Chapter 26 - Recovery
I had been fully aware of the world around me for a couple of days. I'd had visitors but I'd not really been able to make much sense of them nor did I have the energy to hold a proper conversation. Once I'd actually started to wake up and stay awake, I managed to convince Jim to go home and get some proper rest. The nurses told me that Mycroft had sat with me for the two weeks I'd been in a coma and that for last week Jim had been watching over me. I really was so lucky; I had so many wonderful people in my life.
Slowly, I had started to remember why I was in the hospital and realised I had a lot of explaining to do. I needed to apologise for how selfish I had been. So many things needed discussing, I didn't want to relive any of it, but I couldn't keep running away, I had to face up to everything. It didn't stop the overwhelming urge to run and hide.
My body ached, I felt like one giant bruise. The doctor told me that I would suffer pains in my chest and abdomen for some time after the surgery I had undergone to repair the residual damage caused by my miscarriage. The drugs had also caused a huge strain on my heart. It explained why whenever I tried to take a deep breath it felt like my chest was being constricted.
I had been on my own for minutes, even that small amount of time and panic started to rise, before Mycroft walked in, he looked tired, but still immaculately turned out as ever. He came in with a bunch of purple and dark red roses, my favourites. I smiled as he laid them on the bed and sat next to me.
"Hello, sister dear. How are you recovering?" He asked with a gentle smile taking my hand.
"Alright thanks, memories are a bit hazy." I replied honestly. Whilst some things had reappeared with stunning clarity, some memories were still a murky blur. I still found concentrating hard.
"You gave us all quite a scare." Said Mycroft, looking me in the eye. It was then I could see the hurt and the fear. We'd always been close, even when I was a child, Mycroft was my favourite grown up. Hurting him so much, again, was unforgivable.
"I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to get that bad, it, they were stronger than before." I said quietly. I felt so ashamed.
"I don't understand why you would even feel the need to go back to the drugs. I was sure you were finished with them." He admonished gently.
"I felt so out of control and alone. I just wanted it all to stop." I admitted. It was true, it all felt like a kaleidoscope of confusion and pain.
"I apologise for not being here when you needed me. I should have taken better measures to prevent this sort of thing happening again. You still had Miss Watson, why couldn't you go to her for help?" He was blaming himself. He took his job of family protector very seriously. I couldn't let him think any of this was his fault. His question was valid; I didn't talk to Angie because I thought I had under control.
"Angie has a lot on her plate with Sherlock and her own sister. Jim's been away for so long. I tried to deal with everything, but it was too much, after Mum and Dad…" My breathing increased, the pain in my chest rising. Mycroft gave my hand a squeeze; he knew I was beginning to panic.
"Yes, Sherlock is a difficult problem to deal with, especially after his own recent relapse. I give Miss Watson a great deal of credit. And as for your parents...I am deeply sorry for what happened. I never thought that they would be the ones in danger. I should have taken better precautions." He said, his voice hard. He had been close to my Dad, he was angry.
"It wasn't your fault; I chose the life I lead. I'm so sorry Mycroft, I didn't mean to let you down, again." I told him quietly.
"Nonsense. You were simply under a great deal of pressure. And as Sherlock has recently reminded me...it is difficult to resist the help that drugs appear to offer. I feel that it is my duty to protect my family. You were as much a part of my family before we ever found out it was official." We looked at each other both sharing a knowing smile. We had always been family.
"I'm lucky to have a brother like you Mycroft." I admitted, I didn't tell Mycroft often enough how much he meant to me.
"And I am grateful to have a sister like you, Persephone. You do have a way of...brightening my life." A silence fell over us, it wasn't tense or awkward, it just gave us both time to gather our thought. Sherlock's admittance to Mycroft was true; sometimes the drugs helped more than people or therapy or anything else. It wasn't fun or clever, just a way of coping.
"They do have a scary way of helping." I agreed; Mycroft nodded solemnly. "Never thought you'd have two of us to watch over did you? Although why Sherlock get so annoyed, I can't work out." I said.
"He insists that he's perfectly capable of handling things on his own, yet then he turns around and asks for my help with a matter, or he turns to someone else, probably without realising he's becoming dependent. I was quite surprised when he and John became pals. I was more surprised when he and Miss Watson became...intimate." Mycroft replied. It was amusing to watch him try and find the right words to explain Sherlock and Angie's relationship.
"Sherlock's told me what he's doing. I did tell him if he doesn't come back in one piece he has me to deal with. Angie is good for him; she doesn't take his mood swings. John and Angie are similar, both stubborn and loyal, a good combination for Sherlock." I said with a smile. Then it hit me the voice and the man who wanted me to fight the darkness. It was Sherlock.
"He…He saved my life." I stuttered as realisation hit me between the eyes.
"I know he's the one who found you. Despite what we all think, he is capable of showing compassion. He just knows that in most cases, it's a flaw it isn't worth it. Not with you, of course. And don't worry about me, Persephone. You have enough to cope with." He sounded proud.
