"Ah, it's great to be able to enjoy a nice pleasant afternoon in Ba Sing Se with no girls around," Sokka sighed contently as he reclined on one side of Appa's saddle while joined by Aang and Zuko. The sky bison was napping peacefully on the balcony of the Jasmine Dragon, while the three boys were hanging out on its back while reveling in their girl-free afternoon.
Aang yawned lazily. "I don't mind having Katara and Toph, with us, though."
"Nah, they always talk too much when we're reading stories. This time there'll be fewer interruptions." Sokka picked up the Companion from where it lay beside him and started browsing through the pages.
Zuko made himself comfortable in his corner of the saddle. "Well, don't blame me if I doze off again in the middle of a story. I usually don't pay attention if I'm not involved, and I usually ignore it if I'm really involved."
"Don't worry Zuko, you can doze off all you want." Sokka stopped at a certain page. "Hey, this one has me as the main character! The title's Sir Sokka… hmm, sounds promising!"
"Well, read it then," Aang said as he leaned against the saddle's railing and waited for Sokka to begin.
Once upon a time there lived a brave knight named Sir Sokka.
Sokka blinked once. "What's a 'knight'?"
"Dunno," Aang replied simply.
He was a courageous warrior with a shiny sword made of the metal of a meteorite that had landed in his back yard one day (and set fire to his rose bushes in the process) and a wonderful boomerang which no other knight had. He prided himself on possessing this unique weapon, although it did not give him much of an advantage since he wasn't very good at throwing it.
"Well, if I'm a courageous warrior then I don't mind being a 'knight'," Sokka said. "Even though I don't own any rose bushes. And I am quite good with my boomerang if I do say so myself."
Every knight had a noble steed and a faithful squire, and Sir Sokka's valiant beast was Appa, a magnificent animal – well, as far as mules go. His loyal companion was Aang, a cheerful youth who had been working at the village fair assisting his employer with the trade of selling mules. Aang had readily agreed to follow Sokka when the knight offered to have him as his squire, partly because he thought being a squire was by far much more exciting than selling mules.
Aang crinkled an eyebrow. "Appa's a 'mule'? And I'm a 'squire'? What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means you're the brave knight's sidekick, and I get to drive Appa," Sokka grinned as he turned back to the story.
Every knight also had a love interest, but Sir Sokka had not been particularly successful in that aspect. His first love was the lovely Princess Yue of the northern lands, but she was already betrothed to the proud (and foolish) Sir Hahn, and when he died during an ambush attack on Lord Zhao's castle (he had confronted Lord Zhao on the castle battlements and instead was pushed off the castle wall to his death) she ran away to a convent to join the nuns of St Luna.
"Don't ask what a 'convent' is," Sokka said immediately when he saw Aang open his mouth to speak. "We'll just pretend we know and continue with the story."
Currently Sir Sokka had his sights set on the fair Lady Suki of Kyoshi Castle, who he had the good fate to meet on a visit to the castle when he had offered to teach her a few things about self-defense and ended up getting knocked over by her. He did admire highborn ladies with proper dignity after all.
"Even though they knock me over."
On this fine day Sir Sokka had arrived at Beifong Castle with his noble (but thoroughly tired out) steed and his faithful squire. The lord of the castle, Count Beifong, had welcomed him heartily and claimed that he was the very man he was looking for. It turned out that the Count's daughter, the beautiful Lady Toph had been captured by an evil lord and he was looking for a brave knight who would be willing to undertake the quest to save his daughter. Sir Sokka agreed right away when the count promised to give him a whole bag of gold, even though Aang pointed out to him that there must be some reason why all the other brave knights (and there were quite a number of them in the land) did not want to take on this mission.
Sokka snorted. "I'm not so sure whether I should be saving 'the beautiful Lady Toph' or the unfortunate evil lord who carried her off. Poor thing, he must be suffering horribly by now," he said as Aang nodded his agreement.
