like roaring…literally!"
Sybil grinned with silent appreciation before Tom concluded. "And when I was first holding him …I did briefly wonder if I was doing the right thing. I felt so proud of Eddie, that she'd coped with all the pain and that she'd given me this beautiful child…I fleetingly thought that maybe…just maybe, we should give it a go for Josh's sake. But I think it was just my emotions in overdrive, because I soon realised that it wouldn't be the best thing for him at all, that it wouldn't work and thankfully I hadn't said anything to her about it."
Sybil felt the squeeze of his hand once more and responded in kind. "Eddie's a great girl and an excellent mother, but we're not right for each other." His explanation complete, he turned to Sybil with a slow smile. Their eyes locked in mute admiration and he leant slowly in towards her until their lips gently met.
"I suppose…" he murmured with a regretful sigh "…we'd better get going if you want to catch a train home."
"Do you want me to?" she asked, feeling anxious nerves of trepidation. Her first advance had been abruptly rebuffed and regardless of the circumstances leading to the rejection, she was anxious not to overstep any intangible boundaries once again.
Tom's face curled into a wide smile. "No."
"OK then, I won't. There are plenty of trains in the morning, after all!"
His hands curled around the back of her head as he drew her close towards him and she savoured the taste of his tongue, her body responding while her mind reflected with excitement on the hours ahead.
They broke apart, smiling through a mutual gaze of longing before he replied, his voice hoarse with lust and anticipation. "Fuck the bus, let's get a taxi."
ooOoo
Tom unlocked his front door and stood to one side in order to let her pass. It was an unremarkable 1960's built first floor maisonette in a quiet street, on the other side of the city from the university campus.
"I've learned from previous experience…" he explained in the back of the taxi "…to live a reasonable distance away from the students. You don't want to be bumping into them every time you go out for a pint of milk. I'd rather be in a position where I need to drive to work if it gives me a bit more privacy."
Sybil stepped from the hall into the living room and her eyes were immediately drawn to photographs on a nearby bookcase – Josh sitting proudly in his school uniform and an absorbing shot of father and son, their arms around one another, identical blue eyes gazing at the camera, each possessing a contented smile.
"What a lovely photo!" she said as Tom stepped behind her, his hands gently encircling her waist.
"Thanks, yes it's a really good one…" he dropped a soft kiss on the side of her neck and it felt as if every one of her nerve endings came alive at his touch. "…Eddie took it actually, last Christmas Eve."
Sybil turned to face him, her arms reaching up behind his shoulders. There was more urgency to their kisses now and his desire was increasingly apparent as they held one another tightly.
"Are you going to give me a guided tour?" she whispered suggestively while his hands roamed firmly over her back.
Tom waved a finger wildly around in the air without taking a step. "Kitchen through there, bathroom off the hall, Josh's room on the left….um, my room on the right - come and see!" He stepped backwards towards the door, pulling at her hands and laughing in response to her instinctive giggle, each of them overcome by excitement and desire.
As they lay kissing on his bed moments later, Tom's palm creeping cautiously underneath her shirt, he lifted his head, parting from her momentarily and grinned.
"I think all my teenage fantasies are about to come true!"
Attempting to return to his previous task, Sybil's resistance was unexpected and he looked at her with alarm.
"Seriously, did you fantasise about us having sex when we were fourteen?" she asked with incredulity.
Tom looked sheepish. "Um…"
"God, I must have been so naïve and immature! I just fantasised about kissing you, maybe my hand on your bum, but that was about it!"
He shrugged. "What can I say? Teenage boys are randy beggars. I didn't really know what I was fantasising about to be honest, only the basic mechanics of it all. I'd like to think that I've learned a few finer tricks of the trade since then."
Sybil gave a seductive smile, raising her eyebrows in synchronicity. "Oh yes? What kind of tricks?"
"Well…" With unexpected deftness, he unbuttoned her shirt and gently slipped a finger underneath the cup of her bra. "I wouldn't have known to do this…" he murmured as he softly circled her nipple and grinned as her expression switched to one of mock solemnity.
"Right…I see and what else wouldn't you have known?"
Holding her gaze, he pulled at the bra until her left breast was exposed, then bent his head to take the nipple in his mouth. Sybil wasn't able to prevent the guttural sound from the back of her throat as his tongue gently caressed her.
"Okay!" she gasped, her shoulders arching in response to his touch.
"I wouldn't have known about that" he whispered while his hand began to travel down her body, unzipping her skinny jeans and slipping a finger underneath her pants. "Or this…"
Sybil moaned as her hips rose to meet him, her own hands reaching around him and pushing down beneath the waistband of his trousers.
"Tom!" she panted with such apparent urgency that he paused, lifting his head and looking at her with concern.
"I'm very glad that we decided to wait until we were older!"