"I never know where I stand with Sherlock, one minute we'll get along fine and I can feel the sibling bond between us and as soon as someone else is around he freezes up and pushes me away. I don't think he's ever forgiven me for marrying Jim." I said, staring at me hands. I paused before continuing: "Mycroft, I'll always worry about you, you've been in my life as long as I can remember, and someone needs to look after you. You need a holiday. If anyone hurt you they'd see what our family is capable of." Mycroft chuckled and patted my hand. He appreciated the gesture, even if in my current state I couldn't do anything.
"I understand his feelings towards James. I inadvertently helped him with his plans. Sherlock simply doesn't feel comfortable showing his emotions around others. I'm sure you've noticed it's virtually impossible to tell that he and Miss Watson are together, yet they are." I nodded in agreement.
"He'll hurt her more by not telling her, which I told him, but he ignored me. He does that a lot." I said. It would hurt Angie so much more when Sherlock just disappears than if he told her. She would be safer knowing than left alone wondering.
"Sherlock's problems with his future plans are a prime example of the disadvantages of caring. He knows his plans are necessary, and he doesn't tell Miss Watson of them for her safety, yet he also has the problem of injuring her feelings. Are you going to tell Miss Watson, or at least prepare her for what's coming?" Asked Mycroft.
"I promised Sherlock I wouldn't, but I'll be with her as much as I physically can." I shad made a promise and I wasn't going to break it. Something Mycroft had said previously bothered me, he understood, maybe even sympathised, with the way Sherlock felt about Jim. Before I could engage any brain to mouth filter, I blurted:
"Do you wish I hadn't married James?"
"Sherlock's far more stubborn than even you. From an objective perspective, your marriage to him does hold certain advantages, although it also has some substantial dangers. As your brother...I'll admit it was a bit...surprising, but it isn't my decision to make, it's not my life. However, I do feel that he does care a great deal for you. And...if it brings you happiness, then I am happy for you." I let his words sink in before I answered, he didn't like it but he accepted it and love d me regardless. I smiled.
"Thank you Mycroft, I can't tell you how much it meant that you gave me away. Please don't exploit my husband; I'll never hear the end of it. It's bad enough having one brother at war with Jim; I don't need you fighting him too." I asked.
"I'll do my best not to." Replied Mycroft with a wry smile.
"Thank you. Sherlock and I take you for granted, we really shouldn't, but we do. Love you big brother. If he's here, could you send Sherlock in, I've not spoken to him yet and I need to thank him." Mycroft looked at his watch, I knew he had to leave.
"Of course. I'd best be going anyway. I hope for your speedy recovery." Said Mycroft.
"Stay safe Mycroft, and thank you for everything." I added.
"Of course. Goodbye, Persephone." He said with a final glance before leaving. Mycroft had always been able to keep me calm, I felt so safe with him.
The thought of being alone, even for a few minutes still made me feel uneasy. I wanted to be strong, like Angie. I was nervous at the thought of facing Sherlock. I was brought out of my brief reverie by a knock on the door. I looked up and saw Sherlock.
"Hello. You're looking much better." He stated.
"Thank you. Still feel a bit fuzzy round the edges." I replied with a small smile, I felt so nervous.
"It'll take a while to recover." Sherlock said.
"I know." I agreed nodding. I indicated to the seat, he sat. An awkward pause fell over us, Sherlock fidgeting, until he said:
"I was, uh...I was...worried. About you."
"Really?" I asked, my voice filled with hope and surprise. He nodded. We weren't looking at each other; again a dense silence filled the room.
"How are you doing, it wasn't that long ago." I asked, after a time.
"I'm managing. Seeing what it did to you was a bit of a turn off. And I don't think Angie's completely forgiven me yet. Doubt she ever will." Replied Sherlock, his words slightly rushed.
"That's good. I'm sorry. Something was different, stronger than before. She will, it will just take time. She'll be angry with us both." I admitted.
"I'm sure she'll forgive you much easier than she'll forgive me. Especially, in light of my upcoming plans." I nodded at his words.
"Maybe." I said, there was another awkward pause. I took a breath and looked up at Sherlock, I looked him in the eyes.
"Thank you. Thank you for saving my life. You are such a wonderful man Sherlock. I'm so lucky to have you as a brother."
"I only found you. It wouldn't have been as bad if you didn't have the other problems. I had no idea about the miscarriage. I'm sorry."
"If you hadn't found me I'd be dead in that place." I shuddered at the thought of dying in that hellhole of a place. I took a deep breath, I needed to keep calm, the doctor said to keep as calm as possible. "These things happen, it was partly my fault; I've got to stop being so reckless; but thank you. I seem to be saying that a lot lately, and Sorry." I said with a small smile, trying to inject some humour into the situation. It didn't work. Sherlock was looking at his gloved hands.