It wasn't until the next morning that Count Beifong mentioned in passing the much-feared monster that guarded the evil lord's castle. By then it was too late to refuse the quest, and Sir Sokka quickly dismissed the news of the monster as mere rumors, although he was sweating profusely as he began his journey to the evil lord's stronghold with his steed and squire.
Sokka shrugged. "Well, I do have a space sword and a boomerang. I think I can handle any monster I meet."
"You didn't handle the Unagi, or the sea serpent, or -"
"Hush Aang, you're talking too much. Why don't you take a pointer from Zuko and go doze off?"
After a few fire-breathing dragons, some evil knights and about two dozen rogue bandits, the brave knight finally arrived at the castle of the evil Lord Zuko. Bracing himself for what he would find waiting for him inside, Sir Sokka ventured into the castle with his loyal companion in tow, leaving Appa the mule to graze on the meadow outside. They entered the dark Great Hall of the castle and saw two large green eyes staring back at them through the darkness. Then a huge beast stepped into the feeble light coming from a distant window, and they saw what appeared to be a giant mass of white fur and black stripes, with a dark brown face and a snarling mouth.
Aang gasped. "Oh no! It is the horrible giant lemur! They say many towns and villages have perished under its fearsome claws! What do we do now, Sir Sokka?"
"Momo's the monster?!" Aang cried out in surprise.
"Well, it might be another bigger and more evil lemur," Sokka suggested. "Momo's not exactly terrifying after all, though if he somehow magically increased in size it would be horrifying, what with the amount of fruit he'd eat and all."
The great knight gulped nervously before speaking in a trembling voice. "As a brave knight on a revered quest, I propose we… RUN!" And he took off towards the nearest staircase while his faithful squire followed closely behind, only to trip over a stair and come tumbling down on top of Aang. The two crashed to the floor, and the backpack on Aang's back (faithful squires always carry their knights' luggage) tore open, leaving its contents strewn everywhere on the floor. There were chunks of smoked meat, a few loaves of bread, and a satchel full of fruit; in short, everything a proper knight needed to be fully nourished.
Sir Sokka and Aang watched in shock as the huge beast bent down and picked up a stray peach before chewing on it contently. Then they got up silently and crept up the stairs while the giant lemur was preoccupied with the rest of the fruit.
"Well, that confirms it. The monster guarding the place's actually a giant Momo." Sokka stared at the book's pages. "Actually, the idea's getting more frightening the more I think about it."
As soon as they were out of sight from the Great Hall they broke into a run and sped down the dark corridors, stopping at the first door they saw. Sokka threw the door open to reveal what seemed to be a sleeping chamber, with sunlight streaming through a tall window on the wall to show an ornate chair in a corner with a figure sitting on it and facing the two visitors. "So you've come at last."
Sokka raised his sword in self-defense as he stepped forward. "Evil Lord Zuko, we have come to rescue the fair maiden Lady Toph from your wicked clutches, as following the noble creed of knights to uphold and protect the weak and the needy -"
"I'm a what now?" Zuko said as he snapped out of his daze.
"Uh, you're an evil lord," Aang answered helpfully.
"Seriously Zuko, of all the fair maidens you could capture you choose Toph?" Sokka snorted disbelievingly. "Why the heck did you pick her anyway?"
"I have no idea, since I've been dozing off for the past ten minutes up until now."
"Yeah yeah, whatever your noble oath said," Zuko said as he waved a dismissive hand. "To be honest, I'm rather happy you showed up."
The knight blinked in bewilderment. "You are?"
"Yes, you two are the only other signs of life in this gloomy place other than me, the lady and her handmaiden. I've always wished that visitors would come to my castle and keep me company. You have no idea how lonely it is, cooped up in this mangy dark place alone."
Aang finally worked up the courage to talk. "Excuse me, evil lord sir, and forgive me if I'm much mistaken, but I don't think having a giant snarling lemur in your Great Hall is a great way to attract visitors."
"He's got a point," Sokka interjected.
"Ah, about that." The evil lord clasped his hands together under his chin. "I've been meaning to ask you: how did you get past Momo?"
