Ruth popped in on Sunday. "Just wanted to see how you are doing, Louisa," she said as Martin let her in through the back door and she saw Louisa on the sofa in the sitting room.
"I'm getting better," Louisa assured her. "Martin is taking very good care of me," she added as she glanced over at him.
Ruth looked at her nephew, who seemed to stand even taller after Louisa's bit of praise. "I'm sure he is," she said dubiously. Then turning back to Louisa, she asked. "Is there anything you need?"
"No, no I'm fine. But thank you, Ruth. Please stay awhile and visit. Would you like some tea?"
"A glass of water would be nice," she said pointedly in Martin's direction.
Picking up on her less than subtle hint, he busied himself with getting her a glass of water and as he brought it to Ruth, he asked Louisa, "would you like some…or some tea?"
"No Martin, I still have half a glass of juice."
He stood awkwardly behind Ruth for a moment, deciding what he should do when suddenly James was heard upstairs, beginning to whimper. "I'll take care of him," Martin said before dashing out of the room.
Louisa smiled as she watched him leave. "I forget how quickly he can move sometimes. I've not met many tall men who are as agile as Martin."
"Yes, well… one learns to be agile when the other boys are always looking for ways to taunt."
Louisa turned her attention back to Ruth, her eyes honing in on the older woman's face. "Martin has told me some things…his childhood must have been awful."
Ruth sighed. "Awful makes it sound pleasant when compared to the reality. His father was cold and distant, not to mention a tyrant. But Margaret…there are no words to describe her. She made my brother look agreeable. She never wanted Martin really and packed him off to school as soon as she was able. Those summers he spent with Joan were his only experience with what one might call normal. Margaret got jealous and even took that away from him. After that, he spent most of his holidays at school. I took him for a few of the short ones, but I was never really very good around children. I'm afraid I wasn't much help. But at least he had a safe place to go. The longer holidays were torture, I'm sure. He told me a little about the other boys once, how they teased him. I'm sure you can imagine, a tall, lanky, uncoordinated boy who is socially inept and never quite fits in…"
Louisa began to chew on her lower lip as she processed what Ruth had just added to her knowledge of Martin. "No wonder he is the way he is," she muttered thoughtfully.
Ruth decided to take advantage of these few minutes alone with her. "Louisa, Martin came to me after you'd left for the airport. Reminded me so much of him when he was a boy, so lost and desperate. He told me how much he wants to be with you; I told him he needs to change for that to happen. I know he is seeing a therapist. But I must warn you that while some of his behavior might change … his responses to stimuli for instance, he will always be…Martin. I hope you don't expect too much from this."
"I'm already seeing a difference. He is talking more, sharing. And I meant it when I said he is taking very good care of me. He tends to over react sometimes, go into his doctor mode and it upsets me but I can see he is trying."
"Yes, I'm sure he is. But Louisa, you married him knowing how he is. Did you marry him expecting that magically he might be different? Perhaps you had some notion that you might save him from himself or some nonsense like that? Because if that's what you've been thinking, it won't work."
Louisa chewed her lip again, a frown forming on her brow. "I don't think so… maybe a little… but I don't think that's what I was thinking. I do need him to open up about his feelings. And I do wish he were a bit more social but I know he'll never really be comfortable about it. It's just… all my life people have abandoned me in one way or another and when he closes himself off from me I get frightened and that makes me act crazy, do and say stupid things. Is it wrong of me to want reassurances from him…about how he feels about me, that he's not going to disappear on me, I mean?"
"No, not wrong. But understand that most of the time you're going to have to take the initiative. I can tell you this though; he loves you … more than I thought possible for him. People who have endured what he did as a child are rarely able to handle such strong emotions later in life. Yet I see him struggling to do just that. James brings out a side of him that I hadn't seen since he was a small boy. And you… he needs you, Louisa. You make him human. If you choose to stay with him, you must understand that he will never be a warm and cozy romantic. He'll always be stoic and taciturn."
Louisa thought about it a moment. "I understand but…he isn't that way always; sometimes, some very precious moments, he is warm and romantic."
Ruth opened her mouth to reply but they heard Martin descending the steps and she decided to remain quiet. He walked in carrying James, who was nestled against his chest, obviously happy in his father's arms.
This one was short but more to come very soon. I hope you are still enjoying.