"No need to apologise. I'm sorry if my actions or the way I've treated you were part of the reason you...that you couldn't handle it." He said quietly.
"If it was, I think you more than made up for it. I've not been as stable as I'd like to believe recently. I don't handle loneliness very well anymore." I replied.
"Well, you've always got Angie. I know you're practically like a sister to her." His understanding and acceptance of our friendship meant so much. He did listen, even if he appeared not to.
"She's always been there, keeping me out of too much trouble. Its Jim, he'd been gone for so long and everything that had been going on around me was just too much. I wasn't sleeping or eating, I couldn't concentrate. My mind just wouldn't stop, it was constantly seeing things and analysing the world, and then H-H-harry, the things she said...it was too much." I couldn't stop the memories and the tears. My body ached with sob, but soon I felt arms round me, comforting me. I looked at the body, it was Sherlock, and he let me cry into his coat.
"It's alright, calm down. You're fine now. You won't have to worry about Harry anymore Angie kicked her out. I think those two are done with each other for good. And Mor...Jim...he's here now, you've got him. And the rest of us." His words were calming, his voice gentle. My tears abated and I started to feel calmer. I wiped my eyes before speaking.
"Angie kicked Harry out? I hope Angie's okay?!"
"She didn't really tell me much about it, just said she'd finally removed Harry from her life. I think it just made her uneasy, you know how she doesn't like arguing." He replied. We lapsed into silence, this time more comfortable. Looking at my brother, I had to ask him a question that had been bothering me for months.
"Sherlock can you ever forgive me for marrying Jim? I know it hurt you."
"You marrying...him, it's none of my business. It's your life, and you were with him long before you met me. And if Angie's okay with it, she must feel that you're reasonably safe."
"You really love her don't you?" I asked the hardest question for Sherlock to answer, but he managed in a slightly flustered way.
"Yes, I suppose...I mean I know...of course."
"It's alright Sherlock, its just you an me, and I can keep a secret. Thank you again for rescuing me, I owe you my life. If Angie's here, can you send her in, I need to talk to her." I smiled at him and he smiled back. He kissed my hair before leaving. In that moment, I knew that Sherlock Holmes would be a permanent fixture in my life.
"Of course." He left quietly, closing the door behind him.
I felt so up and down, every second was different, sometimes blissfully happy, then gut wrenchingly sad, angry, scared, giddy and disinterested all one after the other. I had emotional whiplash. I knew this would happen; it happened last time even after my body was clear the emotional rollercoaster lasted weeks. The worst feelings were guilt and confusion. I knew I'd done bad things, stupid things, but I couldn't remember what. I remember an alleyway then I was somehow soaking wet, then the club, it all starts to disintegrate after that, but I do remember something happening, before the voice, before I woke, a different feeling, something dragging me under, like I was literally drowning. I wish I knew what it was.
Angie knocked on the door with a smile. She was like a breath of fresh air, I was so relieved to see her.
"Hey, how are you doing?" She asked sitting next me.
"Hi Ang. Getting there, slowly." I replied returning her smile. I felt so at ease with Angie.
"I am so sorry about what happened." She looked so sad.
"Its not your fault." I told her, I didn't blame her for a single second.
"I'm still sorry." Angie said quietly.
"You never, ever have to apologise, the amount of times you've rescued and saved me and got me out of trouble. I think I owe you." I admitted as strongly as possible. We looked at each other, both holding back tears.
"Well, it would never make up for your friendship." She smiled.
"Only because I won't leave you alone!" I laughed, it hurt, but it felt good, it was the first laugh since I'd woken up.
"Sherlock said you kicked Harry out? Are you okay?!" I asked
"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. She didn't do anything to me. I overheard the last bit of what she said to you before you ran out, and I finally just had enough, told her what I really thought of her, and told her to leave, and she did." Angie said, a fair bit of anger still coming through into her words as she spoke of her sister. Were Harry and I so different?
"You're so brave Angie and strong. How you cope with us wayward Holmes' I'll never know?"
"Well, I guess I've got practice with you, I've known you since I was 11. Sherlock and Mycroft on the other hand..." She trailed off.
"Mycroft's alright, he's not nearly as bad as Sherlock. Ang, he hugged me. Sherlock he hugged me, he let me cry on him." I was so excited about his fact. Angie returned my smile.
"Yeah, he really can show emotion. He let me fall asleep on him out in the waiting room the other night. He's been really considerate this week. I told you he doesn't really hate you."
"I really need to listen to you more. Can you forgive me Ang; I know I shouldn't have run off like that, I just lost it." I was seeking redemption anywhere I might get it.
"Of course! I understand you were just upset. I should have gone after you. I could have dealt with Harry later."
There was a pause, Angie had forgiven me in a heartbeat and I knew she was still angry at Sherlock, but I'd done the same, well much worse than Sherlock.
"Can I ask you a huge favour? Will you forgive Sherlock?"