"That horrible beast has a name?!" Sokka cried.
"Well, I named him so because he seems to be rather fond of peaches."
"So we've noticed. Well, evil Lord Zuko, your watchdog – or should I say watch-lemur is currently happily feasting on my supplies." Sokka looked down his nose at the seated evil lord. "I'll want compensation for that satchel of fruit."
"Ah, poor fanfiction!Sokka!" Sokka shook his head pityingly at the book. "Haven't you learned yet that you're fighting a losing battle with the damn lemur over the fruit?"
Zuko blinked. "Oh. Of course, I will arrange for something to make up the loss of your fruit and then you may be on your way. It has been nice talking to you."
"Wait!" Aang said. "We're still supposed to rescue the Lady Toph – and her handmaiden as well, if you say she has one."
"Oh, them."Zuko waved his hand at another door in the other wall that was partially concealed by a tapestry. "I kidnapped them to keep me company in here, but the lady has been quite a nuisance ever since she arrived. They have been living in the tallest tower that you can access through the stairway behind that door. It's quite easily the loveliest place this castle has to offer, with a splendid view of the countryside, but all that spoiled brat does is throw tantrums and attempt to escape by throwing herself down from the tower window! I swear, if her handmaiden had not been there I would have gone insane and thrown myself down from the tower as well! No, you're very welcome to have the lady, and good riddance, I say!"
"Why can't Toph just earthbend her way out instead of jumping through the tower window?" Aang wondered.
"I don't think there's any bending in this story, Aang. Otherwise Zuko would've burned us to a crisp the first time he saw us and you'd have knocked him out the window with your airbending even earlier than that. Heck, if there were bending here you'd be the Avatar, not some guy selling mules."
"I guess you're right."
"Well, what about the handmaiden?" Aang enquired.
"I am planning to keep her here, since she has been pleasant company, even though she refuses to talk to me much because she is still indignant over her abduction. However, I am sure that in time she will get used to me, and then she can become my lady and share this estate with me. Who knows, she might become a positive influence to this gloomy place."
"With any luck we'll discover that the handmaiden's actually Katara," Sokka smirked. "We've already seen her put with Zuko before."
"Please don't remind me about that," Zuko groaned.
"No problem," Sokka said, happy to take the lady only since that was all her father requested, but Aang was adamant. "Sorry, evil lord sir, but we'll have to take the handmaiden as well."
"Ah, so you've fallen in love with her even before you've met her." Sokka wiped a mock tear away from the corner of his eye. "True love really conquers all, even crazy stories."
"But they still put her with Zuko before," Aang pointed out.
" I said, please don't remind me about that," Zuko muttered, his vice close to a low growl.
Zuko stood up and walked over to the doorway, blocking it from the two. "No, you will not."
"Oh come on Aang, if he wants to keep the servant then let him. We just need the lady." Sokka tried to persuade his squire, but Aang refused to comply.
The great knight sighed. "Very well then, if you insist." Then he drew out his boomerang and pointed it at the evil lord. "Evil Lord Zuko, we charge you to release the two ladies in your possession, and let them return with us to their home."
The evil lord frowned. "I told you already, you can have the lady for all I care, but the handmaiden is mine."
"Then you leave me no choice, good sir. Hiiiiiiiyah!" Sokka cried as he swung the boomerang behind him and threw it forward. The boomerang soared out the open window and disappeared.
"How is throwing a boomerang out the window going to defeat me?" Zuko asked Sokka.
"I don't know, but I've got a feeling Boomerang'll come through somehow."
Zuko raised an eyebrow. "That's the best you can do?"
"Be patient, and you'll see." Sokka smirked just as the boomerang came flying back in through the window, conking the evil lord on the head and knocking him unconscious. The brave knight then stepped over the fallen Zuko and retrieved his boomerang from where it lay beside him on the ground.
"Hah! I told you Boomerang'll come through!" Sokka said triumphantly.
"That's actually pretty cool," Aang observed.