"For his relapse? I don't know, I just...I...I guess I can't stay angry at him for too long." She replied hesitantly.
"Please forgive him, he reacted the same way I did."
"I guess. I don't know, there are a lot of other factors involved, Percy. I feel pretty terrible to that my boyfriend feels like he can't talk to me, that he has to resort to drugs to deal with stress." I could hear the hurt in her voice.
"I understand Ang. I had to ask; he thinks you'll hate him forever." I pushed.
"I don't hate him, I'm just...drugs are just as bad as Harry's drinking, and I already have to put up with that from her, and then my brother and my best friend turn to drugs...I'm sorry, I'm just a little emotional lately." She snapped, but I saw the realisation on her face at what she'd said. She felt bad for admitting she's had enough of addicts and their problems. She was justified in her opinion. Her annoyance was welcome. The pitying looks were awful.
"Its fine, so far everyone's been a little too nice." I sad, patting her hand.
"Sorry. How on earth did you ever get started on the drugs in the first place?"
"I got taken hostage, in the aftermath I wasn't coping." I said quietly.
"Oh, right, yeah, you told me that already. They always have to go after the girls, don't they? Although, I guess it's our fault for getting involved with criminals.
"Yep. Well I think it was Seb that captured me, Jim was the person who saved me, and it nearly killed him." I shook my head trying to dispel the memories.
"That happened to me once. Ironically on the same day I found out about Seb's 'job'." Our lives had been so similar, we got tangled up in these complicated webs filled with danger and excitement, we changed sides, moved in different circles, but always came back to our odd lives. Angie had survived; she hadn't turned to drugs or alcohol.
"We are a pair aren't we?!" Angie nodded.
"How's Jim doing? I've not really been aware of much since I started waking up, its only today that things make sense." I said. I had a vague awareness of seeing Jim and them passing out again.
"He's worried. But I think he'll be fine, knowing that you'll be okay." I nodded at her words. I was most scared of facing Jim. I just didn't know what to say to him.
"Ang I can still feel the drugs in my system, its scaring me. They were so much stronger then before, more addictive. It was different." I admitted, not sure why I said it.
"Well, maybe it's just because you're weaker. The doctor said you had a lot of tissue damage from the miscarriage and everything; maybe it's just making you more susceptible." Said Angie. She really did seem stressed.
"No it felt different, it's hard to explain. I can't remember properly. The nurse told me I took both heroin and cocaine, I've never taken heroin, I never would."
"Don't worry about it now." Her voice was gentle, but the words felt so dismissive.
"I am worried though, how did it get into my system?" I asked, more thinking out loud than asking a question.
"I don't know, but you're right, those two drugs' affects are completely opposite." Angie sounded tired. I was sure she'd had enough of all the drama.
"I have this image, but I don't know if it's a dream or a memory, I was quite happy and someone comes up behind me I feel something and that's when everything changes, it's gets dark." My voice grew quieter with every word.
"Maybe it was Sherlock? He's the one who found you."
"Really? Why would Sherlock drug me further? It's all such a mess in my head." I could feel the hazy edges closing in again, my brain fogging.
"Oh, I thought you were talking about coming off the high. I don't know, I don't know anything about drugs. Maybe I'll do a bit of investigating?" Offered Angie, I nodded.
"Thanks Angie you're amazing. I really love our friendship." I said. Angie smiled in response. A silence grew between us, I was internally fighting the haze, I didn't want to sleep anymore.
"How's Jim doing?" I asked, surprised I hadn't asked about him before.
"Didn't you ask that already?" Said Angie, looking concerned.
"Oh sorry, probably. Not quite back to normal." I added, confused, I didn't remember asking about Jim.
"It's fine." She said with a small smile.
"I've taken enough of your time, thank you again Angie, you're as always there when I need you." I said, my voice cracking. She didn't need to waste her time on me.
"I've got all the time in the world for you. You're my best friend." Her demeanour changed, she softened.
"I just feel really guilty, you have your own life to lead. Jim'll be back soon, he has to look after me."
"Don't feel guilty. You are a huge part of my life." She added, taking my hand in hers.
"Thanks Ang. So what shall we do when I'm finally allowed home?" I asked.
"We could just have a girls' night in again."
"Sounds perfect. Movie marathon? Or Doctor Who? I have an urge to watch Star Wars, all of them!" Well I was on bed rest when I got home, watching movies was one of the only doctor approved things I was allowed to do.
"Sounds good to me!"
"I'm not allowed to drink tea or coffee for six months, my heart is too weak, I'm allowed caffeine free tea though. You'd have thought with the amount of running I do my heart would be strong; I eat healthily when I bother to eat. I've never smoked; I don't drink to excess that often. Oh well, I guess I deserve it."
"Well, you have been through a lot lately. So basically no caffeine; does that include chocolate?!"
"Yep. No chocolate, no cola or caffeinated soft drinks, no alcohol, no overly vigorous exercise, no alone time with my husband." I reeled off.
"So basically just take it really easy for the next two months." I could feel the boredom already.
"Yeah, it's going to be so dull. I am on bed rest for the first week I'm home and daily four-hour rehab sessions for the next month. Well at least I live in a home with a library! I'm not allowed to play the piano for another four weeks either. I will be shooting the wall soon." Angie laughed.
"Why can't you plan the piano?! That doesn't make sense. It's not exactly exerting yourself." I agreed with Angie, but doctor's orders.
"It's in case I get over excited or strain any muscles after surgery. I did tell them it helps me relax, but I was told no."
"Oh, I'm sorry." I shrugged; there was nothing I could do.
"John said he'd try to make it over to see you after his shift." Added Angie, I smiled at the news.
"He's going to be so angry. It will be good to see him though." I thought of John, he would be angry out of concern.
"I'll try and convince him to hold his temper." She said.
"I deserve it really." I said so quietly, I don't think Angie heard me.
"We all do stupid things. If John knew some of the stupid things I've done..." Tailed off Angie.
"I guess you're right. It's not like he and Sherlock haven't done plenty of stupid thing together." I thought back to the various stories Angie had told me.
"Yeah, the ninja thing comes to mind."
"Haha!" I couldn't help laughing at this.
"Oh, and Mrs. Hudson says hi and she hopes you get better soon. And so does Toby." Smiled Angie.
"Aww thanks, tell her Hello back. I've not seen her in ages. I'll have to pop round when I'm better."
"I will. And you're welcome any time."
"Thanks Ang. When I'm allowed out, we could take Toby out together for a nice walk." The thought of a relaxing dog walk really did sound nice; a dog run would be even better. I added.
"Its funny even thought my entire body aches, I still want to go for my usual run!"
Angie chuckled at my enthusiasm.
"Well, I think you'll have to wait a while for that. Although, I don't think Sherlock misses it."
"Did he keep running?" I asked hopefully, but suspicious he didn't.
"Ha, no. He complained a lot after the once. Then he started complaining about London making streets so long." Said Angie, this made me laugh.
"Oh poor Sherlock, I took it easy on him too and only did a half run. He struggled to keep up it was sweet." I said, slightly patronisingly, but it was true, Sherlock couldn't keep up.
"Funny, he made it sound like you guys ran half of London."
"No, I usually run 8-10 miles four days a week and 3 miles at the weekends. I have Mondays off. I took him the easier route too, no hills, no excessive traffic or people." I really had been nice to him. "At home I'd hike up hill and run down, that was much further and harder work. He's lucky."
"Well, he is city bred. I guess growing up in a rural place like Brecon, we got used to the long distances and steep hills."
"True we did, well we used to go and have adventures. The grounds at Sherlock's home were huge; I could spend all day running round them. Sherlock is an indoor child though!"
"Yeah. Maybe that's why he's so pale. But then again, even Jesse could barely keep up with me." Angie's words gave me an idea.
"We could run together if you wanted? I'll need a friend when I start again, Jim can't be bothered, he came with me once and told me never again, apparently I worked him too hard and was mean." I said with a smile. Angie could take it, I reckon she could beat me.
"Sure, I probably need to start running again anyway. It's good for building up my lungs' strength, with the asthma, but you might have to go easy on me at first, I haven't done it in a while. So only 5 miles." She ordered, I gave her a mock salute in return.
"I'll have to start small, I think it'll be at least a couple of months before I can run again, so it maybe longish walks to begin with!"
"That's fine! I probably need to cut down on the junk food, too. I think I'm a stress eater. Funny, the way my family deals with stress. Harry drinks, I eat, John goes soldier mode. Mum gardens and Dad does his stamps." She said thoughtfully. If she thought that was bad, I thought of my family.
"Well in my family we take drugs and control the government from an armchair and gentlemen's club?! That's not normal either. Mum used to clean and Dad locked himself in his shed; none of its normal. Or if someone I know gets particularly grumpy they try and bring down the country for a laugh." I said thinking of Jim and Mycroft. In particular, they were a real handful.
"I'll draw too, that's another stress release. Remember that one year I wrote all that depressing poetry?" Angie asked. Oh the poetry, I can only describe it as painful.
"Yeah, it was funny...I mean really deep and meaningful." I said with a fake cough. I regretted my sarcasm as a wave of pain floated through my body.
"Gee thanks. It was cheesy, though, looking back on it." Said Angie,.
"Haha..ow..stop making me laugh, it hurts. It was dire Angie, really, really bad. You're a brilliant artist, but poetry, no...just no."
"Well, I'm sorry I put you through so much suffering." She jibed good naturedly.
"I don't know how I survived, it's a good job I love you Ang!"
"It's a good job I love you, too, Persephone Elizabeth, insulting me like that!