He then opened the unlocked doorway and rushed up the winding stairs, followed by his faithful squire.
The stairs led to the top of a tower, which seemed to have been remodeled into a lady's chamber. As Sokka and Aang blinked in the bright light coming in from the castle window, a big change from the shady room down the stairs and the darkness of the rest of the castle, they could see two figures beside the picturesque window in the side of the room.
"My lady, this is not the way to escape! If the linens give way, you will fall to your death below and you will never return to your father's house!"
"Shut up, Katara! If this is what it takes to get out of this lousy place, I'll gladly take it!" The shorter of the two girls seemed to be holding a rope made from blankets, which must have come from the now stripped bare four-poster bed on the other side of the room, while the other was trying to tug the rope away from her.
Sokka cleared his throat. "You know, you could just use the door to leave this place."
"Yeah, good point fanfiction!me." Sokka nodded his agreement at his fanfiction self's judgement. "And now we know for sure Katara's the handmaiden."
The two ladies stopped struggling and turned to face the speaker. Sokka and Aang could now see that the shorter girl had pale skin and black hair tied into a bun, while the taller one was olive-skinned with her hair in a braid down her back. The two girls were staring suspiciously at the strangers.
The elder girl released her hold on the rope and addressed Sokka directly. "Who are you and how did you get here?"
Sokka dropped into a polite bow and curtsied to her. "My lady, I am Sir Sokka and this is my faithful squire Aang. We have come by the request of Lord Beifong to rescue his daughter from the evil Lord Zuko. I presume you must be Lady Toph?"
"Seriously? How can I not know my own sister?" Sokka frowned at the book.
"I don't think you're actually siblings in this story," Aang said.
"No, I guess not. Fanfiction!me is one lucky guy, being a single kid."
"No, I'm Toph. That's Katara, my handmaiden." The younger girl had casually tossed the rope into a corner and stepped forward towards the knight. "How did you get past Zuko anyway? He lives in the room downstairs, and there's no other way into this tower except through there."
"Sokka conked his head with a boomerang," Aang explained briskly.
"Nice explanation, Aang."
"Thanks."
Katara simply blinked, while Toph grinned. "Cool. I always wanted to do that, though I would use something harder."
"Is she going to hate me even in fanfiction?" Zuko groaned.
"Don't worry, she'd say the same for any of us," Sokka reassured him.
"But how did you defeat the giant lemur in the Great Hall?" Katara asked disbelievingly. "It is said that no one has ever faced the beast and live to tell the tale."
Sokka scratched his head. "Well, yeah I guess that's true, if you're a piece of fruit, that is. I would have got evil Lord Zuko to compensate for my fruit, except he's kinda knocked out cold at the bottom of the stairs."
"No offense Zuko, but I really love that line."
"It's okay Sokka, I understand how everyone wants to knock me to the ground."
"Well, it is pretty fun, like that time my boomerang hit you and your helmet -"
"You can continue the story now. Please."
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's get going!" And Toph led the way down the stairs and out of Lord Zuko's chamber (making sure to give him a good kick as she stepped over him),
Zuko sighed. "Of course she would."
past the Great Hall and Momo the giant lemur, who was still happily chewing on his fruit, and finally into the warm sunshine outside the gloomy castle. Nicking a few horses from the stables, they were soon on their merry way back to Castle Beifong.
Their journey home went considerably smoothly, with just a couple of dragons and a band of robbers whom the four of them soon sorted out between themselves, for the ladies proved themselves to be more than mere damsels in distress. As they rode towards an inn to spend the night, Aang turned to beam at Katara. "You know, there's something I've always wanted to ask you."
The handmaiden steered her horse closer to his. "What is it?"
"Will you go penguin sledding with me?"
Katara blinked in confusion. "Penguin sledding?"
"Oh, it's something we have in the southern lands, close to the snowy mountains. It's really fun; you should try it!"
"I came from the southern lands! I haven't seen penguins since I was a kid, before I was taken to Beifong Castle to work as the lady's handmaiden."