It must run in the family, John attempted writing poetry to his various girlfriends, which might possibly be the reason they didn't stick around too long." This again had us laughing, well Angie laughed and I tried not to. Laughing really was very painful.
"Really, he writes poetry? Oh dear. Does Sherlock mock him; because if not, I will."
"Yes, he did mock him, and in front of a client."
"Ooh harsh, but sort of funny? Oh dear I think I'm definitely Sherlock's sister and a Moriarty!" I said, in mock shock as the words registered in my ears. I glanced up as I heard the door open, there was my husband, and I grinned at him.
"Hey! It's great to see you laughing! You're feeling better then?' Asked Jim.
"Hello love, you look better too. It's Angie she should be a medication! Laughing is a bit painful though." I confessed.
"I think I'll leave you two alone." Said Angie standing up.
"Are you sure?" I asked.
"I'll come by later and see you."
"Alright, thank you, you've made me feel like me again."
"I'm just glad you're back to your old self. I'll see you later." With that she left. I hadn't realised how much better she had made me feel. Angie had that magic power though, the one that always made me laugh, no matter the situation.
"Bye." I gave her wave as she left.
Jim cam and sat next to me, ignoring the chair he sat on the bed with an arm round me. I felt amazing being back in his arms.
"So you're feeling a lot better then?" He asked.
"It comes and goes, sometimes it's really hazy, my brain slows down, but I can actually concentrate today, which is nice. I've had a lot of visitors today it's tiring. You look better did you get some sleep?" I asked. He did look better, lees like a zombie.
"A little. Seeing your beautiful smile again helped." His words made me blush; I snuggled in closer to his body, feeling truly content.
"Your such a romantic when you want to be. You need to stay well too; you've been working so hard. The nurses told me how long you stayed here, thank you. I sort of knew you were here, well I kept dreaming you were talking to me." I said quietly.
"I'm fine as long as you're doing okay. I'm not going to abandon you again. I'm sorry I left for so long, I shouldn't have." He admitted, as he finished he kissed my hair. I felt so safe and loved in that moment, everything that had gone wrong momentarily evaporated.
"Its alright, it's not your fault. I'm just glad you're home and safe. I really missed you."
"I missed you, too." We lapsed into a comfortable silence. I didn't want to burst our happy bubble, but I had to apologise. Above everyone else I had to have his forgiveness.
"I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have let everything get so bad, I was selfish."
"No you weren't. You were just trying to fix everything yourself. You didn't feel like you could come to me for help, and I'm so sorry for that. It's not a very good way to start off our life together, is it?" Jim spoke quietly. Guilt laced his words, but I would reassure him. H had nothing to be guilty about; he was home and well, which was all that mattered to me.
"We'll sort it, everyone has teething problems when they get married, we don't exactly live normal lives. Normal is boring; I wouldn't change a thing." I said.
"I wouldn't change a thing either. You're definitely the most extraordinary woman I've met. Which is one reason why I love you so much, among the other millions of reasons." He said, his playfulness retuning. We looked into each other's eyes and felt nothing but love for each other.
"I love you too. You think I'd marry just anyone? You are perfect and mad and brilliant, which suits us perfectly..." Before I could say anything else, Jim kissed me, so tenderly, but it meant the world. We had reconnected. We again lapsed into a gentle quiet, just being together.
"Did you get everything done, with work? Sorry I interrupted." I asked. I felt awful that he'd been pulled away. I hate to think what happened if anyone had got in his way.
"Don't even think about it. It's not nearly as important as you. But before you start worrying, yes I was pretty much finished anyway, and Seb is finishing up what's necessary."
"Good, where did you end up, or is best I don't know. I don't think my brain can work it out." I said with a gentle smile.
"Don't worry about it, it's not important." I nodded, letting him know I'd drop the subject.
"Alright. On a slightly more random note, I'm not sure if this is in my head, or it happened, but did one of the nurses keep flirting and asking you out and did you get a little scary to shoo her away?" I asked.
"Yeah, I guess the stupid bint thought I was the type to play around while his wife's in a coma. She conveniently was switched to another department of the hospital." He was quite annoyed, but I couldn't help smile. That poor nurse, she obviously didn't realise who she was irritating.
"I'm sorry love, you shouldn't have to deal with that. How scary did you get?"
"Scary enough to get her transferred to the other end of the hospital." Replied Jim. I better check what happened.
"Poor her, she deserved it, I don't like sharing. You didn't threaten dismemberment or kidnapping family members did you? I don't want a court case or should I say Mycroft tidying up after us."
"I wasn't exactly specific." He said darkly. Poor woman, she really was a bit stupid, but she should know better.
"Ah alright. I trust you. Have you spoken to any of the others?" My curiosity piqued, had anyone spoken to Jim, checked he was okay?
"Just Angie, when she called me and told me."
"Have you been on your own all this time? I'm so sorry darling." I said, taking his hand in mine, and holding him tight. I wanted to offer him any comfort I could. "You know it was Sherlock, he found me, he saved my life." I said quietly.