"That's great! You'll be able to come home again! I was thinking of setting out about a week later…" And the two went on, chatting merrily about their plans.
"Wow, this author still remembers your first words to Katara." Sokka nodded at the book. "Nice."
"I'm surprised you still remember them, Sokka; I remember you were pretty freaked out when I first met you."
"You just emerged from a block of ice with a ten-ton furry beast; of course I would freak out."
"Can we just get back to the story?" Zuko asked, wanting to know what happened to his 'evil lord' fanfiction self, although he wouldn't admit it aloud in front of the others.
Meanwhile, things were not quite amicable between the knight in shining armor and his damsel in distress, for they seemed to be always getting at each other's throats. I will not describe them in detail here, since I'm already way over my preset word limit, but basically take their relationship in the series and exaggerate it a bit and you're pretty close to what it was like.
Sokka blinked. "I'll just assume I know about 'preset word limits' and whatever series we were supposed to be in."
"The least the author could do was give a better description," Aang added.
"Somehow I don't think I want details of how Toph and I squabble; I think I already know well enough."
Anyway, when they got back to Beifong Castle the count was happy to see his daughter again of course, but since he didn't exactly have enough gold on his hands to give the reward he'd promised to the brave knight, he offered to give his daughter's hand in marriage instead. The knight's squire and the lady's handmaiden respectively thought they would refuse right away, but on the contrary they readily agreed, for they had been developing their feelings for one another all through the squabbling they'd done. You know, the usual 'adversaries-turn-to-lovers' plotline.
"Now that is weird," Aang observed.
"Is every author in this book hell-bent on marrying me to Toph?" Sokka groaned.
"Maybe, since they obviously don't care much about who we actually like," Zuko said, never forgetting that first story. "It's tough being us."
As for everyone else, they also had their happy ending. Aang and Katara returned to the southern lands to go penguin sledding and have three beautiful children named Kya, Bumi and Tenzin. Of the three, Tenzin would end up dating and breaking up with Sokka and Toph's daughter Lin, but Toph must have been fond of her former handmaiden's son or something, because she didn't break his limbs for dumping her daughter.
"Katara and I have three kids?" Aang was beaming happily. "Cool."
"Even though one of them ends up dating his cousin," Sokka pointed out.
"But you and Katara are not siblings in this story anyway," Zuko pointed out. "In any case, I'm with the author on how Toph didn't break 'Tenzin's' limbs."
As for the previous love of the brave knight, Lady Suki, she soon got over it and got engaged to none other than Lord Zuko himself, who moved out of his gloomy estate to rule by her side over Kyoshi Castle and its beautiful pastures with the sparkling blue sea on the border, where Momo the giant lemur soon made friends with the local Unagi.
Sokka glared at Zuko. "Suki gets to marry you?!"
The scarred Fire Lord raised his hands in defense. "Hey, it's just a story! I have no intention of marrying her at all!"
"They really have to stop putting you with other people's girlfriends," Aang said while Sokka nodded his agreement.
As for Sokka and Toph, they had a daughter named Lin as mentioned above, and the proud parents personally trained their daughter in the skills of combat to ensure she never got carried off by a lonely evil lord to a dark and musty castle like her mother. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
"Well, at least that's over." Sokka closed the book and gave a sigh of relief. "Though I still don't want to marry Toph."
"And I don't want to marry Suki, or live in a gloomy castle, or keep a giant Momo for a pet," Zuko added.
Aang shrugged. "Well, at least Katara and I went penguin sledding." And he whistled as he jumped off Appa's saddle and walked off, leaving his two companions very annoyed by his happy ending.
Right now Britney Spears' 'Oops, I Did It Again' is playing in my mind, because once again I've gone way over my ideal word limit, this time with a medieval-meets-AtLA crossover fantasy. So, opinions on the knight-saves-damsel plot? Is the story too long? Too short? (But if it gets any longer than this, I'll be writing chapter novels!) Reviews are heartily appreciated, and I do take story prompts as well! See you guys soon!