"Well, of course, he's on the good side. But I'm grateful. I couldn't bear to lose you." I could hear the hurt in his voice my heart broke for him.
"You've saved me too, so many times, you're not all bad. Even if it's just me that sees the amazing man you are on the inside. You won't lose me, just like I won't lose you; we're going to be very, very, very old before anything parts us." I reassured us both.
"You're an amazing woman, Percy, you know that?"
"Shush you." I said smiling, stopping our talk of loss before either of us cried. "Tell me what I've missed since I decided I needed a very long nap."
"Uh, they're cancelling Merlin. Sorry. Obama won again in America. Shame, the Republicans are easier to work with, especially Romney. You missed Seb's birthday."
"Oh so a fair bit. Why cancel a brilliant TV show, it cruel. Please don't take on America...its really big; I don't want to move again. Seb is old enough to stop celebrating, he's like 40." I had missed some big news, but the mention of Seb just irritated me.
"I don't get too involved with them. Although, Rick Perry comes to me for help with quite a bit; and Seb's only 35."
"Just be careful, please. It's still old." I said petulantly.
"Well, I guess, compared to 25. Although, Angie's up there somewhere, isn't she? And I am careful. Although, I think I'll cut it off with Rick Perry. He's just creepy. It's getting boring."
"Good, safe and at home, I like that option. No Angie is only 30, and it's different for us girls! Sherlock is a bit old though and Mycroft, well he's ancient. As for you, you're so old, it's crazy." I teased. I always had been the baby of the group; even at College a lot of my friends were older.
"Whatever." Laughed Jim. "I don't understand girl logic, so..."
"It's all part of our mystery and charm. Oh I can't wait to go home." I said longingly. I just want to snuggle up in front of the fire with a good book and in the arms of my husband. Secluded away in a happy bubble.
"I can't wait for you to come home. The house is so empty without you."
"It's a big house, lovely though, it's home when we're together. Soon though, hopefully soon." I smiled.
"I hope so, love." Agreed Jim.
"Have the Doctors told you my list of forbidden things? I may as well become a nun." I asked, yawning.
"Yes, you'll be sticking to it. I'll be home to make sure of it. Do you want to get some sleep? You look tired." He replied. As he asked me if I wanted to sleep, my brain screamed no.
"I'm alright, I ache all over though." I admitted. My whole body was stiff and sore, I felt as though a bus had hit me.
"I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault. I think I overdid it this time." I admitted, yawning again.
"Don't worry about it. You're okay now." I wanted to agree, but something, in the back of my mind disagreed.
"I think so, not entirely sure." I confessed, the barrier broke, tears started to fall.
"What do you mean?" Asked Jim.
"I'm scared." I said quietly, the tears falling faster. Jim held me close.
"Shh, you're okay now. I'm here. There's nothing to be scared of."
"There's something in the dark. Whenever I close my eyes I can feel it, trying to pull me under. Something was different, it wasn't me, someone or thing added the heroin, I'd never take it voluntarily. I can't shake it even now; it feels like it's just waiting to attack again." I garbled. Jim kept me close, his arms keeping me safe.
"It'll go away. You'll be fine. I won't leave your side. You'll be okay." He was reassuring me, letting me know I'd be alright. I didn't want to close my eyes, in case this was the dreams and I was still alone and trapped in my head.
"Promise to be here when I wake up? I don't want to sleep alone, I don't want it to take me again, it hurts."
"I will stay right by your side. I won't leave for one second. I promise. Now get some sleep, you need rest." Jim rearranged us and lay next to me on the hospital bed, he kept me in his arms. As I started to drift off I could hear the steady beat of his heart, I slowly calmed and let the exhaustion sweep me into nothingness.
"Thank you." Whispered Percy as she fell asleep. Jim looked down at Percy, the one woman who'd kept his interest, she challenged him, wasn't afraid of him nor did she lust for his power. He had known about her addiction for years, he'd been there the first time and the minor relapses in between, but he'd never seen Percy like this, cold and almost dead. He'd never seen her scared like that. One of the many things about Percy he loved was that she was fearless. She occasionally got nervous, but never scared. Something or someone had hurt her and they were going to meet and very painful end. He watched her sleep, and soon found himself falling asleep too.
At the end of the week, I managed to convince Jim to go home and get some rest. He'd been living at the hospital all week and he needed to look after him self. I let my mind wonder and smiled at the nurse who came into check my vitals. After dinner had been brought round, I'd eaten a little bit of it, it wasn't that nice. I was lying with my eyes closed, just thinking about stuff, letting my thoughts drift into one another, it was quite relaxing. There was a soft knock on my door. I looked up and saw John.
"Hey, are you feeling better?" He asked.
"Getting there slowly. I thought visiting hours were over?" I asked.
"Well, technically I am your doctor, so..." Replied John with a cheeky grin.
"I forget you're my doctor, that's really bad of me."
"I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No, I couldn't sleep even if I wanted to." I said, not wanting the darkness to take me back, I was still scared.
"Yeah, Angie told me what happened." Said john sadly, as he sat in the vacant chair by my bed.
"I'm sorry. I let everyone down, again." I looked at my hands, I felt so guilty.
"No you didn't. You've just been under a lot of stress lately." Said John taking my hand in his, and giving me a gentle smile.
"It's not an excuse though, other people get stressed, and they don't do something that stupid. Although, something went wrong, it wasn't normal." I confided, maybe John would help?
"Most other people haven't just gone through a miscarriage and had internal damage. I hate to tell you, but drugs aren't exactly normal." He said, his manner that of my doctor not my friend.
"Well that complicated matters, I should've thought before I acted, it was just so hard to shut the noise out in my head. I meant the drugs, they were different, something happened, but I can't remember what, it's so infuriating." I said frustrated. There was this black hole in my mind; I couldn't get anything in or out of it.
"Alright, calm down. You're fine now. You don't have to remember." Soothed John. I did begin to feel calmer. I had to get my emotions under control; it was crazy, I had to make John understand.
"John, I was spiked with heroin. I do have to remember, I need to know why. Sorry, emotions are a bit haywire. I just want to go home." My voice losing steam; I did just want to go home.
"Alright, well you can worry about it later. Right now, you need to take it easy, get some rest." He said with concern. Why did no one understand what had happened?
"I'm bored, it's so slow here, but like you said rest. You're right." I tired to calm myself down further. "How are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm fine. Not much happening. What about you, last time I saw you, you said you'd gotten married?" Answered John with a smile.
"Yeah, it's been a bit tense of late, but now he's home it's better. He works abroad a lot." I said, a lazy smile falling across my features thinking of Jim.
"What does he do for work? Angie doesn't really say anything." He asked. I was a bit confused by this, I'm sure John knew, as my doctor, he had to know my surname?
"Something in business, I don't understand it. He's best described as an entrepreneur." I said wryly.
"Oh. Has he been by to see you?" Asked John. He seemed surprised he wasn't here. I was just as surprised that John hadn't run into Jim yet either, but everyone was giving him, us, space.
"Yeah, lots. I made him go home and get some sleep; he's been here non-stop for the last week. He was the first person I saw when I woke up." I said, my grin getting a bit goofy.
"Well, that's nice. And I know Angie was practically living here until you woke up." My smile fell a little at his words, the guilt rising again.
"I'm lucky to have a huge wonderful family." I said.
"Well, we're lucky to have you, too." Answered John gently, giving me a heartfelt smile. I felt my insides glow at his words.
"You're too lovely John Watson. So your verdict as my proper Doctor, when do you think I can go home?" I asked.
"Well, have they had you try to stand up yet?" He asked seriously. I hadn't. I didn't have the energy.
"No, but I can move without it hurting." I admitted. John stood up and came towards me.
"Alright, well come on; try to stand up for a few minutes without holding on to anything." Instructed John. I looked at him nervously.
"Will you catch me if I fall?"
"Of course. I'll be right here." John helped me out of bed, held my hands as I steadied myself.
"Okay, here goes." I said letting go of one of John's hands, then the other.
"Alright, steady..." Said John.
"I'm not going to fall, I'm not going to fall..." I chanted, taking small steps into the middle of the room.
"You'll be fine."
"I did it!" I exclaimed happily. My balance decided to leave in that second. John caught me and helped me back into bed.
"Good! That's great! So they'll probably keep you in here for about another week, make sure there aren't any complications, that your heart's strong enough, you'll still need to take it easy when you get home. Have they told you about any foods or drinks that you shouldn't have?" He told me.
"Some of them, please don't tell me there is more? I'm not allowed to play my piano, apparently I'll get to excited, but it calms me down." I moaned.
"Well, just take it easy for a couple weeks." He told me.
"Of course Doctor, I will. Thanks for coming John, you've worked miracles!" I really did feel better.
"I don't work miracles, but you're welcome. I'm just glad you're doing better." I nodded at John's words.
"If you need to head back to work, don't let me stop you, I should probably get some rest, Angie is coming tomorrow, I'll need my energy for her!" I admitted.
"Usually it's the other way around. I don't need anywhere to be, but I'll let you get some rest." He replied.
"Thank you John, you've always been there. Life wouldn't be the same without you." I said honestly.
"Anything for my 'youngest sister'. The same goes for you." He said with a chuckle.
"You too big brother." I replied.
"Alright, I'll see you later. Now get some rest. And, as much as I know you don't want to, try to listen to the doctors." Ordered John playfully.
"Yes Doctor. See you soon" I said with a grin. The evening passed quickly and I felt content. I slowly drifted into a peaceful slumber, maybe I'd, we'd, make it through this mess in one piece.